Thursday, September 16, 2010

Sports Book Hustle: Soldiering On

The views and opinions expressed in this column represent the views of Kid Vegas and not necessarily the views of the other contributors of the blog. Probably none of them. Kid Vegas' advice is for entertainment purposes only.

All right all welcome back for week 2 of the season, a pedestrian 3-2 posted by me last week, and once again my dreams of a perfect season were dashed. Nevertheless I soldier on, week 1 taught us some things, but there is still a lot to learn, let’s remember it wasn’t until October and Week 4 last year that I really caught fire and went 18-1-1 for the month, a respectable September would give me a nice running start at besting last year’s historic season though. All right here are some musings from the action thusfar…

-What is the deal with this reporter crying about some Jets players catcalling her in their locker room. I’ve seen some desperate attempts to try to become famous, but his is pretty pathetic, even Kim Kardashian is embarrassed for her. When I saw a headline regarding a scandal and some Spanish sports reporter there to interview Mark Sanchez, I just assumed Dirty Sanchez was up to his old college raping antics and had dragged her into the shower and torn off her clothes or something, but nope just a couple of naked players had talked to her after she walked into the lockerroom while they were changing. Thank god she found the courage to go on a press tour and tell everyone that would listen about her harrowing tale. This would be like me going to a gay club to interview Elton John, deciding to wear assless leather chaps and a Tom Brady jersey, and then throwing a giant fit after some gay guys hit on me.

-Speaking of Tom Brady, congrats to him on coming out of the closet, that hair is ridiculous, even Perez Hilton thinks he needs to dial it down a bit, now if we could just get him to admit he’s a terrible QB and the tuck rule was the worst call in the history of sports, my work here will be done…

-So I hear this Manning Bowl is something of a story, this is the 2nd one out of 4, and Peyton is already up 1-0 on my boy Eli, it’s a little overblown like my boy Eli was saying, football is too much of a team sport, and they aren’t even on the field at the same time, but still anytime two of the best teams in the sport face off, and their two captains, two of the best players in football, happen to be brothers, it will be a big story, plus it gives us all an excuse to cast the spotlight on American hero Archie Manning one more time. Frankly I think Peyton will pull this one out, the Colts are still a little better, though Bob Sanders being out evens the playing field quite a bit. It will probably not be a Manning bro that decides this one, but I’d be a little nervous if Eli was driving the field on the two minute drill for the win, that older brother psychology is tough to overcome, it isn’t easy to take down the family champ, just ask my three younger brothers who challenged me to a 3 on 1 drinking contest when we hung out over the summer… (needless to say, I still have the belt)

All right let’s get to the picks, historically Week 2 is my toughest week, so hopefully we can buck the trend:

5. Usc (-11.5) over MINNESOTA – I’m already on the USC bandwagon in hopes of them running the table and making the BCS look like the morons we all know they are, although it was nice work of them to strip Reggie Bush of his Heisman, wow, it’s like the 2005 season never happened!! Does anyone even care about these antics, the NCAA is just making itself look stupid with all these no athlete has ever gotten improper benefits theatrics, if they had just let it die after that one moronic Yahoo writer published his story no one would have even noticed. But if they’re going to keep doing these moronic, “oh the season never happened” antics, I’m almost tempted to file a class action suit on behalf of all the gamblers who lost on USC in that 3 year period. Now I wasn’t one of those gamblers, but I figure since none of his USC games happened, he didn’t get drafted at #2, and shouldn’t have been on the Saints, so I want my money back from when they lost to Philly in the Conference championships, I’m fine holding onto the scratch I won on the Saints earlier that year though. Stupid NCAA.

4. Over 36.5 in Tennessee – This is the old they want me to zig, so I’m zagging instead game, sure Pittsburgh couldn’t score in week 1, and their defense was looking Curtainy, but I think going down to Tennessee could throw a wrinkle in their plan, once they are behind by a TD or two having Dennis Dixon throw 1 yd screens and fall over just isn’t going to get the job done, and even the Raiders put up 13 on the Tenn defense. Also I’ve always kind of liked old VY, he looked good last week, and the Chris Johnson overhype should open up the defense a bit, I think some TDs should be scored here.

3. CAROLINA (-3.5) over Tampa Bay – This line seems a little low, I mean correct me if I’m wrong, but isn’t Tampa Bay terrible, do they have one talented player on either side of the ball? And they’re on the road, I mean it looks like Vegas is not too confident in Carolina’s favorite son Matt Moore, granted he’s probably pretty terrible, but the guy had a QB rating in the neighborhood of 130 in his 5 meaningless games last year, including knocking out my Giants out of the playoffs, let’s just hope in a meaningless game against one of the worst teams in the league he can muster some of that old magic.

2. Under 37.5 in Oakland – Does St Louis or Oakland actually have a good defense? Probably not, but they also both have subpar offenses and shaky QBs, so let’s hope this one resorts to a good old fashioned punting contest. I mean I’m still a big Spags fan from his Giants defensive coaching days, but he’s made some suspect coaching decisions (letting Kyle Boller throw passes last year for one, the guy has a 2:1 INT:completion ratio for pete’s sake), so if he still reads my newsletter, I’d recommend easing Sam Bradford in nice and slow, their gameplan here should be a lot of runs, a few QB kneels, and maybe one or two screen passes. This game is going to be lost by whoever makes the first mistake, let’s just hope the coaches realize that, and play conservatively.

1. GREEN BAY (-11.5) over Buffalo – Buffalo looked terrible last week at home, Trent Edwards has a great case for worst QB in the league, and they’re going down to Green Bay, an alleged playoff contender. Meanwhile Aaron Rodgers, widely hailed as the biggest douchebag in the league has a chance to run up the score against an awful defense, you can’t tell me he isn’t going to be blatantly stat padding and gunning it deep every time. Probably in his mind scoring 5 TDs against one of the worst teams in the league in a meaningless September game will make people think he’s as good as Brett Favre, a 3-time MVP with a 20 year career who holds a ton of QB records and outplayed him twice last year in embarrassing fashion to remind Green Bay of what they’re missing. Anyway, obviously in an important game you’d prefer a good QB, but in a meaningless game with a big spread, you always bet on the douche.

-- Kid Vegas