Thursday, March 24, 2011

The Weak Ender: (Expletive) Duke



Have I been missing something with this Taryn Manning being on Hawaii Five-0? I was never really familiar with this broad until she showed up on my doorstep nude.

You know, on the cover of Playboy.

Anybody watching that show? I am not even sure what day it's on. And it has stars on it that I like, Scott Caan, that dude who was on The Shield. Yet, I have never seen a minute of it.

Crazy, right?

I have seen plenty of promos for it during the NCAA tournament coverage. Thursday night was a really great night for hoops. San Diego State continued to prove that it cannot stop an outstanding shooter. That dude from U Conn looked like Jimmer's long lost brother as he ended the Aztec's season.

I almost feel compelled to complain about the bull(expletive) technical call that swayed the momentum in U Conn's favor. But sometimes you have to tip your cap to a team that has that kind of savvy to flop on an innocent brush of the shoulder. Heady play.

Not the kind of thing you would see from a guy like, say, Chuck Bednarik. Whom we are all wishing makes a speedy recovery. I am no Eagles fan, but Concrete Charlie is one of my favorite players of all-time. Not that I saw him play, mind you, but anybody who comes out and bashes the pansies currently playing in the NFL gets my love.

What a great guy. Salt of the Earth kind of dude who was a waist gunner on a B-24 (I believe) in World War II, successfully carrying out 30 combat mission in Germany. That seems unheard of.

So I do wish him well. And you had better, too. And if the current players really wanted to show that they cared for Charlie, they would offer to pay for his medical expenses, if he has any. That would be a great way to get some publicity and show that you are serious about caring for the older generation.

NFL.com rustled up a great list of quotes from Bednarik that you can read right here.

A few of my favorites:

“You’ve got to play with that killer instinct, man. You’ve got to hate that guy across from you. Then after the game is over, tell him what a nice guy he is. Shake his hand. Especially if you win.”

"The positions I played, every play, I was making contact, not like that … Deion Sanders. He couldn’t tackle my wife. He’s back there dancing out there instead of hitting.”

Boom, roasted.

Get well Charlie.

OF COURSE we haven't even talked about Duke getting pants by Arizona. Not since UNLV has a team crushed the Blue Devils so thoroughly. Well done, Wildcats.

Jake Ryan (who disappeared) pointed out that Butler is starting to out-Gonzaga Gonzaga. Butler is only one win away from consecutive Final Fours. Matt Howard always seems to make the right plays when he needs too, right?

Oh, and what a night when BYU finally getting eliminated is almost an afterthought.

Duke and BYU both eliminated, what a great night for America. The University of Arizona fans certainly seemed to think so, chanting USA-USA-USA during its victory. See, people pay attention to THN.

BTW ... Jake Ryan went four-for-four last night. Well done.

BENGALS COACH Marvin Lewis called out Chad Ochocinco this week by saying that it's typically that 85 has found another challenge he won't follow through with. And if you think about it, Lewis has a point.

But the Ocho did follow through with his pledge to go from Johnson to Ochocinco a few years back, so it is hard to label him a commitmentophobe.

Attention whore would be more succinct.

THE TAMPA Bay Buccaneers have been rumored to be the next team on Hard Knocks, and NFL.com provided a list of possible alternatives right here.

A couple of my favorites.

49ers

Compelling storyline: New coach Jim Harbaugh calls out Seahawks coach Pete Carroll, and says the 49ers have the talent to compete for the Pac-10 title. When pressed by reporters if he means NFC West, Harbaugh says, “No, I am talking about the stronger conference right now.”

Potential breakout star: QB Alex Smith. Oh wait, we’ve been waiting for this since 2005. We haven’t waited this long for a failed experiment since Guns-n-Roses’ “Chinese Democracy.”

Raiders

Compelling storyline: This is a tough one because remaking a popular series from the 1970s into TV shows has recently failed, just look at Hawaii Five-0. But even their press conferences are more interesting than most teams in general. Seriously, why hasn’t this happened yet?

Potential breakout star: Al Davis‘ overhead projector.

Actually, the correct answer for potential breakout star for the Raiders is Al Davis' untreated syphilis.

What, too soon?

Seriously though. How is Davis fine but Mr. Bednarik fighting for his life in a hospital?

AND FINALLY

Sorry if the words are outdated. I got caught, didn't figure that Duke would be gone so soon. I am recording this song one year.

The Hater Nation is proud to welcome back Pete Gillen to lead us in song once again now that Duke has been eliminated.

Many of you may remember me, Pete Gillen, the former head coach, of the University of Virginia’s men’s basketball team. If not, you will recall, that I am a very emotional leader, and my New England voice sounds, just like, President John F. Kennedy, his brotha, and Mayor Quimby from, the television program, The Simpsons, combined.

With Mahch Madness set to begeen, I am here today, to tell you of the greatness, that is Dook Univahrsity, men’s basketball. It is hard not to know about Dook in Mahch. As I told, radio personality Jim Rome a few yeahs ago, Dook is Dook. They’re on TV more, than reruns of Leave it to Beavahhhhh… reruns.

Now, in an attempt to stay relevant, since the Beavah’s show hasn’t been in steady reruns for at least 20 years, I will bring to you an original song of mine, sung to the tune, of another current, popular number, Sir Paul McCartney’s, Hey Jude:

Hey Dook, don't feel so bad.
Take a bad bracket and make it bettah.
Remember to get off to a slow start,
Against a team that is the Play-In winnah.

Hey Dook, don't be afraid.
The brackets were made so you’d play no one bettah.
The minute you play a Top 25 team,
You’ll pray for Christian Laettnah.

And anytime you feel the pain, hey Dook, refrain
Stop shooting the ball from upon your shoulders
For welll you know that you're gonna loose yah cool
By making Irving's shooting a little colder

Hey Dook, don’t be ashamed
You get all the calls, but its for the bettah
But, despite of all of the help
You have no chance of beating the Tiguhs!

Hey Dook, don’t cut those nets down.
Try to survive in the tourney, like an 11th-seedah.
Remembah to let the refs and bracket committee into your heart,
As well as your coach, with a name with too many f-ing leddahs.

So find a ditch, and like Hurley, drive right on in
So they see that Singler ain’t no Laettnah.
And don't you know that it's just you, hey Dook, you'll do,
Youh on TV mohr than Leave it to Beavahhhhhh.

Hey Dook, don't feel bad.
At least Seth Greenberg didn’t make it, eithah.
Remember it’s not the color of your skin,
It’s hard to win without players like Battiah, Boozah and
Laettnah, Laettnah, Laettnah, Laettnah, Laettnah, oh!

Nah Nah Nah Na Na Na, Naaaa… Nah Nah, Nah, Naaaa, (expletive) DOOK!

SING ALONG NAHW!

Na Na Na Naaaaah Na Na Naaaaaaah
(expletive) DOOK!!!

DOOK, DOOK, DA, DOOK, DOOK, DOOKIE DOOKIE!

Nah Nah Nah Na Na Na, Naaaa… Nah Nah, Nah, Naaaa,
(expletive) DOOK...

Nah Nah Nah Na Na Na, Naaaa… Nah Nah, Nah, Naaaa,
(expletive) DOOK...

Alirght, just the ACC fans now!

Nah Nah Nah Na Na Na, Naaaa… Nah Nah, Nah, Naaaa,
(expletive) DOOK...

Alright, just the Arizona fans now!

Nah Nah Nah Na Na Na, Naaaa… Nah Nah, Nah, Naaaa,
(expletive) DOOK...

Everybody together!

Nah Nah Nah Na Na Na, Naaaa… Nah Nah, Nah, Naaaa,
(expletive) DOOK...

4 comments:

Fletch said...

I know everyone hates Duke, but I just can't support the Wildkittens. Boooo.

No, really, this is the year that Alex Smith puts it all together. Him and Joe Harrington and David Carr and...

Never seen Hawaii 5-0. People still watch cop shows (Justified does not count, obviously)?

MKDAWUSS said...

Any relation between her and America's Soccer Mom, Gomer, Eli, Cooper, and J.J.?

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Pay per head bookie said...

if you didn't explain clearly I almost bought it that she will be in your door naked (no magazine).