Thursday, September 02, 2010

Super Bowl Buzz Kill: Raven

Anybody can pick winners. We at The Hater Nation like to predict the losers. And last year, who could match our accuracy? The Hater Nation went 31 for 32 in picking teams that would not win the Super Bowl. If you read through the lines, too, you would have saw that we were secretly picking the Saints to take the whole thing.

So here is the 2010 Super Bowl Buzz Kill. A feature so awesome, those (expletives) at Deadspin have blatantly ripped it off. Turns out the schmucks at the Bleacher Report did, too. Always imitated, never duplicated.


Why your team won't win the Super Bowl: Raven



Stop me if you have heard this one before, Raven will not finally take off offensively now that they have (fill in the blank) at receiver. Yeah, been there, seen that.

Raven has really outdone itself this season. Raven is so desperate for help at receiver they picked up a guy who was suspended for a season because he killed somebody.

Although harboring known criminals has never really been a problem for Raven in the past.
Maybe that is the formula the team is looking for. Raven has not gone to the Super Bowl since the last time one of their players beat a murder rap. Why go against what works, right? In fact, why did Raven not think of this sooner? Maybe Rae Carruth could have worked out some sort of work release program.

Although, again, it is people who beat the rap. Carruth and Plaxico Burress would not have much use on this team. Ray Lewis would be too busy breaking their balls all day saying, “Dude, you went to jail for that? What the hell is wrong with you? I would have gotten away with it.”
So you do not want that kind of derisive force in the locker room.

Raven also added Anquan Boldin. One of the toughest guys in the NFL. The dude returned from a broken jaw. Without pain killers. The sad truth though, is that he just cannot stay healthy enough to be counted on. He makes Willis McGahee seem like an iron man.

Though it is fair to say that Raven will be much better on offense this year. Joe Flacco will build off his solid first two years to emerge as one of the best young quarterbacks. But as luck will have it, the defense will start sliding. This is one of those classic cases where if you could have paired this offense with those vintage Raven defenses, you certainly would have had something. Now, not so much.

Lewis is not the player he once was. Ed Reed is not the player he once was. And at some point, the loss of Rex Ryan is going to be felt here.

This is a bitter irony for Raven as the team shifts from defensive stalwart to offensive super power. I mean even their jail parolee is on offense now. Good team, but falls just short.

4 comments:

Bokolis said...

Like a true captain, Ray Ray would have stepped up and welcomed them into the fold. After all, the family that slays together stays together.

Anonymous said...

still bitter about 2000 douchebag...

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Granted, there are usuallyMicrosoft Office 2010write-ups when presidential contenders make their tax returns available, but the coverage falls far short of the Office 2010
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