Tuesday, August 17, 2010

Super Bowl Buzz Kill: Detroit Lions

Anybody can pick winners. We at The Hater Nation like to predict the losers. And last year, who could match our accuracy? The Hater Nation went 31 for 32 in picking teams that would not win the Super Bowl. If you read through the lines, too, you would have saw that we were secretly picking the Saints to take the whole thing.

So here is the 2010 Super Bowl Buzz Kill. A feature so awesome, those (expletives) at Deadspin have blatantly ripped it off. Turns out the schmucks at the Bleacher Report did, too. Always imitated, never duplicated.

Why your team won't win the Super Bowl: Detroit Lions

By Bucky

You can take the Detroit Lions away from Matt Millen, but you can’t take Matt Millen away from the Detroit Lions. . . .

Yes, Millen may be gone, his dream of a roster compiled of 53 wide receivers unfulfilled. But his legacy lives on. One year after drafting their quarterback of the future in Matthew Stafford, the Lions once again selected perhaps the most prized jewel of the 2010 draft in Ndamukong Suh. The only problem is they can’t get him to show up for work. I think I’ve seen this movie before. . . .

Look, compared to the Millen years, things are looking up in Detroit . At least on the football field. Then again, BP is having a better year than the Lions ever had under Millen. Even Tony Hayward thinks Millen did a lousy job.

Okay, cheap shots at Millen are easy, but he hasn’t been there in several years, so we need to find new material. While I’m trying to think of something, maybe I’ll pick up a Wendy’s burger at the drive-up window. Ok, so Joe Cullen is old news as well.

Things really are getting better in Detroit ; like I said, it’s hard for them not to. Stafford seems to be on his way to becoming a pretty good quarterback, and he’s got Calvin Johnson to throw to, which is more than the Bears can say about either position. The backs are Silent Bob from Clerks (no, not really) and rookie Jahvid Best. But it remains to be seen if anyone on the aging offensive line can still block.

The defense has also been upgraded. Former Badger DeAndre Levy is going to be a star at LB, and the Lions have upgraded their Dline significantly with former Packer Corey Williams and (hopefully, eventually) Suh joining Kyle Vanden Bosch. Unfortunately, the secondary is dreadful, with Louis Delmas being the only player worth a damn back
there. Maybe if Matt Millen hadn’t spent so much time drafting WRs, the Lions might have someone whose coverage is tighter than Lindsay Lohan.

Man, it’s not easy to find material on the Lions. It’s not easy kicking these guys when they’re down. But maybe that won’t be the case forever.

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