Friday, December 31, 2010

The Weak Ender: Happy New Year


Who knew that UConn women's basketball team continued to play after Meghan Gardler (pictured) graduated. But pity the poor lady Huskies, whose winning streak was stopped at just 90 consecutive wins. That is still 83 wins short of the longest winning streak in sport's history ...

Bill Goldberg's 173 consecutive wins in WCW.

What, are we not comparing fake sports now? Because we sure spent a lot of time comparing U Conn's streak to Wooden's Bruins. Why not throw Brea-Olinda into the mix here, too. Didn't it have a long winning streak, too?

My relief is that UConn finally lost so we can go back to not caring about women's basketball. Oh wait, we never did.

Care that is.

BEST COMMENT regarding the St. Louis FC vs. Seahawks matchup on Sunday night ... shouldn't this game be played in Dayton two days before the real tournament starts?

Excellent.

But the FC should make the playoffs as an 8-8 team. And if I'm not mistaken, didn't the Giants sneak into the playoffs as an 8-8 team? It was 2006, I believe. The Giants advanced and lost to the Eagles.

Nobody was complaining about the competitiveness then. But now when it's an NFC West team, suddenly, it is the end of the world. Remember, though, the Cardinals advanced to the Super Bowl after winning their division at 9-7.

Unless every team plays a round-robin, 31-game season, division winners should continue to get the benefit of the doubt and host playoff games.

BTW NFL players. You are still complaining about an 18-game season? Realize that the Kings just played four games in five nights. Some of those games on the road. And you sissies in the NFL cannot play two extra games?

THE WEAK Ender was going to be skipped again, but our boy WCT would be remiss if it was not pointed out that a Pac-12team (Washington) crushed a Big 10 team (Nebraska) in the Holiday Bowl.

And yes, I already counted Utah's loss as a Pac-12 loss to the Mountain West last week.

But how and the (expletive) did Kansas State get a penalty for excessive celebration for a salute? That has to be one of the dumbest rules in sports. It's not like the kid jumped into the snow banks and started doing snow angels.

AND FINALLY ...

Linebacker Channing Crowder doesn’t think much of your booing, Dolphins fan. Though this proves that he does not watch the team’s offense. But as Carly Simon once said, Channing, you’re so vain; I bet you think those boos were about you.

Maybe the Dolphins faithful were upset about the two men who whiffed on wedding proposals on the big screen during halftime. The Florida Sun-Sentinel says that one woman would not take her hands off her face during the awkward two minutes, which no doubt probably felt like an eternity.

Think they want a do-over?

If you are going to do the in-stadium proposal, make certain it’s a sure thing. Kind of like a fake punt. You want to make sure that your team is going to convert, otherwise, it could have a lasting negative impact. Just ask Rex Ryan. Though, you have to wonder if his ill-advised fake punt was really just some fancy footwork to get his name out of the papers for another reason.

But don't fret Rex, your recent blunders did not crack the list of the top six do-overs of 2010.

6. Kevin Kolb gets the start. Eagles QB Michael Vick is authoring one of sports' biggest redemption stories. Of course, this might not have happened if Kolb would have stayed healthy. Although, this falls down to No. 6 because coach Andy Reid bucked the idiotic, “you can’t lose a job to injury” nonsense.

And let’s lump in a plethora of quarterback decisions here, because quarterback calls could take up all six spots. So consider this space also reserved for Donovan McNabb’s contract extension, the Cardinals acquisition of Derek Anderson and the debut of Titans QB Rusty Smith.

And maybe Tom Brady’s hair, too, but that might just be jealousy.

5. Chargers skip special team's practice. Or it just seemed that way early in the season. Special team blunders are one of the chief reasons why the Chargers are not going to the postseason this season. This is why coaches say you have to win all three phases of the game. That's not just a cliché.

Notice that Norv Turner is coming back next year. Well, four playoff appearances in 13 seasons as a head coach speaks for itself. You have to give him another chance.

And Lil' Hater would be remiss if it was not mentioned that of the 29 coaches who have coached 204 games, Norv is the only one with a losing record.

Turner lets owners bang his daughter, right?

4.Lions Week 9 loss to the Jets. The Lions lost so many close games this season, maybe 2010 is an entire do-over. From losing QB Matthew Stafford to rookie DT Ndamukong Suh missing an extra point, filling in for K Jason Hanson, this had it all. But coach Jim Schwartz sealed the game when he allowed the Jets to set up the tying drive late in the fourth quarter by calling a third down pass that gave the Jets the ball with 1:40 left. And to make matters worse, he was calling the play for Drew Stanton.

3. Brad Childress/Wade Phillips/Mike Singletary given too much rope. The Cowboys, in particular, have played much better under Jason Garrett. But the 49ers were in the running until Week 16, and a coaching change could have meant the NFC West title.

2. Tashard Choice asks for Vick’s autograph. Apparently, fans do not want players fraternizing after the game. Yet, everybody was upset when Chiefs coach Todd Haley refused to shake Josh McDaniels’ hand after the Chiefs were blown out by the Broncos. Make up your mind people. And it's good to know that your team can start off the season with Super Bowl expectations and be eliminated by October, but what really upsets fans is asking for an autograph.

Don't you have bigger fish to fry Cowboys fans?

1. Vikings players go down to Mississippi to woo Brett Favre. The late Dean Martin as Sam Harmon in the original "Ocean’s 11" once said, “If you want to capture lightning in a bottle, I won’t stop you. But don’t try to capture yesterday.” Hard to believe that a 41-year-old, interception-prone quarterback with a gimpy ankle could not recreate that magical, once-in-a-lifetime season.

If you want to grouse about this list, or add your own jump into the comment section now.

But a final word on in-stadium proposal guy; if you are going to propose to your girlfriend with a message on the big screen and she has a common first name -- Lisa, Jennifer, Elizabeth -- make sure to use last names. Trust me from experience on this one. Because experience tells me nothing ruins a fourth date like a perceived proposal. Yeah, awkward.

Sunday, December 26, 2010

The Post Mortem: You call that snow storm?



If you watched any of the action of Sunday night on NBC, with the light snow flurries, you immediate reaction had to be ... these Nancy boys could not play in this (expletive)? How about butching up a little bit, Philadelphia.

Chuck Bednarik would silently weep if he knew that an Eagles game was postponed because of snow.

I don't blame the Philly fans. You know they would have been out in force on Sunday night. Drinking beers and shouting down any a-hole who happened to wander into the crowd wearing Giants gear. The Philadelphia sports fan is salt of the Earth, beer swilling and hard working.

They don't stop because of snow.

Which makes is more curious that they stopped this game. What could be the angle? To make sure that Michael Vick will lead your fantasy team to the promised land?

Good lord, with benching players because of concussions and not letting them play in the snow, what the hell is happening with the NFL?

Some other quick notes.

GOOD TO see that Eli Messiah is the bust that we all knew he was. You know it is December football when Eli is making the crucial mistake in a huge game.

I don't want to say that Eli's game was ugly, but Bob Barker is suggesting a face lift. (And what is up with Barker? Spade, neuter and give your dog a face lift immediately.)

The Giants are going to finish out of the playoffs. And if there is a God, it will be the 7-9 Seahawks making the playoffs, and the 10-6 Giants missing out. That would be justified for having Southern California suffer through all of the Giants games locally.

Honestly FOX, continue to put the Giants on local TV because the last couple of weeks have been the most satisfying we have seen in a long time.

BTW, the Packers have become kind of America's team. If they can get loose in the playoffs, look out. QB Aaron Rodgers is just a step away from superstardom.

HOW COME former 49ers coach Mike Singletary gets to take the easy way out and not have to finish up the team's dismal season? There was almost a part of me rooting for the 49ers to win the division just so Singletary could keep his job. The only thing more hilarious than his sideline rants is his revolving door at quarterback.

Singletary would make a great coach at the NCAA Divison II level.

KIND OF a mixed back for the Mountain West this week. San Diego State and Boise State looked really strong. The Aztecs were much tougher than Navy. And the Broncos beat Pac-10 bound Utah.

But what the (expletive) happened to Hawaii? Wow.

If Brady Hoke stays at SDSU, it will become the premiere program in the conference, surpassing Boise State in the near future.

And when they make the story of his life, Jeff Garlin will play him.

THE CHARGERS really f-ed themselves this year. And the team is even stumbling in December. But it is not time to pull the plug on the entire organization. At some point, the owners need to go to general manager A.J. Smith and say, fire Norv Turner or you will end up on the street, too.

And every fan of a team currently or possibly looking for a coach next season -- the Cowboys, 49ers, Browns -- is going to eye Jon Gruden. And who wouldn't?

But sources have long told me that Gruden has resisted NFL jobs hoping that the Chargers gig would someday open up. Gruden knows that Turner is not long for the coaching job in San Diego. And it was only a matter of time before he got his chance.

Gruden and Philip Rivers. That makes a lot of sense. If you look at all of the jobs that are either available or that will come available, San Diego is the top gig.

The only problem is that the impending lockout could delay a change. And if there is a shortened season/training camp, nobody is going to make a move.

In other words, it looks like another season of Turner on the sidelines, and Gruden waiting in the wings.

PROPS TO the Chiefs for winning the AFC West.

AND FINALLY ...

That's all I have.

Friday, December 24, 2010

The Weak Ender: Welcome Alyssa



Why Alyssa Milano? I'm locked in a fantasy championship with my good friend Mark D., and I hope this enough to stave off the fantasy gods for a championship. Mark is one of the smartest people I know, however, so who knows if this is going to work.

BTW, if this is your first trip to THN this week, I hate to take time away from our airing of grievances from Festivus. Make sure to check that out. In fact, stop reading this because this is all just filler.

I would like to question why Ohio State players have been suspended for 2011, but they do not have to miss this year's bowl game. Mark May got it right. If you look up hypocrisy in dictionary, you would find the letters NCAA.

Seriously, why are you at work today? Take some time off and go home. Merry Christmas to all. I promise you, 2011 is going to rock.

Jerks.

Wednesday, December 22, 2010

Airing of Grievances




Welcome to Festivus everybody. As you all know, today is a special holiday. And the highlight of course, the airing of grievances.

And I have a lot of problems with you people, and I am going to let you know about it.

The Gomer-loving media. What do you see in this guy that nobody else can see? Liking Gomer is akin to liking Jay Leno. They appeal to the same demographic, and also are ruthlessly conniving. Gomer, like Leno, would lead his own brother into an on-coming defender just to get ahead. One day Gomer is going to be exposed and I will be there to laugh at you all.

And you all know that Gomer is going to win the MVP this year. It is going to happen.

Frozen Yogurt. How and the (expletive) can this country be in the middle of a recession, yet there is a new dog damn frozen yogurt stand on every block. Is this how we are going to get America working again, by making us even fatter?

When did America vote, you know, we just aren't fat enough? Or were they just anticipating Prop 19 passing and trying to get ahead of the curve?

And don't give me that (expletive) that it's fat free. Bull (expletive). Even if the yogurt is fat free, all of the toppings that you are shoving into that seemingly bottomless container is not. What are you piling on, gummy worms, Snickers bars, Big Macs.

Enough people.

And why is this all self-service? When did America show that we have enough restraint and portion control? They had to outlaw super sized fries to get us to stop eating so much. Now you want to turn me loose in a yogurt shop with a bowl big enough to bathe a baby elephant?

Stop it.

And if I am filling up my own yogurt, putting on my own toppings, why and the (expletive) does that jackass behind the counter have a tip jar out there? (Expletive) him, I'm doing all of the work, I'm taking a dollar.

Boston. You (Richards) have been living off the Revolutionary War for way too long. What has Boston contributed since? Clam chowder and a bunch of chicks who look like Eric Stoltz from Mask.


Announcers who say, "It all depends on the spot."
That one explains itself. No (expletive).

Women's basketball. Tell me, what is the most impressive winning streak in a fake sport, U Conn women's 89 consecutive games or the Undertaker's 18 consecutive wins at Wrestlemania. I will tell you which one I actually care about.

U Conn Geno Auriemma said we only cared because his team beat UCLA's streak. Wrong, nobody cares at all.

Being the winningest women's college basketball team is akin to beating the rookie level computer on Madden. Just who is the competition? I am pretty certain that I could walk on to any women's college basketball team right now and start. Give me four months of solid training and I would be the best player on the court.

Women should have the right to play sports. I feel that most women's sports should receive the same funding as men's (football should not count). But don't tell me that the athletes are equal.

Women, you can bring life into this world. You can pass a bowling ball through a space the size of the cardboard toilet paper holder. That is the most impressive thing that any human being can do. But you are not good basketball players.

LA football developers. Why do we again have two competing bids to build a stadium in Southern California? Nobody wants to go to a stadium downtown. Have you ever driven around LA Live during a Lakers game? Great, now add 50,000 more people. This has to be one of the dumbest ideas that has been thrown out there. Unless they plan to build public transportation (which needs environmental impact reports) and a new stadium (which needs environmental impact reports) without public funds they won't get, it certainly ain't happening.

You are not going to make a viable football franchise by sticking it in the middle of downtown LA. Football is a tailgating sport. Nobody wants to pay $7.50 for a large beer at TGIFridays before going to see the new LA football franchise play.

Why did we drive the O'Malley's out of the bidding back in 2003?

Texting and driving. I would rather be behind a drunk driver than somebody texting and driving at the same time. At least the drunk is giving driving all of his impaired attention. Not to condone drunk driving. Not at all, especially in light of Nick Adenhart's killer getting a life sentence.

But if you text and drive, you are worse than a drunk driver because there is simply no excuse.

And what is so dog damn important that you have to text on the freeway. Unless you are texting to say, warn of a terrorist attack, an upcoming tsunami or nude pictures of Cowgirl, nothing can be that important.

Hungarians. Just because.

People who yell, "Don't spoil it for me."
DVRs have made us very lazy in our television viewing. Nothing is appointment TV anymore. But excuse me, your lazy ass is not going to keep me from talking about the season-finale of Dexter the night after it happens.

You have a number of options here. One, get the (expletive) out of the room. Seems simple enough. Either that or just watch the (expletive) show with the rest of us.

And what's worse. Some jackass was talking about The Pacific the other day. And one of our cubemates pipped up, asking for no spoilers.

To which I replied, we drop nukes on Nagazaki and Hiroshima. Japan gets its revenge by selling us overpriced raw fish and (expletive) cars. The end.

Playboy magazine. I know I have mentioned this recently, but why do you need to recycle Pamela Anderson and that annoying Kendra Baskett? Shouldn't you be camped out at Lindsay Lohan's rehab facility?

And why is it that the girls always look better naturally rather than after the Playboy makeover. Look at PMOY Hope Dworaczyk. She's so beautiful, it almost hurts in normal pictures. But her Playboy photos are nothing special.

Don't question me, do your own research.

Angie Harmon. How long before you cut the charade?

TSA screeners. If you really want to lodge a protest at the people who will be screening you at the airport, I have two words for you. Sweatpants, no underwear. That will teach them.

But I have a bigger complaint for the people who complain about TSA screeners. Do you think that this is a picnic for those people? Do you think that they like fondling your junk? That hard-working SOB just wanted a job a few months ago, and imagine his chagrin when they had a staff meeting to announce the new lap-dance policy that they were enacting?

Ok, TSA workers, here are some things you need to be aware of. Make sure you have your contact information updated, guys be ready to grab another man's package, and smoke only during your designated breaks.

Wait, what was that?

Only smoke during your designated breaks.

No, before that.

Oh yeah, you are now going to have spend your eight hour shift handling more balls than Tiger Woods' caddy. Enjoy.

Here's the thing people, just go through the scanner. Nobody is going to keep a picture of your naughty bits. Those pictures make you look like Kevin Bacon in Hollow Man.

And why are women opposed to these scans? Most of you will throw off your top for some plastic beads, but helping to prevent your plane from blowing up just doesn't seem important enough.

NFL Network. Isn't it about time you settled your beef with Time Warner? Or is the eight years that you have lost this battle not enough? The arrogance. Just go on the sports package already. I'll pay the extra money.

You lost, NFLN, time to move on.

And one other thing, NFL Network, you owe me $43 because I had to go to a bar to watch the Chargers game last week. Thanks for nothing you jerks.

FOX Network. Hey (Richards) nobody likes the (expletive) Giants. Quit showing their games. Unless they all end like last week.

To the jerk who stopped following me on Twitter because of my Pearl Harbor joke. Too soon?

Cleveland Sports Fans. You allowed LeBron James to walk through your city unscathed? What happened to the Cleveland I used to know? You should have at least burned down his house in Akron.

The Heisman Trophy. You allowed Reggie Bush to return his trophy, but had no trouble handing one over to Cam Newton? That makes perfect sense.

In opposite land.

The Houston Texans. Why are you not the Oilers? And why aren't more NFL teams wearing their old, old school uniforms? The new stuff is trash, and I'm scared to think of what Nike is going to do once they start making uniforms. As if Oregon was not ugly enough.

Charlie. Why won't you drink with us on Sunday night? What do you think that you do on Monday morning is so important that you cannot have a few beers with us during the Sunday night football game?

Angels fans. Listen, it sucks that we didn't get Carl Crawford. But if I can still pay $6.75 for a 21 ounce beer and not live in Boston, my team is already champions.

Oh yeah, and (expletive) Boston.

And be sure to check out the AofG blog.

Peyton Manning Hates Mormons



Because really, that is the only explanation of why Gomer is trying to get poor Austin Collie killed on the field.

Seriously people, is Collie fooling around with Gomer's side piece or something? This truly boggles the mind.

Tuesday, December 21, 2010

Cowgirl in Playboy next month




Subscribers to Playboy were greeted with a photo of Cowgirl, who will appear in next month's issue under the "Year in Sex." Just as predicted in this very space.

The photos are pre-implant removed, college days photos, just prior to the young Deanna Favre look.

Playboy still has photos of Cowgirl dating back to her college days when she was cashing in any way imaginable and now Playboy will be able to capitalize on her sudden resurgence without having to pay her for a new layout. Genius, really.

The magazine also did this when Kelly Monaco won the first season of Dancing with the Stars.

And as a fan of soft-core porn, this is a win for America.

Sorry for the lack of updates, too. We are looking to acquire more talent to help us kickoff the New Year. If you are interested in applying for a spot, hit us up at the usual.

Thursday, December 16, 2010

The Weak Ender: Chargers moving closer



There was a lot of feedback about Reese Witherspoon last week. Not a lot of it was good. Maybe Olivia Munn will be a little bit better. And I bring her up because she's in a new show on NBC this fall. Perfect Couples. Looks delightful.

THE CHARGERS might just get away with this after all. The Chargers defeated the 49ers -- the last possible loss on the schedule -- and should slide into the top of the AFC West at 10-6. The Chiefs are going to struggle with QB Matt Cassel doing the old man shuffle following an appendectomy.

What would even be better would be for the Chargers to finish 10-6, and the Jets to lose out the rest of the season to finish 9-7 and miss the playoffs, showing that the AFC West is not as dog (expletive) as everybody is led to believe.

Not that I believe that can happen, though.

THE VIKINGS will be playing outdoors (maybe) on Monday Night Football. But if the University of Minnesota's stadium is not ready in time, Lucas Oil Field will be the backup option.

Now some of you believe that this is football as it should be. Out in the elements. Let me ask you then, do you have indoor plumbing? Do you use the internet? An iPod? I only ask because why is some technology good and others are not? If we have evolved as a species to where retractable roofs are possible, why not use that technology?

Do you not use Novocain when you go to the dentist?

Maybe I'm bitter thinking about the number of Super Bowls the Rams could have gone to if the Vikings were playing in an indoor stadium? Or how different the 2009 ALCS could have been if the Yankees had a retractable roof over the new stadium?

But the Vikings are going to give it a go. A Monday night game in the snow with no booze. That sounds like a great time. NFL games are boring live anyway, this should make it worse.

And speaking of indoor stadiums, AEG released its plans for a downtown LA Stadium. Yep, retractable roof in Los Angeles. And it is downtown. Uh, have you ever tried to move around LA Live during a Lakers game? The Lakers/Kings draw around 20,000 fans. A football game could draw 70,000 people.

Good luck with all of that.

And why bother putting a stadium downtown, trying to bring in the transplant fans. All of the real fans live in the burbs. Out where the City of Industry stadium would be built. Listen, the Galaxy play in Carson. LA's NASCAR track is in Fontana. Lets' put the stadium out in the City of Industry.

I mean this is what LA needs, competing stadium bids again. And then the downtown LA stadium will never get built. Ed Roski will grow frustrated -- even though he has all of the environmental impact reports done -- and nothing will happen.

Yikes.

And seriously, Minnesota, no booze at a football game? That's lame.

IS IT fair to say that Cooper Manning is the Khloe Kardashian of the NFL?

JAGUARS COACH Jack Del Rio accused the Raiders of taking some liberties with his players (via FanHouse). Hard to believe that a team led by coach Tom Cable, probably best known for breaking the jaw of an assistant coach, would be taking liberties with anybody.

HEY CELTICS, way to overreact to a regular-season win over the Knicks. You guys are worthless. And about to be irrelevant now that Miami is playing much better.

AND FINALLY ...

THERE WAS a time when the sidelines were like those exclusive men's clubs. Where a man could put on a nice suit, enjoy a smoke and call a football game. Now, the sidelines have been overrun with television cameras, cheerleaders and hanger ons that always seem to get in the way.

Right, Sal Alosi?

The Jets strength and conditioning coach was fined and suspended for tripping Dolphins CB Nolan Carroll. And that brings to mind the notion that while the sidelines have become increasingly crowded, only the players and officials should be allowed on the field. Everybody else should be well behind the sidelines.

And if you don't believe me, just ask former Ohio State coach Woody Hayes, the Stanford band and that bird that flew into Randy Johnson's fastball.

But even then, here are six things that need to be kept off the sidelines.

6. Practical jokes. Bills RB Thurman Thomas was one of the best running backs of his era. But will likely be remembered for losing his helmet prior to the start of Super Bowl (roman numerals). DE Bruce Smith admitted during his Hall of Fame speech that he did indeed hide Thomas' helmet. How did the Bills manage to lose four consecutive Super Bowls?

5. Fans. Ask a football fan who Mike Curtis is, and most will not remember him. Show them this video, and then everybody remembers him. That is probably the best take down of a fan, until this poor bastard was taken down during the Bengals vs. Packers game in 2005. And no, that was not former Packers QB T.J. Rubley.

Or was it?

4. Gatorade. Sure, players need to hydrated during the games. But the act of dumping Gatorade on the winning coach has become so trite, the players have lost the privileged.

3. Snow balls. 49ers kicker Ray Wersching was lined up to kick a field goal in the second quarter during a Monday night game at Denver, but a fan launched a snowball on to the field which caused QB Matt Cavanaugh to bobble the snap. The Broncos' Rich Karlis hit a 24-yard field goal to win the game. Giants fans almost cost their team a victory when they pelted the Chargers sidelines in 1995. But they did cause an injury to Chargers equipment manager Sid Brooks.

2a. Snow plow. In 1982, Patriots coach Ron Meyer ordered snowplow operator Mark Henderson to clear a spot for K John Smith to kick the winning field goal. Hey, that totally seems legal, right?

2b. Visors. Remember how ridiculous Jon Gruden looked during the Tuck Rule game? I guess this goes to show, funny stuff happens when New England plays in the snow.

And great, no retractable roof for them. Though it did work out in the Tuck Rule game.

1. Video cameras. Trust me on this one.

Monday, December 13, 2010

Cliff Lee signs with Phillies, America Wins

Did you ever think you would see a day when the Red Sox would be viewed as the Evil Empire and the Yankees are the sympathetic losers?

Well, nobody is sympathizing with the Yankees. Rather, we are all laughing at them. I don't think that the Yankees fans spitting on Cliff Lee's wife had anything to do with him jumping to the Phillies (and turning down a boatload of money), but you almost hope that it is.

Lee has been very public in saying that he really enjoyed his time with the Phillies, so it is awesome to see somebody willing to put their money where their mouth is. Or at least, leave money on the table to be in a good situation.

And by that token, hopefully Carl Crawford will have his eyes opened to just how awful of a place that Boston is.

Really, what's $142 million when you will likely end up broke and living in your used Honda Civic when your playing career is over?

Thursday, December 09, 2010

The Weak Ender: Gomer finds a team he can beat



But first, Reese Witherspoon is hot now? Like really smoking hot. She was good looking in those Legally Blonde movies and Cruel Intentions, but she has really turned a corner in that new forgettable movie she is in.

Did she sneak up on us in hotness, or is that just me? Moving on.

GOMER FINALLY did find a team that he could beat. And look, he did not thrown an interception against the Titans. Congratulations, Gomer, you did it. But two more Colts linemen went down. That team is screwed.

But if you are into that fantasy thing, Gomer was outscored -- fantasy wise -- by Titans QB Kerry Collins.

THE PATRIOTS will lose this week. Just as soon as everybody is crowning them the best team in the AFC, they will lose to the Bears this week. You know, that is just the way things work in the NFL. You are on top, for what, like a minute before it all comes crashing down?

THE CHARGERS will win. QB Matt Cassel had his appendix removed. Talk about your bad timing. But the Chargers can still run the table -- look at the schedule -- to finish 10-6. I ain't heard no fat lady sing.

ALRIGHT LET'S talk about the elephant in the room. The Boston Red Sox have assembled themselves quite the baseball team this winter. Take that Giants, or winning a World Series based on pitching and timely hitting.

And no doubt, the world will anoint the Red Sox as the AL champions before the season even starts. But there are a few things that the Sox must first deal with.

The first, has extended, uh, training caught up to Dustin PEDroida? Those Mastercard commercials said it all, too small, too slow and no athletic ability. So how did PEDroida find this miracle toxin that helped him become a MLB player?

What about David "Big PEDdy" Ortiz? Is he willing to start his cycle before July? Ortiz gets lazy with his steroid use, that's for sure.

And who is going to pitch for this team? Jon Lester seems pretty good. But can he carry some of the other stiffs on the team?

The Angels are taking a beating right now because they did not shell out for Carl Crawford. And that's fine. But it is insane to pay $20 million for a guy, when you have Mike Trout coming up in the farm system. The Angels make moves when they need to. And while it seems bleak right now, again, I ain't heard no fat lady sing.

AND FINALLY ...



The world is piling on Cowgirl for surfacing Brett Favre's lewd behavior. And some have called her an opportunist.

And for that, I agree. I feel that Cowgirl should have done what other victims of sex scandals should have done and taken the high road.

And gone on Dancing with the Stars.

Tuesday, December 07, 2010

Who won Monday night?

TPM: Long offseason for Chargers fans



The Chargers may have lost the game, but at least they won the postgame brawl. Seriously, Raiders fan, what made you think that it was a good idea to even take a charge at the Chargers fans?

Excuse the delay on TPM, but sometimes real world stuff takes precedence. Including a dark anniversary that happened over the weekend. And I’ll leave it at that.

Except to say that now the Chargers have really depressed me. Reading some of the comments from the previous post, the Chargers season is not a success until the Raiders are swept. Well, maybe the Colts, too. But that’s it.

The Chargers have not quite hit rock bottom yet, but they can certainly see it from here. Though the optimist in my – which I typically keep quelled with bottles of Bushmills – will note that a four-game close out will put the team at 10-6 and there is no way that the Raiders are going to reach that mark. The Chiefs, maybe. But not the Raiders. So there is still hope.

And I don’t want to be one of those guys who hope for losing seasons because it means the coach will be fired. Once Tony Dungy won a Super Bowl ring, that showed that nearly anybody can coach a Super Bowl winner. Even if you are standing at the top of Mount Pious.

One thing that does need mentioning, remember when Patriots QB Tom Brady was just the better real quarterback than Gomer? Now he is a better fantasy option, too.

Brady has been lights out, playing his best football against Steelers, Colts and Jets. You know, the best teams in the conference. Gomer is already in playoff mode, throwing interceptions and having that befuddled look on his face that typically only appears when he makes his biggest mistakes in the biggest games.

Of course, people are wondering what is wrong with Gomer. He’s never like this. And that is somewhat true. See, the Colts don’t typically play many meaningful games during the regular season. And when they are meaningful, he typically folds.

The Colts are just playing more “must-win” games this year. And when the Colts “must-win,” Gomer folds the tent, throws a bad interception and has that look on his face like you would typically find on a pouting Down syndrome child.

And that means it has been a good year. So the Chargers losing to the Raiders sucks. But if the Colts can be held out of the playoffs, then this season must be viewed as worthwhile.

BOISE STATE is going to the Las Vegas Bowl. That’s awesome. Not that you can say that it is much of a surprise. The non-championship bowls are for the big-time schools to take a little vacation and then participate in an exhibition game.

But teams like Boise State and Utah were always messed things up by going out and actually trying during these games. Actually making teams have to play hard. Boise State beat Oklahoma in a memorable game. And Utah embarrassed Alabama in the Sugar Bowl.

Thankfully, these two teams are shuttled off to a bowl where the teams can play to their heart’s content and not bother the big boys.

But a warning to Wisconsin in the Rose Bowl. Texas Christian is actually going to try and take this game seriously. Thankfully the Badgers never mail it in during the bowl season.

I mean, they are not Ohio State.

And finally …

That is all I have right now.

Monday, December 06, 2010

Baseball sucks



And quit smiling Theo, you are no genius. You are just fortunate enough to fleece one of the struggling franchises.

Baseball needs to put a stop to things like this. There is no way this trade should have been allowed. If the Red (rhymes with bunts) get Carl Crawford, too, I'm done.

Thursday, December 02, 2010

The Weak Ender: God Let's Down Stevie



Ashley Judd? Is this just a blatant attempt to give a shout out to our g\pal, Diane? You bet. Sometimes when we are reaching for the Weak Ender girl, we tend to go too slutty. But we will not be doing that this week.

Besides, Kentucky is on our minds because for Wildcats TE Jacob Tamme has been awesome for my fantasy team recently.

So there is a link, albeit a weak one.

ALRIGHT I have come to the conclusion that Auburn vs. Oregon is going to be a pretty good BCS title game. Maybe because Texas Christian can suck it.

Seriously Horned Frogs? Taking the cheap automatic qualifier? The Mountain West would have built a pretty serious case with Boise State, Hawaii, Nevada, and Texas Christian under one conference banner in a few years. Plus Fresno State, rising San Diego State, and Air Force.

That is a pretty good conference right there.

But I'm cool with Auburn and Oregon this year. So it means that one of those teams is going to lose this weekend. Oh hell, watch it be Oregon.

And why is it that the BCS title game falls on a lame day? How is this game not on a Saturday?

BTW, WHY is Auburn QB Cam Newton still allowed to play? I mean, I want to see him play because I enjoy his talent. But the NCAA looks pretty transparent here.

FOR AS many times as legendary quarterback Kurt Warner came out and thanked God following a huge win, it was only a matter of time before a player raised his fists to the heavens after a crucial loss.

Bills WR Stevie Johnson was that player, questioning his faith via Twitter, after dropping the winning touchdown in overtime. (Really, people are Tweeting now instead of praying?)

The Bills players, to their credit, are still sure of Johnson, as many of them rallied around their receiver on Monday offering support. QB Ryan Fitzpatrick told reporters that he had 100 percent confidence in Johnson and that he will keep going the receiver’s way.

Kind of like when Viper told Jester to make sure that Maverick got back up into the air immediately after Goose died in Top Gun.

But can this guy recover or is he destined to be the NFL's version of Rick Ankiel?

Johnson should take a cue from other playeers. Bengals WR Terrell Owens has dropped many passes in his career, but he remains as confident as ever. Owens has never seemed so despondent before… Oh, right.

But still, hopefully Johnson can recover.

God willing.

PATRIOTS QB Tom Brady is bald. That’s right, bald. Or so the reports in the National Enquirer suggests. Brady reportedly is a patient of the Leonard Hair Transplant Association in Cranston, R.I. Meaning Brady’s gorgeous locks are nothing more than a façade. A mere cover-up to one of the biggest sporting scandals since the 1919 Black Sox.

Say it ain’t so!

Apparently, three Super Bowl rings and a supermodel wife are no match against vanity. Then again, none of us have been compared to Jets coach Rex Ryan in the looks department.

But, Tom, whether these rumors are true or not (and I believe everything I read in the tabloids), there is no reason to fear being bald. Sure, we cannot be president (seeing that we haven't had a bald president since Eisenhower). But many bald players have gone on to have great NFL careers.

Here are the six top bald NFL players of all-time.

And point of order, these are hair-thinning bald guys. Not dudes who are bald because it is fashionable. As Larry David once said, you are not part of the bald community.

6. Otis Sistrunk

This might have been a grooming choice, but you couldn't tell at the time. When he took his helmet off on Monday Night Football and Frank Gifford said, "And from the University of Mars ...," you knew you were looking at one of the coolest football players ever. He personified the Raiders.

5. Mel Renfro

When your friends tried to trade you a Renfro football card, you thought that no way this guy was an NFL player. He looked like a friendly neighbor, not one of the most feared defensive players in the NFL. Turns out he was a Hall of Fame defensive back.

4. Y.A. Tittle

Some might argue that the image of Eagles LB Chuck Bednarik standing over a prone Giants RB Frank Gifford might be the greatest NFL photo of all time. But if a bleeding Tittle does not top that photo, it is very, very close. Tittle was an NFL MVP (1963), but the title continued to elude him. But he proudly wore his male-pattern baldness.

3. Jerry Rice

Maybe this was a product of playing way too long in the NFL. But Rice became a member of the bald community later in his career. Though one might say that Rice was able to cover it up earlier in his career with his high-cut fade. During his time with the Raiders, Rice became the first player in NFL history to combine cornrows and a shaved head. Only to be later matched by QB Donovan McNabb.

2. Terry Bradshaw

Bradshaw over Rice? Well, he does have more Super Bowl MVP awards than Rice (three to one). And Bradshaw played the majority of his career as a BA ... a Bald American. Plus Bradshaw starred in a number of movies -- Cannonball Run and Hooper -- with fellow baldy Burt Reynolds. Only a collective effort could keep him out of the top spot.

1. The 1970s Dolphins

Probably the greatest collection of bald players ever. S Dick Anderson, K Garo Yepremian and S Jake Scott all sported the look of the time -- chrome dome and thick, luscious horseshoe of hair. There was no shame. In fact, this is why this team was able to have a perfect season in 1972 and still win the Super Bowl, Tom. There is something to be said for being imperfect in your hair but perfect on the field. Something your Patriots couldn't do. Coincidence?

AND FINALLY ...

Monday, November 29, 2010

The Post Mortem: Blame Archie




Gomer has his dad to blame for this. If Eli Messiah had just gone to San Diego, the Chargers wouldn’t turn out the Colts like this, year after year. But now, America’s Soccer Mom had to push the issue. Eli went to the Giants and the Chargers continue to punk Gomer every year.

But here is the bright side, Colts fan. Gomer has thrown seven interceptions in his last two games against the Patriots and Chargers. That means that he is in postseason form.

And why is it that the Colts look like the Boston Celtics of the NFL? Flopping and begging for fouls on seemingly every play. The Colts are obviously just following their leader.

Go make a commercial, Gomer. Nobody cares about you anymore.

ALRIGHT LET’S get this out of the way. It made my physically ill that Boise State lost on such an incredible circumstance. That poor kid has to live with that his whole life. The good news, for him, is that Oregon and Auburn will not lose, meaning that Boise State had to chance to get into the title game. But here are a couple of truths.

For starters, you just cannot expect to go undefeated in a tough conference like the WAC. Three teams are in the Top 25 (Boise State, Nevada and Hawaii). The WAC is just too tough.

And second, if the SEC is so tough. If it’s so impossible to make it through the regular season undefeated, how come a team has gone undefeated in the SEC regular season in each of the last three seasons? Just saying.

Here is the horrible reality of college football. Nevada has a huge win in a rivalry game and it loses money, because it kept Boise State out of a BCS bowl game. Oh well, a nice farewell F-You to the WAC, the conference that sued it for moving to the Mountain West.

AND FINALLY …

I get TCU wanting to go to an automatic qualifying conference, but I hope you lose in your bowl game. I wish there was a way for Stanford to jump into the title game if Auburn loses this week.

Monday, November 22, 2010

The Post Mortem: Archie must be proud

Eli Messiah has always followed in his brother’s shadow. Although the gigantism of Eli’s helmet makes him cast the biggest shadow in the NFL. But let’s take a tale of the tape.

Gomer was the first overall selection in the NFL Draft. Eli did him one better by not only being the top selection in the draft, but crying until the Chargers traded him to the Giants.

Gomer took the backdoor to a Super Bowl title, and won an undeserving MVP award that was only given to him by the Manning-loving media. Eli not only matched him with his own Super Bowl win, but he won an even more egregious MVP award after David Tyree made a circus catch to win the game. Asante Samuel could have sealed that game by holding on to Eli’s errant pass in the closing minutes of the Super Bowl. But no, he dropped it. Even if the Patriots had won that game, Eli would have been only the second member of a Super Bowl losing team to win the MVP award.

But Sunday night was the big finale. The final straw that showed that Eli always manages to not only excel in Gomer’s shadow, but exceed it.

Gomer put the Colts on his shoulders again, but threw away a chance to beat the Patriots on the road by throwing an interception to lose the game. The Colts were in field-goal range to win. Gomer was not satisfied with that. He didn’t want to chance Adam Vinatieri blowing the game. Gomer wanted to blow the game and he certainly did.

Eli was even more spectacular in derailing the Giants. Not satisfied with just throwing one interception, he threw two interceptions in the final four minutes. And he made a nice scramble to pick up a first down, then tripped over his own face and fumbled to give the Eagles the game. You would almost believe that Eli was trying to throw the game, but he just does not look smart enough to pull that off.

Seriously, Eli. It might be time to ditch the beanie. You do not look like a smart man.

That was a pretty satisfying conclusion to a pretty good day.

THE RAIDERS came back to Earth. Which was nice. The thought of the Raiders being a decent team again was too much to think of. Of course, the Raiders themselves thought it was too ridiculous, too, as they went out and had that performance against the Steelers.

Although, the Richard Seymour punch to Steelers QB Ben Roethlisberger was a nice touch. You know there was a college coed in Georgia cheering that move.

STRANGE DAYS on Saturday. In the middle of the college football season, we had the UNLV hoops win over the Badgers, and the Kings win over the Bruins on the big screen at our local watering hole. Of course, when your other option was USC getting smoked again in Corvalis, then that explains a lot.

BTW, didn’t Oregon State get crushed by Washington State? Nice hire, USC.

AND FINALLY …

Penny Hardaway is thinking of making a comeback. Let’s hope that Lil’ Penny will not be far behind.

Thursday, November 18, 2010

The Weak Ender: She's marrying who?




Let me see if this is correct. Jessica Simpson went from Tony Romo -- the quarterback of the Cowboys -- to some retired tight end who played for the Seahawks or 49ers or something.

That would be like going from Johnny Knoxville to Steve-O. Though, that may have happened.

But what an amazing fall from grace. She still looks good. She's still in movies? But this is a terrible rebound relationship for Jessica. Ben Roethlisberger would have been a better option.

And here is the kicker. She is engaged to the guy, and she bought the engagement ring. That's right, Jessica Simpson bought her own engagement ring.

Dude, that was the only reason why I never went out with her. Because I knew I would never be able to afford a wedding ring for her. I don't have 98 Degrees money. So I thought it would have been a lost cause.

And sure, I'm married, but still. I'm a little upset about this news.

Though, not as upset as having my fantasy kicker get me only zero points on Thursday night. That's a great way to start the fantasy week. I guess that is what I get for having Michael Vick last week.

And yes, I get it. I probably should not be using Vick. Poor Pappagorgio would be rolling in her grave, if her ashes were not on our mantle.

Fantasy football, however, is a business. Honestly, my two quarterbacks are Vick and Roethlisberger. Brett Favre even had a stint on my roster -- the Dog-killing rapists.

I am not proud of it, but if Vick continues to put up these fantasy numbers, I roll through the pound with him. If he needs me to pimp him a pitbull pup, like teenagers standing in front of the 7-11 looking to score some beers, I am all about it.

Let's make it happen.

WHAT ELSE is happening? How do you feel about these Friday night games that Boise State is playing? Chance to shine in front of some actual East Coast critics? Or does it make it look junior varsity?

I tend towards the former, because if you watch Boise State, you can tell it is a talented team. To say otherwise is intellectually dishonest.

Just as it would be dishonest to say that Boise State deserves to go to the national championship game undefeated teams from the Pac-10 and SEC.

And wouldn't you know it, LSU coach Les Miles is already trying to get his one-loss team into the mix. Nice try, douche. The Tigers need a lot of help if they want to reach the BCS title game.

THE RAIDERS and Steelers are renewing one of the bitterest rivalries in NFL history this week. Although Roethlisberger vs. Campbell is not exactly Bradshaw vs. Stabler.

However, the two teams played in one of the most controversial games ever. And if you will allow me, here are the six most memorable plays in NFL history.

6. Music City Miracle

Following the Bills’ kickoff on the game’s final play, Titans WR Kevin Dyson takes a field-wide lateral from TE Frank Wycheck and races 75 yards to lift Tennessee over Buffalo in an AFC Wild Card Game. What made the outcome more delicious was that Bills coach Wade Phillips had benched QB Doug Flutie for the game after Rob Johnson performed well in a meaningless Week 17 contest that was played after their playoff slot had been determined. Phillips was seconds away from being justified for an unjust move. The Football Gods said otherwise.

5. Tyree’s catch in Super Bowl XLII

Talk about your desperation heaves. Giants QB Eli Manning fights through a number of defenders, launches the ball toward a little-known David Tyree, who pins it to his helmet while Patriots safety Rodney Harrison desperately tries to knock it away. This is what happens to Harrison when he tries to play by the rules. The play set up Plaxico Burress‘ winning touchdown reception to end the Patriots’ bid for perfection.

4. The Holy Roller

The Raiders were once known (should that be past tense?) as rule breakers. But Stabler might not have broken the rules when he intentionally fumbled the ball forward against the Chargers, which allowed RB Pete Banaszak to knock it into the end zone so TE Dave Casper could fall on it for a touchdown. A rule was later added making this illegal.

3. Immaculate Reception

This might be hard for you youngsters to believe, but there was a time when the Steelers were a downtrodden franchise and the Raiders were among the NFL’s elite. But when Steelers RB Franco Harris caught a ball that had ricocheted off John “Frenchy” Fuqua‘s hands via the Raiders’ Jack Tatum and raced into the end zone, a dynasty was born.

The only thing that could have made this play more memorable would have been if the referee had buried his head into the replay booth for five minutes, if there were a replay rule at the time, and later emerged to explain that there was no conclusive evidence, and the play would stand.

2. The Hail Mary

The one and only. Cowboys QB Roger Staubach threw a 50-yard touchdown pass to WR Drew Pearson in the closing seconds of a 1975 NFC Divisional playoff game. After the game, Staubach referred to the pass as a “Hail Mary” and the legend was born. Vikings fans still say that Pearson pushed off and call it Holy (expletive).

1. The Tuck Rule

This game had everything you would want: a snow storm, in the playoffs, and the Raiders losing. Patriots QB Tom Brady appeared to have fumbled in the closing minutes to give Oakland the win. But the now-famous NFL Rule 3, Section 21, Article 2, Note 2 said otherwise. Brady went on to lead New England to the win and ultimately a Super Bowl win over St. Louis. Adam Vinatieri‘s winning boot in the Super Bowl deserves an honorable mention here.

Also deserving votes: the Ghost to the Post, the Sea of Hands, and the fight between Rams and Raiders fans during a Week 11 game at Anaheim Stadium in 1994.

AND FINALLY ...

The Eagles win over the Redskins was the third-most lopsided score for a home team coming off a bye week.

Monday, November 15, 2010

The Post Mortem: That was an ass kicking



Redskins QB Donovan McNabb started sweating just by watching Eagles QB Michael Vick.

Was McNabb channeling his inner-Bobby Layne by drinking before the game? Perhaps earning his undeserved contract extension?

Former Eagles WR Terrell Owens put it best when he sent out this Tweet:

How do u justify a 78 million dollar contract w/this type of performance?

But not quite sure what Owens was getting at here. McNabb was at least in the game. Not standing on the sidelines burning $100 million like DT Albert Haynesworth.

I wonder what it would be like to spend all of that money on tickets to a Monday night game, wait around for the 9 p.m. tipoff and then before the first quarter even ends, your team is down 28-0? How many people were still tailgating in the parking lot when this game was over.

But here is the most charming story. Not sure if you caught the squabble before the game. But Redskins S LeRon Landry and CB DeAngelo Hall were jawing with Eagles WR DeSean Jackson.

Turns out that they were taunting Jackson because of his concussion problems. Classy. Looks like Jackson was the one delivering the knockout blow, moments into the game.

Now it makes sense why Vick dialed up a long bomb to open the game. Old Andy Reid was sticking it to the idiot Redskins.

I don't believe in karma, but this just might convince me.

NOBODY REALLY looked impressive at the top of the polls in NCAA football. Auburn mailed in its game against Georgia like they were doing the latest edition of the Weak Ender. Oregon was sleep walking. Boise State was doing what it does. And then there was Texas Christian.

Let's be honest, San Diego State has shown it can hang with tough teams on the road. Just ask Missouri. But here is the problem with the current system. The Aztecs were better off looking strong, then ultimately losing like they did. Because the Mountain West Conference could use the infusion of money stemming from a BCS appearance.

And the really sad thing about the BCS is that Pittsburgh is likely in.


BY THE numbers: Gomer had seven fantasy points on Sunday. Vick had 28 in the first quarter.

AND FINALLY ...

That 24 hour college basketball marathon is awesome. I am going to plan it better next year so I can spend that day in Las Vegas.

Sunday, November 14, 2010

Not cool, Vikings


Forgive me for allowing my inner fantasy geek shine through, but what the hell Brad Childress?

I understand that the NFL is a copycat league. But just because the Browns are having success with Peyton Hillis, that does not mean that every team has to run out and get a white running back.

The Vikings kept spilling Adrian Peterson with Toby Gerhart. Taking away valuable fantasy points. Not move.

Friday, November 12, 2010

The Weak Ender: Cowgirl meets with NFL security



You would think that she could have dressed up for the event, right? But this is a photo of her arriving at an undisclosed location in New York.

And isn't this just like the Cowgirl? Showing up for an event that everybody had forgotten about three weeks ago.

Looks like Brett Favre is going to be getting a day off soon.

Monday, November 08, 2010

Cowboys fire Phillips, hire Garrett


The Dallas Cowboys have fired coach Wade Phillips and replaced him with offensive coordinator Jason Garrett.

Yes, the same Garrett whose schemes nearly got QB Tony Romo killed.

Nice move. This is like firing the drug dealer and then promoting Charlie Sheen to the position.

Sunday, November 07, 2010

The Post Mortem: TCU impresses




Remember when the Cowboys were going to be the first team in NFL history to play the Super Bowl in their home stadium? Yeah, nobody in Dallas is going to be thinking about that.

But at least you have Texas Christian, Dallas fan. There is somebody who is fixing to play for the national title. Well if it gets a chance.

The Horned Frogs are currently No. 3 in the BCS, followed by Boise State. Kind of strange because TCU beat the No. 5 team in the country by, what, 80 points? The Broncos stuffed high-flying Hawaii and ground it to only 7 points. Obviously that was not enough to impress the voters.

Now, even the biggest cockeyed optimist realizes that an undefeated Pac-10 and SEC team is going to advance to the title game. Let's be realistic here. Even I would not be able to argue that.

However, I still firmly believe that Oregon and Auburn will lose a game this season. And when that happens, Boise State and TCU have done enough to earn a place in the championship game.

Now, some will argue that having Boise State and TCU is not a sexy championship game. I guess. But even Dennis Dodd believes the two step sisters deserve a shot at the title. Provided Oregon and Auburn lose.

And I believe it is going to happen. Oregon always finds a way to choke. Auburn is not running the table. But I am not kidding, if LSU gets in over an undefeated team ... well, there is not much that I can do. But goodness gracious, I will root against LSU.

Yeah, take that Tigers.

Other news and notes.

THE RAIDERS are winning again. This is a good thing. The Raiders fans -- even the most myopic -- were starting to roll over and piddle on themselves. Most Raiders fans wouldn't even have the passion to stab a Chargers fan. Now, Chargers fans are advised to wear Kevlar gear for the team's impending matchup in the coming weeks. But having the Raiders decent is a huge boon. That just makes it sweeter when they ultimately fail.

And hey, the guys who put Raiders stickers on the back windows of lowered mini-trucks is back in business. Hooray.

THE COWBOYS are losing. This is cool as long as the Raiders are winning. One of them has to be just good enough to fail in the playoffs again. So we will enjoy the Packers beatdown on Sunday night.

This space is reserved just in case coach Wade Phillips is fired on Monday. This is coming a bit later.

EAGLES QB Mike Vick has gone through the ringer, and really, he does not deserve our sympathy. But he's on my fantasy team -- along with Ben Roethlisberger -- on the Dog Killing Rapists, so I am starting to get a soft spot for him.

And then he beats Gomer. You have to love it.

FORMER BEARS QB Jim McMahon says that football is causing him to lose his memory. No Jim, that's called a blackout from drinking. Sheesh.

AND FINALLY ...

I am loving the Browns and RB Peyton Hillis. If for nothing else, Broncos coach Josh McDaniels traded him and a second-round pick for QB Brady Quinn.

Austin Collie's wives stand watch



It was touch-and-go for most of the night, but the wives of Colts WR Austin Collie were relieved that he was going to be alright.

Thursday, November 04, 2010

The Weak Ender: The Redskins are working out who?



No, not her.

We have time for one more Chargers Girl, slutting it up for Halloween. Yeah, just Halloween. But if you would like to see more, go here.

THE REDSKINS openly criticized the conditioning of QB Donovan McNabb, probably best known for throwing up in the Super Bowl. And then they bring in JaMarcus Russell for a workout? Were the Redskins merely trying to make themselves feel better about McNabb.

Like hey look, we don't have the fattest quarterback in the league. It's close, mind you. But he's not the fattest.

THE COWBOYS are circling the drain as one of the worst teams in the NFL, with no realistic shot to compete. But when you team sucks, you have to find a way to entertain yourselves in other ways.

I am saying that it's almost safe for work.

WELL AT least Randy Moss will get a bye week this season.

The Titans have been awarded the enigmatic receiver via waivers. Though, sometimes you should be careful what you ask for — or in this case claim. Adding Moss to your team seems to have the same kind of impact as entering into wedlock with Charlie Sheen. Sure, it grabs headlines, and seems like a good idea. But eventually this is just going to end poorly.

Moss will not put up big, consistent numbers, as those days are apparently long gone. There is a chance Moss could have some value if he buys into what coach Jeff Fisher is selling. The Titans players lobbied for Fisher to claim Moss, so the troubled receiver should arrive in Tennessee with a good attitude. Well, as good as he will have until they roll out the Tennessee barbecue buffet in the locker room.

CRAZY PICK of the week ... I am going with the Lions over the Jets.

IS IT me or are the only people who care about the baseball ratings -- other than the networks -- the Yankees and Red Sox fans. Like a poor rating is validation for their lousy teams not making it to the World Series.

I enjoyed the World Series, and if you did too, great. But let's face it. Baseball is somewhat terrible on television. But if we get more games like the two-hour World Series games we were getting, baseball could get back into this thing.

Of course, FOX realized it missed out on tons of ad revenue that they made because A-Rod's typical at-bats lasted as long as According to Jim, but still, people want to carve out short windows to watch games. Entertaining games that end in under three hours is not a bad way to go.

SEPARATION SATURDAY in the WAC and Mountain West. Well, sorta. Boise State will still have to tackle Nevada eventually. But Hawaii will be tough. And to be honest, I am not sure that I want my Warriors to win. This is why having a tournament without automatic conference qualifiers is lame.

The winner of Utah vs. TCU is going to land in the BCS title game. I just feel it.

AND FINALLY ...

If you voted against Prop 19, you are an awful person.

Monday, November 01, 2010

Halloween sluts are also for football fields, too

Well, I am sure we've all had our fair share of "sexy" (fill in the blank) costumes for Halloween. Sexy school girl. Sexy banker. Sexy Ann Coulter. Yeah, we get it. You are allowed to dress like a slut one day out of the year.

Well, let's hear it for the gals who are making a career out of dressing like whores. NFL cheerleaders. He are some of the best photos for the weekend.













The Vikings did what?

Do you suppose that Raiders general managing partner Al Davis was sitting in his silver-and-black adorned office in the Bay Area when news of Randy Moss‘ eminent departure reached him and he thought to himself, “Wow, even I would not make a move that crazy.”

Or course, that is assuming that somebody put the news on a overhead projector in his office. But still, certainly has turned the NFL on its ear on Monday. Suddenly, benching Redskins QB Donovan McNabb for Rex Grossman does not seem so strange. Like Nicolas Cage looking at that Corvette being dragged by the jailbird plane in Con Air and remarking, “On any other day, that might seem strange.”

Congratulations, Vikings. You have surpassed the Cowboys as the league's dumbest franchise. The only way you could cement this title would be to try to bring Moss back after you embarrassed him so.

Epic Fail

I'm not sure why Fox felt obligated to keep showing us the American Presidency's answer to Banjo Kid from Deliverance last night. It was an important reminder, however, that no amount of Saudi Oil money can scrub away the stench of failure that permeates everything Bush. I have no doubt that one day historians while figure out that it was Prescott Bush's business arrangements with Hitler that ultimately doomed the German war machine. So powerful is the Bush mojo that even its refracted force was enough to doom the Plowboys. I haven't seen a group of Texans quit that fast since Appomattox. Which brings up a good point. Maybe it is time to let Texas secede. They aren't very good at baseball or football. Perhaps they could form a new country where screwing up the environment and executing the retarded are the national pastime.

Sunday, October 31, 2010

The Post Mortem: Kelly deserves jail

Anybody else have Steelers QB Ben Roethlisberger treat their fantasy team like you were a coed in a college bar? Good lord, that was terrible. But there was plenty of crap going on in the NFL. Let's hit the lowlights.

THE DALLAS Cowboys have officially finished their season. There was some thought that QB Jon Kitna was going to lead these team on a winning streak, only to have QB Tony Romo return to ruin the whole thing. Like he always did. But Romo will not even get that chance.

THE MINNESOTA Vikings have also called it a season. How would the year have been different if that plane from Mississippi with Brett Favre in it back before the season started had flown into a building instead of going to Minnesota? The Vikings could have been playoff contenders if Tarvaris Jackson had started the season at quarterback.

THE DETROIT Lions are going to make the playoffs. I would say that the Lions were the best team in the NFC North, but the Packers did look pretty good knocking off the Jets. Wow, the Packers defense better than the Jets? That was amazing.

THE SAN Diego Chargers are not completely back. But they are closer to getting back into the race. Well, only if the Chiefs and Raiders would stop winning.

BOISE STATE continues to fall in the polls, as expected. But really, does anybody think that the teams surrounding them will continue to win? Think about it, another week and two undefeated teams fell. And more will continue to fall. Just embrace the Broncos, fools.

AND FINALLY

There was something disturbing about Notre Dame this weekend. Although, Tulsa showed a lot of class by wearing green shamrocks on its helmets.

But Notre Dame put on a pretty glowing show. Coach Brian Kelly certainly looked like he was bothered during the moment of silence for that student who was killed because of his negligence. Although, it was not hard but to notice that he seemed more distraught about losing the game.

My question, why was Kelly even coaching? We talk about NFL players returning to the field after committing rape. After running dog fighting rings. After killing pedestrians. How was this any different?

If anything, what Kelly did was worse.

Kelly put a few wins over a student's safety. And to think, Notre Dame went out and lost the game. Let's be honest. Notre Dame might not be a good fit for the bowl subdivision level. A classic FCS team if there ever was one. And they went out and killed a guy?

Coach Kelly deserves to be in jail, at the very least. Having a job is a luxury he does not deserve.

Monday, October 25, 2010

The Raiders are better than the Chargers



There is a billboard on the 110 freeway that proud states Bud Light: One Nation, One Beer while proudly displaying the Raiders logo.

What is great about the sign is that both the fine folks at Anheuser-Busch and the Raiders realize who their target audience is. Sometimes you just have to admit to the truth.

And in this instance, the truth is that the Raiders are a better team than the Chargers.

The Chargers have coasted through the early portion of the season way too many times, got lazy, arrogant and what you see is exactly what this team deserves. And really, this whole notion that the Chargers play their best football in December is rather overrated, too, considering that the playoffs are in January.

There are times that the Chargers make the Raiders look like a rational organization.

The Chargers played hardball with LT Marcus McNeill, and the running game never got off the ground.

The Chargers played hardball with WR Vincent Jackson and the team is pulling guys off the practice squad to start at receiver. Although, I might give the Chargers the benefit of the doubt here because Malcom Floyd is just as good as Jackson, so it was not a huge deal, but still.

Al Davis famously played hardball with Marcus Allen, but at least Davis had three Super Bowl titles under his belt. Not that Davis was right, but you can be this bold when you have a title history.

A.J. Smith? Not so much.

But do not worry, Chargers fan. Help is on the way. Smith and Norv Turner will probably be fired this year. And Jon Gruden will come in with full control of the organization. Gruden was good poaching the Buccaneers, a team that still had Super Bowl-quality players. What is he going to do with an organization that has squandered its talent?

Some how Gruden is going to come in and make this worse.

Oh, and if you need one final kick to the junk to really put this in perspective -- the Chargers chose to hire Turner over Rex Ryan.

Awesome.

Thursday, October 21, 2010

The Weak Ender: Not sure if you heard about Favre



Vikings QB Brett Favre was interviewed by NFL security this week. Now what he did might be somewhat weird, but as far as NFL quarterbacks go, sending a picture of your junk is pretty tame.

Eagles QB Michael Vick had an interstate dog-fighting ring. Steelers QB Ben Roetlhisberger allegedly assaulted an underaged woman in a bar. Sending a picture of your junk is like the NFL equivalent of jaywalking.

Call us when Favre is hiding in the truck of his car trying to get away from the police after having Cowgirl killed. Because until that happens, there is no reason to even bat an eye about this situation.

Favre was sexting.

And what is amazing to note here. Favre is a grandfather. And he knows how to sext with hot broads. My grandfather cannot even work the clock on his coffee maker.

I'm not even sure my grandfather even knows how to work a cell phone. This grandfather is sexting with Cowgirl.

The truth of the matter is that the Commish is likely trying to hit up Favre for sordid details and some pointers. And maybe Cowgirl's number, too.

LETS REMEMBER back when the Cowboys and Chargers were both playoff contenders. And you know what is crazy? Neither team is likely out of this thing yet. The NFL is so watered down, until a team is officially 4-12, there is no reason to believe otherwise.

However, if I was the owner of some team looking to make a coaching change, I would love to have a staff that had Norv Turner as offensive coordinator and Wade Phillips as defensive coordinator. That would be pretty nice.

BTW TEXAS, America is rooting for you. Put the Yankees away now. You guys have smoked them throughout the series. End any chance now. Although, it will be tough because the Yankees will not have that anchor Mark Teixeira weighing them down. So there is not automatic out in the middle of the lineup anymore.


And finally ...

Seeing that I missed last week, and if the Twins are still talking to me. But realize that the next month's issue of Playboy should have a Cowgirl spread. The magazine has a ton of photos because I just got an email to join their cyber club. So expect that to be coming soon.

Diane will be so thrilled.