Thursday, July 29, 2010

Super Bowl Buzz Kill: Pittsburgh Steelers

Anybody can pick winners. We at The Hater Nation like to predict the losers. And last year, who could match our accuracy? The Hater Nation went 31 for 32 in picking teams that would not win the Super Bowl. If you read through the lines, too, you would have saw that we were secretly picking the Saints to take the whole thing.

So here is the 2010 Super Bowl Buzz Kill. A feature so awesome, those (expletives) at Deadspin have blatantly ripped it off. Turns out the schmucks at the Bleacher Report did, too. Always imitated, never duplicated.

Why your team won't win the Super Bowl: Pittsburgh Steelers

You know, a lot of people sit around and ask, 'what is wrong with NFL players these days?' What happened to the good old days. Guys nowadays like Michael Vick and Ben Roethlisberger are just throwing away their lives by being stupid. Nobody would have ever done that in the past.

Just ask Lance Rentzel, Art Schlichter and Stanley Wilson.

Players have long been jackasses, Roethlisberger is not the first and he clearly will not be the last. But we are all having a good time at his expense right now.

But when you think of players who were at the top of their game throwing it away, well, Roethlisberger is clearly very high on that list.

Big Ben was seemingly an afterthought after Eli Messiah pouted his way out of San Diego, and Philip Rivers has become vilified. Roethlisberger just went on to win Super Bowls.

Or more to the point, he was the quarterback of teams who won Super Bowls. He was merely a passenger during the Steelers fifth Super Bowl win, though his last-minute drive against the Cardinals was pretty cool.

The only thing that could hold back Big Ben is college girls in the bathrooms of college bars. And hotel workers, though The Office showed that concierges are kind of slutty.

Ben's dalliance has certainly put the Steelers behind the 8-ball. Kind of like when he had a little headache and had to miss a game last year.

Truth be told, however, most people in Pittsburgh knew Ben was an a-hole, they have been bracing for this.

The Steelers have a pretty big question as to whom will replace Roethlisberger. Byron Leftwich is probably the most likely, but Dennis Dixon would probably be a better long-term answer, especially if Ben cannot keep it in his pants.

The bigger question might be who will replace LT Willie Colon who tore up his knee and is lost for the season. The Steelers need to transition from a passing team to a running team, and being without a left tackle can hurt just as much as losing Roethlisberger.

Rookie Maurkice Pouncey is the most likely to fill that spot. Good luck with that.

Bottom line: The Steelers have a lot of questions, and it is up to coach Mike Tomlin to figure it all out. Tomlin has been praised after replacing Bill Cowher, but are the wheels starting to come off the bus?

Tomlin was criticized last year for taking it easy on the Steelers following their Super Bowl win. Camp Cupcake, I believe, it was called. Did that lead to the Steelers downfall? Probably not as much as them cheating to win the Super Bowl.

Now what is Tomlin going to do to replace Roethlisberger, how is the offensive line handled and how will this team hold up to the scrutiny? The Steelers still have talent, but an improved AFC North and too many distractions means that the Steelers probably miss the playoffs.



Good article. I can't believe that Deadspin ripped you off. At least give credit when it's due. Thats why I like reading your blog. Your blog is original.

THN said...

Thank you, sir. That is much appreciated.

The Hatriot said...

I think the real question is what happened to the days when SB-winning QBs, and professional atheletes in general, would hit kitty the average guy could only dream about. Now? Ruthlessbuggerer? Tiger? I wouldn't do some of those girls with Cowboy Honk's dick. And don't even get me started on waiting in line for Ray J's sloppy seconds. The only difference between Kim K and the Holland Tunnel is that not every brother with a shoe contract has been in the Holland Tunnel.

Bokolis said...

Agreed. Bokolis has had better looking leg deliberately bump into me for attention than what this okie-doke is puling.

Hopefully, Rohypsberger's hijinks influence the booking committee.

The old-timers were doing as much dirt as these guys are. We just weren't made aware of it. The ubiquity of media and the public's fascination with the dirt see to it that, anyone who wants to know, will know.

The fascination itself can be blamed on, in no particular order, women sufferage, womens' lib, womens' rights. Those things led to the more immediate causes: women gaining control of the remote, women turning guys into putos that act like broads.

Pierre LePud said...

Laugh all you want at hockey, these hairy-lipped, big-nosed bowzers that Leinart and Riflesfurburgers slobber over wouldn't even rate the laundry boy of your average NHL team.

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