Thursday, August 12, 2010

The Weak Ender: So Long Chipper



Chipper Jones made have played his final professional baseball game. This is a blow to Hooters girls everywhere dreaming of getting knocked up by a Major League ballplayer.

I never understood the appeal of professional athletes landing Hooters girls. Can't you leave the easy ones for the rest of us? You are supposed to pull the strippers out of the strip club. I mean, that would be like Chipper going down and ripping it up in Single A, when was already a Major League veteran.

But do not fret Hooter girls in search of a baby daddy, there is always John Daly. (Fingers crossed for you.)

DOES BRANDON Marshall have game?

The Dolphins receiver certainly thinks so.

There is no doubting Marshall’s prowess on of the football field, he is one of the best in the game at his position. But what if football was taken away?

As players ponder what to do in case of a work stoppage next year, Marshall has a totally realistic backup plan — he is going to play in the NBA. Not trying out for the D-league (which he would not make, either), but the NBA. As in National Basketball Association.

Marshall told ESPN that he will play in the NBA next season if the NFL players are locked out. He is following in the footsteps of Terrell Owens and Randy Moss, who both attempted to play professional basketball, although at a lower league, the USBL. Apparently, basketball is the preferred vocation of the troubled receiver.

“My first team will be the Nuggets and my second team will be the Heat — I’m serious,” Marshall said.

“There’s not going to be any football. If there’s a lockout, I have to find a job. I figure the Nuggets will be a better choice because of the welcome-home cheer I’ll get — a couple of boos at first. I’m gonna get with a basketball coach and get to work, prepare for the lockout.”

What was Marshall’s third option, having Bernie Madoff invest his money? Safety inspector at Toyota? CEO of British Petroleum?

Marshall sounds like one of those guys you typically see when you play pickup basketball. The guy who thinks he is good enough to play in the NBA, but cannot dribble with his off-hand, blows layups and often cherry picks. And if I had to venture a guess, he looks like the kind of guy who does not play defense in pickup games, either. But that’s just a guess.

So maybe he would fit in with the Clippers.

But somebody also might want to clue Marshall into the fact that the NBA is facing a labor dispute of its own. So, you have to ask, can Marshall hit a curve ball?

TELL ME if this sounds familiar to Cowboys fans … Tony Romo and the game look flawless moving into the red zone and then, once there, you might as well cue up the Yakety Sax as the Cowboys look more like a junior varsity squad than a Super Bowl contender.

Romo looked great directing the Cowboys on the team’s first drive. TE Jason Witten and Miles Austin had a couple of nice catches. But again, once they got into the red zone, there was a sack, futile screen and then another sack with a fumble, which the Cowboys recovered. Squandering these fantasy opportunities will be no laughing matter when the regular season starts.

But on the bright side Cowboys fans, you got a chance to watch David Buehler kick a field goal. And with the way the Cowboys have looked in the red zone so far this year, he might be the best fantasy player of the lot.

Tell me why Jason Garrett is a shoe-in to be a head coach some day? BTW, Garrett turned down the Saints job, if I am remember this correctly.

RAIDERS FANS have seen this before. Here is how the Raiders first-team offense fared on Thursday night:

Three-and-out.
Three-and-out (thanks to a false start on third-and-5, classic Raiders).
Six-and-out (hey, that’s progress).

Here is the line for the Raiders first team offense: 12 plays, one first down, and 25 yards.

That is the kind of line that would make QB Jason Campbell long for those idyllic days in Washington.

To the Raiders discredit, Dallas did have one preseason game under its belt. And let’s be honest, you cannot expect the Raiders to suddenly become the 1998 Vikings on offense after a few practices. Especially after some years of futility. But come on guys, we needed a better show than this.

Or maybe we were expecting too much.

AND FINALLY ...

This should be very telling about the Angels season, we were pulling for the Rangers to beat the Yankees on Wednesday night. Ugh.

8 comments:

Diane said...

Unfortunately, I'm still in denial since the Angels have not yet been mathematically eliminated.

Oh, and thank goodness the babe on the right thought to use her cleavage as a convenient hook for her sunglasses or I never would have noticed her ginormous boobs.

Bokolis said...

Al & Co. will finish the 'skins job of snuffing out Campbell's potential.

Chipper, spit-kicking hick that he is, knew his potential. He doesn't have the game to carry a professional bottle rat.

I guess that's how it plays in that Peoria. But, somehow, I don't think those two are representative of your typical Hooters girl. I'm picturing ass-fat pouring out of those poom-poom shorts and lat-fat pouring out of the tank top.

WCT said...

Well, look who's back from "vacation"

THN said...

That girl with the sunglasses has probably been hit on by more players in spring training then, well, I have no idea.

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Well, at leas he enjoyed his career and banged a lot of hooters girls that everybody would like to to.

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