Thursday, July 08, 2010

The Weak Ender: Another Weak, Another Proposal

Too bad the World Cup is coming to an end. What with offers of stripping and streaking, the World Cup has offered up titillating proposals. The most indecent coming from Dutch porn star Bobbi Eden who offered to pleasure her entire Twitter followers if her beloved Orange won.

And she went from like 3,000 to 75,000 followers. Did not realize that there were that many people in the world willing to catch an STD.

I guess we should never underestimate people's willingness to whore themselves out.

Which of course brings us to LeBron James.

Let's be honest, James is not the first person to leave Cleveland for Miami. He will not be the last. James is the only person who would have a one-hour special to announce his decision. One of those most self-important moves typically left for the D-listing reality TV media whores.

Or Tim Tebow.

I am, of course, partly to blame because I watched the whole thing. I also will admit that I watched it because it will be even more satisfying if he ever becomes broke and smoking crack in the back of a Buick after his playing days.

I find it a coincidence that I am currently reading a book about Pat Tillman and I simply marvel at the two men's differences. Tillman once turned down millions from the St. Louis FC to take $500,000 from the Cardinals because it was the right thing to do. Tillman also refused to do any interviews when he joined the military because he did not want the media hype. Tillman also rebuffed an offer -- from his agent -- to take an early combat discharge from the military to rejoin the NFL. And Tillman hated being in the army. Tillman had grown disillusioned with the whole process. Especially with the war in Iraq.

And here was James sitting in some Boys Club and talking about going to the Heat.

Again, his choice, his right. But no matter how much James makes over his life, he will never come close to leading a richer life than Tillman. Never.

James also says that he wants to win. So did the Cavaliers. An organization that had to be awfully disappointed when James folded up like a French soldier during the last two Eastern Conference playoffs. James always likened himself as the next Michael Jordan. But apparently to win a ring, he needs to be the next Scottie Pippen.

Although Toni Kukoc might be a better analogy.

But it is clear that James has gone from being a king to a queen, with Cleveland as the court jester. Not only is James a king without a crown, he is a king without a ring.

These collection of high-priced players always seem like a good idea. At first. Nobody has to remind Los Angeles fans how the Karl Malone-Gary Payton ERA ended with the Lakers. So nothing is guaranteed. And really, James has never done much in crunch time that has ever proven that he is a winner.

So congratulations James. When it comes to self-glossing nicknames, and getting your name out there without the hardware to back it up, you have proven to have no peer. But your blatant disregard for tact makes even that couple from the Bachelor think you are sleazy.

The only thing I can say you did right is that you did not offer up your mother Gloria James to Chris Bosh or Dwyane Wade. Not that either would want Delonte West's sloppy seconds.


Seitz said...

Say what you will about Pippen, and I'm no fan, but when he didn't get the ball at the end, at least he had the good sense to quit. Bosh and Lebron have decided that they'd rather go to a team where someone else has that responsibility.

Also, Miami Heat games have, counterintuitively, instantly become unwatchable. Between Lebron and Wade, that team will be granted 60-70 free throws per game.

Bokolis said...

By 7PM ET, it was pretty much a lock, but I had to watch (didn't listen to get confirmation.

The pippen comparison is apt.

Regardless of whether you agree that Payton and Malone were washed up by the time they sowed up to the Lakers, they were close enough to justify chasing the ring. Chasing the ring at 25, even if LBJ is biding his time until they build an arena in Brooklyn (let me know when that happens) is bush.

Unfortunately for Tillman, he had to get so close as to enlist to grow disallusioned. Friends and co-workers were lucky enough to bring back stories of the bullspit. But it only took Bokolis until 9/11 + 4 days, when, while on volunteer rubble removal detail, I saw these muthafcukas fighting over- among other things- what properly connected company would cart away the debris.

Not everyone is born a cynic.

British Petroleum said...

I just wish LeBron could have held out a little longer before making his decision.

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