Monday, August 30, 2010

Super Bowl Buzz Kill: Indianapolis Colts

Anybody can pick winners. We at The Hater Nation like to predict the losers. And last year, who could match our accuracy? The Hater Nation went 31 for 32 in picking teams that would not win the Super Bowl. If you read through the lines, too, you would have saw that we were secretly picking the Saints to take the whole thing.

So here is the 2010 Super Bowl Buzz Kill. A feature so awesome, those (expletives) at Deadspin have blatantly ripped it off. Turns out the schmucks at the Bleacher Report did, too. Always imitated, never duplicated.

Why your team won't win the Super Bowl: Indianapolis Colts

The Colts are upset because they are not allowed to cheat anymore. The new position of the umpire behind the quarterback means that Gomer cannot try his cheating, quick snapping that has made him so successful.

Well, it is not cheating per se. Although it is in the same vein as pretending to be your opponents teammate in pickup basketball. You know, the "oooh, oooh guy." That is a chicken (expletive) play that is not technically illegal, but just poor form.

Which is why many of us enjoyed that game-crippling interception that Gomer threw in the Super Bowl. I do not believe in karma, but that interception that Gomer threw almost swayed me.

Which leads me to the reason why the Colts will not win this year. Teams coming off a Super Bowl loss tend to struggle the following season.

Over the last, what, 10 years only the Seahawks and Cardinals were able to rebound after losing the Super Bowl. But what is important to note is that the Seahawks and Cardinals were jobbed by the officials in losses to the Steelers. And further Pittsburgh struggled the year after winning it all, proving that the trend is real.

Now, I am not predicting a complete meltdown of the Colts. Gomer will bend enough rules to keep the team competitive, but how long can the Colts good fortune last?

There have been injuries to Jeff Saturday and Dallas Clark, and these injuries are the ones that tend to have the biggest impact. Sure, Tom Brady being out for an entire year following a loss in the Super Bowl is a blow, but when these little injuries to the supporting cast start to mount ... there is trouble.

So look for the Colts to do what they normally do. Strong regular season and spectacular meltdowns in the postseason. But at least the new rule change will give Gomer a new excuse to explain away his latest loss.

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