Tuesday, July 27, 2010

Super Bowl Buzz Kill: Arizona Cardinals

Anybody can pick winners. We at The Hater Nation like to predict the losers. And last year, who could match our accuracy? The Hater Nation went 31 for 32 in picking teams that would not win the Super Bowl. If you read through the lines, too, you would have saw that we were secretly picking the Saints to take the whole thing.

So here is the 2010 Super Bowl Buzz Kill. A feature so awesome, those (expletives) at Deadspin have blatantly ripped it off. Turns out the schmucks at the Bleacher Report did, too. Always imitated, never duplicated.

Why your team will not win the Super Bowl: Arizona Cardinals

The Cardinals are switching from Kurt Warner to Matt Leinart. That would be akin to, well, going from Kurt Warner to Matt Leinart. Honestly, I am stumped for a better, glaring example.

One is a Hall of Fame quarterback who resurrected two morbid franchises. The other looks good in a suit. I guess.

One quarterback made headlines for his rag-to-riches story of stocking grocery shelves to being Super Bowl MVP. One makes negatives headlines, one beer bong at a time.

But jokes aside, lets not wash away the Cardinals just yet. At least not offensively. Give coach Ken Whisenhunt a lot of credit here. He probably wanted to install a run-based offense, a smash-mouthed version of what he did in Pittsburgh.

However, when you have a Ferrari in the garage, you are going to drive it. And that is what he did with Warner, winning consecutive NFC West titles and an NFC championship. Now Whisenhunt can play a more ball-controlled offense. The Cardinals spent some resources on improving the offensive line during the offseason. Alan Faneca being the most noteworthy acquisition. A revamped offensive line should be good news for running back Beanie Wells and Tim Hightower.

And the Cardinals will need to keep defenses off the field.

The Cardinals allowed, what, 900 points in the final six quarters (and overtime) of their season.

The Cardinals looked at this deficiency and said, "You know, we should let one of our bright young defensive players go," in Antrel Rolle.

Not that you should not make changes on a team that had more leaks than a fraternity brother on $1 drink night, but Rolle was not the problem. The team took on Kerry Rhodes who wore out his welcome in New York, and Joey Porter.

Oh well, at least they are characters. When you think of Rhodes, think of this. The Jets took on Antonio Cromartie. The Jets are coached by Rex Ryan. And he was still a problem child.

The Cardinals also took on Paris Lenon, too, as Whisenhunt's defense is apparently still trying to win the 2006 Super Bowl with the Steelers. Honestly, where is Greg Lloyd?

Then there is trouble on the corners, too. Greg Toler or the diminutive Michael Adams will line up opposite of Dominique Rodgers-Cromartie. Why again did they trade Bryant McFadden? Where do you think quarterbacks are going to go?

Another big departure that bears mentioning is that Anquan Boldin is in Baltimore. The fact that the Cardinals got anything for that guy should make the fans happy. Boldin is decent, but when he's injured in Week 3 for Raven, he will not be doing much good. But we will have more time to talk about that down the road.

The bottom line: I am probably more optimistic than most when it comes to Leinart. Which means that I am still down on him, just not as much as other people. But the Cardinals running attack could be very good. And with Larry Fitzgerald and Steve Breaston still around, the Cardinals have the right skill players. Leinart could probably be a good game manager. But will he be able to rally the team the way Warner could when the defense lets them down? That is the rub.


Fletch said...

I really don't know how you're going to make it anymore with the KWM around. Have you decided who your next NFL crush will be on?

The Cards are lucky the rest of their division still stinks. The 49ers need to shit or get off the pot; I've had it with this 8-8 every year shit. Then again, I could be rooting for the Browns...

Diane said...

It can't have been easy to work the name of every single Cards player into that post.

R.J. said...

The Cardinals are switching from Kurt Warner to Matt Leinart. That would be akin to, well, going from Kurt Warner to Matt Leinart. Honestly, I am stumped for a better, glaring example.

Dan Fouts to Babe Laufenberg.

Bokolis said...

Parcells to Handley?

I guess Kerry Rhodes was bummed because he was switched out of CB (fact check?), but the real reason he was run out of town is because he refused to hit.

Bain said...

No, I'm talking about when Goldie was hot. And it wasn't just me and Nipsy, either. Bill Cullen walked in, the old rascal, and before anyone could...

Oops. Shit, wrong forum.

THN said...

Why do I have to quit loving the KWM? I follow him on Twitter now.

Thanks Diane, that was not easy.

Did Laufenberg take over for Fouts? I missed that one, yikes.

I don't think that Rhodes will do well with Whisenhunt. Just a hunch.

Nice one, Bain. Do you want to take a crack at a couple of these? Schedule permitting?

Bain said...

Absolutely! Now that Dio's off the road, my schedule's wide open. Throw me an email.

贝贝 said...

The Tax Return Crack-Up<3>
Granted, there are usuallyMicrosoft Office 2010write-ups when presidential contenders make their tax returns available, but the coverage falls far short of the Office 2010
full court press (pardon the pun) that the Clintons have received. What's Microsoft Office 2007different now?Office 2007One possibility is that most upper middle class Democrats, and therefore most Microsoft OfficeOffice 2007 keyeditors and reporters of our nation's big papers as well as Office 2007 downloadtelevision producers, are Obama supporters who think that Hillary should hurry up Office 2007 Professionaland drop out of the race already.Microsoft outlook
Microsoft outlook 2010Whom elite liberals are pulling for really does shape political coverage in ways