Thursday, April 29, 2010

The Weak Ender: Who is Ready For World Cup?

So let's see if we got this right. Nike thinks it could just drape its new Team USA soccer kit on some Playboy Playmate and think that all sorts of people will be posting this on their blogs. What kind of idiots do they think that we are?

Sorry, that is just not going to work. There will be no Team USA soccer news until Lil' Dieter gets out to do his preview.

But nice try, Nike. You almost got us.

THE ANGELS first mid-week day game of the season happened on Wednesday. Not a huge fan of the 4 p.m. start. That is almost a normal time. These games are not as much fun when you do not have to take an entire day off work. Or use a sick day.

But at least the game was cool. Howie Kendrick won the thing with a walk-off bunt. Although not everybody was pleased.

Kendrick's maneuver didn't sit well, though, with (Indians closer, Chris) Perez, who threw just one pitch and was the third Indians pitcher used in the inning. Joe Smith took the loss in his first decision of the year. "It was a bad baseball play that happened to work out," Perez said. "I don't want to say it was bush league. But you never see that. Ninety-nine percent of hitters in that situation would rather win the game with a hit, not a bunt. It was a stupid play that just happened to work."


But 100 percent of hitters said that they would rather win.

Wow, looks like some pitcher has sandy girl parts.

RAPPER EMINEM mentions Ben Roethlisberger in a rap, making light of the former Super Bowl-winning quarterback's late-night escapades in a bathroom.

"I'd rather turn this club into a bar room brawl. Get as rowdy as Roethlisberger in a bathroom stall."

Good lord, who knew that Eminem was still around? I thought he went double suicide with Brittany Murphy.

TOO SOON?

ROOKIE QB Tim Tebow is already moving tickets in Jacksonville. Not bad for a guy picked by the Broncos.

Now comes word that Tebow is moving merchandise, too.

Tebow sold the most jerseys of any player over NFL draft weekend, and his three-day total was the highest for a rookie since the league started keeping track of sales on nflshop.com in 2006. Tebow does not figure to start for the Broncos this season, but his sales figures outdistanced Jets QB Mark Sanchez, who set the mark last season.

“It’s a pretty substantial difference between him and the next guy,” NFL spokeswoman Joanna Hunter told the Gainesville Times.

The rest of the list was a little bit surprising. Following Tebow — in terms of jersey sales — were Lions DT Ndamukong Suh, St. Louis FC QB Sam Bradford, Chiefs safety Eric Berry and Cowboys WR Dez Bryant.

Hard to imagine a Cowboys player lagging behind, and Bradford not being as high, but Lions and Chiefs fans certainly seem pleased with their draft picks, as their spending dollars indicate.

Say this for Tebow, there is not a more polarizing player in the NFL right now.

AND FINALLY ...

The NFL offseason has hit a post-draft lull, similar to the moments after you open your presents on Christmas Day. With news at a trickle, sports writers are left with only one recourse: Ask a team’s quarterback about the possibility of bringing in Terrell Owens.

It’s akin to being at a cocktail party where you don’t know anybody and strike up a conversation by asking a fellow guest what he/she does for work. Kind of an obvious ice breaker, but one that gets the ball rolling.

Bears QB Jay Cutler was asked about Owens possibly coming to Chicago during this past weekend’s Fan Expo, and the he didn’t really take to the idea (via the Chicago Tribune).

“T.O. is a pretty good player, but for this system … I don’t know how he would fit in,” Cutler said. “Our receiver position, I think, is one of the strengths of the team. I think there are other needs that we could have addressed if we didn’t go that direction.”

Not much of a surprise, given Owens’ history with his quarterbacks. Asking a quarterback what they think of Terrell Owens would be like asking a young Hollywood starlet about potentially being Mrs. Charlie Sheen.

Still, Owens figures to land somewhere this offseason, but don’t expect Cutler to lobby for the enigmatic receiver to join him in Chicago. The Bears already passed on veteran Torry Holt, and they seem set with youngsters Devin Aromashodu, Johnny Knox and Devin Hester.

Tuesday, April 27, 2010

Please Respect Her Privacy

Erin Andrews went with a George Costanza-type nude body suit for Dancing with Stars.

At one point, you kind of expect her to pose in front of the mirror, curling her hair.

Of course, if you look at Andrews in the outfit from far away, it appears that you are looking at her through a peep hole.

Well played, Andrews.

Jeff Ireland Won't Win Executive of the Year

NFL draft prospects are asked a number of embarrassing an intrusive questions. Here are some of the best (from Yahoo!):

One team asked Gerald McCoy if he played in a g-string or a jock-strap. I would have said, "You're wife's underwear." And then I would wonder why I slid down the draft board like Jimmy Clausen.

Former Florida State safety Myron Rolle was asked why he deserted his team, skipping his senior season to become a Rhodes Scholar. Because yes, in a league full of rapists injecting themselves with performance enhancing drugs, education has no purpose. Wonderful message the NFL is sending there.

Stanford running back Toby Gerhart was asked if he felt he was entitled because he was white. Gerhart said no, but if Jason Sehorn could parlay playing a 'black' position into marrying Angie Harmon, well, that would be pretty awesome.

The best may have come from Dolphins executive Jeff Ireland who allegedly asked Dez Bryant if his mother was a prostitute. Bryant, of course, was being scrutinized because of his involvement with Deion Sanders. So he had to play it cool. Former lineman Kyle Turley had a different response.

“I don’t care who you are or who you’re talking to – that kind of question usually gets your [expletive] teeth kicked in,” said Turley. “I mean, where do these people come from? That’s just completely [expletive] classless and totally unprofessional.”

One wonders what Roger Goodell will do in this instance. Or if the discipline is meant for the players on the field.

Sunday, April 25, 2010

First Look: Teixeira Is a D-Bag

The question here isn't whether Mark Teixeira was going to injury Angels catcher Bobby Wilson. He was. And there is no question that Teixeira is a d-bag. He is.

The play is clearly legal, too. Angels manager Mike Scioscia was always proud of the home plate collisions he was involved with when he was playing in the big leagues.

So the play was completely legal.

But do not insult our intelligence by pretending that you care if Wilson was hurt or not. Clearly, there was extra vigor in Teixeira's slide. Because it is hard to imagine him doing the same thing in Kansas City or Pittsburgh.

Teixeira returns to Anaheim, gets plunked by Ervin Santana, is booed by the crowd and he wanted to take it out on somebody. Clearly within the rule mind you, but there was malice in his heart.

Because he is a d-bag.

Consider me in the group that wants some blood lust. Some revenge. There would be nothing sweeter than the sight of Teixeira lying in a pool of his own blood with stitch marks where his temple used to be. Wisely, the Angels refrained from that sort of retaliation. But they still got him back.

Lost in the aftermath of Teixeira's 'hard-nosed' play, was the fact that the Angels won. The Angels also won on Sunday, with Teixeira going 0-2, dropping his average to .119. So maybe Teixeira's anger is not directed towards the Angels or Wilson.

Kind of like how rape isn't really about sex, maybe Teixeira was really mad because his wife is a (rhymes with bunt).

Oh, and that his average sucks, too.

The Angels are 3-3 against the Yankees this season. And nice managerial moves by Joe Girardi, the Barry Switzer of the MLB.

Thursday, April 22, 2010

The Weak Ender: Silly Owners

First off ... my faith in humanity is restored. The fans chanted "she said no" while the Steelers were making their selection in the first round. Well done.

Prime time draft? Eh.

But let's get started.

NFL owners … when are they going to learn?

New Dolphins minority owner Jennifer Lopez should be told a thing or two about “tipping her hand” when it comes to the NFL draft. Lopez appeared on the Tonight Show with Jay Leno on Wednesday and let it slip that she hopes the Dolphins take Tennessee DT Dan Williams with the No. 12 overall pick.

“We have the 12th pick, you know, so I’m leaning towards Dan Williams,” Lopez told host Jay Leno. “We need a defensive tackle, he’s really explosive off the line, can beat the double team and does a nice job finishing the play. But that’s just my opinion.”

Come on, J-Lo, you need to play that close to the vest. Or maybe, just maybe, she’s putting a smoke screen out there to teams drafting after the Dolphins. Maybe she’s a super-shrewd NFL genius, like Cameron Diaz’s character in On Any Given Sunday.

In that case, well played, J-Lo.

And maybe she was smoke-screening us because Williams fell all the way down to the Cardinals at No. 26. Great pick for them.

AND TOO bad J-Lo wasn't drunk and rambling about Bill Parcells, saying that he was not (expletive).

THERE HAVE been rumors about WR Terrell Owens reuniting with QB Donovan McNabb in Washington. For those of you who revel in trash TV, where shows such as “Jersey Shore” and the “Real Housewives of Topeka” reign supreme, this pairing would rival Bill Belichick and Eric Mangini sitting down together for Thanksgiving dinner.

Of course, killjoy McNabb debunked these rumors while talking to the Washington Post (or at least he says he hasn’t been lobbying the Redskins’ coaching staff to add Owens). But this is the NFL, where you never say never.

So Owens joined Stephen A. Smith on Fox Sports Radio (via Sports Radio Interviews) on Wednesday to talk about those rumors and said that he and McNabb have “some unfinished business.”

“I’ll say this and go on record and say it: If that is the case for me to go to Washington and for Donovan McNabb and we were to reunite, there would be some unfinished business,” Owens said. “I mean going to the Super Bowl and winning it.”

Owens added that drops aren’t a problem for him (really?), he might be getting older but he’s getting faster and the old receiver’s refrain that he wants to play for a contender with a good quarterback.

“I am not looking for a specific number of years as to play because I know my window as far as playing is very limited,” Owens said. “Personally, I feel like I could play for at least three more years. I would like to go to a team where I know they are going to be a contender, where I know they are going to have a good quarterback and where I know I can be effective.”

So a return to Buffalo or Oakland is out, but Washington looks like a good option. You have to figure this will come down to coach Mike Shanahan.

SOME HAVE speculated that the relationship between Bears QB Jay Cutler and new offensive coordinator Mike Martz could be combustible. Something along the lines of Jeff George and June Jones, whose sideline fracas in Atlanta still entertains in those delightful NFL Films.

Cutler traded barbs with Chargers QB Philip Rivers, then talked his way out of Denver. Martz is, well, Martz, a guy whose stubbornness, Rams fans will contend, cost his team a Super Bowl title.

But so far, so good in Chicago. In fact, Martz told the Chicago Sun-Times that Cutler has been better than advertised:

”I’ve got to smile because he has just been remarkable; he really has,” Martz said. “He’s so intelligent, he can intimidate you. He really can. He is extremely bright, one of the smartest people I’ve been around. He’s very humble, though. He loves this game. He has great passion for what he does.”


Bears fans and fantasy football geeks alike hope Cutler and Martz can continue to make beautiful music together. But they haven’t participated in a real game.

GOLFING CHAMP Tiger Woods can cheat on his wife all that he wants, but is America willing to forgive him for hanging out with Nickelback?

AND FINALLY ...

Jets LB Calvin Pace doesn’t agree with the six-game suspension that NFL Commissioner Roger Goodell gave Steelers QB Ben Roethlisberger. Pace, who served a four-game suspension last year, told the New York Post that the suspension was a touch excessive.

“How do you suspend somebody who didn’t get convicted in court?” Pace said. “I don’t get it. How can you do it? Because Roger Goodell’s like a judge. That’s a lot of games, especially for a franchise quarterback. A guy who up until this year, I never heard anything bad happen to him. It’s a situation where you’re dealing with somebody’s word against your word. It’s like people just kind of come out of the woodwork — ‘Oh yeah, this happened to me.’ But how do we know? Seriously. Does anybody have any tape?”


Dude, didn't you hear the Jets fans at the game? She said "no."

Guess Who is Happy The Passed on the Draft?

Never Forget: Pat Tillman

Wednesday, April 21, 2010

Sarah Silverman is the Best

Deadspin is no longer a fan of Sarah Silverman.

Deadspin is the biggest d-bag in this bottle of Massengill known as the Internwebs.

I love the guy who faked his own DUI arrest on April Fool's Day (get it, it was APRIL FOOLS, YO!) would get upset at somebody doing schtick. How dare she?

Somehow, I don't believe shining some sports gossip site is going to hurt book sales (as they claim), and those morons are still promoting it for her. Sarah made you guys look like worthless (rhymes with punts) and you are still groveling to sell her book. She owns you.

Good lord, I wish Deadspin Grand Poo Bah Daulernio would have capped himself write there because I would like to imagine that the last thing that went through his mind -- other than that bullet -- was how Sarah Silverman was able to get over on him.

McNabb Not as Dumb as He Plays

Having Donovan McNabb and Terrell Owens reunited in Oakland had been a dream of mine for a month since the Eagles first showed interest in dumping this generation's version of Danny White.

And even when McNabb ended up getting shipped to the East Coast version of the Raiders -- the Redskins -- the dream is still alive. Unfortunately, McNabb went on to squash those rumors that he wants to bring TO to DC.

Quarterback Donovan McNabb has not encouraged the Redskins to sign free-agent wide receiver Terrell Owens and is not interested in reuniting with his former Philadelphia Eagles teammates, McNabb on Tuesday night told Post columnist Michael Wilbon.


A man can dream can't he? My pal Balls (don't ask) points out that it is likely Mike Shanahan who nixed the TO idea (kill joy). And now McNabb is just saving face. That makes a lot of sense.

Tuesday, April 20, 2010

St. Louis Can Eat a Merde Sandwich

Read some of the editorials coming out of St. Louis about minority owner Stan Kroenke. They are hilarious. Folks in St. Louis have taken to calling Kroenke a carpetbagger. Along with some other unsuitable names fit to print in this family publication.

Columnist Bryan Burwell called Kroenke “diabolical.”

Funny, these are the same people who hailed Georgia Frontandrearie as a ‘savior.’ The woman who brought football back to St. Louis.

Boy it sucks when the shoe is on the other foot, right St. Louis?
Let me quell your fears St. Louis and get down to the brass tax.

Your football team will not be playing in St. Louis. The Rosenbloom kids did you a solid by selling out to a shady business man intent on keeping the team in St. Louis. That was merely for show. The Rosenbloom kids knew exactly what Kroenke was going to do. But the offspring of the Murdering Showgirl wanted to save face, save their mother’s legacy in the Bagdad of the Mid West and ride off into the sunset.

Remember, it was in this space in the days after Frontandrearies glorious death that we said that the kids would go through one season to honor their mother and then sell the team. Not to gloat, just stating the facts.

And these deluded columnist think that Kroenke is acting like a pest in order to drive up the price from a new bidder in St. Louis. Right. If these columnists were worth their salt, they would not be plying their trade in some jerkwater town. I mean, even Steve Bisheff was able to carve out a career in Southern California. If you are relegated to journalism’s equivalent of single-A, then your opinions do not matter.

Face it, Kroenke is not divesting himself of the Nuggets and Divalanche just to drive up the price of the franchise and to orchestrate his buyout. Kroenke wants to own a franchise in Los Angeles. Add in the fact that AEG is going to build a downtown stadium with a retractable roof. Well, the first beers for the Los Angeles Rams tailgate at the Rose Bowl in 2011 are on me.

Enjoy the final year in St. Louis, jerks. Oh, and please draft Sam Bradford. I will have my No. 14 jersey ready.

Thursday, April 15, 2010

The Weak Ender: A Perfect Solution for Roethlisberger

Ben Roethlisberger, while looking for a way to rehabilitate his image, has announced that he will be playing in the U.S. Open. Ben just needs to make sure that he does not curse on the tee box, or else Jim Nantz is going to scold you for it.

But what is amusing is that many of those critical of Big Ben is that many feel that he should settle down and get married. How did that work out for Tiger Woods? I’ve long suggested he hook up with a Hollywood starlet. The kind of gal who would not mind getting it on in a bathroom.

So what is Lindsay Lohan up to these days?

Could you imagine a NFL version of Sid and Nancy? I think we need to find a way to hook these two up. They seem destined for each other. Is there any way to make this happen?

THE ZIP on Brett Favre’s passes may have dulled over the years, but his wit remains as sharp as ever.

Favre let his Vikings teammates know that he was thinking of them by sending all of the participants in the team’s offseason workouts a pair of Wrangler jeans, according to the Star Tribune.

“I need to break them in a little bit, they are kind of stiff,” punter Chris Kluwe joked.

Of course, the best way to loosen those jeans? Put your pants on the ground, pants on the ground. …

Hate on Favre if you will, this is damn funny. But some Vikings players have to be a little disappointed. While a pair of jeans are a nice touch, Favre also endorses TVs for Sears. Nothing says you love your teammates like a 46-inch flat screen in each locker. Now you almost expect to see new RB Darius Reynaud in a T-shirt that says, “I went to Vikings offseason workouts and all I got was a lousy pair of Wranglers.”

THE NHL playoffs started. And while I am disappointed that the Kings fell in overtime. If that game one was any indication, we are looking at a potentially great series. Go Kings, go!

GIANTS QB Eli Messiah is not too concerned with Osi Umenyiora’s recent proclamation that he will retire if he does not start for the Giants this season. The Messiah shrugged it off and told the New York Post that the problematic defensive end has “said some dumb things before.”

Could the FC be coming back to Los Angeles? Los Angeles Times columnist T.J. Simersconnects the dots and speculates that Stan Kroenke purchasing the remaining 60 percent of the team could signal that the team could be returning. I am waiting for my good friend Foo to nix this, but I am on Team T.J. with this one.

SORRY TO our dear friend, Diane. Your photo is coming.

THERE IS little doubt that the Jets have edged the Redskins to be crowned April’s champions. No team has had a better offseason than the Jets, who have acquired CB Antonio Cromartie, RB LaDainian Tomlinson and WR Santonio Holmes in the months following their loss to the Colts in the AFC Championship Game.

The Jets are also in the mix to add LB Jason Taylor in their quest to reach the Super Bowl. (Although, it can be argued that Cromartie and Tomlinson already played a big part in helping the Jets get to the AFC title game, as members of the Chargers. The duo are now just official members of the Jets now.)

But Pats NT Vince Wilfork told reporters this week that these games are one on the field. Or in New England's case, the video booth.

AND FINALLY ...

Tuesday, April 13, 2010

Bradshaw: I am Learning Not to Like Roethlisberger

Terry Bradshaw wants to give some tough love to embattled Steelers QB Ben Roethlisberger.

Bradshaw knows the temptation of being an NFL quarterback. A Super Bowl-winning quarterback in Pittsburgh, at that. Bradshaw spent his offseasons getting into bar-room brawls with Burt Reynolds, and drinking beers while participating in road races with Mel Tillis. Of course, those were movie roles in highly acclaimed films Hooper and The Cannonball Run.

In other words, Bradshaw's troubles were make believe. Roethlisberger's are all too real.

The Hall of Fame QB spoke out about Roethlisberger at the annual Terry Bradshaw-Kix Brooks Golf Tournament, hosted by Louisiana Tech athletics (video via KTBS), handing out some advice that his daddy gave to him. Namely, stop embarrassing yourself and quit going to the clubs because of the microscope.

"I hardly ever went in a club -- ever -- in 14 years in Pittsburghm" Bradshaw said. "Count 'em on one hand. I was petrified of the problems you can get into. And I almost got into -- it's there, believe me.

"There's nothing greater if you're single than to walk into a bar with beautiful women and have them just fill your ego up. And you ask yourself, 'Would they pay any attention to you if you weren't, you know, who you are?' Of course not. Because I'm not that attractive, and neither is Ben. [...]

"He's got an image problem right now. Best thing to do is don't ever put yourself in that position again. When you're through playing football, do whatever you want to do, but right now, stay clean. Stay out of trouble. Stay out of bars. Keep yourself clean."

Bradshaw, however, doesn't believe Roethlisberger will listen to him because the two Steelers legends don't have a good relationship. Bradshaw tried to reach out to Roethlisberger earlier in his career and was rebuffed.

"When I told him to park the motorcycle, he got pissed," Bradshaw said. "Then he had that accident. Since then, he doesn't like me, and I am learning not to like him."

The problem, Bradshaw said, is that perception shapes reality, pointing out how much grief Cowboys QB Tony Romo received when he took a playoff trip to Mexico the week before a playoff loss to the Giants in 2008. Bradshaw says that after being accused of a crime in one instance, he would avoid being in that situation again.

"That is the perception, right or wrong," Bradshaw said. "The only way to clean that up is to stay out of it. Fight the temptation and stay out of those places.

"Once would scare me to death. Twice. I don't know how you would sleep. I couldn't handle that."

And of his relationship with Roethlisberger?

"Now he (Roethlisberger) hates me forever," Bradshaw said.

Monday, April 12, 2010

The Post Mortem: What's Up With the Hair?

Can anybody explain what is up with Ben Roethlisberger's hair? How would you describe it? My name for it ... the 'Bullet.'

Business in the front, rape in the back.

I find it curious that the Steelers were eager to deal the black troublemaker -- and former Super Bowl MVP -- for a fifth round draft pick, based on a few unconfirmed instances. But Roethlisberger will still be on the Steelers roster when the season starts (though, he may be suspended by the league).

Now, I do not want to pull out the race card here, and I do not believe it is the case. Rather it comes down to position. Receivers who can catch, smoke weed and throw drinks in broad's faces are a dime a dozen. Finding Super Bowl winning quarterbacks are very rare. Rapes be damned.

Of course, all of this alleged. But the DA made it clear that he does not prosecute on morales, only the law. And if the victim takes a cash settlement from Roethlisberger, well, justice is served.

But he should get suspended by the league.

AND FINALLY ...

Sorry for the rather poor effort. The standup is going good. I will have some more thoughts this week.

First Look: Were You Rooting for Tiger?

I felt that I was squarely back on Team Tiger, having sufficiently forgiven him for his whoring around. Not that he needed forgiving, it was not like I was married to the guy. But still.

Although, I do find it funny that Tiger is being crucified for all of this, but Ben Roethlisberger will not have to apologize for anything. Probably because he got away with it again. Allegedly.

Still, I watched the Master's and found myself not rooting for Tiger. I was not rooting against him, but was just more interested in Fred Couples and K.J. Choi.

Thursday, April 08, 2010

The Weak Ender: Before They Were Stars

I stumbled across one of those ‘soft-core’ movies over the weekend and say, what I thought was a young Tera Patrick possibly making her skintastic debut. Of course, I had to watch the whole movie to see the credits. (Though the better half pointed out that I could have easily hit the ‘guide’ button to see the cast. But where is the fun in that?)

I was startled to see that it was a young woman named Tera Hopkins (and a quick IMDB search shows that she was often credited under that name), in the early years of her career. I have to liken this find as being akin to catching Ken Griffey Jr. playing for the San Bernardino Spirit in 1989. One of those once-in-a-life-time occurrences that you can brag to your grandchildren about.

Of course, Tera Patrick and Ken Griffey Jr. are still active in their respective industries – barely – both a shadow of their former selves. Obviously the years of abuse have taken a toll on the respect bodies parts needed to play a position.

THERE SEEMS to be no shortage of opinions on embattled Raiders QB JaMarcus Russell. Most of those opinions are not favorable. Even when coming from his coach, Tom Cable.

Former Redskins QB Joe Theismann, however, took the Russell criticism to a level that would even make American Idol judge and noted sourpuss Simon Cowell blush. Theismann, while appearing on "Moving the Chains on Sirius NFL Radio" with hosts Tim Ryan and Pat Kirwan, said that the Raiders should make a deal for Jason Campbell.

Not necessarily because Campbell is so good, but because Russell is so bad.

"If I was the Oakland Raiders, I would be on the phone with (Redskins GM) Bruce Allen and see what kind of deal we could make for Jason Campbell," Theismann said. "Because I can tell you conclusively that JaMarcus Russell will never be able to play quarterback in the National Football League.

"He's 290 pounds. At 265 he's too big. He's inaccurate and he's too big. And he doesn't thrown the ball well.

"JaMarcus just doesn't get it. And to think that you take a strong-armed guy and you put him in Oakland and say that it's the old Oakland Raiders. Jason Campbell can do everything for you."

Wow, even a hug from Paula Abdul will not help you overcome a tongue-lashing like that.

FROM THE Oh No He Didn’t Department: Donovan McNabb’s dad compared his son to Jesus. "Absolutely, it meant something. We were celebrating Jesus' resurrection, right? Then we turn around and Donovan gets resurrected. Just perfect."

I wish I had something for you, I really do. But I’ve got nothing.

ARE THE feds going to be talking to Alex Rodriguez soon? Is there a way that the Yankees would have to forfeit the title seeing that A-Rod was likely cheating? And why was nobody listening when THN said thatRodriguez had gone Lattimer from the Program?

There is no shame for Rodriguez having to resort to cheating again. Listen, you could not handle the clutch. There is no crime there. A lot of people could not hack it, either. Of course, most people do not have A-Rod’s talent. But still. Baseball fans should not think poorly on Alex Rodriguez because he sucks in the clutch. Because really, when you consider all of the performance-enhancing drugs that he had to take, combined with a redesigned ballpark that would give him a lot of wind-aided home runs, the Yankees did not have to sacrifice that much to win another championship.

And really Joe Girardi? Switching to No. 28 to signify going for that 28th championship? Pretty hokey. Kind of funny if you are a small-market team going for these kind of goals.

WILL THE Angels ever admit that it's Mickey Hatcher's fault? Same crap, different years, different players. This is unbelievable.

AND FINALLY …
This was saved for the end so Diane’s head would not completely explode until the very last moment. Enjoy. For good measure, she somewhat gets a shot in at Erin Andrews which I found hilarious.


Wednesday, April 07, 2010

Tiki Barber: Still a D-Bag

Being the biggest scumbag to ever come out of the National Football League is quite a chore considering all of the dregs of humanity that the game has produced. Former Giants RB Tiki Barber is certainly giving a solid effort for the title, though.

Barber has left his wife Ginny to shake up with a 21-year old hottie whom he worked with at NBC, according to the New York Post.

Now, NFL player leaving his wife for 21-year old hussy does not seem like that big of a deal. At least not for NFL players these days. Hell, if you are retired NFL running back and you don’t kill your wife, you are somewhat of a winner.

But Barber adds a nice twist by leaving his wife while she is eight months pregnant. With twins. So Barber is walking out on five people (the couple already has two children).

Barber understands that he is not good at his job, right? And that he is going to eventually lose money and end up leaving on the street, right?

And to think, Barber is still butt-hurt about his own father walking out on him and his brother, Ronde. So you can add hypocrite to the long list of adjectives used to describe Barber. None of which can be printed in this family publication.

Sunday, April 04, 2010

The Post Mortem: Shake Rattle and Roll

The Yankees and Red Sox kickoff the 2010 baseball season (instead of the Reds as tradition goes). The Duke Blue Devils advance to the NCAA title game. And yet, God chooses to rattle California.

What did we have to do with any of that?

And to top it off, Erin Andrews (photo via Deadspin) is now the target of death threats. Andrews is quickly becoming America's drama queen. If those nude videos (that you can apparently still find on the net, though I have not seen it in a while) were not enough to garner the sympathy vote in Dancing with the Stars, this death threat certainly will be.

And the more I see of Andrews from DWTS, the more she looks like Jennifer Gray in Dirty Dancing. Nobody puts Erin Andrews in the corner! Nobody! Death threats be damned.

Why would people waste death threats on Andrews when Keith Youkilis (sic) is still walking around?

Honesty, there is nothing nearly as disappointing -- sports wise -- as being so geeked up for baseball season, only to have the Yankees and Red Sox as the opening game. Nothing will get you ready for a 182-game season than a 5-hour game, with the ESPN announcers talking about a playoff intensity in April along with closeups of Southies looking concerned. Needless to say I passed. Sort of.

And we all know that Duke is going to crush Butler, right? But can we please stop all of the comparisons of Butler to Hickory High, the fictional school from Hoosiers? The Bulldogs opened the season ranked No. 11 in the preseason poll. Not really the David to Duke's Goliath.

Yes, Butler has a few white guys. Does not make them underdogs.

I WANTED to say that I lost respect for the Indianapolis Star for apologizing for this photo. But then I realized that I do not have respect for newspapers anyway.

AND FINALLY ...

The Eagles finally dumped Donovan McNabb, and it was to division rival Washington. That takes some pretty big stones. Especially when the Eagles saw Brett Favre ride his Packers like he was Tera Patrick. And if they did not see it, they no doubt heard about it.

So what are the Eagles thinking here? Are they so down on McNabb's skills that trading him to the Redskins was no sweat.

And what are the Redskins going to do here? McNabb cannot be viewed as a long-term solution. Do they still go QB in the first round? Wait for the second and go Tim Tebow? So many possibilities.

What is interesting to note is that the Eagles could have traded McNabb to the Raiders, but coach Andy Reid is not a vindictive a-hole to his former players.

But please Washington, bring WR Terrell Owens in for a visit!

Thursday, April 01, 2010

The Weak Ender: Is Laziness A Condition?

How many more made up diseases and syndromes can society take before we say enough. There is no sex addiction as Jesse James and Tiger Woods exert. It’s called being a man.

Most of us temper this by taking long showers in the morning. And if you still feel compelled to go out for a sausage biscuit and hash browns afterwards, knock yourself out.

And really, what part of sex addiction leads you to think face-tattooed broads are desirable? What part of this made up disease leads to the desire to don Nazi garb and take pictures mimicking the “Sieg Heil?”

Because I don’t have that part of the disease.

And I am against some other made-up diseases, too.

Restless leg syndrome? That’s a leg cramp, eat a banana.

And what about Aspergers syndrome? What are the basic symptoms of that? Lack of empathy. Poor posture. And a lack of eye contact. Congratulations, you are not sick. You are an a-hole. Or a teenager.

There is no syndrome. Maybe your parents did not go to your Little League games, or maybe you were the last picked for kickball. But you are not sick. Just socially awkward.

Any other fake diseases and syndromes that I am missing here?

(And if you need a smutty photo, drop down to the Elam story.)

CONGRATULATIONS TO the Eagles who have made me long for more Brett Favre news. Because the Donovan McNabb speculation has gone out of control. Especially when TMZ is reporting that McNabb does not want to go to Oakland.

Thanks TMZ, way to go for the scoop. McNabb does not want to play for the worst franchise in the NFL. Way to go out on a limb there. (And notice that TMZ's sources says that McNabb will veto a trade. Wrong, that's baseball jerks.)

The Eagles need to finally bring some closure to this whole mess. The relationship with McNabb seems to be fractured to the point where he cannot return in good conscious. Oakland might not start to look too bad if the Eagles keep jerking him around like this.

The Eagles do need to move forward. You can only lose in the playoffs so many times before making a huge move is necessary. The Eagles are in a similar spot as the Angels. You are good enough to get in the playoffs, but the current cast is not going to win the title.

The Eagles will never win a Super Bowl with McNabb. Sure, it seems wrong to say 'never' when both Manning idiots have Super Bowl rings. Let's just say that it looks highly unlikely at this point. And if the defense continues to slip in the wake of Jim Johnson's passing, the Eagles could be on a serious down cycle. Even though they always manage to be there.

NEW JETS RB LaDainian Tomlinson told reporters this week that the Chargers made a number of baffling moves that led to his downfall. The Chargers released Lorenzo Neal and replaced him with that white guy from LSU. The offensive line was in tatters -- especially with injuries to C Nick Hardwick. And the team became pass-first.

Not a lot to argue with there. The Jets have one of the best offensive lines in the league so we will get a chance to see just how far Tomlinson has fallen. The more I think about, the more a Curtis Martin-like rebound seems to be possible. I am not quiet ready to hand over the ball to Shonne Green because of his fresh legs in the playoffs.

DID ANYBODY notice the top stories on NFL.com over the last couple of days? Joey Porter was arrested in Bakersfield, Calif. The Ben Roethlisberger case is set to finally be delivered to the DA. Shaun Rodgers brought a loaded gun to the airport. Donte’ Stallworth talked about killing a person.

This should be the biggest argument for having an 18-game season. These guys have too much time off in the preseason. Or at least get these guys to play in the Arena League or something. Idle hands, and all of that.

AND FINALLY ...

The Heartbreak Kid Shawn Michaels retired from the WWF this week, in the most touching tribute for a retiring athlete from a fake sport since Michael Jordan retired from the NBA.

I am a big HBK guy. Hulk Hogan was the perfect wrestler to watch as a youngster, but HBK came around perfectly when I transformed from elementary school kid, to cock junior-high a-hole.

Michaels was simply the best worker ever. And if there were who were equal (like Bret Hart), the mostly lacked in charisma.

So I will miss Michaels and, as weird as it seems because we are talking about professional wrestling,HBK probably wrestled his last match.