Thursday, January 14, 2010

The Weak Ender: Do Not Feel Sorry for Welker (with SBH)

Do not feel sorry for Patriots WR Wes Welker. Though I am sure many of you were not. But he his going to be rehabbing with former Hooter's girl Anna Burns.

Although she will probably leave him when he starts hobbling around out on the field like he is Randy Moss giving 70 percent and she realizes that those contracts are not guaranteed. Honestly, anytime an NFL player's wife or girlfriend is sobbing after her husband's injury -- she is not worried about his health. She wants that guaranteed money.

Look at a baseball player get hurt, and the wife cannot be bothered. She knows that her husband's union knows what it is doing.

This is going to be a tough weekend. Last week was a breeze, with the Jets throwing the lone curve ball. This week is going to be a lot different. You can make the case for any of the home teams winning, or all four road teams. Even the Jets pose some sort of threat because the Chargers have trouble stopping the run.

And let's be honest. The Chargers have had success against the Colts in the playoffs. Not so much against the rest of the AFC. So this game on Sunday is not exactly a Nate Kaeding chip-shot field goal. The Jets are pretty tough. But do remember this. Raven runs the same defense as the Jets, and the Chargers put up 26 points on Raven without LaDainian Tomlinson. So there is hope.

The Cowboys, though. Does anybody realize that we are talking about some fool's gold here? Look at the teams the Cowboys have beaten during their hot stretch -- a bunch of one-dimensional teams. The Vikings have a two-pronged approach.

Gomer thrives in the wild-card round (if he does not face the Chargers), so Raven could pose some problems. The Colts have never won when they have a bye.

And the Birds? Everybody is falling in love with them. Even Deadspin -- this seems odd -- stole the Kurt Warner Machine reference. Will called Warner machine like. That does not sound familiar at all.

But my picks in a minute. Let's turn it over to the Sports Book Hustle with Kid Vegas so you can make some money. And remember, THN does not endorse gambling. This is just for fun.

3. Under 57.5 in Nawlins - I don't see this game recapturing the magic of Warner-Rodgers, and to put that baby to rest, great no call by the refs on that hard hit on Rodg, you can't skew a whole greatly played game on a b.s. QB penalty that doesn't even affect the game, and classy work by Rodg not whining like a baby about it; he blew the game, to be bailed out by one of those "not in the spirit of football - after the play" penalties would have ruined a classic game, no douBT Brady would have thrown a fit, cried like a baby, then refused to continue playing until a penalty bailed out his awful play (similar to how he kept crying for PI on each of his INTs and incompletions last week in that drubbing by Baltimore), A-Rodg earned some respect from me there. Anyway onto this game, I don't think Brees has the playoff pedigree, he's been making his living off awful defenses this season, his last playoff game (against Philly) was nothing to write home about, he is coming off two awful outings agst Tampa and Dallas, and he's probably rusty from not tossing it for 3 weeks. I predict a slow start for him, and if Nawlins isn't running up the score Warner will dial it in a bit, mix in a few runs, 58 points is a lot, I don't think it will happen.

2. MINNESOTA (-2.5) over Dallas - The Dallas bandwagon is overflowing at this point, all those fairweather fans from the 90s are buying into the talking heads saying this is their year, and preemptively jumping onto the bandwagon so they can say they were fans of the team for a few weeks if they make it to the Super Bowl, good news since it leads to this curiously low line. i mean is their any aspect of football where the Cowboys are better than the Vikings?

Passing game - Favre had a better season than Romo, plus he has way more playoff chops. Harvin, Rice and Shiancoe are all young speedy and in love with life after spending a season with the old gunslinger, the guy just has fun out there. Austin has given some credibility to the Cowboys receivers and he's quickly become one of the best deep threats in the game, and Witten is a pretty good possession tight end, but the edge still goes to the Vikings.

Running game - Peterson and Hutch have been quiet this season, but A-Pete is still capable of breaking one at any time, and defenses have to respect that. The Cowboys have a three headed monster of mediocrity.

Defense - Demarcus Ware and Jared Allen are probably a push, Wade Phillips has almost saved his job since he stopped head coaching and went back to being a defensive coordinator, and Dallas' secondary has been pretty stingy, they humiliated McNabb twice in a row, though some might say he'd already humiliated himself far worse than any defense could with his pre-game dance in Dallas, but I'm still giving the edge to Minny, because that supports my argument.

Coaching - Wade Phillips is the man who clinched a playoff spot in Buffalo with Doug Flutie back in the day, then rested Flutie on the last week, when Rob Johnson proceeded to throw a few TDs against the third string of the also resting Colts, which impressed Phillips so much he benched Flutie for the playoffs, and went with Rob Johnson who proceeded to get sacked on every play, the only reason noone remembers this as the worst coaching decision in history is becase Antwain Smith had a great game and they were actually winning until the "Music City Miracle", the fact that they would have been up by 21 with Flutie in there only Steve Young and I remember. I'd take a mentally challenged oranguntan as my head coach over Wade Phillips.

Home Field Advantage - I know Dallas is "America's Team" (as long as they are winning, and America is still a bunch of frontrunners), but I think Minnesota might have a slight edge in fans in the Metrodome, also I hear Favre never loses in there.

Yeah I'm going to take Minnesota here, the only thing that could possibly bail Dallas out is a Favre implosion, or Peterson fumblefest, but frankly I think Romo is more likely to do both than Brett and Adrian, cmon Tony - one win (against Donovan McNabb nonethless) does not a proven playoff goat exonerate.

1. Over 42.5 in San Diego - This one is down in the balmy weather of San Diego, the Jets were actually playing well in the ice cold conditions of Cinci against a pretty tough Bengal defense, put them down in sunny California, against a soft defense, with indifferent fans, and I think they should be able to keep up their end in this quest for 43. Sanchez will be right at home in that California sun where he used to occassionally throw TD's back in college between his rapes of those USC coeds. And P-Riv and his freakishly tall receivers are ready and rested, they are no strangers to the postseason, so there aren't going to be any jittters, I look for them to come out hot in this one, Tomlinson is actually healthy, he should be a force in the red zone, and noone would be surprised to see Sproles return a punt or kickoff. Sure the Jets defense is tough, but San Diego has too many options, Revis can't shut down one receiver and their offense is crippled. The Jets will try to slow down the game with Tom Jones, but "it's not unusual" for the Chargers to stack that line and dare Sanchez to toss it, only difference is when he actually completes a pass or two the Chargers have the offense to strike back (unlike the Bengals). This one should get over, in what all signs point to will be a Charger romp.

Thank you, Kid Vegas (remember, blame him.)


Give me Arizona, Minnesota, Raven and San Diego. Peace.


Bain said...

I'm not taking the over in Hat. After a night or two around the hometown girls, Sanchez will probably be feeling a little raped out.

Alright, you want our usual set, or you want the fifty-five minute version of "Louie, Louie"?

Bokolis said...

Since when do you have to resort to rape in SoCal? Ok, my recent experience is with ex-pats- I haven't been out there in 3 years- but WTF? Bokolis doesn't remember having to smother them.

THN said...

Yeah, tough call by Kid Vegas.

kid vegas said...

You fellas are crazy, rapes power Sanchez up, much like a good murder has Ray Lewis playing at the top of his game, or nailing a few hookers gets Tiger's adernaline going for another major win. Dirty Sanchez will be at top form (for him) Sunday...

Bain said...

Kid, I see your point, but it brings up another potential problem. Now that Sanchez is a starting NFL QB--as opposed to a college backup who, let's face it, would have been arrested had he ventured into Trojanfan's gated neighborhood (though with good reason, it turns out)--there's a chance that the hometown hotties might welcome his advances and submit without a struggle, a true boner-killer for the sexual predator.

Consensual sex could torpedo that over.

Diane said...

Did I miss the expose (pronounced ek-spoh-zey - I don't know how to add an accent over the second e) in the Daily Bruin on Sanchez as a date rapist?

Garvey Girls said...

Give me Arizona, Minnesota, Raven and San Diego.

0 for 2 so far, Hot Rod.

THN said...

Finally got one right.