Friday, May 28, 2010

With the Indianapolis 500 coming up, I think we can all agree that we want Ashley Judd's husband to win. Honestly, is there anything else to root for?

I have nothing else.

The Lakers survived on Thursday night. Hey, nothing like drinking up on a Thursday night, what a great game. Now, I hear a lot of people complaining about the NBA playoffs. To be honest, I feel that the NBA is booking the playoffs the right way. Booking the Lakers in a 4-0 sweep over the Jazz was good. But the NBA had to book the Lakers over the Suns in six. Makes Phoenix look pretty credible.

But, I have to admit, I am loving the way the NBA is booking the Magic vs. Cellbitch series. Now it seems like the NBA wants to put over the Cellbitch here. And that's cool. Pushing the Magic is like the WWF pushing Sheamus. Having young blood in the championship round is cool, but it's not quite the same as having traditional powers.

So here is where I credit the NBA. They could have had the Cellbitch go over the Magic in six. And really, it would have been ho-hum. But having the Cellbitch sell a possible 3-0 collapse ... genius. With the Red Sox rallying from an 0-3 deficit, the Bruins felling to a 3-0 advantage, booking Boston to tease a 3-0 fold ... awesome.

I don't believe that the Magic will push a seventh game. But booking Orlando to win two consecutive games to push the tease, well, I am a fan. Well done, NBA. Your booking committee puts the WWF to same.

That is why people think the NBA is legit, and the WWF is fake. Really, great work all around.

BIG PROPS to KC for a stellar Wednesday column about the UNLV assistant coach. Expect to see more KC around here.

BIG BEN is able to practice. Good to see the NFL is cracking down on its suspensions.


IT'S THE end of an era in Minnesota. Vikings fans will ask for generations, “Where were you when you found out Jared Allen cut his mullet?”

Allen’s mullet is an indelible image of the Vikings, much like the cold rising from the frozen turf of Metropolitan Stadium. But like the old Met, the mullet is no more. Just another legend in the storied history of the Vikings.

Imagining Allen without his mullet would be like picturing Billy Johnson without his white shoes, Lester Hayes without Stickum coating his hands or Brett Favre in a Vikings uniform. (All right, scratch the last one but add your own in the comments.)

But how could this happen? Well, some people claim that there is a woman to blame. And indeed, Allen cut his mullet for his upcoming wedding.

“The things men do for love,” Allen told the team’s official Web site.

But to quote the great Meatloaf, “I will do anything for love, but I won’t do that.” Seriously, she went into this relationship with Allen and the mullet, but I digress.

The only question left, will those locks go up on eBay?

THE RAIDERS want a refund from JaMarcus Russell because he failed to live up to expectations. That is a horrible precedent for the Raiders to set. What is going to stop season ticket holders from suing the team for failing to live up to expectations? Raiders fans have a class-action suit waiting to happen.

Well, if they were not too stupid to make it happen.

Imagine Raiders fans suing Al Davis for ruining the team. Javon Walker's contract would be exhibit A.

Come on Raiders fans, make that happen.

AND FINALLY ...

Probably the best news ever, Pat Tillman will go into the College Football Hall of Fame. Maybe someday the NFL will stop being ashamed of him and do the same.

Wednesday, May 26, 2010

The Day After "Apology"

When was the last time you apologized the next day to the guy in the bar that you were clowning in a drunken haze the previous night? You know, the Red Sox fan with the cargo pants, tucked in Polo, no belt and Eastland shoes with white socks.

Yeah, exactly....Never.

UNLV assistant football coach Ty Gregorak was arrested in Boulder, Colo., after an incident outside of a strip club earlier this month in which he attempted to makes things right on "the morning after."

Gregorak was given the Heisman from Nitro Club (how original), located in the downtown Pearl Street Mall, by some punk bouncer after he determined Gregorak was overserved at another establishment. Gregorak then, in a fit of rage, somehow tracked down the bouncer's car in the parking garage, broke in and stole a wallet and Glock handgun then took off.

If he was that hammered how did he know which car was the bouncer's? Maybe he got lucky and chose a car that had a neon license plate that said "BADA$$" or the one that was in a blue Handy Man spot with no handicapped hang tag in the rear view mirror.

After waking up the next day and not remembering how the personal items had found their way home with him, Gregorak made a quite noble and unthinkable gesture. Optioning to drive to the bouncer's place of residence to apologize for the previous night's events. The bouncer accepted this grand gesture by calling the cops.

Then came sirens, handcuffs, metal bars and potentially unemployment.

However, perhaps the real morale of the story is...don't go to strip clubs that are located in malls.

Monday, May 24, 2010

The Post Mortem: Get Ready For a Cold Super Bowl

The NFL is inching closer to a cold-weather Super Bowl as New York (New Jersey) is one of the finalists – along with Tampa and Miami – for Super Bowl 48. Of course, many are opposed to a cold weather Super Bowl. This is kind of amusing because almost everybody was excited when they saw snow on the field for the 2007 NFC Championship Game.

So a cold weather Super Bowl seems alright, especially if it’s too teams you don’t care about. Or even better, if it’s Gomer trying to throw the ball during a snow storm. (Of course, this is setting up for the Chargers to be playing for the Super Bowl in the New Jersey snow in 2014.)
So the cold weather thing, that doesn’t mean much to me. Some experts are saying that this opens the Pandora’s Box for other sites. Maybe.

Patriots owner Robert Kraft believes that New York/New Jersey deserves the Super Bowl because of 9/11. That to me, opens the real Pandora’s Box.

So how do you explain pulling the Pro Bowl out of Hawaii? Our 50th state deserves the Pro Bowl every season because of Pearl Harbor. I mean, if we are going to wave the bloody shirt here, why not?

And does this open the door for Washington to get the Super Bowl? What about Pittsburgh? Oklahoma City? Denver (Columbine) certainly deserves to have the Super Bowl, too. New Orleans (oh wait).

This is the Pandora’s Box. What happens if Al Queda destroys St. Louis. Are we going to have a Super Bowl there? What’s to prevent Seattle from welcoming a terrorist attack, just to have another Super Bowl. Yes, that is the real Pandora’s Box.

LET'S BE honest here, too. The Super Bowl is not about real fans. Wouldn't you love to see a Super Bowl where half of the stadium is empty because who got corporate freebies ended up leaving? Either that or scalpers would sell to real fans. To be honest, I am rooting for the former.

IF COLD weather is no longer an option, what are some of the cold weather cities that deserve a Super Bowl? To me, Los Angeles should have Super Bowl 50. That seems automatic. My 1b choice would be Lambeau Field. In fact, the venerable stadium should be in the mix for a Super Bowl regardless. I hate to be one of those guys who say, “This town really deserves it.” But does any city other than Green Bay deserve a Super Bowl?

And hell, the NFL was born in Ohio. Where is its Super Bowl? How about a Super Bowl at Fawcett Stadium in Canton, Ohio? Or maybe Cleveland will do in a pinch.

SO IS Terrell Owens stalking Bears QB Jay Cutler?

Owens, not one to be shy, told the world on his Twitter account (via the Chicago Tribune) that he was going to confront Cutler about coming to Chicago after running into the Bears quarterback on Sunday night. Because, that wouldn’t be a diva-like, VH1 reality show way of handling things.

Seriously, T.O. ... could you be more gay (not that there is anything wrong with that).

“@ underground!! Waiting on jay cutler 2 come n here 2 explain how I wouldn’t fit n their system!! Where u @ Jay?!” Owens wrote.

Oh, but he pulled the rug out from all of us, when he said it was merely a coincidence that he ran into Cutler and TE Greg Olsen in Chicago. Owens claims that he was in Chicago for business and he happened to run into Cutler and Olsen. Crisis averted.

“naww I’m n town 4 business! Just happened 2 run n2 jay,” Owens told the world.

PATRIOTS WR Wes Welker told the Boston Herald that he is well aware of his Playboy image, as pictures of him and Ashley Dupre have made their way around the Web. “It’s funny, man,” Welker told the Herald. “I’ve been working so hard, and it’s like, ‘Oh, Wes is rehabbing at the Playboy Mansion or something.’ I’m like, ‘Dude, it’s one night.’ ”

NEW CB Antonio Cromartie is eager to impress at Jets camp, starting by showcasing his kick returning skills. Coach Rex Ryan said that Cromartie will not be a full-time kick returner, but could be out there in certain situations. Well, anything that keeps him from tackling, I guess.

RAVENS RB Le’Ron McClain is starting a campaign, “MCCLAIN 4 RB.” McClain went from team’s leading rusher in 2008 to blocker for Ray Rice on season later. McClain would like to get some more carries. Fantasy owners are saying: Please no. Seriously, do not give coach John Harbaugh that idea.

AND FINALLY ...

This Angels season is depressing. And I blame the crappy starts to midweek day games.

Thursday, May 20, 2010

The Weak Ender: Fox Out of Transformers

Megan Fox (that's not her) is out for "Transformers 3" ... she's going to be filling in for Ronnie James Dio on the Rainbow in the Dark tour. Don't clap, that was a pure thievery from the Bain. Now Fox had some sort of blow up with Michael Bay during the previous Transformer movie, and you know, she should be careful. A few more diva moments, a bottle of Grey Goose and she could be the next Lindsay Lohan.

These broads need to learn.

But with Fox out of "Transformers 3," that means I have no chance of seeing it. Oh, don't worry, I wasn't going to watch the movie anyway. But now I can pretend there is a reason. And honestly, Olivia Munn (that's her) would be a better choice for that movie. We need a Facebook movement for that. As much as I loved Betty White on "Saturday Night Live," give me an Olivia Munn in "Transformers 3" page immediately.

“Saturday Night Live” does not have the best record for translating sketches to movies — aside from “Wayne’s World” and the “Blues Brothers.” Two others — “It’s Pat” and “Superstar” — drew about as many fans as your typical late-season Jaguars game. And let’s not even talk about “A Night at the Roxbury.”

One has to wonder though, what would have happened had a film on Da Bears Superfans been produced. Fans at this summer’s Just for Laughs festival in Chicago will get a chance to find out with a live reading of Da Bears Movie Dat Wasn’t (via the Chicago Tribune).

“Da Bears Movie Dat Wasn’t” will be a live reading of a never-produced screenplay, to star George Wendt, Joe Mantegna, Robert Smigel, Bob Odenkirk, Richard Roeper (as a narrator) and Mike Ditka (as himself).

The story: Da’ Bears have been sold, and the beloved Soldier Field is to be converted into all luxury boxes for the rich. And here’s the thing: This really was a screenplay, written back in the mid-1990s by Smigel and Odenkirk for Paramount based on characters from the “Saturday Night Live” sketch, said Smigel after the announcement Tuesday. It never got made.

Really? “MacGruber” gets made, but this awesomeness does not? Really, “Saturday Night Live?” Somewhere the “Lady’s Man” gets the green light, and yet this cinematic (just guessing) masterpiece never gets made. Disappointing. Honestly, “Coneheads” … ah, you get the point.

To quote a former SNL castmember John Belushi — “Road trip!” Seriously, a movie with Mike Ditka? The Academy could not overlook this one.

THE CHARGERS have released details on a proposed downtown stadium (via the San Diego Union-Tribune). The current proposal by the team would put a new Chargers stadium just blocks from PetCo Park, home of the Padres. Honestly, anybody who has ever been to a game at PetCo would likely endorse this idea.

Of course, it's not going to happen. Why delay the inevitable here, just move the team to the City of Industry or Downtown Los Angeles. That is going to happen. The way the Padres have bent over San Diego, there is no way a stadium for the Chargers is going to be approved. Watch, the Chargers, Vikings and Jaguars will all be playing here in 2011.

Oh, and the Raiders, too.

PACKERS QB Aaron Rodgers had some pressure replacing legend Brett Favre in Green Bay. But Rodgers does have the endorsement of another legendary Packers quarterback, Bart Starr according to the Green Bay Press Gazette.

Said Starr, “I think he is an outstanding quarterback, and they’re getting an even stronger team around him. I like his style, just everything about him. I think he executes the system, how they run their offense. I’m thrilled that they’ve gotten some offensive support around him. I think he’s going to be a great quarterback.”

Starr also came out and said that Green Bay is really cold.

IF YOU missed it, Brett Favre promised the Southern Miss baseball team that if it reached the College World Series for a second consecutive year, he would definitely come back to the NFL. Millions of football fans suddenly hated the Southern Miss baseball team.

And the bad news for Angels fans, Jared Weaver promised Long Beach State players that the Angels would make it back to the World Series when the Dirt Bags reached the College World Series. Damn it.

AND FINALLY ...

Buccaneers CB Ronde Barber told the Tampa Bay Tribune that he is wary of pursuing a career in television, in the wake of his twin brother, Tiki’s recent dubious publicity.

Translation, Ronde is saying that when he leaves his wife and baby mama for some 19-year old piece of (donkey), he does not want the whole world to know about it. He would rather slut around in the dark, or have people think it was Tiki.

Tuesday, May 18, 2010

The Post Mortem: Do We Want Lakers vs. Celtics?

The Lakers ran the Suns off the court on Monday night, in what can only be viewed as a formality before the NBA Finals. The Lakers are in, the only real concern is how much rest Andrew Bynum is going to get for that knee.

That has folks in these parts clamoring for a Lakers vs. Cellbitch matchup in the NBA Finals. But as that old cliché goes, sometimes you need to be careful what you wish for.

Trust me, there is nothing more that I would love to see than the Lakers breaking off a foot in the Celbitches’ collective bums. But this matchup for the Lakers still poses problems similar to the ones they encountered two years ago. I don’t want to bring down this party and what is considered everybody’s birthright here in the greater Los Angeles area. But I just don’t like this matchup.

Andrew Bynum, of course, would be the key. And he opens up the floor. But what if he is unable to go? I don’t want to be viewed as a heretic here, but how about the Celbitch just goes ahead and loses here allowing the Lakers to face the Magic?

Just saying.

THE COLTS are going to make GOMER the highest paid player in the game. That is inevitable. Colts owner Jim Irsay has also gone on record stating that he will take care of Manning. The price tag will likely exceed $100 million. That also is inevitable.

But at what cost?

The key for the Colts long-term success, however, is taking care of the other 19 pending free agents. Irsay told Mike Chappell of the Indianapolis Star that he needs to find a balance between taking care of his biggest superstar, and the long-term health of the franchise.

“We have to be wise in that we don’t corner ourselves and make sure we have room to keep some of the key guys,” Irsay said. “It’s a myth to say you can just have Peyton and you’re automatically 12-4.

“Peyton gives you such an edge . . . but we need the supporting cast if we want to do what we really want to do, and that’s win another world championship.”

The 1990s Cowboys thought they could keep Troy Aikman, Michael Irvin and Emmitt Smith together and all would be good. But it could be argued that losing role players such as Jay Novacek and Charles Haley led to their downfall. The Colts obviously know this.

That puts the Colts in an unenviable position here. The team has to pay Manning. The stars from the Baltimore era are more linked with the Ravens. Manning is the lone, true Indianapolis Colt. But having to give $100 million over five years to a quarterback who will be 39 in the final year of that contract is a tough call. But do the Colts have any other choice? They will end up bankrupting their team for the long term when they do this.

And for what? A long line of divisional championships? The Eagles rightly ditched Donovan McNabb because of his inability to win the big one. Not saying that Kevin Kolb is going to be the answer, but the team had to find out.

THE BENGALS signing a high-profile free-agent WR this offseason was not a surprise. That it was Antonio Bryant and not Terrell Owens, might have been. Bryant is excited about his opportunity to play with the Bengals and QB Carson Palmer, and he will not miss former Bucs QB Jeff Garcia (via the Cincinnati Enquirer).

“You talk about timing – it doesn’t exist with him,” Bryant said. “With Jeff, he’s a good player, but for the most part you have to prepare to run two routes: The first route, and then the Jeff route. If (the play) broke down especially with his height you knew you had to make plays.”

But how hot was his wife?

AND FINALLY …

Is it wrong to laugh at Papelboner lose on Monday night? Even if it was to the dreaded Yankees?

Thursday, May 13, 2010

The Weak Ender: Nice Photos

Well it seems that Carrie Prejean was a year too early to the Miss USA pageant. Why are these photos even an issue for a beauty pageant that features a swimsuit competition?

Lambasting beauty pageant contests for appearing in sexy photos makes about as much sense as asking these women their thoughts on gay marriage.

We need more sexy-time photos, less talk about their thoughts on the growing deficit. More bathing suit competition, less thoughts on that oil spill and alternative fuels.

Why are you making this harder than it needs to be, people?

ANYBODY CATCH ESPN’s 30 for 30, Straight Outta LA? The movie project directed by Ice Cube about the link between the LA Raiders and NWA? To be honest, it was a little bit self-indulgent. But he did have a point at how the image of the Raiders was in concert with the early gangsta rap culture.

Of course, they had to take a shot at the Rams and Angels drawing in all of the white fans. Because Santa Ana and Anaheim have no Hispanic residents. Nor does neighboring Riverside and San Bernardino counties.

Overall, the film was interesting. But this one should have been stretched into two hours. There was not enough time devoted to the Raiders bilking of the City of Irwindale. The debacle of the Hollywood Park deal. The Raiders refused to go along with it because they did not want to share with another team. Which makes sense. But the LA Coliseum Commission did not get the scorn that they deserved.

The Rams did not move to Anaheim to mimic the white flight of Los Angeles residents to the suburbs. But rather, the Coliseum Commission drove the Rams out of town.

And you can say a lot of bad things about Al Davis and the Raiders. Starting with the idea of watching Davis on HD. But Davis was ahead of the game when it came to the important of luxury boxes. If the Coliseum Commission followed through on their promise to build them (you can still see the polls from where they are supposed to be), the Raiders would still be playing in Los Angeles. Davis was ahead of the game.

Think about it, Davis embraced the gang culture and wanted luxury boxes. This was smart. And his move to get a free $10 million from Irwindale was awesome. Sure, he put too much faith in JaMarcus Russell. But Davis did make a lot of smart moves.

FIND IT kind of funny that the AP allowed Brian Cushing to keep his defensive rookie of the year award, despite testing positive for a banned substance. Not steroids, but a banned substance.

Is he using steroids? Well, he does play in the NFL. That should answer your question right there. But seriously, all of the hand-wringing over this vote has been entertaining.

AM I the only one who does not care where LeBron James goes next season? Chicago, New York, Orlando ... honestly, who cares?

Oh, and the Cellbitch realizes that they are not in the finals yet, right? They still have to beat the Magic. And let's be honest, do you see that happening? No seriously, I am asking because I don't follow the Eastern Conference that much.

AND FINALLY ...


Swimsuits and slutty photos ... not athletic endeavors.

Tuesday, May 11, 2010

Don't Do it Kroenke

Prospective St. Louis FC owner Stan Kroenke is having some problems with the cross ownership rules in his pursuit of the team. NFL rules prevent an owner from owning teams in separate markets, and Kroenke is the owner of the Denver Nuggets and Divealanche.

Problem right?

One idea was that Kroenke was going to have his son assume the Denver sports franchises. Now Kroenke is kicking around the idea of having his wife own the St. Louis FC.

Who says that history does not repeat itself?

Honestly Stan, you were a co-owner of a team with a woman who killed her husband to get control of a team. How do you not see this? You cannot be this stupid.

So watch this happen. Kroenke purchases the FC, and moves the team to Los Angeles. A couple of years later, Kroenke mysteriously dies. Like if he's an ace pilot, he will die flying a kite or something.

And then his wife will run the franchise into the ground and move the team to some third-world country masquerading as a Midwest shanty town.

This cannot end well.

Sunday, May 09, 2010

The Post Mortem: Jazz Fans Still Blow

Why were the Utah fans so upset with Kobe in this photo? Did they honestly believe that Kobe was wearing the magic underwear?

Every time Kobe and the Lakers punk the Jazz (and it never gets old), I think back to Kobe's rookie season when the Utah fans jeered Kobe. Took great delight in all of those airballs that he threw up during that series. Laugh now, jerks -- is what I thought.

And that is pretty much what has happened every year since.

The best part of this picture, is imaging these two jagoffs walking out of the Delta Center (or whatever it's called now) wearing that ridiculous get up. Driving home and having to take that off. Hope you enjoyed it, fellas.

But before you give these guys too much credit for being clever, check out this story. Jazz fans have been jeering Derek Fisher, one fan even holding his hand over his left eye -- taunting Fisher's daughter who has cancer in her left eye.

Why the face?

That is pretty low. Look, nobody likes when a player leaves for another team (just ask Mark Teixiera), but this is extreme. Fisher left because his daughter had eye cancer, and Mormon faith-healing was not going to be enough. So he left. Seems pretty understandable.

To Jazz fans' credit, Fisher was cheered during the first year when he returned as a member of the Lakers. And even booing him in the years after is understandable, too. But the hand over the left eye seems to be a bit much.

And to make it worse, these fans are sober. If it's some drunk idiot doing something stupid. Hey, we've all been there. Sober and acting like this seems a bit excessive.

Hopefully the Lakers can just finish off the Jazz and get this over with.

SPEAKING OF Teixeira, he joined Lou Gerhig as the only Yankees sluggers to have three home runs in one game against the Red Sox. That is a low-hanging fruit right there, but in deference to calling out Jazz fans, you are not getting the joke you are all thinking of right now.

CONGRATULATIONS TO Dallas Braden for the perfect game. The best moment coming when his grandmother told A-Rod to "stick it" according to various reports. You may recall that Braden took exception to A-Rod running across the mound recently. What's awesome is that most people are taking Braden's perfect game as a slam on A-Rod. Just awesome.

SPECIAL THANKS to KC for filling in on The Weak Ender, as yours truly was in dispose. Nice work.

AND FINALLY ...

Did you miss Betty White on Saturday Night Live?

Friday, May 07, 2010

The Weak Ender: She was how old?


The real "LT" is still livin' it up at the ripe old age of 51. And by "livin' it up" I mean committing senseless crimes that most of us couldn't imagine. I wonder what LT's 3rd wife is thinking about her husband having relations with a 19 errr...16 year old?

We do know one thing for sure, LT stayed at a Holiday Inn last night.

Wednesday, May 05, 2010

Don't Back Down Elisabeth

Elisabeth Filarski is feeling the heat from the ABC family after she made parroted THN's position on Erin Andrews' Dancing with the Stars appearance.

The token conservative voice of The View doesn't think much about Andrews' skimpy dresses.

"In light of what happened ... and as inexcusable as it was for that horrific guy to go in and try to peep on her in her hotel room ... I mean, in some way if I [was] him, I [would be] like, 'Man! I just could've waited 12 weeks and seen this — a little bit less — without the prison time!'"


Boom! Roasted!

That was pretty good. Of course, in this current climate, you cannot have a sense of humor on the air without people getting on your case.

Elisabeth -- which I imagine came after some pressure for the ABC executives -- recanted her statement. Of course Andrews blathered on, playing the victim, saying that she burst into tears after hearing Elisabeth's statements.

Yeah, we get it. Your rights were violated. You are filmed in a grainy video. Your life sucks.

What's amazing. Those of you who doubt that Andrews has played this perfectly, just look at the DWTS results. Pamela Anderson had a sex tape (a real one) released to the world. Soccer moms voted her off the show. Andrews played the victim, America loves her.

Honestly, well played, Andrews.

But when is this going to stop? Elisabeth was just pointing out the obvious? Does she not have a right to express her opinion? That is the point of "The View" right? Why are those people who have opposing view points always muzzled because they are not popular. Lighten up, people.

Sunday, May 02, 2010

The Post Mortem: Irvin Lays Down the Law

The Cowboys do not retire jersey numbers. Some numbers, of course, are taken out of circulation. So do not expect to see many Cowboys players wearing No. 12, No. 8, No. 22, etc.

One honored number that’s in use is No. 88 — first made famous by WR Drew Pearson. That number has been worn proudly (by Michael Irvin) and not so proudly (by Antonio Bryant). Now it has been bequeathed to rookie WR Dez Bryant. And Irvin met with Bryant to make sure he realized the enormous responsibility of wearing No. 88 (via the Dallas Morning News).

“The responsibility of wearing Drew Pearson’s number,” Irvin said. “A lot of people have worn that Cowboys helmet before him and the honor it is to wear a Cowboys uniform. He plays for everybody that has played before him and for everybody that is going to play after him.

“I just wanted to give him a sense of the enormity of it all. And I think he understands that. And he remains humble, and that’s a good sign.”

Wow, it’s surprising there was no coronation ceremony with flowing robes, chrism and pointy hats to make this thing official. Of course, that might have been excessive.

FORMER LIONS QB Joey Harrington once told me that the best advice he ever received in football came from Barry Sanders who said, prior to his first rookie minicamp, “Find a good place to get doughnuts.”

Such is life for NFL rookies. Along with huge signing bonuses (for some), comes some humbling in the form errands, fight-song singing and other activities normally reserved for the kids pledging Delta House. Say, who is up for a road trip?

New Panthers QB Jimmy Clausen was given a grocery list by new teammate WR Steve Smith who asked the rookie to bring him some Cactus Cooler, according to the Charlotte Observer. Cactus Cooler is an orange and pineapple flavored soda (it is delicious) is only available in California and Arizona, making it necessary for Clausen to bring it with him on the plane.

Clausen should be lucky that Smith did not request a double-double from In-n-Out Burger.

JAGUARS LB Kirk Morrison told the Florida Times-Union that he’s looking for that winning feeling with his new team, saying it was tough playing for the Raiders. “Being on a losing football team after a while, people say it doesn’t get to you, but at times it does,” Morrison said Saturday. The Jaguars have won 14 games the past two seasons and haven’t reached the playoffs since 2007. But again, compared to the Raiders, the Jaguars are the 1960s Packers.

THEY SAY that you never get a second chance to make a first impression. Well for Jets rookie RB Joe McKnight, the second impression was just as bad as the first.

McKnight spent most of Saturday dropping passes, or taking a knee with a towel wrapped around his neck, one day after the rookie from Southern California puked on the field.

Yeah, you didn't just throw up in front of coach Rex Ryan, Joe. You threw up on coach Ryan.

“He’s fighting through it,” Ryan said. “It’s funny. Every time I look around, he’s got a wet towel around his neck… then he’s making one mistake after another. Then you put the ball in his hands – and he’s pretty good.

“I don’t know exactly what it is, but he’s fighting through it. Sometimes it takes a player a little longer to play like a Jet. Maybe the tempo’s different (from college). I don’t know.”

Of course, Ryan was quick to point out that there was a near panic when Shonn Greene struggled at rookie camp last season.

“Just go back to last year,” Ryan said. “Remember when you guys were telling me, ‘Shonn looks terrible.’ I’m like, ‘No, just play the deflection.’ Remember he couldn’t catch anything. Shonn Greene pulls up in the first special teams part of practice and I think he ended up working out really well. I don’t think we need to overreact with this.

“He still does some great things out there. I don’t know if it’s so much his physical conditioning. It may be a bug. The thing I appreciate about him is he is trying to fight through it, albeit on a knee most of the time (laughter), but he’s fighting through it.”

Well the New York media is known to give players ample time to work through their problems, so McKnight should be fine.

AND FINALLY

Go Lakers. Quit toying with me.