Thursday, November 18, 2010

The Weak Ender: She's marrying who?

Let me see if this is correct. Jessica Simpson went from Tony Romo -- the quarterback of the Cowboys -- to some retired tight end who played for the Seahawks or 49ers or something.

That would be like going from Johnny Knoxville to Steve-O. Though, that may have happened.

But what an amazing fall from grace. She still looks good. She's still in movies? But this is a terrible rebound relationship for Jessica. Ben Roethlisberger would have been a better option.

And here is the kicker. She is engaged to the guy, and she bought the engagement ring. That's right, Jessica Simpson bought her own engagement ring.

Dude, that was the only reason why I never went out with her. Because I knew I would never be able to afford a wedding ring for her. I don't have 98 Degrees money. So I thought it would have been a lost cause.

And sure, I'm married, but still. I'm a little upset about this news.

Though, not as upset as having my fantasy kicker get me only zero points on Thursday night. That's a great way to start the fantasy week. I guess that is what I get for having Michael Vick last week.

And yes, I get it. I probably should not be using Vick. Poor Pappagorgio would be rolling in her grave, if her ashes were not on our mantle.

Fantasy football, however, is a business. Honestly, my two quarterbacks are Vick and Roethlisberger. Brett Favre even had a stint on my roster -- the Dog-killing rapists.

I am not proud of it, but if Vick continues to put up these fantasy numbers, I roll through the pound with him. If he needs me to pimp him a pitbull pup, like teenagers standing in front of the 7-11 looking to score some beers, I am all about it.

Let's make it happen.

WHAT ELSE is happening? How do you feel about these Friday night games that Boise State is playing? Chance to shine in front of some actual East Coast critics? Or does it make it look junior varsity?

I tend towards the former, because if you watch Boise State, you can tell it is a talented team. To say otherwise is intellectually dishonest.

Just as it would be dishonest to say that Boise State deserves to go to the national championship game undefeated teams from the Pac-10 and SEC.

And wouldn't you know it, LSU coach Les Miles is already trying to get his one-loss team into the mix. Nice try, douche. The Tigers need a lot of help if they want to reach the BCS title game.

THE RAIDERS and Steelers are renewing one of the bitterest rivalries in NFL history this week. Although Roethlisberger vs. Campbell is not exactly Bradshaw vs. Stabler.

However, the two teams played in one of the most controversial games ever. And if you will allow me, here are the six most memorable plays in NFL history.

6. Music City Miracle

Following the Bills’ kickoff on the game’s final play, Titans WR Kevin Dyson takes a field-wide lateral from TE Frank Wycheck and races 75 yards to lift Tennessee over Buffalo in an AFC Wild Card Game. What made the outcome more delicious was that Bills coach Wade Phillips had benched QB Doug Flutie for the game after Rob Johnson performed well in a meaningless Week 17 contest that was played after their playoff slot had been determined. Phillips was seconds away from being justified for an unjust move. The Football Gods said otherwise.

5. Tyree’s catch in Super Bowl XLII

Talk about your desperation heaves. Giants QB Eli Manning fights through a number of defenders, launches the ball toward a little-known David Tyree, who pins it to his helmet while Patriots safety Rodney Harrison desperately tries to knock it away. This is what happens to Harrison when he tries to play by the rules. The play set up Plaxico Burress‘ winning touchdown reception to end the Patriots’ bid for perfection.

4. The Holy Roller

The Raiders were once known (should that be past tense?) as rule breakers. But Stabler might not have broken the rules when he intentionally fumbled the ball forward against the Chargers, which allowed RB Pete Banaszak to knock it into the end zone so TE Dave Casper could fall on it for a touchdown. A rule was later added making this illegal.

3. Immaculate Reception

This might be hard for you youngsters to believe, but there was a time when the Steelers were a downtrodden franchise and the Raiders were among the NFL’s elite. But when Steelers RB Franco Harris caught a ball that had ricocheted off John “Frenchy” Fuqua‘s hands via the Raiders’ Jack Tatum and raced into the end zone, a dynasty was born.

The only thing that could have made this play more memorable would have been if the referee had buried his head into the replay booth for five minutes, if there were a replay rule at the time, and later emerged to explain that there was no conclusive evidence, and the play would stand.

2. The Hail Mary

The one and only. Cowboys QB Roger Staubach threw a 50-yard touchdown pass to WR Drew Pearson in the closing seconds of a 1975 NFC Divisional playoff game. After the game, Staubach referred to the pass as a “Hail Mary” and the legend was born. Vikings fans still say that Pearson pushed off and call it Holy (expletive).

1. The Tuck Rule

This game had everything you would want: a snow storm, in the playoffs, and the Raiders losing. Patriots QB Tom Brady appeared to have fumbled in the closing minutes to give Oakland the win. But the now-famous NFL Rule 3, Section 21, Article 2, Note 2 said otherwise. Brady went on to lead New England to the win and ultimately a Super Bowl win over St. Louis. Adam Vinatieri‘s winning boot in the Super Bowl deserves an honorable mention here.

Also deserving votes: the Ghost to the Post, the Sea of Hands, and the fight between Rams and Raiders fans during a Week 11 game at Anaheim Stadium in 1994.


The Eagles win over the Redskins was the third-most lopsided score for a home team coming off a bye week.


Peteski said...

Pretty excellent list, indeed.

I've been holding on to this for awhile, thought you might enjoy it.

SnowBowl 2002

Carry on.

R.J. said...

Brady fumbled! Oh, heck. If I keep harping about it I'll sound like one of those people who wanted President Bush's electoral victory in 2000 investigated in October 2008.

Anonymous said...

seem to recall that there was just such a huddle and delay after the immaculate reception only no replay booth

WCT said...

Nice to see you put together a legit Weak Ender for once.

I would say that Boise State playing all these Friday, and Tuesday, and Thursday games against WAC cupcakes makes them look like a second-rate program, then I remembered that they play on a stadium with blue turf, so that ship sailed a long time ago. Whats next? Playing in a baseball stadium and only attacking one end zone?

Bain said...

Only at THN would this play not make the cut. said...

Maybe he has more money or something that she might want. But it is pretty weird.