Sunday, October 09, 2011

Well, this is awkward



I don't have the heart to tell Hue Jackson that Al Davis died ten years ago.

Saturday, October 08, 2011

Commitment to the Crematorium



It seems rather fitting that on a year when we finally got the ruthless leader of the biggest terrorist organization this world has ever seen ... we also managed to get Bin Laden.

Friday, October 07, 2011

The Weak Ender




Kristin Cavallari was bounced from Dancing With The Stars, and of course, Jay Cutler was on the sidelines doing nothing while HIS teammate was eliminated.

More coming later ...

Tuesday, September 27, 2011

Who is feeling LUCKy?



Although I am verboten from writing the name on NFL.com, here is my Pick Six rankings of the teams heading towards the first pick in the draft. Which might or might not be used on that one quarterback from that team who everybody seems to be rather fond of.

In a mild upset, the fans are actually into this one. But then again, if you hated on this genius, then you really are scraping the bottom of the barrel.

Thankfully, the CMs were on to me here, fantasy winners and losers.

The one Super Bowl we would all like to see, Bills vs. Lions. Some moran (sic), I think it was Micheal Silver of Yahoo!, wrote that Jim Irsay would have a hard time getting rid of tickets for that Super Bowl. And since I get a lot of hate mail, I hate to bash another writer, but that was incredibly worse than anything I have ever been accused of writing. The fans of the Lions and Bills would take over Indianapolis, and I would imagine that the atmosphere would be better than any game with the Steelers or Patriots. That was kind of an odd thing to write.

I had a couple of fantasy blog posts, but do you actually care about those? Yeah, I feel you. Talk at you later.

America!

Monday, September 26, 2011

Pretend this was The Weak Ender



Long-time readers of this site (depending on where you see this) are still clamoring for The Weak Ender. And it now lives in another form. The Like/Dislike fantasy column is about as close as we can get to TWE on NFL.com. I suggest you subscribe to my RSS feed on NFL.com or be sure to catch it. Because of the publishing time, I will try to add this every Friday morning just like always, but to be safe, I would ask you just be patient.

Here was the column from Friday.

And here was a view from the time machine.

America!

Tuesday, September 20, 2011

Who is leading for Andrew Luck?




Who is the worst team in the NFL? I used my Pick Six column on Tuesday to handicap the race for Andrew Luck. Only, I am not allowed to say the name "Andrew Luck" on NFL.com. The Chiefs are this week's runaway winner, but I break down the top six right here.

Here is some of my other nonsense that I am spreading today (and getting you caught up on some of the older stuff).

Fox caves into pressure and plays Tim Tebow.

Sunday's fantasy winners and losers.

Here is my Pick Six biggest sucker punches of the weekend.

America!

Tuesday, August 30, 2011

Aaron Rodgers needs a new nickname



Long time, no update, and much apologies to anybody clamoring for some new posts. The ball has been dropped like a pass from Eli Manning. Though, that would be an interception. Oh, and on that note, (expletive) me and my fantasy teams that have led me to draft Eli Messiah. What a flipping joke.

But by banking on Eli so much on my NFL.com and NFL Network leagues, this will give me a chance to start referring to him as Eli Messiah, so this could be a good thing.

In any event, the lead story today is that we need a new nickname for Aaron Rodgers. My Suggestion? Thunderlips, based on his new mustache. Spread the word people, this should really catch on.

Some links for you guys to catch up on.

  • Of course you knew I would have to weigh in on this Lane Kiffin deal, right? Here it is.
  • Did you know that I write a near-daily fantasy column, too? Well you can check out this one about -- who else -- Peyton Manning.
  • This is weird, my proclamation that the Cowboys are missing the playoffs has not drawn much heat at all. That is weird.
  • One more thing, check out my show, NFL.com Fantasy Live. We are on both NFL.com and NFL Network. But you can check it out here.

America!

Wednesday, August 17, 2011

Wait, what ... Eli really said that?



Eli Manning believes that he is in Tom Brady's class. Whether you believe in something like that or not, I was glad that he said it, because it has been a long time since I had the chance to write some stuff on Eli. So this was a pretty good day for me.

You can catch the six things that Eli also believes right here. The NFL being a family site, I was unable to use the basic, "Believes that Casey Anthony is innocent," or "Believes that O.J. is looking for the real killers." You know the basic.

  • My take on Ndamukong Suh was rather genius, too. Even for a guy who is not considered one of the "football guys."Seriously, this is the kind of stuff that the Lions should be doing. If I was one of the Ford Family, I would be so rich I would not care about stuff. I would also pay any fine that Suh incurs.
  • Oh look, I got some on-air stuff working, too. This is about me being the "expert of the experts." Take a look.
America!

Monday, August 15, 2011

This advice will cost you one Schrute Buck



Excuse the lack of updates last week, as I had a huge show at the Brea Improv on Thursday. Sold out show at the Brea Improv, and it was a gasser. Thank you to everybody who came out, it was a blast.

We will start out this week, with some fantasy advice to The Office's Rainn Wilson, who has the third pick in his fantasy draft. Hopefully, he takes my advice.

Some things you may or may not have missed over the last week.

If you guys can, please subscribe to the Dave Dameshek Football Program via iTunes. Listen once, download twice. Seriously, just downloading would be awesome.

Monday, August 08, 2011

The Post Mortem: Did he mean it?

Was Deion Sanders sincere in his Hall of Fame induction speech? That is the question often asked of me.

And my answer is yes.

But remember, I also love professional wrestling, so I might not be the right person to ask. I made a Pick Six of my favorite moments from the Hall of Fame, but they wouldn't let me say Deion reading the name of his kids as my favorite moment, so I'm not linking to it.

Monday's Pick Six: Guys who stuck it to their former team by signing with their hated rival. Props to me for the John Lackey include.

Here is my take on the rookie I am looking forward to watching this week. Notice the comment section, I am the only guy who gets called out. I know I have seen a couple of our CMs (and have even seen a CM reference or two) trolling there. Take the time to sign up, because I would find it hilarious.

America!

Friday, August 05, 2011

The Weak Ender: Anne Hathaway new Catwoman



Are we alright with the selection of Anne Hathaway as the new Catwoman? I am down with it. Actually, I'm digging it. The thing that would make it better is if Hathaway's penchant for nudity would make it into this film. What was the name of that Romcom where she spent a lot of time naked? I never saw it because even that seemed like too much to sit through to she here. But I would be willing to sit through the latest Batman to catch a glimpse of her.

Here are some links to get you through today.

Road trip! The Dave Dameshek Football Program makes a road trip from Pittsburgh to the Hall of Fame. There is plenty of hooey and applesauce as the host likes to say.

And look, it's a bonus podcast with Marcus Allen, be sure to listen.

More Marcus Allen: Let's get Damon Allen in the Pro Football Hall of Fame. It is the "Pro" right.

Even more Marcus Allen: At least he's on my side here on the return of football to Los Angeles.

Well, my opinion might be here eventually. Keep checking back.

America!

Wednesday, August 03, 2011

O.J. Simpson on two greatest lists



O.J. Simpson is in the top-five of two special lists -- and neither one has to do with getting away with murder. No, Simpson is one of the greatest running backs ever, and he is also one of greatest NFL actors to portray a policy officer.

And with the passing of Moses Hightower, here is a look at the six greatest leaps from the gridiron to on-screen cop.

There is another list that was put together when trying to figure out Marshall Faulk's place among the all-time great running backs. He has to be behind Simpson here, too, right?

America!

Tuesday, August 02, 2011

Getting hit by the Bus



Well, I have already had to swear off one former Los Angeles running back, so why not one more? Jerome Bettis agrees with Eric Dickerson’s assessment that the NFL should not return to L.A. Thankfully, Bettis is raising money for concussion awareness as part of the Pace program.

You can read the story here.

  • Today’s Pick Six: Ultimate Dream Teams, including the original Dream Team. No not that one, the other one. (Don’t worry, it will all make sense to you when you click on the link.)
America!

Monday, August 01, 2011

We have bush!



Justin Verlander called Erick Aybar's bunt attempt to breakup his no-hitter in the eighth inning "bush league." Even though Verlander's own manager Jim Leyland was cool with it.

What really is "bush league" is throwing the ball away on purpose. Which is what it appears that Verlander did when he tossed Aybar's bunted ball into right field. Amazing how somebody can be so in control, yet throw the ball so wildly.

The who incident inspired this Pick Six about possible unwritten NFL rules that we would love to see.

Also on Monday:



America!

Tuesday, June 14, 2011

When is this returning?

If you have followed this blog for any amount of time, you may or may not have known that our beloved founder went on to be rather famous. Or infamous. And since we're tired of just lifting his stuff, we have asked him to come back and contribute.

So look for him to return in the near future. Maybe as soon as today.

Wednesday, June 01, 2011

Suck It, Chowds!

I'm not going to pretend that I pay a lot of attention to the NHL, but any time a bunch of Massholes get their hearts ripped out on national t.v., we as a people are better for it.
I've been to Vancouver. It's clean and quiet for a large city. It is surrounded by tree covered mountains and lapidary waterways. The men are polite and somewhat stoic. The women are demur but can down a beer or clear a bong with the best of them.
I've been to Boston, too. It smells like pee.

Thursday, May 19, 2011

The Ultimate Weak Ender: Ready for the Apocalypse?

As most of you know, the world will end on Saturday.
Since our host is preparing himself by pounding Zima tall boys and making a Norah Jones mix cd, it falls to me to post the final word here on THN.

Now, some of you may just think that doomsday predictions are the currency of the pathologically narcissistic- folks convinced on some unconscious level that, unlike the billions of human beings before them, their deaths will not be part of the ongoing cycle of life like rain returning to the sea. No, theirs will be a transformation of space and time itself. The very universe shall cease to be at the exact moment that they do. What's so conceited about that?

Others here will be quick to point out that the "Rapture" doesn't appear anywhere in the Bible. They will assert that it is a wilful misreading of lines stripped of their context performed by the theologically illiterate. A misreading designed to let the believer indulge in not only a sense of moral superiority, but the certitude that all those who think, love, or worship differently than they do will be visited with unimaginable suffering while the believer gets to watch. What could be more Christian than that? Let's see where your fancy book-learning gets you while you're bobbing for offal in a lake of molten lava, Smart Guy!

And sure some of you will assume these folks have the same level of gullibility as the ones who forward that email to 10 friends so that Mr. Gates will donate the money for little Timmy's operation. Fine, like you never sold your Rascal scooter to pay for the transfer fee on secret Nigerian government funds!

Look all I'm saying is- let's cut a deal. If you make it and I don't, can I have any beer, kerosene, firearms, porn, beans, asbestos lined undergarments, beer, shamwows, porn, Biz Markie cds, beer and porn that you leave behind? If I make it and you don't, can you drop by and feed my dogs? You can even have my copy of 2Pacalypse Now...

Friday, May 13, 2011

The Weak Ender: Sit Down. I Got This.

Alright. Since our host is currently busy trying to erase the memory of the Lakers/Mavs Game 4 by throwing back Butter Baby's and putting "Fumbling Towards Ecstasy" on repeat, I'll take care of your traditional Friday post. Here's your hot sports-personality chick, SoCal's own Elita Loresca. Elita is the sports anchor on the NBC morning broadca...

WHAT?

She's not a sports anchor? You're kidding!

She's the weather girl? Well, (bleep) me! You all have my sincere apologies. I don't know how this happened. I will work on correcting this immediately...
I'm going to get right on it...

Really...

Should be fixed any minute...

A yup...

any minute now...

Thursday, May 05, 2011

The Weak Ender: Osama bin Lackey Gets His



Well I figured that most of you have found some other neighboring site that you would rather spend your time with. But for those of you who still want to hang out, here is the miss Kelly Brook just for fun.

Honestly, I have no justification for having that photo. And in the years of doing this site, I've always prided myself on having a reason or a connection for The Weak Ender girl, even if it was super flimsy.

That has changed here.

And here is the the thing. Lots is going to be changing. I promise to sort things out with this site real soon, but The Hater Nation is going to be stronger than ever.

I did, however, want to touch on what a great day it was on Thursday. The Angels finally cracked the Boston curse for the season. Rebounding from a potential heart-breaking loss to not only winning in extra innings on Wednesday night/Thursday morning, but pounding that a-hole John Lackey for everything that he is worth in the finale.

A split in Boston felt like a sweep.

It is really tough with these Boston games, the Mos Eisley of America. Losing can be bad. And being owned by say the Twins or Indians is one thing. But when it's Boston, well, it is just tough to take.

Thankfully the Angels put them away. And I am optimistic for the future of the team.

That's all for now. Thank you to those still coming by. I really do appreciate it. And if you know my real name and my real job, you know where to find me and I am writing more than ever. So look it up.

Oh hell, The Hatriot coined Osama bin Lackey, too.

Friday, April 22, 2011

Free show this Saturday

If you are looking for a good time this Saturday, some of the friends of THN will be performing at a benefit show for tsunami relief at the Harp Inn, Costa Mesa from 3-7 p.m.

Lounge-O-Rama
CrownVic
Adam Rank

Be sure to check it out.

Oh, and it's FREE! Was that mentioned.

Thursday, April 21, 2011

The Weak Ender: This Isn't Happening




The NFL released it's schedule this week. What a bunch of Billy Mumphrys -- a bunch of cockeyed optimists believing that there will even be a season next year. But a couple of things stand out about the Chargers schedule.

The Chargers play four of it's first five games at home. Which will be awesome when the first month of the season is erased.

The Chargers also don't have a game in late October, ensuring that there will not be a glimpse of the Chargers Girls in Halloween costumes.

NFL.com noticed this, too, and pointed it out here.

That writer for the NFL was on fire this week. He had a number of great stories.

Here are some fantasy football predictions.

Here are some gift ideas for Candice Crawford in honor of Tony Romo's birthday.

And NFL.com continues to take the piss out of Hugh Jackman, too.

Sunday, April 10, 2011

The Post Mortem: What a melt down



Holy Tin Cup, Batman. That poor Rory McIlroy ... could you even watch such a thing? That was just awful.

And then you realize that he plays golf for a living, and then you really don't give a (expletive).

Besides, how upset were the Masters folks that an African-American won the tournament?

Just kidding people, lighten up.

I HAVE the most hate for Boston. A terrible, nearly worthless city. And their sports teams are even worse. On Friday, the unthinkable happened to me at the gym. No, it wasn't that I was actually at the gym. Rather, I cheered when A-Rod hit a home run.

Sure it was against the Sox. Sure it was against John Lackey. But there should never be a circumstance where rooting for the Yankees is acceptable.

However, you have to love how the Boston fans are finally starting to turn on Lackey. The boos, and even the newspapers are starting to rip him. Maybe the Angels knew what they were doing when they let him go.

Though, they should not make that mistake with Jered Weaver. And any organization which wants you to buy a schedule magnet on the home opener starts to wary me just a touch.

OH AND did I mention that it was cold for the 14 inning game I stayed for? That was the kind of game where you would have been better off drinking beers in the parking lot for nine innings and then coming in for the rest of the game.

GOMER'S WIFE is upset that newspapers have been reporting the birth of her twins.

That's probably because the kids don't look like Peyton.

AND FINALLY ...

What you have all been waiting for, the Cowgirl interview.

Thursday, April 07, 2011

The Weak Ender: At least the Sox are losing



I'll be honest, I have no discernible reason for having a photo of Ursula Andress up here. Maybe I'm just in a Rat Pack mood. Although not a classic Rat Pack gal, she had been linked to many entertainers of her era, and I believe she was married to John Derek at one point.

But let's get down to business. Our pal the Reverend still is not over the U Conn win on Monday. And the text keep coming in daily. But maybe U Conn's good fortune is bringing doom and gloom to the Red Sox.

The (rhymes with bunts) are currently 0-5, and what's interesting to note here, is that no team has ever started 0-5 and then gone on to win the AL pennant. But watch, they will sweep the Yankees and then the Sox will start to run away with the division.

Still, it's entertaining to see the team that many thought could go 162-0 (seriously) stumble so badly out of the gate. And that base running error to end the game on Thursday was priceless.

D.J. Gallo of the Sports Pickle said it best saying that the Red Sox could do the reverse Patriots and lose every game except for the last one. That would be kind of cool. But even then, ESPN would have the Sox in its top five power rankings.

But let's hope for America's sake that the Sox continue to lose.

And look, the Angels home opener is on Friday. Of course, the weather sucks this week. But nothing beats this weekend. Finally on a Friday again. Get ready for some drunk tweets this weekend.

PICK SIX is a new daily feature on NFL.com that I have become rather fond of. A couple of the better ones this week.

Martellus Bennett's greatest hits. Although, the author -- likely because of NFL.com's restrictions -- was very vague about Bennett's video escapades which included the "Black Olympics" featuring the Cowboys tight end calling himself the Michael Phelps of fried chicken. But the author did get Bennett again right here.

My favorite, potential assailants for the Donovan McNabb hit and run. Love No. 5 on that list. Guess you can say whatever you want about Rush Limbaugh.

AND FINALLY ...

There are conflicting reports, but Raiders owner Al Davis could be in serious condition up in Oakland. All kidding aside, he could be near the end.

Monday, April 04, 2011

Jay Bilas is right, Big East deserved just one team

Some thought that Jay Bilas was just absurd when he said that only team from the Big East that deserved to be in the tournament was Connecticut. Or at least that was the impression that I got while listening to him talk this week.

For some reason, U Conn has really started rubbing me the wrong way. Almost like they were sorta-Duke like. I thought I was alone in my seemingly irrational hatred of U Conn. Even though the referees really seemed to zap San Diego State's momentum with a bogus technical foul call on a phantom bump.

But my good friend The Reverend passed along this unsolicited text message moments are Duke-conn's win.

Thanks Big East for bringing your crap brand of hoops to the big dance. Go (expletive) yourself (expletive) holes (expletive) suckers. You can take it away from U Conn when it is caught cheating again (expletives).


Is that all?

I think I am going to put on a sandpaper glove and pleasure myself. It will be much more enjoyable than that (expletive). I have not been this disappointed about something since prison sex.


Are they like Duke at all?

Yeah without the rule following (good point). The Most Interesting Man in the World just killed himself during that (expletive).


And then we decided to call them U (rhymes with bunt). Seriously, who knew this anger lurked?

ESPN HAD a rather interesting video about Duke's upset over UNLV 20 years ago. Good stuff. Tough to admit, but Coach Kryhjgdfsertuyski had a solid game plan against UNLV.

And coach Tarkanian had a rather cryptic quote about the game, too, telling his team that it can't play in a close game because it won't get any calls.

And cue the shot of Greg Anthony's bogus fifth foul, driving the lane with an obvious block. The and-one would have been the dagger.

But in something that you rarely see in sports, the team with the inner-city black kids got jammed in favor of the alleged "good guys."

Oh, and then they insinuated that UNLV threw the game. Classy.

Speaking of the Rebels -- a quick check of the wires here -- the school cannot go wrong with former players Dave Rice or Reggie Theus taking over the job (I wish I still wrote for Fan House). But if you want to bring back the glory days, Theus needs to get that gig.

His track record at New Mexico State says enough. He's got to get that gig. And if UNLV hires him, look for the Rebels to return to the Final Four soon.

EAGLES WR DeSean Jackson certainly has a high opinion of himself. Check out this quick blurb on NFL.com.

AND FINALLY ...

Really enjoyed Wrestlemania, though many in the IWC are calling it a glorified RAW. I think that one thing that is happening is that the Rock kind of sucks. Listen, nobody marked like me when the Rock returned. But when you see him compared to Stone Cold, you remember who the best guy was during the Attitude Era.

He was down the list behind SCSA and Shawn Michaels.

Lately, though, the Rock has bored me. Not to HHH levels, but close.

And now we have to wait a year for his match with John Cena? Well, if it keeps them off television for that long, I'm all for it.

BTW, what the (expletive) has happened to Wade Barrett that he's getting pushed down the card? This kid was a riser and this is how they are treating him? Unreal. He has the Intercontinental title, I guess, but this is just strange booking.

Friday, April 01, 2011

The Weak Ender: What an era



When somebody tells me that Britney Spears is making a comeback, I might be in the minority, but I am pretty happy about it. Does she walk into bathrooms barefoot? Of course.

Does she have her kids on her lap when she drives? She sure does.

But pound for pound, is there anybody hotter when she is in her "Toxic" shape? That's hard to argue.

And now she's trying to get back into the game, well, I'm a fan. I don't care who knows.

Opening Day was on Thursday. And to be honest, I am going to cut this short because of that. Because I did get into my cups during the day, especially after the Angels won a close one.

But come on, the world is just a better place when baseball was back in season, and Britney is trying to be hot again.

So I apologize. Not a great week (unless you follow me at my real job under my real name), but we'll crank it up again.

Thursday, March 31, 2011

Happy Opening Day



Happy Opening Day everybody. Honestly, how is this not a national holiday. The always entertaining Adam Rank on NFL.com asked this very question today during his daily Pick Six.

Hope your team wins today ... unless you are a Yankees or Red Sox fan.

Thursday, March 24, 2011

The Weak Ender: (Expletive) Duke



Have I been missing something with this Taryn Manning being on Hawaii Five-0? I was never really familiar with this broad until she showed up on my doorstep nude.

You know, on the cover of Playboy.

Anybody watching that show? I am not even sure what day it's on. And it has stars on it that I like, Scott Caan, that dude who was on The Shield. Yet, I have never seen a minute of it.

Crazy, right?

I have seen plenty of promos for it during the NCAA tournament coverage. Thursday night was a really great night for hoops. San Diego State continued to prove that it cannot stop an outstanding shooter. That dude from U Conn looked like Jimmer's long lost brother as he ended the Aztec's season.

I almost feel compelled to complain about the bull(expletive) technical call that swayed the momentum in U Conn's favor. But sometimes you have to tip your cap to a team that has that kind of savvy to flop on an innocent brush of the shoulder. Heady play.

Not the kind of thing you would see from a guy like, say, Chuck Bednarik. Whom we are all wishing makes a speedy recovery. I am no Eagles fan, but Concrete Charlie is one of my favorite players of all-time. Not that I saw him play, mind you, but anybody who comes out and bashes the pansies currently playing in the NFL gets my love.

What a great guy. Salt of the Earth kind of dude who was a waist gunner on a B-24 (I believe) in World War II, successfully carrying out 30 combat mission in Germany. That seems unheard of.

So I do wish him well. And you had better, too. And if the current players really wanted to show that they cared for Charlie, they would offer to pay for his medical expenses, if he has any. That would be a great way to get some publicity and show that you are serious about caring for the older generation.

NFL.com rustled up a great list of quotes from Bednarik that you can read right here.

A few of my favorites:

“You’ve got to play with that killer instinct, man. You’ve got to hate that guy across from you. Then after the game is over, tell him what a nice guy he is. Shake his hand. Especially if you win.”

"The positions I played, every play, I was making contact, not like that … Deion Sanders. He couldn’t tackle my wife. He’s back there dancing out there instead of hitting.”

Boom, roasted.

Get well Charlie.

OF COURSE we haven't even talked about Duke getting pants by Arizona. Not since UNLV has a team crushed the Blue Devils so thoroughly. Well done, Wildcats.

Jake Ryan (who disappeared) pointed out that Butler is starting to out-Gonzaga Gonzaga. Butler is only one win away from consecutive Final Fours. Matt Howard always seems to make the right plays when he needs too, right?

Oh, and what a night when BYU finally getting eliminated is almost an afterthought.

Duke and BYU both eliminated, what a great night for America. The University of Arizona fans certainly seemed to think so, chanting USA-USA-USA during its victory. See, people pay attention to THN.

BTW ... Jake Ryan went four-for-four last night. Well done.

BENGALS COACH Marvin Lewis called out Chad Ochocinco this week by saying that it's typically that 85 has found another challenge he won't follow through with. And if you think about it, Lewis has a point.

But the Ocho did follow through with his pledge to go from Johnson to Ochocinco a few years back, so it is hard to label him a commitmentophobe.

Attention whore would be more succinct.

THE TAMPA Bay Buccaneers have been rumored to be the next team on Hard Knocks, and NFL.com provided a list of possible alternatives right here.

A couple of my favorites.

49ers

Compelling storyline: New coach Jim Harbaugh calls out Seahawks coach Pete Carroll, and says the 49ers have the talent to compete for the Pac-10 title. When pressed by reporters if he means NFC West, Harbaugh says, “No, I am talking about the stronger conference right now.”

Potential breakout star: QB Alex Smith. Oh wait, we’ve been waiting for this since 2005. We haven’t waited this long for a failed experiment since Guns-n-Roses’ “Chinese Democracy.”

Raiders

Compelling storyline: This is a tough one because remaking a popular series from the 1970s into TV shows has recently failed, just look at Hawaii Five-0. But even their press conferences are more interesting than most teams in general. Seriously, why hasn’t this happened yet?

Potential breakout star: Al Davis‘ overhead projector.

Actually, the correct answer for potential breakout star for the Raiders is Al Davis' untreated syphilis.

What, too soon?

Seriously though. How is Davis fine but Mr. Bednarik fighting for his life in a hospital?

AND FINALLY

Sorry if the words are outdated. I got caught, didn't figure that Duke would be gone so soon. I am recording this song one year.

The Hater Nation is proud to welcome back Pete Gillen to lead us in song once again now that Duke has been eliminated.

Many of you may remember me, Pete Gillen, the former head coach, of the University of Virginia’s men’s basketball team. If not, you will recall, that I am a very emotional leader, and my New England voice sounds, just like, President John F. Kennedy, his brotha, and Mayor Quimby from, the television program, The Simpsons, combined.

With Mahch Madness set to begeen, I am here today, to tell you of the greatness, that is Dook Univahrsity, men’s basketball. It is hard not to know about Dook in Mahch. As I told, radio personality Jim Rome a few yeahs ago, Dook is Dook. They’re on TV more, than reruns of Leave it to Beavahhhhh… reruns.

Now, in an attempt to stay relevant, since the Beavah’s show hasn’t been in steady reruns for at least 20 years, I will bring to you an original song of mine, sung to the tune, of another current, popular number, Sir Paul McCartney’s, Hey Jude:

Hey Dook, don't feel so bad.
Take a bad bracket and make it bettah.
Remember to get off to a slow start,
Against a team that is the Play-In winnah.

Hey Dook, don't be afraid.
The brackets were made so you’d play no one bettah.
The minute you play a Top 25 team,
You’ll pray for Christian Laettnah.

And anytime you feel the pain, hey Dook, refrain
Stop shooting the ball from upon your shoulders
For welll you know that you're gonna loose yah cool
By making Irving's shooting a little colder

Hey Dook, don’t be ashamed
You get all the calls, but its for the bettah
But, despite of all of the help
You have no chance of beating the Tiguhs!

Hey Dook, don’t cut those nets down.
Try to survive in the tourney, like an 11th-seedah.
Remembah to let the refs and bracket committee into your heart,
As well as your coach, with a name with too many f-ing leddahs.

So find a ditch, and like Hurley, drive right on in
So they see that Singler ain’t no Laettnah.
And don't you know that it's just you, hey Dook, you'll do,
Youh on TV mohr than Leave it to Beavahhhhhh.

Hey Dook, don't feel bad.
At least Seth Greenberg didn’t make it, eithah.
Remember it’s not the color of your skin,
It’s hard to win without players like Battiah, Boozah and
Laettnah, Laettnah, Laettnah, Laettnah, Laettnah, oh!

Nah Nah Nah Na Na Na, Naaaa… Nah Nah, Nah, Naaaa, (expletive) DOOK!

SING ALONG NAHW!

Na Na Na Naaaaah Na Na Naaaaaaah
(expletive) DOOK!!!

DOOK, DOOK, DA, DOOK, DOOK, DOOKIE DOOKIE!

Nah Nah Nah Na Na Na, Naaaa… Nah Nah, Nah, Naaaa,
(expletive) DOOK...

Nah Nah Nah Na Na Na, Naaaa… Nah Nah, Nah, Naaaa,
(expletive) DOOK...

Alirght, just the ACC fans now!

Nah Nah Nah Na Na Na, Naaaa… Nah Nah, Nah, Naaaa,
(expletive) DOOK...

Alright, just the Arizona fans now!

Nah Nah Nah Na Na Na, Naaaa… Nah Nah, Nah, Naaaa,
(expletive) DOOK...

Everybody together!

Nah Nah Nah Na Na Na, Naaaa… Nah Nah, Nah, Naaaa,
(expletive) DOOK...

Sunday, March 20, 2011

The Post Mortem: The Big What?

Congratulations to Notre Dame for putting the exclamation point on what had to be considered an utterly embarrassing tournament start for the Big East. Only two teams survived to the Sweet 16, and the only reason that happened was because the bracket paired up Big East teams, ensuring that somebody had to make it from the most overrated conference in America.

You splinter off a few of those teams (not easy to do with 11 qualifiers) and you are looking at no Big East representation. Outstanding.

Charles Barkley has helped make this the greatest tournament so far in history. The NCAA, CBS, Viacom finally made the right call by discontinuing the DirecTV tournament pass (seriously, why are sports league keep this failed experiment in satellite afloat?) and putting all of the games on broadcast television.

Hey, did you hear that NFL? While you dicks were busy pissing and moaning about your billions of play money, one sports entity and broadcast partner was getting it right. Could you imagine CBS putting morning games on four different networks, and FOX doing the same? That would be horrible to allow the public to watch the games that they want to see.

But I digress, this is about Barkley at the moment.

The best moment of the tournament so far came during a studio moment when Barkley was running down the Big East with Rick Pitino on the set. Pitino looked as if one of his one-night stands had walked on the set to tell him that she was pregnant and needed money for an abortion.

Pitino went on to say that Notre Dame would not lose to Florida State (uh, o.k.), and the Big East would have two teams in the Final Four.

Not happening.

By the same token, does anybody remember when the media was crying because VCU was given a chance to be in the tournament? I hate to say it, but the NCAA got it right here. Funny, strange things like that can happen you actually decide to settle things on the field.

Another great part of the tournament was that most of the anxiety teams were eliminated. We were a few clutch shots from Michigan away from getting rid of all of the axis of evil teams. As only Duke remains.

And if I may take a moment to say this, I am so glad that we found a way to give both Duke and North Carolina home games during the first rounds of the tournament. Remember those harrowing times when one of those teams were sent out of Greensboro? Awful. Now the referees have a chance to be intimidated by two fan bases, and not just one.

And trust me, a current college referee once confided to me that they do get swayed by the home crowd.

Ohio State also got a home game, too, to be fair. But come on, they lost LeBron James publicly, so I will give them a pass.

The referees also warrant some discussion here. And this needs to be said, how soon are we going to have the players call their own fouls? Being a basketball referee is the most impossible job imaginable. You would have a better chance making the Napa "know how" song a top hit.

(A quick aside, can we just cut to the chase and have Alicia Keys sing the Napa song and get it over with?)

Here is what I would say, just swallow your whistle in the case of Butler vs. Pittsburgh. If the referees didn't call a foul in the final two seconds, the game has the same result, yet your integrity remains intact.

Nobody wants to see a five-second violation. Especially after you only counted to four.

And for (expletive) sake, Washington was not fouled in the first half? It wasn't like the Huskies weren't driving to the basket. Ten fouls to two? Again, this is why teams should not get home games in the tournament.

OUR MAN from the Insomniac's Lounge with the seedings of the teams that have eliminated the Big East: 13, 11, 11, 11, 10, 8, 8, 4, 3.

WHAT ARE the odds that Jim Nantz even watched ESPN's documentary on the Fab 5? All he heard was that somebody took a shot at Duke (listen to him, he had no idea what he was talking about), and he wanted to speak out.

Nantz is fighting Mike Patrick to be the Joesph Goebbels of Duke. Nantz and Patrick likely argue over what Coach Kryzgfhfvcbnmdfghjrtyski's taint tastes like.

AND FINALLY ...

Whitney Cummings is hot, right?

Friday, March 18, 2011

The Weak Ender: Huge Upset



There is always a bit of disappointment when Utah State gets knocked out of the tournament, but only for the reasons stated above. And speaking of upsets, this is the first time that I have failed to fill out a tournament bracket since I was in grade school. It feels kind of nice, too. I thought that I would really miss it, but to be honest, it doesn't matter much to me at all.

Now I can just enjoy it when teams like Louisville and Vanderbilt get knocked off. Not to mention, St. John's too. Honestly, there is nothing better than watching the Big East teams get knocked around a little bit. I think we have come to the point where we don't need 11 teams from one conference in the tournament.

Although, those teams do a good job of playing the spoiler and giving us somebody to root against.

Oh, thank you for stopping by UC Santa Barbara. The Big West sucks.

BYU managed to sneak by without really being hurt by the honor code. But Gonzaga has a chance to be America's darlings again when it takes on the Cougars.

Sorry to cut it short, but the games are starting again.

GRANT HILL responded to the Fab Five, after the Duke standout was called a (female dog) and Uncle Tom during the ESPN documentary. Hill took to the New York Times to offer a rebuttal.

The money shot ...

It was a sad and somewhat pathetic turn of events, therefore, to see friends narrating this interesting documentary about their moment in time and calling me a bitch and worse, calling all black players at Duke “Uncle Toms” and, to some degree, disparaging my parents for their education, work ethic and commitment to each other and to me. I should have guessed there was something regrettable in the documentary when I received a Twitter apology from Jalen before its premiere. I am aware Jalen has gone to some length to explain his remarks about my family in numerous interviews, so I believe he has some admiration for them.

Way to go, Grant. Way to fight the image of being an Uncle Tom by going to the New York Times. You showed them. Just kidding.

I get that Hill was pissed off. I am sure that he's heard this kind of stuff for years.

However, I really don't think that Hill really got Jalen Rose's point.

Rose was very honest saying that he was bitter because like Hill, his father was a famous professional athlete. But Rose did not have a relationship with his father. Rose made the point that his mother had to take numerous jobs to make ends meet. Hill's mother was a college roommate of Hilary Rodham. Rose's point about Duke not recruiting inner-city kids can be debated, I guess, I really have no idea.

But I thought that Rose was really just explaining why he had a resentment for Hill and Duke. I thought it was an honest look. I didn't believe that Rose still felt that way, and subsequent interviews proved that to be the case, but he was just talking about his feelings he had at the time.

I thought it was a great glimpse into the mind of a young, black athlete and I hope those voices are given more of a forum, and not suppressed because it might be viewed as politically incorrect.

AND FINALLY ...

WR Randy Moss has become a stalker of the Patriots. The dude has not stopped talking about the Patriots since he was traded by the team last year.

Hey Randy, that girl at the bar you have been hitting on? She left like 20 minutes ago.

It's time to move on.

Sunday, March 13, 2011

Just Fabulous




The Monday after selection Sunday brings about one of the greatest traditions in sports. No, not filling out your March Madness bracket. No, the greatest tradition in sports is figuring out which school was jobbed out of an NCAA berth.

Now that, my friends, is fun.

Colorado, congratulations, you are this year's school that should be there. Not that it will be much consolation, but Colorado would likely get bounced early, so what are you really missing out on?

Although, watching San Diego State get a No. 2 seed, does anybody think that the Pac-10 made a mistake taking Colorado over SDSU? The Aztecs have the better football program, the better baseball program and no doubt a better baseball program.

I am sure there is some sort of academic interest of taking Colorado, but when Arizona State is part of your conference, you cannot be too high brow.

The Aztecs will just have to console themselves with a trip to the Final Four.

Speaking of SDSU, Marshall Faulk was interviewed during the Mountain West championship game by Lindsay Soto -- co-workers over at NFL Network -- and she said that Marshall was the most famous SDSU alumni. And Marshall kind of shook his head like, yeah, that's right.

Uh, have the two of you heard of Tony Gwynn? The announcers were quick to talk about Gwynn and Michael Cage (not that he's in the class of the previous two), but come on. I'll forgive Lindsay because, well, just look at her.

But Marshall should know better.

MORE TOURNAMENT talk will happen later this week, along with an invitation to the bracket.

AND FINALLY ...

If you missed ESPN's documentary on the Fab Five, do yourself a favor and watch this thing. The whole 30-for-30 has swung and missed on some great ideas like the Raiders in Los Angeles and the USFL.

This was the best I have seen of the series.

I dug the Fab Five when it burst on the scene in the 1990s. Although, I grew to dislike Chris Webber over the years. Probably because he was a Sacramento King. But Jalen Rose comes off great. All of those who participated really did (Webber declined).

Rose, though, really drove it home.

There is nothing I can say that will do it justice. So I will just again encourage you to check it out.

Thursday, March 10, 2011

The Weak Ender: Women ain't cheap



I am starting to get upset with the producers of V or whomever is telling Laura Vandervoort that she needs to lose weight. Because she was absolutely lovely as Supergirl, but is becoming way too skinny on V.

Is she trying to make her face look more reptilian?

Are girls striving for that Charlie Sheen chic look?

Because it's working. You already made Anna go with the Annie Lennox look, and now you are making Laura way, way too skinny. Not cool at all.

SPEAKING OF young ladies, Tiki Barber is learning the hard way that young (female dogs) aren't easy. Or cheap. Barber's bad life choices have led him to seek a return to the NFL and the millions he walked away from when he was in his prime.

Barber's personal problems are of public record, but I could not help but be tickled one when commenter on one of the sports boards opined, "We don't know what Tiki's wife was like, so we shouldn't judge."

And you have a point, slick. For all we know, Ginny could have been a horrendous shrew who got what was coming to her. But we don't know that.

What I do know, is that she was eight months pregnant with twins when he started shacking up with some college coed. You might want to walk out on your wife, but on twins? Nah, there is no justification for what he did. And simply, he's a douche bag. There is no excuse to walk out on your twins like that.

But this story will have a happy ending. The best result would be for a team to take a chance on Tiki and one of his teammates decides to order the code red on his ass during training camp. That would be the best possible scenario.

The likely scenario is that he will get a sniff, but will be cut before training camp even starts.

And another scenario, though unlikely, would be for Tiki to return, have a great season and have his team win the Super Bowl. How is this a great outcome you ask?

Well if Tiki does well and gets all of the accolades, the whore who would cheat on a married man expecting twins will likely get dumped for a younger, hotter model.

Personally, I'm holding out for Tiki to crash into a tanker carrying Magic Johnson's blood, which he consumes through an open gash on his balls.

That's just me.

THE LAKERS may have lost on Thursday night, but at least nobody is crying about it. Hey TNT, though, playing that game on a weeknight in the afternoon, that seems like smart planning.

ANYBODY USING the Youtube to MP3 adapter for free? It's the tops.

AND FINALLY ...

Looks like the NFL is going forward with the lockout, barring some sort of miracle. I think you would have a better chance of getting Bud Grant to smile at a blackjack table after some plopper just split a pair of 10s on a bad count deck.

And to be honest, this is exactly what the NFL owners wanted when they originally hired Opie way back when. The power brokers like Jerry Jones, Robert Kraft and Jerry Richardson want to break the union. If you don't think Richardson is serious, realize that he fired his two boys.

The NFL owners envy the financial setup of Major League Baseball. Jones and Kraft, in particular, own the Yankees and Red Sox of the NFL, so they see how much money they are missing out on by having to share with some of the smaller markets.

Anybody who witnessed Jones trying to put seats into every crevice of Cowboys stadium, this guy loves his money. And you can bet that he cringed at the thought of two small-market teams playing in the Super Bowl made his stomach churn.

These guys are going to do everything in their power to break the union, make more money and try to widen the divide between the upper crust teams and the small-market teams that just get by.

That's been Jones plan ever since he came to the NFL in 1989, and now he has a commissioner in his pocket who will help him achieve that goal.

This mess is going to get bloody, and even though the league lost out trying to swindle that extra money on a TV deal, the owners will win out because the players are dopes.

The owners have the money and that whole 18-game nonsense was a stroke of genius because they already have the players on the run, bargaining against something they didn't want in the first place.

It is so underhanded that you almost have to admire them. But at the end of the day, they are going to cost people jobs and that blows. Though, it does seem to be the American way -- making conditions as brutal as possible, keep a few rich, and make sure nobody has health care. Yep, that's America.

And I'm pissed.

Monday, March 07, 2011

Tom Zbikowski: Pipe it

Tom Zbikowski announced today that he wants to fight Chad Ochocinco. And almost immediately America said, "Who the hell is Tom Zbikowski?"

Seriously.

Apparently Zbikowski plays for the Ravens. He's a safety. And he hasn't murdered anybody so he quickly falls down the list of Ravens I would have ever heard of. He has a website (but anybody can get one of those). Zbikowski has started 14 games in his three seasons in the NFL.

Alright, I am already bored with this guy.

Not surprisingly, news of this challenge came as Zbikowski prepares for his fight on Saturday. Well that is convienient. Zbikowski even invited Ochocinco to be a guest at his latest fight. Good lord, could you try harder dude? Did the mowhawk thing not work out for you previously and this is what you have resorted to?

This guy is a douche.

I might not always find Ochocinco to be entertaining, but at least he's in the main event. People have heard of him. Guys barely above the practice squad should probably refrain from calling out guys who actually make a living playing in the NFL. This ploy for attention is weak, but probably fitting for a guy who plays for the Ravens.

Let me know when Ochocinco is challenged by an actual NFL player.

Not a good look for a man



You never thought it would happen to a guy like Tom Brady, but he’s officially reached his midlife crisis. You would think that a supermodel wife and three Super Bowl rings would prevent that. His new ponytail says otherwise (thank you, Sports Grid).

Although, you probably should blame David Beckham's influence for this after the two hung out last summer. Thanks a lot, Beckham. Not only have you failed to make soccer any more popular here in the States, you have turned one of our nation's heroes into a ponytail guy.

And really, that barely classifies as a ponytail, too.

That thing -- I guess I will concede and call it a ponytail -- looks like the kind of ponytail that you would see from that guy with the receding, horseshoe-hairstyle who is trying to cling to his fleeting moments of vitality. Trust me, I can identify with the feeling.

But the ponytail is the wrong way to go about it. Do you think Hugh Jackman would sport a ponytail? Hell no. Get a new car, Tom. Wear a Hawaiian shirt to work. Maybe win a playoff game. Anything but the ponytail.

Although, in fairness, it's still cooler than Peyton Manning's hair.

Thursday, March 03, 2011

The Weak Ender: BYU would not approve of Merriman



Well, I guess we can't blame Shawne Merriman for making an ass out of himself for chasing around WWF divas such as Maryse Ouellet. But we can blame me for not saving it for The Weak Ender.

Now I am expecting an email or text from Mark D. telling me that the TWE chick should have been the Bella Twins.

Yep, that was a pretty flimsy opening. But this is what I get for getting a jump on the news.

THE JETS released Vernon Gholston this week, and the Raiders let go of Robert Gallery, parting ways with two of the biggest busts in the team's respective histories. But who has had the worst luck drafting players?

The Jets have Gholston, Johnny Lam Jones and Blair Thomas. The Raiders -- and just looking at quarterbacks -- have had Todd Marinovich, Marc Wilson and JaMarcus Russell. This one isn't even close, right?

The Jets get made fun of during that ESPN montage during the draft, but the Raiders have really struggled with the draft picks. Here is something that will make you sick. From 1985-87, the Raiders passed on Bernie Kosar, Earnest Givins and Bruce Matthews. Of course, hindsight is always perfect and you never know how those guys would have done with the Raiders, but it's always fun to speculate.

One you can't dismiss, though, is when the Raiders picked Marinovich, the Falcons drafted a quarterback nine picks later. You might have heard of him, his name was Brett Favre.

Man, he would have been the perfect Raider.

MOTLEY CRUE and Poison will be together again for a first time this summer in what promises to be a pretty awesome tour. My only regret is that I am unable to grow some air out in order to spray some Aqua Net into it.

AND FINALLY ...

This is going to be a fairly lengthy rant against the Mormon church. If you are easily offended, or just don't want to put up with my (expletive), that's understandable. You are free to keep it light here. And really, I try to keep politics out of it for the most part. But I have to say this. And if you know me, and who I have lost in this world, you will understand where I am coming from.

BYU made a big statement with its honor code this week, suspending center Brandon Davies for knocking up his girlfriend. Imagine that, a center getting booted off the team for penetrating the hole.

Well, at least we won't have to worry about the Cougars making a run in the NCAA tournament now.

BYU and the Mormon religion has taken a beating this week. And why not, it's fun to bash those whose opinion differs from our own. Especially when they are against the very things we hold dear such as boozing, (expletive), and fighting. So we should castigate those who want to live differently than us and have different value systems.

Although, I fail to give any sympathy for the Mormon church because it was the LDS who funded Proposition 8 in California. So while all of the Jimmer fanatics cry about those of us who continue to make fun of their honor code, know you know those consenting adults -- who you don't want to get married -- feel.

Actually, you don't. You see, the Mormons are free to practice their beliefs and even have a school that oppresses the future Planned Parenthood bombers of America. Those Mormons will go to church on Sunday, give 10 percent of their earnings to ensure that some consenting adults in this country are not free to practice their beliefs.

And that is the difference.

It is times like this, when BYU is a laughing stock that I can really feel God's love and know that he's on our side.

Sorry for the soap box, but it's something that I feel strongly about. And having the BYU basketball team lose a few games won't make up for the hatred and fear that the Mormon church has propagated over the years. But for a brief time it will certainly make me feel a little bit better.

Wednesday, March 02, 2011

He's just better than you



Bills LB Shawne Merriman got into a Twitter war with WWF Superstar CM Punk recently over an incident that happened pool side in Costa Rica. The news of this ‘tweef’ came as a big shock to everybody because most did not realize that Merriman was still in the league.

Really, did you know Merriman was still playing?

The gist was that Merriman apparently tried to rush some of the WWF divas, was rebuffed, and Punk called him out on it. Then the name-calling ensued. Hey, the Bills suck in the Super Bowl. ... You are a wrestler? I thought you were the pool boy. And it was kind of hilarious.

The whole thing between Merriman and Punk was rather disappointing. I understand that sometimes an athlete feels like he is being disrespected. That he has to respond when called out in public. But this is a case where you should be the bigger man. To walk away. As Gunny Highway once said to Profile after being punished by Major Powers in the classic Heartbreak Ridge, “Don’t give the prick the satisfaction.”

So come on Punk, what is the matter with you? Why are you even condescending to talk to Merriman? Punk you are the top of the card in the WWF, the best thing in professional wrestling. Why are you talking to a guy who is the Zack Ryder of the NFL?

If Tila Tequila can fend off Merriman’s advances, do you think that the WWF Divas really need your help?

And think of that for a moment, Merriman went from Pro Bowl LB to jobbing to Tequila to now being embarrassed on Twitter abroad. And let’s not overlook the delicious irony of the WWF’s straight edge superstar laying the smack down on the NFL’s most notorious steroid abuser not named Brian Cushing.

CM Punk likes to tell WWF audiences that he is better than they are. I wish he would have exercised that restraint in this instance.

Monday, February 28, 2011

The Post Mortem: There was an award show on?

The Bain, as usually, nailed it when he said that nobody is interested in watching an awards show that doesn't involve Ricky Gervais. Although, for me, I have never watched the show since the 1980s when it used to compete with the NCAA championship game in hoops.

Based on the reports, however, it does not sound like I missed much.

But if Gervais did host the Academy Awards, then I might have to reverse my field.

ONE MORE Oscars note ... is Anne Hathaway legitimately hot. Or is she only viewed this way because she's famous. Let's get some reaction to that.

LOOKS LIKE Packers QB Aaron Rodgers is enjoying his post-Super Bowl riches. Our pal Larry Brown reports that Rodgers has been linked to Jessica Szohr, Stacy Keibler and Mila Knuis.

In other words, he's quickly moving past Tom Brady in this category.

And with the way the Packers are built, Rodgers is going to challenge The Bish in terms of the amount of strange that he is going to be able to pull.

NOT SURE if you caught this poor bastard, but this male cheerleader could have cost Louisville the game against Pittsburgh. From the Yahoo! blog, the Dagger, you can check out the video here.

But the gist, a male cheerleader grabbed the ball when he thought the game was over. But there was five-tenths of a second left. So that was a technical foul on Louisville. Pittsburgh converted the two free throws and just missed a three-point attempt to tie the game.

Louisville considered punishing the cheerleader, but then they remembered that he is a male cheerleader.

AND FINALLY ...

Oil prices are down, gas prices are up. Yeah, that makes sense.

Friday, February 25, 2011

The Weak Ender: Who should you pick?



The NFL scouting world will spend a lot of time watching dudes in underwear this week trying to figure out who to pick. Looks like Brooklyn Decker has made her selection.

I HAVE a bone to pick with the combine. What a seemingly useless exercise. Sure it's fun to see guys in shorts run the 3-cone drill, compete in the bench press and exhibit their hops. But does any of this really translate to football?

Oh, who can forget that one Super Bowl that hinged on how quickly a linebacker could run the shuttle drill. The Steelers would have two more titles if Rashard Mendenhall's vertical was a little better. Or if James Harrison was faster in the 3-cone drill.

So how about some combine drills that would really translate to the NFL game we have come to know and love?

Presenting the top six combine drills we would like to see.

6. Gatorade dump
The bench press is nice, but today's NFL players need to show the muscle memory to properly lift a Gatorade bucket and dump it over their respective coach's head. Too many times you see a player not get the lift needed to properly execute this move, and instead, you get a coach's backside drenched instead of a full soaking. So have prospects compete to see who can execute the most Gatorade dumps in two minutes.

Of course, this skill might not be important to some teams like the Browns or Bills.

5. Chest bumping/towel waving
Fringe NFL prospects often save their NFL careers because of their performance on special teams. But a player also could make a long-term impact chest-bumping a star player as he's coming off the field. But you have to make sure that a player could actually get the height required to make this move. Like look at the Vikings mascot Ragnar in this video (about the minute mark) ... that is why he never made it to the NFL.

Also, players who wave towels have a valuable impact on NFL team's, too. Do you think it was Aaron Rodgers' rocket arm that won Super Bowl XLV? Nah, it was the guys who waved towels on the bench to fire up the crowd. Have your would-be NFL star wave a towel for five minutes to see who has the stamina to take it to the next level.

4. Baseball cap wearing
The majority of these quarterbacks going through the combine are not going to be NFL starters. Well, unless they go to the Cardinals or Panthers because it seems that every quarterback on those rosters got a chance last year. But you want to make sure your quarterback knows how to wear that baseball cap. Throw your quarterback prospect a cap and see how he wears it. Does he go for the classic look? Or does he go with the lame backwards cap deal? The Panthers could have saved themselves a lot of heartache if they had seen this.

3. End zone celebration
You don't think having the proper end zone celebration is important? Then you have obviously never seen this video. You can actually make this a very noteworthy combine drill on NFL Network by having Paula Abdul and Hugh Jackman judge the participants. I smell ratings gold.

2. Tweeting
You can't be an NFL player without a Twitter account. But can your prospect take it to the next level. Hand a player a computer and a new Twitter account and time how fast it will take him to alienate his teammates and also tumble down draft boards. Maybe the first question could be, how do you feel about team photos?

1. Pick up a Kardashian
Well it seems like any professional athlete can land a Kardashian. But an NBA champion ends up with Khloe. An NFL champion takes Kim. Does your prospect have what it takes to make it?

AND FINALLY ...

Tuesday, February 22, 2011

Post Mortem: Stop Talking Cam

Cam Newton showed that he wants to do the right thing this week when he announced that he was going to be full-participation at the combine. He says he wants to be transparent.

Great, maybe he should open his father's bank account, so we have some transparency.

One thing however, is really transparent, he needs to stop participating in interviews.

Newton has managed to erase nearly all of the good-will he amassed with his combine decision in a pair of interviews with Sports Illustrated‘s Peter King and Yahoo! Sports’ Dan Wetzel.

Newton told King that “I see myself not only as a football player, but an entertainer and icon.”

So did Matt Leinart. So did Reggie Bush. Hell, so did LeBron James. Now he’s one of the most despised players in all of professional sports. Hey Cam, if somebody asks you to do a “Decision”-like television show, date a Kardashian or invite some coeds to hang out in your jacuzzi, you might want to pass on that.

Maybe tell your prospective employers that you want to be an NFL quarterback, first.

Newton then told Wetzel (via Twitter), “not to sound arrogant but what I did in 1 year others couldn’t do in their entire collegiate careers.”

Funny, any time somebody starts as sentence with “not to sound arrogant,” it can’t sound anything but. Kind of like saying, “Don’t take this wrong way, but.”

And don’t take this the wrong way, Cam, your recent interviews make you sound like your decision-making ability hasn’t risen past the whole, “hey, maybe nobody will notice if I take this laptop” level you displayed at Florida. And if you think that NFL scouts and executives don’t look at this stuff, guess again.

Ryan Leaf was thought to have better tools than Peyton Manning. But Leaf reportedly blew his interview with the Colts when he told the team he was going to celebrate being drafted by taking his buddies to Las Vegas.

And even if you feel that way, you should be smart enough to know better.

You are just costing yourself money, Cam. Hopefully you have saved all of those dollars that you earned at Auburn.

THE NBA All-Star Game was here in Los Angeles, and in honor of that, I came up with the best basketball players in the NFL. Who do you have?

6. Antwaan Randle El
This spot was originally reserved for Donovan McNabb, who spent two seasons as a reserve guard at Syracuse. But, in concert with coach Mike Shanahan, conditioning is going to be an issue. So the nod goes to Randle El, who played under coach Bob Knight at Indiana. Don’t agree? Well, ask yourself this question: If you were playing pickup and had to chose between McNabb and Randle El, who would you pick?

5. Terrell Owens
Owens played at Tennessee-Chattanooga, and he has gained some juice by playing in all of those celebrity games. He also had a brief stint in the U.S. Basketball League, but yeah, enough said about that.

4. Jimmy Graham
Graham was never much of a scorer, but he was a keen rebounder and one of the top shot blockers during his career at the University of Miami. In fact, Graham ranks eighth in school history in blocks (108). You need to give love for those role-playing guys like Graham, and you can bet he would take most of the current NFL stars one-on-one.

3. Julius Peppers
Peppers was a sixth-man for a pretty good basketball program. You might have heard of it — North Carolina. Peppers averaged 7.1 points and four rebounds per game off the bench, which isn’t bad. But for the athleticism, you would probably like to see some better rebounding numbers.

2. Tony Gonzalez
Gonzalez averaged 6.8 points and 5.4 rebounds for California during his junior season, as the Golden Bears advanced all the way to the Sweet 16 in 1997. Gonzalez is one of the more celebrated former hoops players-turned NFL players, and he has shown that he can still get up while dunking footballs over a goal posts after he scores. But he doesn’t get the top spot here.

1. Antonio Gates
You might have never heard this before if you have ever watched a Chargers game on television, but Gates played basketball at Kent State. Oh, that’s right, it’s the only thing they ever talk about. Gates and the Golden Flashes advanced to the Elite 8 in 2002, while he averaged 16 points per game. He averaged 20.6 points per game the following year. Yeah, this is a no-doubter.

AND FINALLY ...

Blake Griffin knows how to dunk. But do you want to know which dunk was the best?