Friday, December 31, 2010

The Weak Ender: Happy New Year


Who knew that UConn women's basketball team continued to play after Meghan Gardler (pictured) graduated. But pity the poor lady Huskies, whose winning streak was stopped at just 90 consecutive wins. That is still 83 wins short of the longest winning streak in sport's history ...

Bill Goldberg's 173 consecutive wins in WCW.

What, are we not comparing fake sports now? Because we sure spent a lot of time comparing U Conn's streak to Wooden's Bruins. Why not throw Brea-Olinda into the mix here, too. Didn't it have a long winning streak, too?

My relief is that UConn finally lost so we can go back to not caring about women's basketball. Oh wait, we never did.

Care that is.

BEST COMMENT regarding the St. Louis FC vs. Seahawks matchup on Sunday night ... shouldn't this game be played in Dayton two days before the real tournament starts?

Excellent.

But the FC should make the playoffs as an 8-8 team. And if I'm not mistaken, didn't the Giants sneak into the playoffs as an 8-8 team? It was 2006, I believe. The Giants advanced and lost to the Eagles.

Nobody was complaining about the competitiveness then. But now when it's an NFC West team, suddenly, it is the end of the world. Remember, though, the Cardinals advanced to the Super Bowl after winning their division at 9-7.

Unless every team plays a round-robin, 31-game season, division winners should continue to get the benefit of the doubt and host playoff games.

BTW NFL players. You are still complaining about an 18-game season? Realize that the Kings just played four games in five nights. Some of those games on the road. And you sissies in the NFL cannot play two extra games?

THE WEAK Ender was going to be skipped again, but our boy WCT would be remiss if it was not pointed out that a Pac-12team (Washington) crushed a Big 10 team (Nebraska) in the Holiday Bowl.

And yes, I already counted Utah's loss as a Pac-12 loss to the Mountain West last week.

But how and the (expletive) did Kansas State get a penalty for excessive celebration for a salute? That has to be one of the dumbest rules in sports. It's not like the kid jumped into the snow banks and started doing snow angels.

AND FINALLY ...

Linebacker Channing Crowder doesn’t think much of your booing, Dolphins fan. Though this proves that he does not watch the team’s offense. But as Carly Simon once said, Channing, you’re so vain; I bet you think those boos were about you.

Maybe the Dolphins faithful were upset about the two men who whiffed on wedding proposals on the big screen during halftime. The Florida Sun-Sentinel says that one woman would not take her hands off her face during the awkward two minutes, which no doubt probably felt like an eternity.

Think they want a do-over?

If you are going to do the in-stadium proposal, make certain it’s a sure thing. Kind of like a fake punt. You want to make sure that your team is going to convert, otherwise, it could have a lasting negative impact. Just ask Rex Ryan. Though, you have to wonder if his ill-advised fake punt was really just some fancy footwork to get his name out of the papers for another reason.

But don't fret Rex, your recent blunders did not crack the list of the top six do-overs of 2010.

6. Kevin Kolb gets the start. Eagles QB Michael Vick is authoring one of sports' biggest redemption stories. Of course, this might not have happened if Kolb would have stayed healthy. Although, this falls down to No. 6 because coach Andy Reid bucked the idiotic, “you can’t lose a job to injury” nonsense.

And let’s lump in a plethora of quarterback decisions here, because quarterback calls could take up all six spots. So consider this space also reserved for Donovan McNabb’s contract extension, the Cardinals acquisition of Derek Anderson and the debut of Titans QB Rusty Smith.

And maybe Tom Brady’s hair, too, but that might just be jealousy.

5. Chargers skip special team's practice. Or it just seemed that way early in the season. Special team blunders are one of the chief reasons why the Chargers are not going to the postseason this season. This is why coaches say you have to win all three phases of the game. That's not just a cliché.

Notice that Norv Turner is coming back next year. Well, four playoff appearances in 13 seasons as a head coach speaks for itself. You have to give him another chance.

And Lil' Hater would be remiss if it was not mentioned that of the 29 coaches who have coached 204 games, Norv is the only one with a losing record.

Turner lets owners bang his daughter, right?

4.Lions Week 9 loss to the Jets. The Lions lost so many close games this season, maybe 2010 is an entire do-over. From losing QB Matthew Stafford to rookie DT Ndamukong Suh missing an extra point, filling in for K Jason Hanson, this had it all. But coach Jim Schwartz sealed the game when he allowed the Jets to set up the tying drive late in the fourth quarter by calling a third down pass that gave the Jets the ball with 1:40 left. And to make matters worse, he was calling the play for Drew Stanton.

3. Brad Childress/Wade Phillips/Mike Singletary given too much rope. The Cowboys, in particular, have played much better under Jason Garrett. But the 49ers were in the running until Week 16, and a coaching change could have meant the NFC West title.

2. Tashard Choice asks for Vick’s autograph. Apparently, fans do not want players fraternizing after the game. Yet, everybody was upset when Chiefs coach Todd Haley refused to shake Josh McDaniels’ hand after the Chiefs were blown out by the Broncos. Make up your mind people. And it's good to know that your team can start off the season with Super Bowl expectations and be eliminated by October, but what really upsets fans is asking for an autograph.

Don't you have bigger fish to fry Cowboys fans?

1. Vikings players go down to Mississippi to woo Brett Favre. The late Dean Martin as Sam Harmon in the original "Ocean’s 11" once said, “If you want to capture lightning in a bottle, I won’t stop you. But don’t try to capture yesterday.” Hard to believe that a 41-year-old, interception-prone quarterback with a gimpy ankle could not recreate that magical, once-in-a-lifetime season.

If you want to grouse about this list, or add your own jump into the comment section now.

But a final word on in-stadium proposal guy; if you are going to propose to your girlfriend with a message on the big screen and she has a common first name -- Lisa, Jennifer, Elizabeth -- make sure to use last names. Trust me from experience on this one. Because experience tells me nothing ruins a fourth date like a perceived proposal. Yeah, awkward.

Sunday, December 26, 2010

The Post Mortem: You call that snow storm?



If you watched any of the action of Sunday night on NBC, with the light snow flurries, you immediate reaction had to be ... these Nancy boys could not play in this (expletive)? How about butching up a little bit, Philadelphia.

Chuck Bednarik would silently weep if he knew that an Eagles game was postponed because of snow.

I don't blame the Philly fans. You know they would have been out in force on Sunday night. Drinking beers and shouting down any a-hole who happened to wander into the crowd wearing Giants gear. The Philadelphia sports fan is salt of the Earth, beer swilling and hard working.

They don't stop because of snow.

Which makes is more curious that they stopped this game. What could be the angle? To make sure that Michael Vick will lead your fantasy team to the promised land?

Good lord, with benching players because of concussions and not letting them play in the snow, what the hell is happening with the NFL?

Some other quick notes.

GOOD TO see that Eli Messiah is the bust that we all knew he was. You know it is December football when Eli is making the crucial mistake in a huge game.

I don't want to say that Eli's game was ugly, but Bob Barker is suggesting a face lift. (And what is up with Barker? Spade, neuter and give your dog a face lift immediately.)

The Giants are going to finish out of the playoffs. And if there is a God, it will be the 7-9 Seahawks making the playoffs, and the 10-6 Giants missing out. That would be justified for having Southern California suffer through all of the Giants games locally.

Honestly FOX, continue to put the Giants on local TV because the last couple of weeks have been the most satisfying we have seen in a long time.

BTW, the Packers have become kind of America's team. If they can get loose in the playoffs, look out. QB Aaron Rodgers is just a step away from superstardom.

HOW COME former 49ers coach Mike Singletary gets to take the easy way out and not have to finish up the team's dismal season? There was almost a part of me rooting for the 49ers to win the division just so Singletary could keep his job. The only thing more hilarious than his sideline rants is his revolving door at quarterback.

Singletary would make a great coach at the NCAA Divison II level.

KIND OF a mixed back for the Mountain West this week. San Diego State and Boise State looked really strong. The Aztecs were much tougher than Navy. And the Broncos beat Pac-10 bound Utah.

But what the (expletive) happened to Hawaii? Wow.

If Brady Hoke stays at SDSU, it will become the premiere program in the conference, surpassing Boise State in the near future.

And when they make the story of his life, Jeff Garlin will play him.

THE CHARGERS really f-ed themselves this year. And the team is even stumbling in December. But it is not time to pull the plug on the entire organization. At some point, the owners need to go to general manager A.J. Smith and say, fire Norv Turner or you will end up on the street, too.

And every fan of a team currently or possibly looking for a coach next season -- the Cowboys, 49ers, Browns -- is going to eye Jon Gruden. And who wouldn't?

But sources have long told me that Gruden has resisted NFL jobs hoping that the Chargers gig would someday open up. Gruden knows that Turner is not long for the coaching job in San Diego. And it was only a matter of time before he got his chance.

Gruden and Philip Rivers. That makes a lot of sense. If you look at all of the jobs that are either available or that will come available, San Diego is the top gig.

The only problem is that the impending lockout could delay a change. And if there is a shortened season/training camp, nobody is going to make a move.

In other words, it looks like another season of Turner on the sidelines, and Gruden waiting in the wings.

PROPS TO the Chiefs for winning the AFC West.

AND FINALLY ...

That's all I have.

Friday, December 24, 2010

The Weak Ender: Welcome Alyssa



Why Alyssa Milano? I'm locked in a fantasy championship with my good friend Mark D., and I hope this enough to stave off the fantasy gods for a championship. Mark is one of the smartest people I know, however, so who knows if this is going to work.

BTW, if this is your first trip to THN this week, I hate to take time away from our airing of grievances from Festivus. Make sure to check that out. In fact, stop reading this because this is all just filler.

I would like to question why Ohio State players have been suspended for 2011, but they do not have to miss this year's bowl game. Mark May got it right. If you look up hypocrisy in dictionary, you would find the letters NCAA.

Seriously, why are you at work today? Take some time off and go home. Merry Christmas to all. I promise you, 2011 is going to rock.

Jerks.

Wednesday, December 22, 2010

Airing of Grievances




Welcome to Festivus everybody. As you all know, today is a special holiday. And the highlight of course, the airing of grievances.

And I have a lot of problems with you people, and I am going to let you know about it.

The Gomer-loving media. What do you see in this guy that nobody else can see? Liking Gomer is akin to liking Jay Leno. They appeal to the same demographic, and also are ruthlessly conniving. Gomer, like Leno, would lead his own brother into an on-coming defender just to get ahead. One day Gomer is going to be exposed and I will be there to laugh at you all.

And you all know that Gomer is going to win the MVP this year. It is going to happen.

Frozen Yogurt. How and the (expletive) can this country be in the middle of a recession, yet there is a new dog damn frozen yogurt stand on every block. Is this how we are going to get America working again, by making us even fatter?

When did America vote, you know, we just aren't fat enough? Or were they just anticipating Prop 19 passing and trying to get ahead of the curve?

And don't give me that (expletive) that it's fat free. Bull (expletive). Even if the yogurt is fat free, all of the toppings that you are shoving into that seemingly bottomless container is not. What are you piling on, gummy worms, Snickers bars, Big Macs.

Enough people.

And why is this all self-service? When did America show that we have enough restraint and portion control? They had to outlaw super sized fries to get us to stop eating so much. Now you want to turn me loose in a yogurt shop with a bowl big enough to bathe a baby elephant?

Stop it.

And if I am filling up my own yogurt, putting on my own toppings, why and the (expletive) does that jackass behind the counter have a tip jar out there? (Expletive) him, I'm doing all of the work, I'm taking a dollar.

Boston. You (Richards) have been living off the Revolutionary War for way too long. What has Boston contributed since? Clam chowder and a bunch of chicks who look like Eric Stoltz from Mask.


Announcers who say, "It all depends on the spot."
That one explains itself. No (expletive).

Women's basketball. Tell me, what is the most impressive winning streak in a fake sport, U Conn women's 89 consecutive games or the Undertaker's 18 consecutive wins at Wrestlemania. I will tell you which one I actually care about.

U Conn Geno Auriemma said we only cared because his team beat UCLA's streak. Wrong, nobody cares at all.

Being the winningest women's college basketball team is akin to beating the rookie level computer on Madden. Just who is the competition? I am pretty certain that I could walk on to any women's college basketball team right now and start. Give me four months of solid training and I would be the best player on the court.

Women should have the right to play sports. I feel that most women's sports should receive the same funding as men's (football should not count). But don't tell me that the athletes are equal.

Women, you can bring life into this world. You can pass a bowling ball through a space the size of the cardboard toilet paper holder. That is the most impressive thing that any human being can do. But you are not good basketball players.

LA football developers. Why do we again have two competing bids to build a stadium in Southern California? Nobody wants to go to a stadium downtown. Have you ever driven around LA Live during a Lakers game? Great, now add 50,000 more people. This has to be one of the dumbest ideas that has been thrown out there. Unless they plan to build public transportation (which needs environmental impact reports) and a new stadium (which needs environmental impact reports) without public funds they won't get, it certainly ain't happening.

You are not going to make a viable football franchise by sticking it in the middle of downtown LA. Football is a tailgating sport. Nobody wants to pay $7.50 for a large beer at TGIFridays before going to see the new LA football franchise play.

Why did we drive the O'Malley's out of the bidding back in 2003?

Texting and driving. I would rather be behind a drunk driver than somebody texting and driving at the same time. At least the drunk is giving driving all of his impaired attention. Not to condone drunk driving. Not at all, especially in light of Nick Adenhart's killer getting a life sentence.

But if you text and drive, you are worse than a drunk driver because there is simply no excuse.

And what is so dog damn important that you have to text on the freeway. Unless you are texting to say, warn of a terrorist attack, an upcoming tsunami or nude pictures of Cowgirl, nothing can be that important.

Hungarians. Just because.

People who yell, "Don't spoil it for me."
DVRs have made us very lazy in our television viewing. Nothing is appointment TV anymore. But excuse me, your lazy ass is not going to keep me from talking about the season-finale of Dexter the night after it happens.

You have a number of options here. One, get the (expletive) out of the room. Seems simple enough. Either that or just watch the (expletive) show with the rest of us.

And what's worse. Some jackass was talking about The Pacific the other day. And one of our cubemates pipped up, asking for no spoilers.

To which I replied, we drop nukes on Nagazaki and Hiroshima. Japan gets its revenge by selling us overpriced raw fish and (expletive) cars. The end.

Playboy magazine. I know I have mentioned this recently, but why do you need to recycle Pamela Anderson and that annoying Kendra Baskett? Shouldn't you be camped out at Lindsay Lohan's rehab facility?

And why is it that the girls always look better naturally rather than after the Playboy makeover. Look at PMOY Hope Dworaczyk. She's so beautiful, it almost hurts in normal pictures. But her Playboy photos are nothing special.

Don't question me, do your own research.

Angie Harmon. How long before you cut the charade?

TSA screeners. If you really want to lodge a protest at the people who will be screening you at the airport, I have two words for you. Sweatpants, no underwear. That will teach them.

But I have a bigger complaint for the people who complain about TSA screeners. Do you think that this is a picnic for those people? Do you think that they like fondling your junk? That hard-working SOB just wanted a job a few months ago, and imagine his chagrin when they had a staff meeting to announce the new lap-dance policy that they were enacting?

Ok, TSA workers, here are some things you need to be aware of. Make sure you have your contact information updated, guys be ready to grab another man's package, and smoke only during your designated breaks.

Wait, what was that?

Only smoke during your designated breaks.

No, before that.

Oh yeah, you are now going to have spend your eight hour shift handling more balls than Tiger Woods' caddy. Enjoy.

Here's the thing people, just go through the scanner. Nobody is going to keep a picture of your naughty bits. Those pictures make you look like Kevin Bacon in Hollow Man.

And why are women opposed to these scans? Most of you will throw off your top for some plastic beads, but helping to prevent your plane from blowing up just doesn't seem important enough.

NFL Network. Isn't it about time you settled your beef with Time Warner? Or is the eight years that you have lost this battle not enough? The arrogance. Just go on the sports package already. I'll pay the extra money.

You lost, NFLN, time to move on.

And one other thing, NFL Network, you owe me $43 because I had to go to a bar to watch the Chargers game last week. Thanks for nothing you jerks.

FOX Network. Hey (Richards) nobody likes the (expletive) Giants. Quit showing their games. Unless they all end like last week.

To the jerk who stopped following me on Twitter because of my Pearl Harbor joke. Too soon?

Cleveland Sports Fans. You allowed LeBron James to walk through your city unscathed? What happened to the Cleveland I used to know? You should have at least burned down his house in Akron.

The Heisman Trophy. You allowed Reggie Bush to return his trophy, but had no trouble handing one over to Cam Newton? That makes perfect sense.

In opposite land.

The Houston Texans. Why are you not the Oilers? And why aren't more NFL teams wearing their old, old school uniforms? The new stuff is trash, and I'm scared to think of what Nike is going to do once they start making uniforms. As if Oregon was not ugly enough.

Charlie. Why won't you drink with us on Sunday night? What do you think that you do on Monday morning is so important that you cannot have a few beers with us during the Sunday night football game?

Angels fans. Listen, it sucks that we didn't get Carl Crawford. But if I can still pay $6.75 for a 21 ounce beer and not live in Boston, my team is already champions.

Oh yeah, and (expletive) Boston.

And be sure to check out the AofG blog.

Peyton Manning Hates Mormons



Because really, that is the only explanation of why Gomer is trying to get poor Austin Collie killed on the field.

Seriously people, is Collie fooling around with Gomer's side piece or something? This truly boggles the mind.

Tuesday, December 21, 2010

Cowgirl in Playboy next month




Subscribers to Playboy were greeted with a photo of Cowgirl, who will appear in next month's issue under the "Year in Sex." Just as predicted in this very space.

The photos are pre-implant removed, college days photos, just prior to the young Deanna Favre look.

Playboy still has photos of Cowgirl dating back to her college days when she was cashing in any way imaginable and now Playboy will be able to capitalize on her sudden resurgence without having to pay her for a new layout. Genius, really.

The magazine also did this when Kelly Monaco won the first season of Dancing with the Stars.

And as a fan of soft-core porn, this is a win for America.

Sorry for the lack of updates, too. We are looking to acquire more talent to help us kickoff the New Year. If you are interested in applying for a spot, hit us up at the usual.

Thursday, December 16, 2010

The Weak Ender: Chargers moving closer



There was a lot of feedback about Reese Witherspoon last week. Not a lot of it was good. Maybe Olivia Munn will be a little bit better. And I bring her up because she's in a new show on NBC this fall. Perfect Couples. Looks delightful.

THE CHARGERS might just get away with this after all. The Chargers defeated the 49ers -- the last possible loss on the schedule -- and should slide into the top of the AFC West at 10-6. The Chiefs are going to struggle with QB Matt Cassel doing the old man shuffle following an appendectomy.

What would even be better would be for the Chargers to finish 10-6, and the Jets to lose out the rest of the season to finish 9-7 and miss the playoffs, showing that the AFC West is not as dog (expletive) as everybody is led to believe.

Not that I believe that can happen, though.

THE VIKINGS will be playing outdoors (maybe) on Monday Night Football. But if the University of Minnesota's stadium is not ready in time, Lucas Oil Field will be the backup option.

Now some of you believe that this is football as it should be. Out in the elements. Let me ask you then, do you have indoor plumbing? Do you use the internet? An iPod? I only ask because why is some technology good and others are not? If we have evolved as a species to where retractable roofs are possible, why not use that technology?

Do you not use Novocain when you go to the dentist?

Maybe I'm bitter thinking about the number of Super Bowls the Rams could have gone to if the Vikings were playing in an indoor stadium? Or how different the 2009 ALCS could have been if the Yankees had a retractable roof over the new stadium?

But the Vikings are going to give it a go. A Monday night game in the snow with no booze. That sounds like a great time. NFL games are boring live anyway, this should make it worse.

And speaking of indoor stadiums, AEG released its plans for a downtown LA Stadium. Yep, retractable roof in Los Angeles. And it is downtown. Uh, have you ever tried to move around LA Live during a Lakers game? The Lakers/Kings draw around 20,000 fans. A football game could draw 70,000 people.

Good luck with all of that.

And why bother putting a stadium downtown, trying to bring in the transplant fans. All of the real fans live in the burbs. Out where the City of Industry stadium would be built. Listen, the Galaxy play in Carson. LA's NASCAR track is in Fontana. Lets' put the stadium out in the City of Industry.

I mean this is what LA needs, competing stadium bids again. And then the downtown LA stadium will never get built. Ed Roski will grow frustrated -- even though he has all of the environmental impact reports done -- and nothing will happen.

Yikes.

And seriously, Minnesota, no booze at a football game? That's lame.

IS IT fair to say that Cooper Manning is the Khloe Kardashian of the NFL?

JAGUARS COACH Jack Del Rio accused the Raiders of taking some liberties with his players (via FanHouse). Hard to believe that a team led by coach Tom Cable, probably best known for breaking the jaw of an assistant coach, would be taking liberties with anybody.

HEY CELTICS, way to overreact to a regular-season win over the Knicks. You guys are worthless. And about to be irrelevant now that Miami is playing much better.

AND FINALLY ...

THERE WAS a time when the sidelines were like those exclusive men's clubs. Where a man could put on a nice suit, enjoy a smoke and call a football game. Now, the sidelines have been overrun with television cameras, cheerleaders and hanger ons that always seem to get in the way.

Right, Sal Alosi?

The Jets strength and conditioning coach was fined and suspended for tripping Dolphins CB Nolan Carroll. And that brings to mind the notion that while the sidelines have become increasingly crowded, only the players and officials should be allowed on the field. Everybody else should be well behind the sidelines.

And if you don't believe me, just ask former Ohio State coach Woody Hayes, the Stanford band and that bird that flew into Randy Johnson's fastball.

But even then, here are six things that need to be kept off the sidelines.

6. Practical jokes. Bills RB Thurman Thomas was one of the best running backs of his era. But will likely be remembered for losing his helmet prior to the start of Super Bowl (roman numerals). DE Bruce Smith admitted during his Hall of Fame speech that he did indeed hide Thomas' helmet. How did the Bills manage to lose four consecutive Super Bowls?

5. Fans. Ask a football fan who Mike Curtis is, and most will not remember him. Show them this video, and then everybody remembers him. That is probably the best take down of a fan, until this poor bastard was taken down during the Bengals vs. Packers game in 2005. And no, that was not former Packers QB T.J. Rubley.

Or was it?

4. Gatorade. Sure, players need to hydrated during the games. But the act of dumping Gatorade on the winning coach has become so trite, the players have lost the privileged.

3. Snow balls. 49ers kicker Ray Wersching was lined up to kick a field goal in the second quarter during a Monday night game at Denver, but a fan launched a snowball on to the field which caused QB Matt Cavanaugh to bobble the snap. The Broncos' Rich Karlis hit a 24-yard field goal to win the game. Giants fans almost cost their team a victory when they pelted the Chargers sidelines in 1995. But they did cause an injury to Chargers equipment manager Sid Brooks.

2a. Snow plow. In 1982, Patriots coach Ron Meyer ordered snowplow operator Mark Henderson to clear a spot for K John Smith to kick the winning field goal. Hey, that totally seems legal, right?

2b. Visors. Remember how ridiculous Jon Gruden looked during the Tuck Rule game? I guess this goes to show, funny stuff happens when New England plays in the snow.

And great, no retractable roof for them. Though it did work out in the Tuck Rule game.

1. Video cameras. Trust me on this one.

Monday, December 13, 2010

Cliff Lee signs with Phillies, America Wins

Did you ever think you would see a day when the Red Sox would be viewed as the Evil Empire and the Yankees are the sympathetic losers?

Well, nobody is sympathizing with the Yankees. Rather, we are all laughing at them. I don't think that the Yankees fans spitting on Cliff Lee's wife had anything to do with him jumping to the Phillies (and turning down a boatload of money), but you almost hope that it is.

Lee has been very public in saying that he really enjoyed his time with the Phillies, so it is awesome to see somebody willing to put their money where their mouth is. Or at least, leave money on the table to be in a good situation.

And by that token, hopefully Carl Crawford will have his eyes opened to just how awful of a place that Boston is.

Really, what's $142 million when you will likely end up broke and living in your used Honda Civic when your playing career is over?

Thursday, December 09, 2010

The Weak Ender: Gomer finds a team he can beat



But first, Reese Witherspoon is hot now? Like really smoking hot. She was good looking in those Legally Blonde movies and Cruel Intentions, but she has really turned a corner in that new forgettable movie she is in.

Did she sneak up on us in hotness, or is that just me? Moving on.

GOMER FINALLY did find a team that he could beat. And look, he did not thrown an interception against the Titans. Congratulations, Gomer, you did it. But two more Colts linemen went down. That team is screwed.

But if you are into that fantasy thing, Gomer was outscored -- fantasy wise -- by Titans QB Kerry Collins.

THE PATRIOTS will lose this week. Just as soon as everybody is crowning them the best team in the AFC, they will lose to the Bears this week. You know, that is just the way things work in the NFL. You are on top, for what, like a minute before it all comes crashing down?

THE CHARGERS will win. QB Matt Cassel had his appendix removed. Talk about your bad timing. But the Chargers can still run the table -- look at the schedule -- to finish 10-6. I ain't heard no fat lady sing.

ALRIGHT LET'S talk about the elephant in the room. The Boston Red Sox have assembled themselves quite the baseball team this winter. Take that Giants, or winning a World Series based on pitching and timely hitting.

And no doubt, the world will anoint the Red Sox as the AL champions before the season even starts. But there are a few things that the Sox must first deal with.

The first, has extended, uh, training caught up to Dustin PEDroida? Those Mastercard commercials said it all, too small, too slow and no athletic ability. So how did PEDroida find this miracle toxin that helped him become a MLB player?

What about David "Big PEDdy" Ortiz? Is he willing to start his cycle before July? Ortiz gets lazy with his steroid use, that's for sure.

And who is going to pitch for this team? Jon Lester seems pretty good. But can he carry some of the other stiffs on the team?

The Angels are taking a beating right now because they did not shell out for Carl Crawford. And that's fine. But it is insane to pay $20 million for a guy, when you have Mike Trout coming up in the farm system. The Angels make moves when they need to. And while it seems bleak right now, again, I ain't heard no fat lady sing.

AND FINALLY ...



The world is piling on Cowgirl for surfacing Brett Favre's lewd behavior. And some have called her an opportunist.

And for that, I agree. I feel that Cowgirl should have done what other victims of sex scandals should have done and taken the high road.

And gone on Dancing with the Stars.

Tuesday, December 07, 2010

Who won Monday night?

TPM: Long offseason for Chargers fans



The Chargers may have lost the game, but at least they won the postgame brawl. Seriously, Raiders fan, what made you think that it was a good idea to even take a charge at the Chargers fans?

Excuse the delay on TPM, but sometimes real world stuff takes precedence. Including a dark anniversary that happened over the weekend. And I’ll leave it at that.

Except to say that now the Chargers have really depressed me. Reading some of the comments from the previous post, the Chargers season is not a success until the Raiders are swept. Well, maybe the Colts, too. But that’s it.

The Chargers have not quite hit rock bottom yet, but they can certainly see it from here. Though the optimist in my – which I typically keep quelled with bottles of Bushmills – will note that a four-game close out will put the team at 10-6 and there is no way that the Raiders are going to reach that mark. The Chiefs, maybe. But not the Raiders. So there is still hope.

And I don’t want to be one of those guys who hope for losing seasons because it means the coach will be fired. Once Tony Dungy won a Super Bowl ring, that showed that nearly anybody can coach a Super Bowl winner. Even if you are standing at the top of Mount Pious.

One thing that does need mentioning, remember when Patriots QB Tom Brady was just the better real quarterback than Gomer? Now he is a better fantasy option, too.

Brady has been lights out, playing his best football against Steelers, Colts and Jets. You know, the best teams in the conference. Gomer is already in playoff mode, throwing interceptions and having that befuddled look on his face that typically only appears when he makes his biggest mistakes in the biggest games.

Of course, people are wondering what is wrong with Gomer. He’s never like this. And that is somewhat true. See, the Colts don’t typically play many meaningful games during the regular season. And when they are meaningful, he typically folds.

The Colts are just playing more “must-win” games this year. And when the Colts “must-win,” Gomer folds the tent, throws a bad interception and has that look on his face like you would typically find on a pouting Down syndrome child.

And that means it has been a good year. So the Chargers losing to the Raiders sucks. But if the Colts can be held out of the playoffs, then this season must be viewed as worthwhile.

BOISE STATE is going to the Las Vegas Bowl. That’s awesome. Not that you can say that it is much of a surprise. The non-championship bowls are for the big-time schools to take a little vacation and then participate in an exhibition game.

But teams like Boise State and Utah were always messed things up by going out and actually trying during these games. Actually making teams have to play hard. Boise State beat Oklahoma in a memorable game. And Utah embarrassed Alabama in the Sugar Bowl.

Thankfully, these two teams are shuttled off to a bowl where the teams can play to their heart’s content and not bother the big boys.

But a warning to Wisconsin in the Rose Bowl. Texas Christian is actually going to try and take this game seriously. Thankfully the Badgers never mail it in during the bowl season.

I mean, they are not Ohio State.

And finally …

That is all I have right now.

Monday, December 06, 2010

Baseball sucks



And quit smiling Theo, you are no genius. You are just fortunate enough to fleece one of the struggling franchises.

Baseball needs to put a stop to things like this. There is no way this trade should have been allowed. If the Red (rhymes with bunts) get Carl Crawford, too, I'm done.

Thursday, December 02, 2010

The Weak Ender: God Let's Down Stevie



Ashley Judd? Is this just a blatant attempt to give a shout out to our g\pal, Diane? You bet. Sometimes when we are reaching for the Weak Ender girl, we tend to go too slutty. But we will not be doing that this week.

Besides, Kentucky is on our minds because for Wildcats TE Jacob Tamme has been awesome for my fantasy team recently.

So there is a link, albeit a weak one.

ALRIGHT I have come to the conclusion that Auburn vs. Oregon is going to be a pretty good BCS title game. Maybe because Texas Christian can suck it.

Seriously Horned Frogs? Taking the cheap automatic qualifier? The Mountain West would have built a pretty serious case with Boise State, Hawaii, Nevada, and Texas Christian under one conference banner in a few years. Plus Fresno State, rising San Diego State, and Air Force.

That is a pretty good conference right there.

But I'm cool with Auburn and Oregon this year. So it means that one of those teams is going to lose this weekend. Oh hell, watch it be Oregon.

And why is it that the BCS title game falls on a lame day? How is this game not on a Saturday?

BTW, WHY is Auburn QB Cam Newton still allowed to play? I mean, I want to see him play because I enjoy his talent. But the NCAA looks pretty transparent here.

FOR AS many times as legendary quarterback Kurt Warner came out and thanked God following a huge win, it was only a matter of time before a player raised his fists to the heavens after a crucial loss.

Bills WR Stevie Johnson was that player, questioning his faith via Twitter, after dropping the winning touchdown in overtime. (Really, people are Tweeting now instead of praying?)

The Bills players, to their credit, are still sure of Johnson, as many of them rallied around their receiver on Monday offering support. QB Ryan Fitzpatrick told reporters that he had 100 percent confidence in Johnson and that he will keep going the receiver’s way.

Kind of like when Viper told Jester to make sure that Maverick got back up into the air immediately after Goose died in Top Gun.

But can this guy recover or is he destined to be the NFL's version of Rick Ankiel?

Johnson should take a cue from other playeers. Bengals WR Terrell Owens has dropped many passes in his career, but he remains as confident as ever. Owens has never seemed so despondent before… Oh, right.

But still, hopefully Johnson can recover.

God willing.

PATRIOTS QB Tom Brady is bald. That’s right, bald. Or so the reports in the National Enquirer suggests. Brady reportedly is a patient of the Leonard Hair Transplant Association in Cranston, R.I. Meaning Brady’s gorgeous locks are nothing more than a façade. A mere cover-up to one of the biggest sporting scandals since the 1919 Black Sox.

Say it ain’t so!

Apparently, three Super Bowl rings and a supermodel wife are no match against vanity. Then again, none of us have been compared to Jets coach Rex Ryan in the looks department.

But, Tom, whether these rumors are true or not (and I believe everything I read in the tabloids), there is no reason to fear being bald. Sure, we cannot be president (seeing that we haven't had a bald president since Eisenhower). But many bald players have gone on to have great NFL careers.

Here are the six top bald NFL players of all-time.

And point of order, these are hair-thinning bald guys. Not dudes who are bald because it is fashionable. As Larry David once said, you are not part of the bald community.

6. Otis Sistrunk

This might have been a grooming choice, but you couldn't tell at the time. When he took his helmet off on Monday Night Football and Frank Gifford said, "And from the University of Mars ...," you knew you were looking at one of the coolest football players ever. He personified the Raiders.

5. Mel Renfro

When your friends tried to trade you a Renfro football card, you thought that no way this guy was an NFL player. He looked like a friendly neighbor, not one of the most feared defensive players in the NFL. Turns out he was a Hall of Fame defensive back.

4. Y.A. Tittle

Some might argue that the image of Eagles LB Chuck Bednarik standing over a prone Giants RB Frank Gifford might be the greatest NFL photo of all time. But if a bleeding Tittle does not top that photo, it is very, very close. Tittle was an NFL MVP (1963), but the title continued to elude him. But he proudly wore his male-pattern baldness.

3. Jerry Rice

Maybe this was a product of playing way too long in the NFL. But Rice became a member of the bald community later in his career. Though one might say that Rice was able to cover it up earlier in his career with his high-cut fade. During his time with the Raiders, Rice became the first player in NFL history to combine cornrows and a shaved head. Only to be later matched by QB Donovan McNabb.

2. Terry Bradshaw

Bradshaw over Rice? Well, he does have more Super Bowl MVP awards than Rice (three to one). And Bradshaw played the majority of his career as a BA ... a Bald American. Plus Bradshaw starred in a number of movies -- Cannonball Run and Hooper -- with fellow baldy Burt Reynolds. Only a collective effort could keep him out of the top spot.

1. The 1970s Dolphins

Probably the greatest collection of bald players ever. S Dick Anderson, K Garo Yepremian and S Jake Scott all sported the look of the time -- chrome dome and thick, luscious horseshoe of hair. There was no shame. In fact, this is why this team was able to have a perfect season in 1972 and still win the Super Bowl, Tom. There is something to be said for being imperfect in your hair but perfect on the field. Something your Patriots couldn't do. Coincidence?

AND FINALLY ...