Wednesday, March 24, 2010

I Was Going to Get Drafted, But Then I Got High

Sports Illustrated is reporting that there is a marijuana epidemic in this years NFL rookie class.

To quote Bob Saget in Half Baked, "Marijuana is not a drug. I used to suck (expletive) for coke. Now that's an addiction. You ever suck some (expletive) for marijuana?

Let's dispense with the melodramatics about weed, this is not the 1900s. We don't have a huge alcohol lobby trying to push the evils of some plant. A plant that brings relief to thousands of people every day who are suffering from various aliments. And don't even dare claim that marijuana is a gateway drug -- that's alcohol.

And yet you can walk into the store, buy a handle of Southern Comfort, a pack a Camel no-filters and then ram your car into school bus, and nobody bats an eye. That makes sense.

And really, if this year's draft class is hooked on weed here is what I say ... good!

Ben Roethlisberger should smoke pot. Not that it would make him thiner, but maybe he would stop sexually assaulting college-aged chicks. (Anybody notice that the victim in the case is no longer cooperating with the police? Either Ben is paying her off -- highly likely -- or maybe the government is doing a favor for the Rooney family and strong-arming the young woman. Rooney is an ambassador to Ireland. Maybe this is like that Gene Hackman/Clint Eastwood movie where the thief witness the president killing a woman. But I digress.)

But if Ben had kicked back and smoked weed on his birthday, safely in his living room, he would be free and clear.

Leonard Little killed a woman because he was drunk. If he smoked weed, he would have been home eating wheat thins and playing Sega.

Think of all of the domestic disputes that NFL players have perpetrated over the years. Smoking weed could have solved all of them. People do not get into fights when they are high. They microwave burritos, watch Cannonball Run and chill the (expletive) out.

And good news for some of these super high NFL prospects, you are in luck if you get picked up by the Chargers, 49ers or Raiders (sort of). California is going to legalize marijuana use this fall. And with the way Obama is relaxing the federal laws on medical marijuana, it's only a matter of time before it's completely legal here.

In fact, I see a day where we elect Meg Whitman governor, she legalizes weed and California starts selling that (expletive) on eBay. California would be printing money if that ever happened. Remember that the next time you hear about teachers being laid off. Not enough policemen (who we wouldn't need if we legalized pot) or other civil services.

Personally, I don't smoke weed. But it seems ridiculous that marijuana is even illegal. Every time you hear about California being broke, gang bangers booby-trapping cars in Hemet, Calif., another journalist getting killed in Juarez Mexico or even the over crowding in our prisons, it could all evaporate like a puff of smoke if weed was made legal.

I don't want to get political here. But I cannot believe that in the year 20 (expletive) 10, somebody green-lit (no pun intended) an article about a marijuana epidemic. Sorry people, we have big-boy problems in the world. A college kid smoking weed is the least of my worries.

3 comments:

The Hatriot said...

God made it.
I smoke it.
That settles it.

Diane said...

Isn't it about time for Ashley Judd to be Weak Ender girl again?

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