Wednesday, June 30, 2010

Tuesday, June 29, 2010

Chargers WR Jackson Heading to Washington?

The relationship between the Chargers and WR Vincent Jackson does not seem like it will end well. The Chargers and Jackson have a father/son relationship similar to Marvin Gaye and his father.

And no, nobody expects any sexual healing.

General manager A.J. Smith has already moved on from Jackson (and OT Marcus McNeill) in his recent comments, as he referred to the enigmatic receiver in the past tense. There is reason to believe that Smith is sincere, and not just posturing for negotiations.

Smith has never shown himself to be a sentimental man (more like semi-mental), having released popular players such as LaDainian Tomlinson, Drew Brees, Junior Seau and Rodney Harrison (though at least two were on the downside of their careers). With DUI arrests (yes, plural) and the possibility of a looming suspension, Jackson might already be out the door in San Diego.

Kevin Acee of the Union-Tribune has suggested the Chargers won’t trade Jackson and reported a deal is not imminent, but sources still tell him that “several teams” remain interested. The Seahawks were the first team linked to Jackson, which makes a lot of sense. Seattle was in the running for Brandon Marshall.

But a new team has emerged, sources told Acee: the Redskins.

This also makes a lot of sense. The Redskins definitely have the resources to sign Jackson to a long-term deal. Jackson is reportedly seeking a “slight bump up from the four-year, $47.5 million deal Marshall received,” according to Acee.

Jackson would make a great impact on the Redskins, speaking as a pure fantasy enthusiast, giving Donovan McNabb a solid receiving threat at receiver to go with tight ends Chris Cooley and Fred Davis. Hard to imagine a more attractive fantasy option for Jackson.

But good lord, it seems like the Chargers are going out of their way to rid themselves of great players.

Erin Andrews Made a Sex Tape To Stay at ESPN?


Erin Andrews should consider firing her agent if she just re-ups with ESPN, which apparently is happening according to various reports.

Hard to imagine that Andrews went out of her way to promote her sex peephole video and appeared on Dancing with the Stars only to take a gig that will have her in Omaha year after year.

I would imagine that Andrews' new deal, if there is one, would consider some cross-platform gigs like The View and Good Morning America. Otherwise she is just squandering her popularity and she will end up going the Lisa Guerrero thing and posing for Playboy.

Strike while the iron is hot, young lady.

Sunday, June 27, 2010

The Post Mortem: Jack Sucks and Life Without Soccer



The thought of Jack rooting for the Yankees has never sat right with me. I do not expect him to root for the Angels, but he should at least pull for the Dodgers. I mean, I have never seen him at a football game, but I have to imagine that he roots for the Dallas Cowboys, too.

How can you be LA's No. 1 celebrity fan, and root for the dreaded Yankees. I mean, I caught myself pulling for the Dodgers yesterday. Or maybe it was for Dodgers fan to shank a one of the d-bag Yankees fans, but still.

Somebody should hit Jack with a halibut and kick him out of his courtside seats at Lakers games. Honestly, this guy does not even wear Lakers gear, but he is at Dodger Stadium -- in the middle of Los Angeles -- supporting the Yankees?

That would be akin to seeing Spike Lee show up to a Padres game in full-on San Diego gear.

Sorry to say this, but Jack kind of sucks. And you are an over actor, too, Jack. You haven't made a good movie since 1996 (Mars Attacks) and Heath Ledger lapped you as the Joker in the newer versions of the Dark Knight.

At least Ledger has the common decency to kill himself before he was seen in public with Lara Flynn Boyle.

Dennis Hopper and Peter Fonda carried you in Easy Rider, too. And for the record, Hopper was better in his Nike commercials that you could have ever hoped to be. In fact, think of any role that Jack has ever played in his life, and realize that Hopper would have dominated that role to a great degree.

Jack, you gravy-trained that one good role into playing the same character over, and over again. Oh no, here's crazy Jack in a mental institution. Here's crazy Jack in a snowed-in cottage. Here's crazy Jack in the Marines.

We get it.

Not to say that you are one-dimensional, but Bruce Willis thinks you need to find more range. At some point, Christian Slater has to think to himself, why couldn't I get tea-bagged by Hopper to have the career that he did. I mean, Christian Slater can raise his eyebrows and play the same character over, and over again.

So here's what you should do Jack. Wear your G-D Yankees hat to Knicks games next year. We don't want you here any more.

ANGELS 3B Brandon Wood hit a grand slam on Sunday afternoon, many hoping that this will be the spark that turns around his season. I am more confident on soccer becoming a major sport in America.

CAN ANYBODY explain how Dustin PEDroida continues to hit so many home runs?

CUBS PITCHER Carlos Zambrano acts like that (likely former) buddy of yours that liked to go to bars, get tanked and start fighting. Except he's completely sober. I am not sure which is worse.

AND FINALLY ...

The sentiment of ignoring soccer for another four years has been popular on the various social networks following the United States being eliminated from the World Cup competition.

But why is that such a bad thing?

Honestly, I look forward to Team USA swimming when the summer Olympics roll around, but I cannot be bothered to follow swimming at any other time. If Michael Phelps was not out there smoking weed and eating 15,000 calories worth of Subway sandwiches every day, I would have no connection to the sport.

Yet, swimming enthusiasts spare us with the notion that swimming is going to be the next big thing. Trust me, it's not.

But soccer enthusiasts always get bent out of shape because of our mild interest in soccer. Why? I like soccer. I am just not going to spend a lot of time watching it when the World Cup is over. And now, the World Cup is over, seeing that the Americans have lost.

Not only that, our 51st state (England) and 52nd state (Mexico) also have been eliminated, too. And honestly, I have not seen Germany bomb England so bad since the Krauts were goose stepping through the Arc de Triomphe.

But thank you soccer, you were fun while you lasted. I enjoyed it. I will likely watch if the Galaxy make the playoffs again. And the Champions League is cool. But come on, the sport is not about to take over.

And why are people saying they are proud of the effort of the American team? This team kept falling behind and then having to dig themselves out of a hole. The U.S. team showed that they had the guns to beat just about anybody (well, maybe not Germany), and should have advanced much, much further.

From a competitive standpoint, I am disappointed with the way that the team finished.

Friday, June 25, 2010

The Weak Ender: America!

How close was FIFA to losing a generation of U.S. soccer fans this week? Good lord, I could have seen the U.S. folding its team if Sam's Army had been denied another victory because of a disallowed goal.

Even the referees that give the Steelers all of the calls thought that was excessive.

Here is something that has bugged me. Americans need to chill the f-out when it comes to trying to change the rules of soccer. Could the game be more exciting? Yes. Is offseason stupid and seemingly impossible to define? Of course. But please stop trying to change the rules of the game.

I have a friend who always wants to change soccer's rules. Endless substitutions. Wider goals. Please stop. Americans pay attention to soccer once every couple of years (or at least I do), so stop pretending like you know everything. I follow soccer about as much as I follow swimming. But you don't see me trying to 'fix' swimming by adding electric eels.

Any columnist who pens a "my ways to fix soccer" needs to block a penalty kick while his hands are behind his head.

Any Google search will show that there are endless, "ways to make soccer cool."

Soccer is never going to be cool. It is what it is. But if you think that Wednesday's game needed any sort of fixing, then maybe you were not watching the same thing as me.

For the amount of effort I put into watching soccer, the game is fine. And on July 11, I will not think about it for another few years. So leave it be.

AND FINALLY

And I do have to say one other thing. A 'friend' on Facebook gets so upset about Lakers flags, status updates on Team USA soccer and other such trivial pursuits that many of us have.

I understand that the Lakers' title did not cure cancer. I know that the Angels win over the Dodgers (5 games to 1 if you are counting) did not stop an oil leak in the Gulf of Mexico. Nor did Team USA win erase all of the anxiety over 9/11.

But if you cannot stop to savor the small victories that life hands you, then why do you bother to get out of bed in the morning?

Let's go America.

Tuesday, June 22, 2010

JaMarcus Russell is Not A Smart Man

You might conclude, by JaMarcus Russell‘s ill-fated stint with the Raiders, that the former first-overall selection did not have the heart of a champion.

But he apparently has guts.

Russell attended the WBA super middleweight title fight between Andre Ward-Allan Green on Saturday night. The fight was held in Oakland at the Oracle Arena.

Russell arrived late and apparently tried to camouflage himself in Alabama gear (strange considering that he played at LSU) and sunglasses. But Jerry McDonald of the Contra Costa Times notes that the astute Raiders fans sniffed him out.

The boos started growing as an usher helped Russell find his seats. A Raiders fan wearing a crisp, new Rolando McClain jersey (No. 55), stood up and began taunting Russell, asking him for his money back on his season tickets. He’ll have to get in line, given that Al Davis wants $9.55 million of money he paid out to Russell as part of a grievance.


Showing up in Oakland after his flameout with the Raiders shows that he might have more guts than brains. Like if BP chief executive Tony Hayward showed up on the Bayou and ordered some shrimp.

Monday, June 21, 2010

Do Not Give Yourself a Nickname

Kobe's idiocy in his insistence that we all call him the 'Black Mamba' is exceeded only by his willingness to wear a 'Black Mamba' T-shirt at the Lakers parade. First you think of Jeremy Piven telling a young John Favreau to not wear the T-shirt of the band he is going to see, sprinkled in with Gunnery Sergeant Tom Highway (Clint Eastwood) telling the marines of Recon to strip off those T-shirts.

So in order to not be "that guy," Kobe should strip off that T-shirt as long as it's not the "same as me."

And yes, I realized that I pulled deep quotes and references from movies many of you have not seen. For that I apologize, but feel that it is apt.

Although, in a town where the majority of celebrities -- save the Red Hot Chili Peppers and Hilary Swank -- refuse to wear Lakers gear to Lakers games, can we really be so surprised by Kobe's self promotion of one of the worst nicknames imaginable? A nickname that many -- including yours truly -- will even acknowledge.

We are not too many summers removed from Kobe parading to all kinds of national radio shows demanding a trade, deriding Andrew Bynum and basically acting like a jagoff. So I will gladly cheer on Kobe as he delivers the Lakers another title, but stuff like the 'Black Mamba' T-shirts are a little much.

First Look: White Pants; Not a Good Look For A Man

Did anybody else notice that there was an inordinately large amount of golfers wearing white pants on Sunday? Was this some sort of Wimbledon tribute or something?

I will say, though, that this new tradition of having golfers pound a 12-pack before golfing is pretty cool. That was some real golf out there. What's next, cart girls? Do a shot on every whole? Playing with your pants down if you cannot get it past the women's tees?

But it was fun. Seriously, though ... who won?

Thursday, June 17, 2010

Special Edition: America Wins!

Adam Morrison now has one less ring than Larry Bird. Morrison is just one ring away from being the Great White Hype and the Basketball Savior. How does that taste, Boston?

The Lakers win was a great win for America. Although, one of my friends on Facebook -- who is a Celtics fan -- tried to lay claim to the U.S. soccer team. Sorry, doesn't Al Queda have a soccer team you can root for? Because rooting for the Celtics is the same as rooting for terrorism. America is behind the Lakers. Nobody, outside of about million people in Boston even care about the Celtics.

And can I ask this? Can we trade Massachusetts for Mexico?

Phil Jackson drew some heat a few days ago when he said that the Celtics like to fold in the second half. The Celtics did not complain. Because they knew he was right.

Even Shaq had to come out and say that Kobe is the man, now. Although, I would not put him in the class of Magic Johnson -- the greatest player of all-time. Maybe I am romanticizing the past, but I cannot remember Magic having a game like Kobe did in Game 7 of the NBA Finals.

And speaking on that, in my lifetime, the Lakers have own the Celtics. Just like Magic owned Bird. Morrison is on the verge of owning Bird. Kobe owning nearly more rings than the entire Celtics team combined, let's put to rest the notion that the Celtics are the premiere franchise.

Even Bill Russell realizes this. As you may have noticed, he was all over the Lakes podium. Sure he was giving out the MVP award, but still, do you think Magic would have looked that happy to be there? But you cannot blame Russell for wanting to associate with a winner.

And on the note of winners, how come the Buss kid was not allowed to talk this year?

One other note, Rasheed Wallace tried to go into the official's dressing room. Seriously Boston, do you try to be this douche-like?

The last note I have, we live in a wonderful neighborhood. The kids were walking around chanting "Boston sucks" after the game. I love those kids.

Honestly, this is a great day to be an American. God bless.

A Picture's Worth

The Weak Ender: Andrews' Attractive Free Agent

Erin Andrews told the USA Today recently that she is surprised that her sex tape and run through Dancing with the Stars has led to a flood of offers (not that kind sickos), with her ESPN contract expiring on July 1. Seriously, that is what she looked like when she found out.

"It's actually been surprising. I will be honest: I did this show to get happy. I never thought of what it would do for me in my career. It's crazy."

Yeah, that seems pretty sincere. Kind of like a politician's campaign promises. Come on, you did not think it would help your career at all? Then why wait until you are on the verge of free agency to have a sex tape leak? To be on Dancing with the Stars? This could not have been the first time the show asked you.

Oh well, enjoy sparring with Elisabeth Filarski on The View.

SOMETIMES YOU wish that Joe Theismann would really come out of his shell and lay into a player. And yes, that last statement was facetious. Theismann is one of the go-to guys for outspoken opinions. If you want Joe Montana to lead your team on a two-minuted drive, Theismann is one of the first choices if you need a two-minuted soundbite.

So you can imagine Theismann has a pretty strong opinion about the recent stalemate between the Redskins — his Redskins — and enigmatic DT Albert Haynesworth. Theismann appeared on SIRIUS NFL Radio’s “The Sirius Blitz” on Wednesday, and called Haynesworth a “classless” player. (Via the Red Zone.)

“Lets just put it out there, we’re not looking at Albert Haynesworth as a very standup individual, ok?” Theismann said. “So the fact that he took the money — which he had rightfully coming to him — doesn’t surprise me. But I remember last year sitting down with him before the season, when he signed the big contract, and everybody talked about ‘Hey look, are you gonna be a guy who gets the money and runs?’ And he told me point blank, he said ‘I want to be not just the best defensive player on the field but the best player on the field.’”

Do not fret, Theismann was not done. Here are some of the other highlights.

  • “He’s not a team player. He doesn’t give a damn about anybody but himself, which has become painfully obvious. And you know what, Albert doesn’t care what anybody says. He’s pocketed 21 million dollars.”
  • “And he’s classless, ok? I mean, there’s nothing else that you can say, but the man has very little respect for teammates, very little respect for anyone. Last year at the end of the season, he chose to stay home on Christmas Day to open presents and not go to work when every other member of the football team had to go. That, to me, spoke volumes about Albert Haynesworth. You have a person that the Redskins are gonna be much better without than with.”
  • “He really offers nothing as a person, as a player, as a teammate.”
  • “He’s selfish, but he’s also limited in what he can do.”
  • “He doesn’t respect authority. He only respects his own opinion, and he has a very lofty opinion of himself.”
If Theismann’s quotes were a tackle, Lawrence Taylor would be waving to the trainers on the sidelines to come attend to Haynesworth.

THE CHARGERS will be moving on from WR Vincent Jackson and T Marcus McNeill, at least if the comments from A.J. Smith are any indication. The embattled general manager talked about Jackson and McNeill in the past tense in a report in the San Diego Union-Tribune.

“We lost a couple of great players today, and it hurts,” Smith said in response to a question about the Chargers being better with Jackson and McNeill. “We are trying to build a championship team, and losing the services of both Vincent and Marcus just made that more difficult — but not impossible. In due time, Coach (Norv) Turner will name two new starters. We will rally as a team, compete and try to win as many games as we can.”

The Chargers recently signed WR Josh Reed and T Tra Thomas in anticipation of Vincent and McNeill holding out until November. Both Jackson and McNeill are expected to rejoin the team in November to accrue a season.

This is also a huge blow to fantasy enthusiasts, too. Jackson is a Top 10 fantasy WR, or near it depending on your rankings. Jackson’s loss also impacts the value of QB Philip Rivers, who is expected to lean on talented but untested receivers such as Malcom Floyd, Legedu Naanee and Buster Davis. And what about running back Ryan Mathews? This could work in concert with Norv Turner‘s desire to give the rookie 320 attempts.

GOOD LUCK to the Devils and Bruins in the College World Series. And props to Utah on going to the Pac-10.

AND FINALLY ...

RB LenDale White is dealing with something he has likely not faced in his entire football career — humility. The outspoken White told the Tennessean that he has been humbled by his recently release.

White looked like he was destined for a second chance in Seattle, playing for former coach Pete Carroll. NFL pundits and fantasy enthusiasts figured that White would eventually take over the top spot on the Seahawks’ depth chart. Instead, came his stunning release which left White to wonder what exactly happened.

“No one told me why I was really released, so I don’t really know and I don’t like to comment on what-ifs or why,’’ White told the Tennessean.

“Obviously it didn’t work out for a reason. But … I love football and I am going to work hard. I did work hard. I look myself in the mirror and there are things I obviously need to change and I am working on that. But I had no clue it was coming. It’s crazy, really.’’

White alluded to a possible suspension and his past dalliance with marijuana, saying that, “the stuff that I did in my recent past caught up to me in the present and it’s affecting my future.”

Even if a suspension is looming, being released by your college coach seems a bit harsh. Especially when you consider that coach Carroll stuck with the University of Southern California and did not go scampering for an NFL job when the possibility of probation loomed.

Alright, that last comment might have been facetious, but White apparently agrees.

“Pete Carroll? The same Pete Carroll who ran out on ’SC?” said White, shaking his head. “I have no comment on Pete. I better wait ’til I’m on a team one day before I say anything.”

You kind of hope for White to land on a team soon so he can really unload on Carroll and the USC situation. White might not be Theismann, but he is outspoken in his own right.

Are We Moving to a Super Bowl Monday Holiday?

The NFL released a proposal today about a possible 18-game regular season. What would happen is that there would be two preseason games, followed by a bye week, followed by an 18-game regular season.

First reaction is good, preseason games blow. The players can moan, talk about their legacies and their health after football. But with everything they are shoving into their bodies (let’s be real), this argument does not hold water. And really, hockey players play 82 games – sometimes with the Olympics mixed in – so it is time for these guys to butch up.

And if you are concerned so much about your body, here is a suggestion. Do not play football.

The cycle is broken!

Lost in all of this is that bye week between the two preseason games and the start of the regular season. If the league continues its current schedule with an extra week pushed in to the current schedule, the Super Bowl would be played on the second weekend in February.

Otherwise known as President’s Day Weekend.

That is right, the league could be moving in having the Super Bowl over a long holiday weekend, meaning the average Joe would have the Monday after the Super Bowl off. I am not sure why the league is not making a bigger deal out of this. Because having a Super Bowl Monday would put everybody on the owner’s side on this one, and attempt to shame the Nancy-boy players into playing some extra games.

Tuesday, June 15, 2010

This Is What Happens When You Try

Don't tell NBA players, but there seems to be a correlation between effort, hustle and winning. Because that is exactly what the Lakers brought to the table on Tuesday night, and no surprise, they emerged victorious.

I did, however, stay away from the postgame press conference, just incase Derek Fisher wanted to break out into tears after winning a game that did not quiet seal the title. At some point jubilation gives way to the notion that the Lakers could have wrapped this up in six games if they had performed this well in Game 5.

Oh, and I'm not buying this Kendrick Perkins thing, either. The Celtics knew they were doomed so they are pulling this stunt. Seriously, I have watched too much WWF to realize that Perkins is not hurt and that he will be on the court Thursday night. Because honestly Boston, with all of your flopping, Paul Pierce in a wheel chair antics, you cannot fool us anymore.

Monday, June 14, 2010

The Post Mortem: This Post is Vuvuzelas Free

That was awesome of David Beckham to show up for the United States vs. England World Cup match, but why was he sitting on England’s side? You mean to say that he is not a part of Team USA?

Although, if Beckham played for America because of his Galaxy ties, I am sure many astute English observes would note that Tim Howard should be playing for England because of his Everton connection.

We will stick with Howard, thank you.

Because, as you can tell, goalkeeping means a lot in soccer. (Yes, that was a near Steve Bisheff-level of obviousness.)

For all of the congratulations and good feelings following America’s draw with England, there is something missing. I know that the U.S. does not have the soccer tradition of our European allies, but surely the States should be expected to beat a country like England right? I have to figure that are more students at Cal State Fullerton than in the entire country of England.

Honestly, England is a small Island nation. Surely we could find enough people in our country to be good at soccer right? And if we don’t China certainly will.

So I am here to say that we should beat England and be in the mix for the World Cup title. Why not?

And if we do not win, maybe we should take Chris Johnson, Darrelle Revis, Larry Fitzgerald and some of our other top athletes, pay them to dominate soccer, win the 2014 World Cup and then we can forget about the whole thing. How does that work for everybody?

BTW THE Columbian player who was killed for scoring his own goal in the 1994 World Cup thought that Green’s goalkeeping boner was rough. Yikes, he was like Jackie Smith in Super Bowl 13. Even Braylon Edwards thought he should have held on to the ball.

WRITTEN ON our English neighbor’s sidewalk over the weekend: “Who saved you in WWII?”

NEBRASKA IS in the Big Ten (or 12 now). Texas A&M is going to the SEC? All I know is that the people who make NCAA College Football have to be pretty pissed that all of this is happening right now. Though I believe that these conferences switches will not take place next year. Which will make a really strange lame-duck year for conferences such as the Big XII.

THE UNITED States did get a huge win over the weekend ... the Angels swept the Dodgers.

AND FINALLY ...

Vince Young is still stupid.

Sunday, June 13, 2010

First Look: Well, That Sucked

If somebody would have told me that the Angels were going to sweep the Doyers and I was still going to be depressed on Sunday night, I would have said, "Well, I guess that means Fullerton and the Lakers are going to lose."

And that is what happened.

Nobody cares about Fullerton, so I will be brief. The program has gone to hot doggery. Flashy fielding opened the flood gates. If somebody could catch with two hands, the Titans would be in Omaha. The Titans deserved to lose.

So did the Lakers. Being down 3-2 is not the end of the world, at least not with the team coming home for two games. But the Lakers need to put forth a better effort. The Lakers seemed to sleepwalk through the final two games in Boston. Like they shut it down after winning Game 3. Honestly, mailing in NBA Finals games? This makes hoops worse than soccer at times.

I would like to point to the officiating or something like that, but the Celtics were shooting 60 percent on Sunday night. That's awful. Honestly, this series isn't even fun.

Friday, June 11, 2010

The Weak Ender: Lil' Deiter's World Cup Buzz Kill

A famous coach once described soccer the following way: “The ball is round, the match lasts 90 minutes, and the Germans always win. And then they will invade your country AND CRUSH YOU!”

OK, I made the last part of that quote up, but you know it’s true. What? Hey in case you’re counting scores we’ve only lost 2 wars, including ZERO in the last 50 years, while you Yanks are 1 for your last 4. Your reputation has tuned into a joke faster than the Raiders’ “Commitment to Excellence” banner.

What?

Anyway, the dope that owns this site wanted me to write another daily World Cup blog for this site, but my lederhosen are still in a bunch seeing as I haven’t been paid for my 2006 work. So screw that.

So instead I’ve ripped off the Super Bowl Buzz Kill idea that every other NFL site ripped off from THN last season. Except I’m making all my entries short and completely lacking analysis, so that this site’s boss can still have the room to bitch about the NBA refs.


Why Your Team Won’t Win the World Cup, Group A

South Africa: Your team is terrible and your fans’ crappy horns will make the mute button the most used item on remote controls across the globe the next month.

Let’s just say that Matt Damon and Morgan Freeman won’t be filming a movie about this lousy team. 3 and out.

Mexico: Losing to the US at any point in the past 2 years disqualifies you as a contender. You lost 2-0 to the US in a qualifier, although a 5-0 beat down in the Gold Cup last summer redeemed things a little.

At least your fans will feel at home in South Africa’s violent slums.

Uruguay: Cool uniforms, lousy team. 3 and out. Nice headband, Forlan.

France: The cheese eating surrender monkeys will never win a Cup outside their smelly home country which we could take over again in a week if we wanted to. You heard me, Frenchies, WE WILL CRUSH YOU.

Also, too many Arsenal players accustomed to falling short are on this team, so no hope for them.

Why Your Team Won’t Win the World Cup, Group B

South Korea:
One good rule of thumb - if your country cares more about short track speed skating than soccer, chances are you aren’t going to win the Big One. Sorry dog-eaters, crooked refs can’t save you this tourney like they did in 2002. 3 and out.

Greece: Thanks for screwing up the world economy last month, jerks. Karma is a bitch.

Argentina: Soccer’s version of Isaiah Thomas ‘coaches’ this team. Always fun to watch a car crash in slow motion. Anything beyond the semi-finals isn’t going to happen without Cambiaso on the team.

Nigeria: If Lil Dieter can’t name 3 players on your team, your team isn’t going to win it all. I can name 2 players from Nigeria.

Why Your Team Won’t Win the World Cup, Group C

England: First off, Tiger Woods laughs at your former captain John Terry’s lame attempt at having affairs. That’s really the best your country can do? (If you are wonder who that broad is in the photo, look no further.)

Secondly, in 2002, after predictably losing to Brazil in the quarterfinals, I heard an English fan lament the loss, saying that “was the best team his country ever had.” My response was “any team with Emile Heskey on the field in a do-or-die match it is not your country’s best team.”

Eight years later, and that donkey Heskey is still on your team! Unbelievable. Have fun losing in the round of 16!

USA: Your best central defender hasn’t played a full game in 9 months, your best hope for having a strong central midfield (Maurice Edu) likely won’t see the field because he plays the same position as the coach’s son, and you fastest attacker nearly died last year and isn’t on the team. And Jonathan Borenstein is on the roster. Good luck with that.

Algeria: If Lil Dieter can’t name 3 players on your team, your team isn’t going to win it all. I can’t name one Algerian.

Slovenia: Is this really a country? Has anyone checked a map to confirm this?

Why Your Team Won’t Win the World Cup, Group D

Serbia: I think this team might be good enough to reach the final 8. Or maybe that’s Slovenia. I can’t be bothered to figure out the difference between the two countries.

Ghana: Michael Essien is one of the world’s best players. Too bad he’s hurt. 3 and out.

Germany WILL CRUSH YOU AND ALL THAT STAND BEFORE IT.

Other than hiring Tony Fundee as a goalkeeper coach last November, the German team has been a machine the past 2 years. Losing overrated prima donna Ballack last month will improve their camaraderie and only makes them stronger.

Australia: Losing to the US at any point in the past 2 years disqualifies you as a contender. Australia lost to the US 3-1 last week.


Why Your Team Won’t Win the World Cup, Group E

Netherlands: I don’t want to say the Dutch are sissies, but Robin Van Persie just tweaked a hamstring reading this line. Fun team to watch except for that greasy-haired jerk Dirk Kuyt, but good luck getting him, Van Persie, Robben and Snyder past the round of 8 without an ambulance driving onto the pitch.

Denmark: I don’t think Nicklas “pants on the ground” Bendtner and Ben Roethlisberger should ever be allowed to party together.

Japan: A predict a sneak attack against Cameroon on June 14, a strong early campaign, followed by an epic beat down at the hands of a superpower later in the tournament. What?

Cameroon: If Lil Dieter can’t name 3 players on your team, your team isn’t going to win it all. I can name one player from Cameroon.

Why Your Team Won’t Win the World Cup, Group F

Italy:
Jesus, is this preview over yet? Anyway, if any team is going to repeat as champs anytime soon, it won’t be Italy. Creating, diving d-bags. The only reason Italy’s Inter Milan won everything on the club level this year is because genius coach Jose Mourinho wisely opted to play anyone other than Italians.

Paraguay: Striker Salvador Cabanas was shot in the head by an angry fan in January. As Andres Escobar can attest, South American fans used to wait until their team crashed out of the World Cup before they’d get shot. A sign of the times, I guess.

New Zealand: Who invited these no-talent clowns to the world’s best tournament? Go back home and eat some ice cream.

Slovakia: Seriously, you want me to differentiate between Slovakia, Serbia and Slovenia? C’mon. Not going to happen. Although Goodell’s more likely to put a new NFL franchise at one of those places before he gives L.A. a team.

Why Your Team Won’t Win the World Cup, Group G

Ivory Coast:
Chelsea striker Didier Drogba appeared to be in a lot of pain last week when he broke his arm in a match, yet no one on the field appeared overly concerned at the time. That’ll happen when you’ve spent the past 5 years faking injuries over and over again. Karma’s a bitch, Didier.

Portugal: THN’s newest nickname: Cristiano Manning

Brazil: Even though they won 3-2, Brazil came close enough to losing to US in the Confederations Cup last year to not be considered a genuine contender.

North Korea: The first night game this country plays in will also be the first time their backwards-ass country’ s players will have seen the light bulb in use. 3 and gone.

Why Your Team Won’t Win the World Cup, Group H

Honduras:
Losing to the US at any point in the past 2 years disqualifies you as a contender. Honduras must’ve lost to the US five times in the past two years. Maybe the worst team in the tournament.

Chile: My god, this preview is longer and more painful than watching a WPS match. I can’t name anyone on this team, but they might be a surprise quarterfinalist.

Spain: The world’s “best” team lost 2-0 to the US last year. You’re no better than Honduras, Spain. And your midfielders are midgets who will break down at the hands off a stronger team later in the tourney. It is likely that Germany will be the ones TO CRUSH YOU.

Switzerland: Why hasn’t your country been annexed yet by my country? We will CRUSH YOU.

Thursday, June 10, 2010

Wait, what ... USC was cheating?

The sharks are circling.

Rivals of the University of Southern California football program already are having fun with the Trojans, who will receive NCAA sanctions.

Former Cal and current Packers QB Aaron Rodgers fired the first salvo (via Twitter on Wednesday night), taking aim at current teammate Clay Matthews, who played at USC.

“Looking forward to getting my PAC-10 championship ring from the ’04 season. Thanks @claymatthews52,” Rodgers wrote.

Matthews, of course, answered back via Twitter with nothing about admiration for his signal caller.

“I love this dude @AaronRodgers12!! Quietly emerging as 1 of the most outspoken QB’s in the NFL… That’s my quarterback *T.O. cry*,” Matthews wrote.

Yeah, these guys really give a (expletive), with all of the money they were taking in. Expect more to follow as the announcement has a ripple effect on the NFL.

USC will lose wins and awards and receive a postseason ban. However, it could be argued that the school enacted its own postseason ban earlier this year when it hired Lane Kiffin to be its football coach.

Seahawks coach Pete Carroll, obviously, will be questioned about his timing in returning to the NFL. And now it makes sense why Carroll was so nonchalant about Golden Tate‘s doughnut caper. Angling for a free maple bar isn’t quite on par with accepting a free house in San Diego.

The NFL likely will not levy a postseason ban on the Seahawks, though starting RB Julius Jones might do the trick. And if not, Matt Hasselbeck surely will end their season.

Saints RB Reggie Bush is at the center of the controversy, and his 2005 Heisman could be stripped and handed to Titans QB Vince Young. And as a special bonus for Vince, that trophy has likely violated Kim Kardashian.

Speaking of which, Bush is going to be forced to lose Kim back to Ray J, too. Tough break, kid. The only question left is who gets Matt Leinart's baby? Does he get to keep that?

But the LA Times Sam Farmer might have put it best when he said that with the sanctions, Los Angeles has now lost its third professional football team since 1994. (Well, it's FIFTH considering the Avengers and the Xtreme, but still a decent line.)

Tuesday, June 08, 2010

I tend to agree with Paul Pierce ...

... this series is not coming back to Los Angeles. Hey, he said it, it would be rude to disagree. A couple of shotgun thoughts about Game 3. The first being that there is no way that replay will ever come to baseball after that debacle. That NBA just illustrated that the referees do not know what they are calling half, eh, most of the time. Toughest job in sports, but good lord, get a call right from time to time.

The Celtics should be commended for giving a nod to Team USA soccer with all of the flopping. You know Celtics, you could always try to actually put the ball in the basket from time to time.

Ray Allen, ah, let's not wake him. He is still sleeping.

Was Kevin Garnett this big of a (female dog) in Minnesota, or did Boston do this to him? But congratulations Boston, your fans are quickly gaining on Utah fans as the NBA's worst.

Monday, June 07, 2010

The Post Mortem: Finals a Worked Shoot

Well there is no use getting upset about an NBA Finals game that seems to have about as much legitimacy as your typical WWF match. I know it’s cliché to say, but could the referees be a bigger story about the Finals?

This crew took Ray Allen out of Game 1, and now the crew did the same to Kobe Bryant. You can tell that the NBA fans were tuning in on Sunday night to catch Sasha take on Nate Robinson. The NBA Finals … it is fantastic!

The only thing that you can think about during the Finals – other than how hot are the broads that Jack is checking out – is how much money are these NBA officials making because of their tilted officiating. There is no reason to believe that these guys are not dirty. They are like police officers driving around in $100K sports cars. What is to stop them from making money off the Finals?

For that reason, I refuse to get emotionally invested. Rather just view this as entertainment.

BTW RON Artest was called for a foul in that picture.

Remember the scene in Forest Gump where the Alabama crowd holds up the stop signs to stop Forest on kickoff returns? The Staples Center crowd needs to do that for Artest.

PROMISES, PROMISES. QB Brett Favre vowed to return to play for the Vikings if the Southern Miss baseball team returned to the College World Series. Bad news for Vikings — and perhaps fantasy football enthusiasts — the Golden Eagles were eliminated in the Auburn regional on Sunday.

Southern Miss’ return to Omaha, Neb. — home of the College World Series — was a long shot, as the Golden Eagles entered the regional as the third seed. You almost get the feeling that Favre was making some sort of Todd Gack-like wager (for you Seinfeld fans), knowing that Southern Miss was not going to return.

So this means Favre is gone for good, right?

The Minneapolis Star Tribune says to not read too much into it, saying that Favre going through ankle surgery is probably a better indicator of his true intentions.

You also might have noticed that Cal State Fullerton eliminated Stanford. To be honest, I could not be bothered to watch anymore. Eliminating the Tree is enough.



TO SAY that Madden football is only a video game, would be like saying the Lombardi Trophy is just some award. Alright, that might be a bit of a stretch, but it’s not just the gamers who pay attention to the Madden ratings, the players take note, too.

Remember DeAngelo Hall moaning on his Twitter account last year because he felt that his Madden rating was too low?

Of course, these players could probably be more concerned with actually, you know, working on their skills. But that's just silly.

So you know that players are paying close attention to the Madden NFL 11 ratings, which were released on Monday. This comes as no surprise, but the Saints and the Colts are the top two teams. (via Game Spot).

The Saints (overall rating 92) and the Colts (91) had their ratings fall off the 2010 game, but still hold the top spot. The real question … who is No. 3? That’s the Ravens. Rounding out the top ten are the Jets, Vikings, Packers, Cowboys, Patriots, Bengals and Chargers.

The Chargers had their rating fall by four points. Did LaDainian Tomlinson and Antonio Cromartie mean that much? Or is Ryan Mathews rated way too low?

The Cardinals, however, took the biggest hit, down eight points to 79. Guess that is what happens when your potential future Hall of Fame quarterback — the Kurt Warner Machine — retires, along with a near roster purge on defense.

AND FINALLY ...

Tim Tebow is in the mix to be the starter in Denver? Seriously, Josh McDaniels really does not want to win.

First Look: Happy Birthday, Pally.

Before we start making NBF and its crooked referees cashing in huge last night, let's take some time for remembrance today. Allied troops landed on the beaches of Normandy 66 years ago yesterday. Funny, you do not see the faux-Patriotism on Facebook and other social networks that you do on say, 9/11. Even with a fancy name like D-Day and Saving Private Ryan.

If you want to read more about D-Day go here.

Oh, and today is the Dean Martin's birthday. He would have been 93 today.

Friday, June 04, 2010

The Weak Ender: Lakers

Alright, I will have more latter, but I know that Dr. Doug, Reader Matt P. and Charlie Murphy won't start their day until they see some hottie.

I have some work to do, but promise to be back later. In the meantime, we lean on the comment section.

UPDATE:

Sorry for the delay. But before we get started, does anybody know who played Rue McClanahan's husband on Maude and Gary Coleman's father on Diff'rent Strokes?

Just asking.

GOING TO piggyback off The Hatriot's comment on a previous post, there is no reason to get too excited over the Lakers' win on Thursday night. Even with Phil Jackson's 47-0 record when his teams win Game 1.

The real key here is Game 2. The Lakers cannot allow the Cellbitch to return home with a split, and the potential to close the series out in Boston. This just cannot be done. But if the Lakers want to rebound and play defense they way they did on Thursday night, this becomes less of a concern. But you cannot expect Ray Allen to get into foul trouble every night.

I had some concerns about the Lakers coming into this series, based on what happened in the past. But the Lakers look more mature, and as a friend pointed out, the Lakersr know what they need to do to win. Ron Artest is annoying Paul Pierce who acts like a bully to smaller small forwards.

So far, so good though.

THE KURT Warner Machine was in Chiefs camp over the past couple of days. But before there is any hysteria from other football sites ready to claim this is an indication of the retired QB’s return to the NFL, let’s put it in context.

Warner was a guest of coach Todd Haley, as the two grew close during their tenure in Arizona. Haley, of course, was Warner’s offensive coordinator during the Cardinals’ run to Super Bowl XLIII two seasons ago. So Warner was doing a solid for his friend, taking some time to speak to the Chiefs about what it takes to be great (via the team’s official site).

“I’m telling you Kurt Warner is as good as they come,” Haley said. “I’m not trying to embarrass him, but this is a special, special human being, and I think he’s been pretty well-represented. He’s the type of person that when you’re around, and I said this to a bunch of guys yesterday, he makes you a little better person and makes you a little more accountable for yourself.”

So watching practice, did Warner have a twinge to get out on the field? The quarterback told his Twitter followers absolutely not.

“Sat and watched a whole practice today and not one time did I want to get out there and play… would say I retired at the right time!” Warner wrote.

AND FINALLY ...

The Angels at .500? Believe it!

Thursday, June 03, 2010

Pierce's Idea of a Good Time: Getting Stabbed

Somehow this slipped my radar. LA Times columnist Ted Green recently penned a column recently, giving you a guide to hating the Boston Cellbitches. Green took aim at noted faker Paul Pierce by saying that he:

"flops more than a large-mouthed bass" ...

"acts like he's been hit by a train" when he shoots ...

And this gem:

"By the way, Pierce's idea of a fun night is going clubbing and getting stabbed. Good times!"


That's freaking hilarious. Why the LA Times took that line out is beyond me. Green did not take aim at Len Bias or Reggie Lewis (which would be a riot).

No wonder people don't read newspapers anymore. Have some edge. Besides, after watching Pierce play recently, I am starting to wonder if he was stabbed at all. He probably just flopped when somebody brushed up against him at a bar and hurt himself that way. They likely wheeled him out of the club and then he returned like 10 minutes later to keep dancing.

Wednesday, June 02, 2010

Let's Have a Little Perspective

It did not take long for the Twitterverse and the other social media to start wringing its collective hands after Jim Joyce blew the call that would have rightfully given Armando Galarraga a perfect game. An amazing third perfect game in a month have baseball went well over 100 years with only 18 all-time.

Tweet, after Facebook post after Egyptian hieroglyphics claimed that this was the ... WORST ... CALL ... EVER! Oblivious to Hitler's decision to invade Russia, evidentially.

This is why you grow to hate society, actually. Well, there is more but this a good jumping off point. There is no way this was the worst call ever and not even close to the worst call in the last, what 25 years. I can already think of three that were worse. Don Dekinger cost the Cardinals the 1985 World Series. Jeffrey Maier launched the legend of Derek Jeter (imagine if that would have just been an F9 as it should have been). And let's not forget Doug Eddings in the 2005 ALCS.

Heck, if you want to put Eddie Guns in here for his bad call against the Chargers in 2008 and the phantom pass, feel free.

The point is, all of those calls came during the postseason. At least one cost a team a world championship. One might have killed a franchise. And the other possible started the Ohio State of the MLB.

At least Galarraga kept perspective by acknowledging that his team still won the game. Not to go Herman Edwards here, but you play to win the game.

Of course, we could cry about replay. I don't know. Baseball is one of the few sports that still embraces its past. The NFL puts its players on the streets to die. The NBA is featuring its two storied franchises once again playing for the finals, but it's LeBron James who will be on Larry King Live on Friday night to talk about his impending free agency. So if baseball wants to continue to toil in the human element, so be it.

Although those excessive delays wouldn't matter much to Angels fans because the beer cutoff does not come until the end of the eighth inning. And for those of you who believe that Galarraga was robbed of a celebration, how different would it have been if -- after that play -- the umpires huddled in the dugout for five minutes and then gave him the perfect game.

Would have been around the game. The Tigers fans should look at the bright side and rejoice that nobody was harmed in an excessive celebration.

And was we know, that would have been the WORST ... INJURY ... EVER.

So let's not lose our perspective here. It's not like Joyce is allowing that underground pipeline to continue to pump oil into the Gulf Coast. And let's move on.

Jerry Jones wants team in LA?

Cowboys owner Jerry Jones is very excited about having an NFL team in Los Angeles. Really? Then how come the Cowboys have a brand new stadium in Arlington, Texas instead of Los Angeles? He could have easily made a move.

But I digress.

Jones told the Los Angeles Times that he is supportive of a stadium in downtown Los Angeles, the idea recently floated by Casey Wasserman and Tim Leiweke. (And not to toot my own horn, but I said that when Wasserman folded the Avengers, he would be involved in getting a team back to Los Angeles. Which was scoffed at by somebody who knows who he is.)

But here is what Jones had to say:

“They are so credible and so substantive…. Leiweke has the utmost respect in the National Football League, and I have the most respect for everybody involved,” he said. “With all of that in mind, and with a real passion to have a team in Los Angeles, I like the way this thing is starting to sound.

Jones said that a multi-use stadium “makes sense” and that he can speak to that better today because of his experiences with his own new stadium.

“It makes a lot of sense for downtown Los Angeles,” he said. “It’s what you’re looking for. You’re looking for people that are passionate and interested enough in a team and in sports. You’ve got to have that.”


Let's read between the lines here. Jerry does not care about a team coming to Los Angeles. But Ed Roski's group is so close to putting a shovel in the dirt, the allure or threat rather of moving a team to Los Angeles is losing steam. Teams threatening to move to LA will have to put up or shut up because Roski is ready to make this happen tomorrow.

So Jones is endorsing a site that is still five or six years behind Roski, meaning the threat will loom long enough for stadiums to be built in San Diego, San Francisco/Oakland and Minnesota. But with Roski ready to, moving to Los Angeles is becoming an empty threat.

The NFL is playing competing sites against themselves like it has done if the past. What is going to happen here is that the NFL will -- in the near future -- endorse the downtown Los Angeles site, meaning the Roski group will eventually lose any momentum that it has. So Roski will go away, and then the downtown LA group will spend five years doing studies only to, in 2016, announce that a downtown LA stadium is not feasible.

And those previously mentioned sites will have new stadiums, and the NFL can find a new LA site to force Pittsburgh, Seattle, Tennesee and Cleveland to build new stadiums because its current venues are obsolete. And before you claim, 'but those teams built stadiums recently.' Well, that is how fans in Minnesota likely feel right now. Honestly, we are only a few years away from the Orioles crying for a new stadium.

My advice ... if you want to ever see a team in Los Angeles, back the City of Industry site.

Tuesday, June 01, 2010

The Post Mortem: Of course, it happened to the Angels

Sometimes you have to marvel at how the Angels were able to win a World Series in 2002. Because no franchise seems to be as -- dare I say -- cursed than the Angels.

Of course, Cubs fans will likely have some say in this. But understand that the Cubs had a huge, huge head start in futility and have had nearly 100 years to perfect it. The Angels have only been around since 1961.

The Angels billboards around town have been promoting tradition. As in three name changes, numerous uniforms and an inordinate amount of bad luck.

Donnie Moore, Gene (expletive) Mauch, Mo Vaughn falling into the dugout during his first game ... No need to go on here.

So when you thought about a player having his season end after a walkoff grandslam, there was nobody else other than Kendry Morales and the Angels it could happen to.

Think about it. On Thursday night, Ron Artest is mobbed by his Lakers teammates after making the winning basket in Game 5. He does not get hurt. Because this kind of stuff doesn't happen to the Lakers. Mostly, it happens to the Angels. (Though Magic Johnson and Byron Scott's hamstrings might beg to differ.)

Watching Morales lay on the ground was one of the most sickening scenes that I have had to endure in sports. If only because the ultimate swings in emotions. The Angels did not have a grand slam during the entire 2009 season. And to win a game against the Mariner with a grandie was awesome.

Oops, I sure hope he is joking around there is the phrase that I said when he first went down. Followed, of course, by a string of profanities.

And it wasn't so much that Morales was hurt for the year. But now he becomes the Bill Gramatica of football. A laughing stock for a franchise that has worked so hard to shake that label.

Tuesday, of course, brought what you would expect. Jim Rome tried to be funny when talking about it, but failed like one of the comics you would expect to find at some hotel ballroom in Aliso Viejo.

Just awful.

And really, the Lakers kind of helped take the sting away. But this one really killed. Hopefully Mike Napoli can continue his hot streak, take over 1b, and the bullpen can pull their collective heads out of their (expletives). Heck, even Scot Shields pitched a scoreless on Monday.

But still, nothing takes the sting away from once again being a laughing stock again.

AND FINALLY ...

I will admit it, I raced in from a pool party to see Howie Kendrick's walkoff celebration on Sunday. Strange.