There is a McDonald's commercial where this douche-nozzle walks around telling people, "Don't talk to me until I had my coffee." His roommate, people on the bus, a little dog ... don't talk to this guy until he's had his coffee.
I would like to follow this guy. Staying behind him, watching him be an a-hole to the entire world until he gets his coffee. And once he finally has his coffee, I would like to walk up behind him, tap him on the shoulder and say, oh yeah, your apartment is on fire. I didn't want to say anything to you until you had your coffee. Jerk.
But that's just me.
If you can think of a stronger punch line, leave it in the comments. You might get that joke told on stage. Only, I will not pay you. At least not until I had my coffee.
What a weekend. Although, here are some quick thoughts on the college basketball. ESPN's Sports Dork Bill Simpson ruined Omar Samhan. That was criminal. Ohio State showed the class everybody knew they did not have. And F me, Duke is in the Final Four.
And I am always curious why certain people hate Duke. My disliking for Duke is quite well known, seeing that I grew up a UNLV hoops fan. But to me, the bandwagon Duke hate makes about as much sense as Ricky Martin singing 'She Bangs.'
Because, really, how would he know?
HOW DO we not have a Facebook page asking CBS to use Gus Johnson to call the Final Four instead of Jim Nantz? Can somebody jump on that?
PROPS TO Steelers WR Santonio Holmes for trying to take the heat off Ben Roethlisberger by acting the fool in some nightclub. Wow, what happened to you Steelers? You used to be one of the best organizations in sports.
AND FINALLY ...
This normally never happens to me (it's not what you think), I finally saw a long-anticipated movie on opening day for what has to be the first time since Return of the Jedi. (Though, I might have done this with the Ocean's movies, too, but nobody was waiting to spoil those films.)
But I did get a chance to see Hot Tub Time Machine on the first day and it was incredible. The amazing thing is that the movie was made for people in my age group. Many of the jokes and a special cameo were targeted to those quickly approaching 40 faster than they would like.
Even then, the movie still captures the heart of younger audience members. In an effort not to spoil anything, I will say no more. But when asked for a comparison, I would say Hot Tub Time Machine dominates The Hangover.