Sunday, March 07, 2010

The Post Mortem: Of Roethlisberger's Career

Ah, what can you say about Ben Roethlisberger that hasn't already been screamed out by some coed being ridden in the bathroom of a college bar like some stole beach cruiser in Isla Vista?

America got some shocking news about Roethlisberger this weekend: The Steelers quarterback certainly likes his girlie drinks.

A police investigation of Roethlisberger's offseason home also had a shocking find: Cases and case of Tequila Rose and a lamination machine used to make fake IDs.

I don't want to say that Roethlisberger makes poor choices, but Axl Rose thinks you're a (expletive) up.

I don't want to say that Roethlisberger has a problem with booze, but Billy Joel and David Hasselhoff thinks that he needs to chill the f out.

And seriously, not to belabor the point, but Roethlisberger was drinking 'O bombs' which is so fruity, even Steve in Houston finds that a little queer. Elton John even thinks that he needs to butch up his drinks.

Not that I would ever condone what Roethlisberger allegedly did, but I wish he would have gone out swinging with some Jagerbombs. We've all done weird (expletive) on Jagerbombs. Seriously bro, those girlie drinks make your face all puffy.

ALL JOKES aside, I honestly feel bad for Roethlisberger, not because this young lady may or may not have been setting him up. Instead because of all of the great decisions that Roethlisberger has made in his career to win two Super Bowls, he is a complete dip (expletive) when it comes to his life off the field.

Coming inches of losing your life in a motorcycle crash should have been an awakening experience. As was being set up by that former Harrah's employee in Lake Tahoe.

Roethlisberger needs to start hanging out with adults, and not partying with 20 year olds in college towns. This is what happens when you grow up a spoiled athlete in a world where nobody tells you "no."

In short, grow up Ben.

CONGRATULATIONS TO Sandra Bullock for winning the Academy Award for best actress. Sunset Beach represent! Needless to say that she will never have to pay for another drink at Taco Surf again.

MY BOY Nick in Kent may have summed up free agency weekend the best when he said that his Bears have won March Madness for the second consecutive year. Pass rusher Julius Peppers can be dominating when he wants to be. Chester Taylor does not have a lot of wear and tear, but the Metrodome seems to age your career by an extra three years. Although that might not be as prevalent now that the team has the synthetic turf.

What is weird is that teams such as the Redskins and Raiders have behaved in this uncapped year. Very surprising.

The Chiefs keep trying to land running backs. But come on, let Jamaal Charles do the running.

Jets CB Antonio Cromartie will never leave San Diego. Well, at least his children will not.

And why the face, Cardinals? Some franchises cannot seem to handle winning very well. At least they did not throw a ton of money at Jake Delhomme. Well, at least not yet. But lets be real about the Cardinals' defense. The unit did give up like 800 points in its last six quarters.

AND FINALLY ...

The Hatriot nailed this one. Actually, The Hatriot and Bain did a lot of heavy lifting over the weekend proving that some of the best stuff on the site is done in the comments section. But in case you missed it, here is a genius take on Ric Flair's domestic violence issues.

What? Nothing all week on the domestic disturbance call at Ric Flair's house? Apparently, Ric and the Missus were both drunk and going at it. The cops show up and Ric's bleeding from his forehead. The cops arrest... wait for it...
the wife!
Come on now! How many of you, while drunk and brawling with the old lady, would have the presence of mind to blade yourself when you hear cops knocking on the door? Well played, Nature Boy. WOOOOOOO!

7 comments:

Anonymous said...

Greatness:
"...some coed being ridden in the bathroom of a college bar like some stole beach cruiser in Isla Vista?"

Godlike:
"a rotting beached whale being ridden in the bathroom by the nation"

So funny keep it up.

The Hatriot said...

So Big Ben walks into his doctor's office. He says "Doc, I don't know what's wrong with me. Every time I have sex, my lungs start burning and my eyes tear up." The doctor does some tests and tells Ben he'll back in 10 minutes with the results. When the doctor comes back, Ben looks up and says "Do you know what's causing my problems?" The doctor says "Yes. It's the mace."

Bokolis said...

I confess Bokolis let Ben in on the Tequila Rose effects. I see it's now on its second generation. Now you know why you can't get a bird over 23 to do tequila.

Who let me in on it...some bird, of course.

Don't blame Ben for chasing college-aged tail. Although OH birds are legendary sluts in their own right, he's still playing catch-up from being at the wrong Miami.

Mojo Turk said...

Worthlessbergers shirt should have said... Rape like a Champion ;D

贝贝 said...

The Tax Return Crack-Up<3>
Granted, there are usuallyMicrosoft Office 2010write-ups when presidential contenders make their tax returns available, but the coverage falls far short of the Office 2010
full court press (pardon the pun) that the Clintons have received. What's Microsoft Office 2007different now?Office 2007One possibility is that most upper middle class Democrats, and therefore most Microsoft OfficeOffice 2007 keyeditors and reporters of our nation's big papers as well as Office 2007 downloadtelevision producers, are Obama supporters who think that Hillary should hurry up Office 2007 Professionaland drop out of the race already.Microsoft outlook
Microsoft outlook 2010Whom elite liberals are pulling for really does shape political coverage in ways

severe constipation said...

I would like to thanks for the efforts you could have made in scripting this article. I'm hoping the identical finest work from you sooner or later as well. In fact your creative writing abilities has impressed me to start out my very own BlogEngine blog now. Really the running a blog is spreading its wings rapidly. Your write up is a fantastic example of it.

how to stimulate hair growth said...

As soon as I discovered this website I went on reddit to share some of the love with them.