Sunday, February 07, 2010

The Post Mortem: Nice Try D-Bag

The most indelible image of Super Bowl 44 will be Gomer laying on his back, watching helplessly as his inevitable game-crippling interception is returned for a touchdown, seemingly ending the Super Bowl.

This is a Gomer I am more comfortable with. Watching Gomer become a confident, assertive, almost clutch quarterback would be akin to watching Clay Aiken win the WWF championship belt.

That just does not fit.

Gomer finally got his comeuppance, much like Ronald Miller when Cindy Mancini revealed that he had paid her to date him at that New Year’s Eve party in Can’t Buy Me Love.

Let us be real here. Gomer won a Super Bowl against Rex Grossman. The Colts beat the Jets and Raven in the playoffs – ending Mark Sanchez and Joe Flacco’s seasons. As Bain pointed out, the Saints ended the season – any made the careers – of the Kurt Warner Machine and Brett Favre.

Big difference.

Speaking of which, Lil’ Hater nailed it when he said that even Favre was embarrassed by Manning’s interception and pick six. Thank you Gomer, it is good to have you back.

Of course, the world was ready to crucify Favre for making an error. The media is already making excuses for Gomer, noting that he had a good game (but not as good as Favre had in New Orleans). Only Deion Sanders had the guts to call Gomer a choker. Is anybody else going to jump on board? I feel like Bobby 'the Brian' Heenan telling people about Mr. All America, but nobody will listen.

HOW ABOUT America’s Soccer Mom? Archie Manning struggled for years with the Saints and when his team finally wins a Super Bowl, he cannot celebrate because his idiot son lost. Karmic justice does not always move swiftly, but Mr. Saints cannot participate in the team’s championship parade because they beat his boy. Honestly, nothing could be better than that.

Suck it, Archie. (Yeah, real mature but come on, it captures the moment.)


NOW, THIS is normally not THN’s style. We should instead be reveling in the fact that not only did the Colts lose – but it was all Gomer’s fault. But we have to give some love to Saints QB Drew Brees. Because Brees certainly deserved to not only win this game, but join some of the elite quarterbacks in the NFL. Brees always seems to be on the cusp of top NFL quarterbacks, outside of the circle set aside for Gomer and Tom Brady.

And how does Chargers GM A.J. Smith feel right now? He let two Super Bowl MVPs get away. Not that the Chargers are not in good shape with Philip Rivers. The team has other problems other than quarterback, but if Smith ever let Rivers go, he would eventually be a Super Bowl MVP. (And is it fair to note that he passed on Ben Roethlisberger, too?)

THE COLTS are built for the regular season. Like they are the NFL version of the Angels. The Colts are not a postseason team. The Colts were taken apart physically and strategically – all in one play.

The Saints onsides kick showed that plucky spirit of a team playing to win. The Colts had a chance to recover the ball – Mr. Kendra Wilkinson, Hank Baskett blew that chance. The Colts, I am convinced, probably had the ball in that scrum that followed. One of the best scrums in NFL history, mind you. But the Saints proved that they wanted it more with that play, and it was at moment, where the real persona of the Colts started to surface.

The Colts have never showed any sort of killer instinct. Again, their only Super Bowl win came against Rex Grossman.

That onsides kick was only exasperated by the way the Colts finished the first half. The Colts had already driven 90 + yards for a touchdown in the first half. The Colts had the ball with close to two minutes left to go, and they run it three times? Did the Colts even want to win this game? Gomer had a drive that brought them back against the Jets during the end of the first half in the AFC Championship Game. The Colts could have delivered a crushing blow to the Saints in that instance.

They chose to Claude Lemieux, instead.

That is Colts football to me. So why I should not be surprised, I mean, of all people, I should not be surprised, but the Colts fulfilled their destiny again.

Think of it this way. Both teams were 13-0 this season. The Colts decided to rest their starters and play like punks. The Saints wanted to go undefeated. That winning mentality showed in the Saints on Sunday. The Colts, not so much.

PROPS TO Bain, he nearly nailed that final of the Super Bowl. And had Gomer punched it in, it is a spot-on prediction. To be honest, when you are looking for a Super Bowl pick, go Bain. He nails it every year.

SO KIM Kardashian wins the E! Channel bowl, right? No Ian Johnson moment from Reggie Bush though. Smart Reggie, smart.

AND FINALLY ...

Gomer's all-time playoff record, 9-9. Does that sound like the best quarterback in NFL history? Gomer's passer rating was near 90, but again, that interception.

5 comments:

The Hatriot said...

HA HA HA HA! Saints Win! Fuck you, Gomer! Fuck you, Archie! Fuck you, Middle America! And fuck all the tax exempt dollars you sent to the Tebowliban so that y'all could watch him sing "Every Sperm is Sacred" on national t.v.! We sent a random sample to the lab and it came back positive for Cheetos, Yoo-Hoo, and crystal meth. The next time I'm flying over your double wide on my way to place that has bookstores and sushi, I'll flush twice in honor of the Saints! Now get your ass back to homeschooling your unweb pregnant teenage daughters!

Peteski said...

+1

Anonymous said...

Looks like the Chargers will be the LAST team to be in a Super Bowl... Let's see, who is left - Texans, Browns, Jaguars, Cardinals, Lions, & Chargers.

The Greek said...

Chargers were in Super Bowl XXIX against the 49ers. They got waxed 49-26, but they were there. Tool.

buckyor said...

Anonymous is apparently too young to remember events from only one year ago, when the Cardinals were about a minute away from winning the Super Bowl.