Thursday, January 27, 2011

The Weak Ender: Who is watching Archer?



If you are not watching Archer on FX, you don't know what you are missing. But for those of you who do like the show, Warming Glow, has a really nice piece on the ten most obscure references on the show.

The premiere of the second season certainly didn't disappoint.

STEELERS FANS love the Terrible Towel. In fact, there hasn't been an inexplicable love for an inanimate object this big since Germans started flocking to David Hasselhoff concerts. But there hasn't been any empirical data to back that up, until now.

One of the biggest retail giants in the world, Amazon.com, gives you up-to-the-minute details of the best-selling object at any given moment. And the best-selling item in bedding and bath? None other than the Terrible Towel, which not only ranked first, but also sixth (at the time of this writing).

Yep, the famed invention of Myron Cope is selling better than scales, shower curtains and a Luna premium hypoallergenic waterproof mattress protector. Obviously a proud day for Steelers fans.

But with success comes imitation. And now the Milwaukee Journal Sentinel is reporting that McArthur Towel & Sports, makers of the Terrible Towel (a Wisconsin company -- how scandalous) will be producing a Titletown Towel.

Wait, what?

Bad form, McArthur Towel & Sports. This cannot end well.

Imitation is not the sincerest form of flattery in the towel business. A fake towel imitation seems like a good idea, much in the same vein that replacing Rob Halford in Judas Priest with a guy from a tribute band is a good idea. But with worse consequences and a non-Mark Wahlberg movie adaptation. Don't believe me?

One industrious Los Angeles Rams fan thought it would be a good idea to produce the "Rammy Whammy" in 1979, in anticipation of the Rams and Steelers meeting in Super Bowl XIV. Michael Rivard, the towel-stealing version of Seth McFarlane, thought he was just going to make a buck, but instead he doomed the franchise. Because here is what happened next (though it does seem to be kind of a blur at this point).

The Rams blew a 19-17 fourth-quarter lead to the Steelers in the Super Bowl, traded away Eric Dickerson on Halloween day in 1987, and folded the Los Angeles chapter of the franchise in 1994. Was it because of the Rammy Whammy?

Well it certainly could not have helped.

And then there is the ultimate insult. Again, the Terrible Towel is still a top-selling item on Amazon.com, while an original Rammy Whammy could not even fetch a $7 bid on eBay.

Oh well, at least the Thunderstix became popular in Anaheim. Oh, right ...

IMAGINE YOU are Packers guard Marshall Newhouse (or any anonymous, single Packers player on injured reserve) and you are chatting up some whore a young lady, regaling her with tales about your super season in Green Bay.

Now, ponder what would happen if that young lady saw a photo of the Super Bowl XLV Packers and you are not in it. Next thing you know, you have a drink thrown in your face, she rips you in a Facebook status update and you have to spend the rest of the night convincing her that your Super Bowl ring is indeed real and not purchased from eBay.

Sounds far-fetched? Does it?

That could certainly happen, as word has come out that none of the Packers players on injured reserve are going to be included in the team's official Super Bowl photo. Injured Packers stars Nick Barnett and Jermichael Finley have been bellyaching about this on Twitter. But what do they have to complain about? People have heard of those guys.

It is the other 14 guys (according to the Associate Press's count) who end up being viewed like Grandpa Simpson and his story of the Flying Hellfish. Those are the guys who we should be concerned about. How could the Packers be so heartless?

The Packers, for their part, have said that they do not want to disrespect the players on injured reserved. There are just too many of them. The injured reserve players do not arrive until Thursday when the photo is taking on Media Day on Tuesday. Oh, and there is a game to be won, too. Apparently the Packers are more concerned with that (via the Green Bay Press-Gazette) than who is in the team photo.

A Packers spokesman said: “It was a team decision driven by the sheer number of players on IR. Our primary focus is to get the team ready to beat the Pittsburgh Steelers. Every decision we make is about trying to win a world championship.”

And even then, when faced with the reality of winning the Super Bowl, Barnett did change his tune (via Twitter).

“I was not trying to be a distraction nor was I downing the organization they have done so much for me over last 8 years.. Just saying I was … Just saying I am sad that it worked out the way it did.. This game is bigger then my feelings and my body of work.. It’s about “One Goal”!

Of course, the PR smear job was enough for the Packers to change their tune and move the picture deal until Friday. So all of the whiners will have their way.

Of course, if the players are still upset, they could just learn to use Photoshop. That is what the rest of us guys who pretend to have been former football players do.

And again, much respect to that unwitting Vegas traveler years ago who probably thinks that she really did sleep with Adam Vinatieri.

AND FINALLY ...

I hate Jimmer Fredette because the only thing worse than a poor-loser Mormons are the poor-winner Mormons. Seriously, why are Mormons so arrogant? Have you ever met a practicing Mormon who wasn't a smug a-hole?

Maybe Steve Young's wife, who fought against Prop. 8.

You know, the proposition funded by the Mormons. I guess they wanted to keep the sanctity of marriage. Or at least multiple ones.

Please, don't celebrate Fredette.

And if you are a practicing Mormon who reads and enjoys this space, I am legitimately blown away.

7 comments:

Diane said...

I love Steve Young's wife, and I love Steve Young for being married to an opinionated woman who speaks up for what's right.

Bain said...

Forget this waiting till Sunday shit. I'm firing up my own super bowl, and it's packered with the green and gold bomb diggity.

DAWUSS said...

Where is *this week's* TWE?

Diane said...

Anything goIng on in sports this week?

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