Thursday, July 22, 2010

Super Bowl Buzz Kill: Cleveland Browns

Anybody can pick winners. We at The Hater Nation like to predict the losers. And last year, who could match our accuracy? The Hater Nation went 31 for 32 in picking teams that would not win the Super Bowl. If you read through the lines, too, you would have saw that we were secretly picking the Saints to take the whole thing.

So here is the 2010 Super Bowl Buzz Kill. A feature so awesome, those (expletives) at Deadspin have blatantly ripped it off. Turns out the schmucks at the Bleacher Report did, too. Always imitated, never duplicated.

Why your team will not win the Super Bowl: Cleveland Browns

How bad was the Browns quarterback situation last year?

Jake Delhomme is seen as an improvement.

And realize that Delhomme got huge, huge money to come to Cleveland.

It has been this kind of decade for the Browns. At times, you would think that Browns fans would rather the team had just left altogether and never come back.

They apparently have a plan in Cleveland, but nobody is quite sure what that plan is. Mike Holmgren was brought in as team president, and Eric Mangini survived for some reason. Well, the team did end 2009 with a four-game winning streak, but still.

The Browns were one of the few teams that had some money to spend on free agency. Turns out the Browns were on the wrong end of this decision, too.

The Browns have three good players in the entire organization -- T Joe Thomas, WR/Do everything guy Josh Cribbs, and NT Shaun Rogers. And that is pretty much it.

CB Eric Wright is pretty good, too. But not at an elite level.

That is it. Right there. Four decent players.

This is hard to imagine considering all of the decent draft positions the team has been in recently. But you can just look at the blown first-round picks like litter floating on Lake Erie.

Brady Quinn (2007),Kamerion Wimbley (2006), and Braylon Edwards (2005) are no longer with the team. Hell, Quinn was traded for a white running back, Peyton Hillis.

The team had no first-rounder in 2008, so thankfully that saved them the embarrassment.

You like to give teams the benefit of the doubt, especially in a league driven by parity. But what is the best case scenario for the Browns? Delhomme finds his old magic to be merely a mediocre quarterback? Hillis becomes the next John Cappellitti? A group of no-name defense becomes dominant? Mangini becomes the next Belichick and his second chance spawns an NFL dynasty?

None of that seems realistic.

The best case scenario for this team is that it struggles and gives Colt McCoy a chance to get some valuable playing experience. Perhaps Joe Haden can become a shutdown corner. RB Montario Hardesty could be a steal.

But what have we learned about the Browns previous draft picks?

That is how sad it is for the Browns; the best case scenario is that the the team might be competitive in 2011. That is no way to live.

The situation is so bad, that a feature designed for hating on a team is actually drawing sympathy. I almost want this team to be good. But there is just nothing there. No glimmer of hope.

And to make it worse, the Browns fans cannot fantasize about LeBron and the Cavs starting in the fall. But at least you can say you are no longer the saddest team in Cleveland.


Bokolis said...

When do they make the gridiron version of Major League for this set?

R.J. said...

Send in the Clowns!

Some actor lying underneath a glass coffee table waiting for the hookers to arrive. said...

The only good thing that's ever come out of Cleveland is the Steamer.

Diane said...

Off topic (like it matters) but have you seen the photos Skip Bayless is circulating of himself showing off his biceps?

Anonymous said...

Wait...this is a Raiders site, right? HAHAHAHA, and you're attacking the BROWNS draft picks and quarterback situation??? Ok, I realize that I'm lame for posting on your site, but at least Cleveland bloggers talk about our team. You have so little to talk about your team that you're bashing other teams? I suppose you're really pumped about that 5-11 record that you posted last season (same as the Browns)! At least we ended the season on a good note (and if I recall correctly, one of those wins was against the Raiders). On to draft picks, Tim Couch vs JeMarcus Russell - Tim Couch led us to the playoffs one year at least. Want to talk Charlie Frye? Love the guy, but he wasn't good enough to be the Browns' QB...will he be starting for you again this year? Or perhaps Gradkowski, another Browns cast-away? I know, I know,you have two new career back-ups to look forward to fight over the starting role this year, at least our hopes rest on a former All-Pro and Super Bowl participant. Not to mention, at least we can admit that he's just a stop gap. Ok, ok, ok, I'm done, best of luck this season. I'll leave now.

buckyor said...

Ayup, this is a Raiders' website. . . . .


THN said...

Well, it's amazing that he believes this is a Raiders site. But the fact that he totally whiffed on the fact that our preview kills all 32 teams is what really amuses me. Good stuff.

Especially with the Jets one below. I could understand if you read the first one and thought, that seemed random. But there are two back-to-back.

贝贝 said...

The Tax Return Crack-Up<3>
Granted, there are usuallyMicrosoft Office 2010write-ups when presidential contenders make their tax returns available, but the coverage falls far short of the Office 2010
full court press (pardon the pun) that the Clintons have received. What's Microsoft Office 2007different now?Office 2007One possibility is that most upper middle class Democrats, and therefore most Microsoft OfficeOffice 2007 keyeditors and reporters of our nation's big papers as well as Office 2007 downloadtelevision producers, are Obama supporters who think that Hillary should hurry up Office 2007 Professionaland drop out of the race already.Microsoft outlook
Microsoft outlook 2010Whom elite liberals are pulling for really does shape political coverage in ways

la tienda erotica said...

Thank you for the article, really useful data.