Anybody can pick winners. We at The Hater Nation like to predict the losers. And last year, who could match our accuracy? The Hater Nation went 31 for 32 in picking teams that would not win the Super Bowl. If you read through the lines, too, you would have saw that we were secretly picking the Saints to take the whole thing.
So here is the 2010 Super Bowl Buzz Kill. A feature so awesome, those (expletives) at Deadspin have blatantly ripped it off. Turns out the schmucks at the Bleacher Report did, too. Always imitated, never duplicated.
Why your team won't win the Super Bowl: Green Bay Packers
Those of us who own cats know what it’s like. They stand by the door for hours waiting to go out; when you finally open the door, instead of bounding through, they hold their ground and peer outside, while 500 mosquitos race into the house. You finally get all frustrated and kick ‘em out, and two minutes later they’re back, crying to come back in.
And so the latest word is that, despite everyone (including his Vikings teammates) believing that Brett Favre would return to play a 20th season, Brett has decided to hang it up. Apparently his ankle injury, sustained in the NFC Championship Game loss to the Saints in January, hasn’t sufficiently healed for him to play this season. So the Vikings will go with Tarvaris Jackson. Or Sage Rosenfels. Good luck with that.
Or so he says on August 3rd. Let’s see what happens when training camp is winding down; when the practices start getting shorter and the guys who have to do something spectacular to get a look are gone. The smart money says that Brad Childress will be playing the role of Hoke Colburn once again come late August.
But what sort of team will Miss Daisy be returning to? Well, the Vikings came within one ill-advised Favre pass of the Super Bowl last season, a situation Packer fans could empathize with were they not overfilled with schadenfreude.
The defense sports one of the best mullets in the NFL, with Jared Allen, and the Williams Wall, who have dodged the NFL’s performance-enhancing drug testing cops for two years now. But EJ Henderson is struggling trying to come back from a gruesome injury last season, and the Vikings’ secondary was soft even before losing Cedric Griffin (who started training camp on the PUP list, and won’t be back until midseason).
Minnesota has excellent skill players on the offensive side of the ball, starting with Adrian Peterson, who might be great if only he could learn to hang onto the football. Sidney Rice, Percy Harvin and Bernard Berrian are not a bad stable of targets, either. We’ve all seen that Visanthe Shiancoe swings a big bat, too. So what’s not to like?
Well, their offensive line began to go soft late last season. Favre got the living crap kicked out of him in late season games against the Cardinals, Panthers, and Bears, as well as the NFC title game, and Peterson’s YPC dropped to 3.3 in December. Peterson still drops the ball too much for an elite back. And Favre- assuming he changes his mind yet again- will be 41 in October. There’s a reason that Favre is the only 40-year old QB to ever start a playoff game; the bodies of even great signal callers begin to break down as they age. For the Vikings to win it all this year, they need Favre to repeat his heroics from last season. However, it’s just as likely that we’ll see Joe Namath ’76-77, or Johnny Unitas ’73.