Thursday, January 21, 2010

The Weak Ender: Black Sunday!

The Hater Nation has, what, 10 readers. And somehow, I managed to spoil this week’s Chuck for one of them. For that, I apologize.

The jokes about McKenzie Philip's dad ... not so much.

Black Sunday is the best football weekend, next to Kickoff weekend. A lot of you side with the divisional playoff round. This year’s divisional round produced three blowouts by the top seeds, and one ugly upset. (Though some of you might have liked that game.) Black Sunday will provide at least one non-blow out. So when the Colts smoke the Jets, at least you have the Saints and Vikings to look forward to.

The sad truth is that the Colts are being given a free pass to the Super Bowl. Both of Gomer’s Super Bowl appearances have come thanks to the Chargers choking at home.

The Jets are really in for a surprise this weekend. The Jets players will be really shocked when Reggie Wayne does not kick the red challenge flag. When Dwight Freeney does not headbutt somebody after the play. When Matt Stover makes his field goals. When Joseph Addai gains more than 2 yards per attempt.

Sure Gomer will throw his interceptions. But the Colts as a team do not make the stupid mistakes that will cost them in this game.

Jets coach Rex Ryan even admitted that keeping Gomer14 points – the number his team held the Bengals and Chargers to – will be a tall order. Ryan knows that his team does not have enough offense to get it done. Sadly. Kid Vegas nailed it in the Hustle. The Jets just waited around for the Chargers to implode as a team. The Colts always seem to bail out Gomer.

The Republic’s only hope is that the Saints or Vikings have enough offense and defense to beat the Colts, who have not lost a real game this season. This is bad for football. This is bad for the NFL. Why must bad people like Gomer win?

Seriously, I do not come off as bitter right?

The NFC game is much more difficult to read. The Vikings blasted the Cowboys, who were cashing in on fool's gold. The Saints destroyed the Cardinals, who pretty much laid it all on the line the previous week against Green Bay. Hard to really tell where this is going.

But with the Vikings, there is a chance that Brett Favre could be singing William Hung's version of 'She Bangs.' Either way, we all win. And really, America just wants a team that is going to knock off the Colts. Right?

Or again, is that just me.

Here is the thing, though. This is clearly one of those instances where you feel compelled to root for a good game. You just do not want a blowout. You want ton of points. You honestly do not care who wins.

But Canada roots for a good game. This is America. We pick sides, damn it. So ask yourself which angle would be worse, Favre vs. Gomer; America's Soccer Mom's Saints vs. his boy; or more Kim Kardashian?

Good lord, we really do need the Jets to win don't we? Damn it.

DOES ANYBODY know if Lauren Stamile is a Republican? THN is in favor of Republican wool. But no Diane, not Ann Coulter. We like women. And why is Ann Coulter Playboy one of the auto-fills on Google? Good lord people.

WHICH ADS have we tired of the most? My vote, Luke Wilson for AT&T. Come on advertisers. You have tons of people watching during Black Sunday, break out some sweet commercials. You will get more bang for your buck. But seriously, have you noticed more prominent actors doing commercials? Has the economy for actors tanked this bad that they have resorted to reversing their careers? And do you know who is to blame for all of this?

Jay Leno.

And that's not a joke. NBC killed five hours of Network programing to make sure that Leno did not do a half-hour show on ABC. Luke Wilson could have easily grabbed a one-hour guest spot on Law and Order, but since that show was shelved for Leno, he is doing AT&T ads. Ditto for Michael C. Hall being a spokesman for, what, Dodge? A one hour guest appearance on NBC would have meant he did not have to slum for commercials.

And when people like Wilson are doing commercials, that means up-and-coming talent cannot land a decent commercial gig to kick-start their career.

Again, not bitter though.


The ESPN Ombudsman Don Ohlmeyer really crushed the mother ship for its broadcast of the Alamo Bowl. Totally worth reading, as he pretty much echoes THN's sentiment following the contest. But here is a key passage.

However, when the telecast was bifurcated with the video from the field and announcers commenting on the dispute and covering the game at the same time, the result was dreadful.

The announcers talked off-game over plays, replays, the referees' penalty calls and even each other. They had to interrupt what amounted to a sports radio talk show about Leach to pick up, in progress, several big plays, including a touchdown. They misidentified players and were late recognizing a fake field goal attempt. At one point, they went nine plays without verbalizing down and distance.

It's infuriating to sports fans when announcers ignore what's happening on the field. It subconsciously says to the viewers "What we're talking about is far more important and interesting that what you tuned in to watch." And more than that, it's unfair to broadcasters to put them in a position where they can't do their jobs well -- whether that's talking about a controversy or covering a football game.

Bless this guy, he is spot on. Now if ESPN would only take his advice, but that sadly will not happen.


Diane said...

Ah, but see you're missing my point. There's quality Republican wool. And there's nut job Republican wool. It's a distinction team McCain missed, too.

Bokolis said...

Coulter must have done an inverview in Playboy.

I know nothing about Stamile. It says she was born in Tulsa and was a theater major at Northwestern...I'm going left there.

Bain said...

If only Angie's boobs were as big a boob as she is.

As much as I agree with Kid Vegas that the Colts will prevail, I'm not taking them because this game is in Indy, home to the 500. Anyone who grew up in the Midwest knows that the Indy 500 is basically Girls Gone Wild with actual amateurs, and uh...

(Can you see where this is going? Do you want to follow me through the guardrail here, or should we stop? I agree...)

Though most of the exhibitionist around Indy are of the flash & dash school, as the females of SoCal often say, "a bird in his hand means Mark's in the bush." By game time Sunday there will not be enough powder in Indianapolis to dust throats for fingerprints as Sanchez emerges stark-raving bonkers from the Visitor's tunnel.

Jets with points.

The Hatriot said...

Come on now, Bitter Grampy and Canada's team won their Superbowl last week. They were a little TOO happy afterward. Look for the Saints to send them back to Manitoba. While the Colts' choke gene may be more recessive than Chargers' it's still there. I think they'll still do enough to win. Lastly, Republicans only have sex with men in restrooms, teenage pages (again male), and prostitutes (while diapered). Good sex requires too much generosity for a true Republican.

Bain said...

Regarding the other game, I like The Hatriot's call: Grampy falls and can't get up. Saints and the points.

The real story, however, is that while watching the game, VanUnderpaantz will corner the market in hand-carved sturgeon decoys, ensuring that his ice-fishing team has the hottest cheerleaders at the Moosejaw Invitational!

Bain said...

Uh, eheeh... that would be Saints straight up.

Sun Devil said...

A THN fan watches Chuck?

Fucking Angels fans...