Thursday, December 02, 2010

The Weak Ender: God Let's Down Stevie

Ashley Judd? Is this just a blatant attempt to give a shout out to our g\pal, Diane? You bet. Sometimes when we are reaching for the Weak Ender girl, we tend to go too slutty. But we will not be doing that this week.

Besides, Kentucky is on our minds because for Wildcats TE Jacob Tamme has been awesome for my fantasy team recently.

So there is a link, albeit a weak one.

ALRIGHT I have come to the conclusion that Auburn vs. Oregon is going to be a pretty good BCS title game. Maybe because Texas Christian can suck it.

Seriously Horned Frogs? Taking the cheap automatic qualifier? The Mountain West would have built a pretty serious case with Boise State, Hawaii, Nevada, and Texas Christian under one conference banner in a few years. Plus Fresno State, rising San Diego State, and Air Force.

That is a pretty good conference right there.

But I'm cool with Auburn and Oregon this year. So it means that one of those teams is going to lose this weekend. Oh hell, watch it be Oregon.

And why is it that the BCS title game falls on a lame day? How is this game not on a Saturday?

BTW, WHY is Auburn QB Cam Newton still allowed to play? I mean, I want to see him play because I enjoy his talent. But the NCAA looks pretty transparent here.

FOR AS many times as legendary quarterback Kurt Warner came out and thanked God following a huge win, it was only a matter of time before a player raised his fists to the heavens after a crucial loss.

Bills WR Stevie Johnson was that player, questioning his faith via Twitter, after dropping the winning touchdown in overtime. (Really, people are Tweeting now instead of praying?)

The Bills players, to their credit, are still sure of Johnson, as many of them rallied around their receiver on Monday offering support. QB Ryan Fitzpatrick told reporters that he had 100 percent confidence in Johnson and that he will keep going the receiver’s way.

Kind of like when Viper told Jester to make sure that Maverick got back up into the air immediately after Goose died in Top Gun.

But can this guy recover or is he destined to be the NFL's version of Rick Ankiel?

Johnson should take a cue from other playeers. Bengals WR Terrell Owens has dropped many passes in his career, but he remains as confident as ever. Owens has never seemed so despondent before… Oh, right.

But still, hopefully Johnson can recover.

God willing.

PATRIOTS QB Tom Brady is bald. That’s right, bald. Or so the reports in the National Enquirer suggests. Brady reportedly is a patient of the Leonard Hair Transplant Association in Cranston, R.I. Meaning Brady’s gorgeous locks are nothing more than a fa├žade. A mere cover-up to one of the biggest sporting scandals since the 1919 Black Sox.

Say it ain’t so!

Apparently, three Super Bowl rings and a supermodel wife are no match against vanity. Then again, none of us have been compared to Jets coach Rex Ryan in the looks department.

But, Tom, whether these rumors are true or not (and I believe everything I read in the tabloids), there is no reason to fear being bald. Sure, we cannot be president (seeing that we haven't had a bald president since Eisenhower). But many bald players have gone on to have great NFL careers.

Here are the six top bald NFL players of all-time.

And point of order, these are hair-thinning bald guys. Not dudes who are bald because it is fashionable. As Larry David once said, you are not part of the bald community.

6. Otis Sistrunk

This might have been a grooming choice, but you couldn't tell at the time. When he took his helmet off on Monday Night Football and Frank Gifford said, "And from the University of Mars ...," you knew you were looking at one of the coolest football players ever. He personified the Raiders.

5. Mel Renfro

When your friends tried to trade you a Renfro football card, you thought that no way this guy was an NFL player. He looked like a friendly neighbor, not one of the most feared defensive players in the NFL. Turns out he was a Hall of Fame defensive back.

4. Y.A. Tittle

Some might argue that the image of Eagles LB Chuck Bednarik standing over a prone Giants RB Frank Gifford might be the greatest NFL photo of all time. But if a bleeding Tittle does not top that photo, it is very, very close. Tittle was an NFL MVP (1963), but the title continued to elude him. But he proudly wore his male-pattern baldness.

3. Jerry Rice

Maybe this was a product of playing way too long in the NFL. But Rice became a member of the bald community later in his career. Though one might say that Rice was able to cover it up earlier in his career with his high-cut fade. During his time with the Raiders, Rice became the first player in NFL history to combine cornrows and a shaved head. Only to be later matched by QB Donovan McNabb.

2. Terry Bradshaw

Bradshaw over Rice? Well, he does have more Super Bowl MVP awards than Rice (three to one). And Bradshaw played the majority of his career as a BA ... a Bald American. Plus Bradshaw starred in a number of movies -- Cannonball Run and Hooper -- with fellow baldy Burt Reynolds. Only a collective effort could keep him out of the top spot.

1. The 1970s Dolphins

Probably the greatest collection of bald players ever. S Dick Anderson, K Garo Yepremian and S Jake Scott all sported the look of the time -- chrome dome and thick, luscious horseshoe of hair. There was no shame. In fact, this is why this team was able to have a perfect season in 1972 and still win the Super Bowl, Tom. There is something to be said for being imperfect in your hair but perfect on the field. Something your Patriots couldn't do. Coincidence?



R.J. said...

What about Ray Nitschke? You have to find room for him in that baldy list.

Diane said...

That's my gal! Beautiful, talented, sports fan, married to a Scottish race car driver, enviromentalist, feminist, flaming liberal.

And to the best of my knowledge, she's never tried to blackmail a married athlete, nor announced she's getting her implants removed to be "taken seriously."

A Weak Ender Girl to be proud of!

buckyor said...

Ray Nitschke called, and he's gonna rise from his grave and hit you so hard your great grandchildren will be born crippled.