Sunday, May 31, 2009

The Post Mortem: NBA Season Tips Off Thursday

Congratulations for David Stern for pulling the swerve on unsuspecting NBA fans by booking a Lakers vs. Magic finals. Stern had been building a slow burn up to this point, teasing a Kobe vs. Lebron finals.

Not so fast.

But as we've seen in the past, booking two faces in the NBA main event doesn't always work. Ideally, Stern would love to have booked Kobe as a heel, but he's just too popular. Something Vince McMahon found when he tried to keep The Rock as a heel. No matter how many times Kobe rapes a young woman in Colorado (allegedly), the fans are going to keep cheering for him. So it was a nice touch that Stern booked Kobe to go over the Nuggets in Denver.

These subtle touches are what keeps my minimal interest.

The Magic aren't the ideal heels like some of the great bad guys in the past -- the Larry Bird Celtics, Detroit's Bad Boys and the Spurs. But they are compelling enough.

My guess is that Stern is going to push Lebron to make the heel turn and join the New York Knicks in the near future, and then lead into some Kobe vs. Lebron finals. There is no need to waste that matchup while Lebron is in Cleveland.

With that in mind, I'm guessing that Stern once again has the heel Magic go over the Lakers in six games, and won't have Kobe win the title until he fully establishes Lebron as the heel in New York. But Stern has shown before that he likes to pull the swerve, so we'll have to see.

BRIAN FUENTES might not be the worst closer in the American League, but his gut-wrenching blown save on Saturday night was probably the worst loss of the season. Leading 3-0 over the mediocre Mariners was a crushing blow. Why, I wasn't even sure that Seattle had enough power to even score three runs in an inning. Very disappointing. But as Reader Matt P. said, we have become very spoiled with the Angels.

The Angels seemingly saved their season on Sunday afternoon, rallying from an 8-1 deficit to beat the Mariners, 9-8. An incredible win. Something that hasn't been seem in Anaheim for a while. Hopefully this will push the team forward. Honestly, the team needed this, and the club could have easily packed it in early. I know I did.

COULD A new hits leader be in the making? Derek Jeter has similar stats to Pete Rose at this point of his career. Jeter would probably have to find a new position to last that long, and he doesn't have the pop to be a full-time DH. But he's on pace with Rose at this point.

SPEAKING OF Jeet, a fan in Texas was told to turn her "Yankees Suck" shirt inside out. The Rangers consider that profane.

AND FINALLY, Cal State Fullerton advanced to the super regionals with a three-game sweep at Goodwin Field over the weekend. The Titans never faced second-seeded Georgia Southern, instead taking two from Utah, and showing Gonzaga that Fullerton is more than just a basketball school. (Throwback came up with that line.)

Fullerton and chief rival Arizona State state are both in the second round of the NCAA baseball tournament. UC Irvine and Cal Poly were eliminated.

Something needs to be done about Ohio State. The school should be banned from post season in every sport until it stops embarrassing itself. The Buckeyes gave up nearly 40 runs in an elimination game to Florida State. Really, guys? This is why the Big Ten probably should stay out of the baseball business. The NCAA can continue to bend its rules to help the northern schools, but we just aren't seeing the results on the field.

Thursday, May 28, 2009

The Weak Ender: Brady returns

Tom Brady returned to practice on Thursday, but it seem all anybody really seemed to care about was if Gisele was pregnant with the couple's first child. Well, first real child. Honestly. If any of you got NFL Network you could have seen how much time reporter Kara Henderson talked about the possibility of the Brazilian beauty being pregnant. Well, you would have had to sit through segments like 280 Buzz, which is really nothing more than Kevin Smith-like in-jokes inside the league. Really compelling stuff.

And here's some advice, Tom. If you are going to knock up Gisele, don't let your family find out on Facebook. That's a pro move right there. But secondly, just touchdown with Bridgette Moynihan again and keep Gisele in playing shape. You know, for the rest of us to enjoy on the pages of Sports Illustrated, GQ and Vanity Fair.

And photos like this one.

LOVE THE way that the NBA is booking the Magic vs. Cavs series. Honestly, booking the Cavs to come back from a 3-0 deficit would have been too much make believe. But coming back from a 3-1 deficit seems pretty doable. Plus Shaq already has painted the Magic coach (is he a Van Gundy?) as a world-class choker.

Honestly, David Stern really knows what he is doing here. And from what people tell me, the game on Thursday night was really pretty good.

The Lakers won't be closing out the Nuggets on Friday. There is no way the NBA misses out on a Game 7 in Los Angeles on Sunday.

FRAN TARKENTON continues to gripe about Brett Favre, but might have gone too far when he went after Marcellus Wiley -- one of the greatest dudes in the NFL. Take your shots are Favre, Fran, but leave 'Dat Dude' alone. Wiley is a great analyst on ESPN and one of the best up-and-coming guys out there. Fran's still right about Favre, though.

PLAXICO BURRESS turned down a deal to serve only two months in jail because he's afraid of the big house. Not a good move by the young man. Take the deal, go to jail and get out in time to attend Cowboys training camp. Yeah, I know a lot of you would think he would be perfect in Oakland. And he would be if the Raiders committed to Jeff Garcia. But it's the Raiders, he's better off going to Dallas where he might be able to turn another loser into a Super Bowl quarterback. So yeah, if I had to pick, Burress will be in Dallas this season.

CHECK IT out, Tim Brown of Yahoo! Sports is a fan of THN, taking our Torii Hunter for MVP idea and making it a column. No worries, TB, we just love that you're reading.

AND FINALLY, we have come to that month of the year where many Cal State Fullerton alumni will actually admit to being so. The Titans will again play host to a regional and -- fingers crossed -- a super regional. Here's ESPN's breakdown.

As noted, the past seven champions have come West of the Mississippi River. But that doesn't stop some talking heads from claiming, "To grow the sport, the NCAA needs to include teams from the North."

Amazing, that rational is never uttered during the NCAA selection show for basketball. Nobody is interested in growing the sport by allowing St. Mary's or San Diego State into the hoops tournament. But for baseball, it's a major deal. Can you imagine them using that rational for the BCS? To grow college football, let's include more teams from the Mountain West and WAC.

Anybody who suggested that would be laughed right off the screen. But again, baseball, it's important to include everybody like it's Little League.

The NCAA has tried for years to eliminate the majority of West Coast teams before they can get to the College World Series, but the best teams always seem to win out. Maybe they should take a turn at "growing" the other sports before they try to ruin baseball.

Wednesday, May 27, 2009

Tarkenton thinks Favre, Eli are d-bags

You have to figure that there are a number of Vikings fans who don't want Brett Favre to play in Minnesota. He was the quarterback in Green Bay for nearly 20 years, you know. That would be akin to Darth Vader flying the Millennium Falcon -- that just doesn't look right, even if he is fighting on your side.

For those Vikings fans, Fran Tarkenton is on your side. Tarkenton joined 790 the Zone in Atlanta to talk about the second Summer of Favre (via sportsradiointerviews.com), and he makes Chuck Bednarik vs. Deion Sanders seem like child's play.
    "I think it's despicable. What he put the Packers through last year was not good. Here's an organization that was loyal to him for 17, 18 years, provided stability of organization, provided players. It just wasn't about Brett Favre. In this day and time, we have glorified the Brett Favre's of the world so much, they think it's about them. He goes to New York and bombs. He's 39 years old. How would you like Ray Nitschke in his last year (playing for) the Vikings, or I retire, and go play for the Packers. I kind of hope it happens, so he can fail."

Don't worry, he was just getting started. Tarkenton also took aim at Eli Messiah. What did Eli ever do to anybody? Well other than what he did to the Chargers and the entire city of San Diego.

Finally, though, somebody in NFL circles finally speaking the truth about Eli. Honestly, it's been a long-time coming for somebody to finally say that Eli blows. God Bless Fran. In fact, I might seek out some That's Incredible DVDs or something.
    "I think he has been a great flamboyant quarterback, but he has made more stupid plays than any great quarterback that I've ever seen. Look at his final game in a Packers uniform. He blew that game against the Giants. He's playing against Eli Manning, I love Eli Manning, but he's still not a great quarterback. He's not Peyton yet, or Tom Brady. He's just a guy. And they're (Packers) are playing at home, and they're in a tight situation, they went to overtime and he (Favre) throws the interception that allows them (the Giants) to come back and win the game. He has done that and driven his coaches crazy all of his career."

Tuesday, May 26, 2009

The Post Mortem: Good Guys Do Win II

Let's not get overwhelmed by the Angels' shellacking at the hands of the White Sox on Monday night. This was a pretty good baseball weekend.

California's native team took two of three against the carpetbaggers from New York, the Trolley Dodgers. But has anybody kind of gotten disinterested in the whole interleague baseball deal? Beating the Dodgers is cool, but it doesn't have the same kind of punch that the series once had. Maybe it was the Dodgers missing Manny Ramirez. Or maybe it was just me. But it seemed like nobody was really geared up for this series. (As you could probably tell by the lack of coverage in the Weak Ender.)

Another series that has lost luster is the Cal State vs. Long Beach State Big West baseball finale. The series still means a lot to Long Beach State, but that school has become just another Big West foe like Pacific, Cal Poly and Northridge. Though, Cal Poly did reach the tournament this year.

UC Irvine has replaced Long Beach as Fullerton's chief rival in the Big West conference. Both teams will play host to regionals this weekend and are national seeds. Fullerton grabbed the No. 2 seed and did not get San Diego State and Stephen Strasburg. Irvine is the No. 6 seed, and will have SDSU in its regional.

Fullerton rival Arizona State is the No. 5 seed and the Devils are relived that they don't have to see the Titans until the College World Series.

TORII HUNTER is by far and away the league's most valuable player at this point. And I implore Angels fans to start MVP chants whenever Torii comes to the plate. Offensively and defensively, Hunter has been a force. But emerging as the team leader in the wake of Nick Adenhart's death has his biggest contribution. Honestly, if Sox fans could get a squeak like Dustin Pedroia the MVP award, we should be able to do the same.

ANYBODY SURPRISED by the Lakers loss in Game 4 doesn't follow the sport enough. Or maybe you follow it too closely. The desperate team always wins. And don't worry, this thing is going seven games.

JEREMY SHOCKEY apparently can't handle his booze. The Saints tight end was taken to the hospital for dehydration after attending Rehab at the Hard Rock Hotel and Casino in Las Vegas. Normally, this kind of thing is reserved for sorority girls who have hit the Sailor Jerry just a little too hard, not NFL players. Is there any wonder now why this guy has failed to make an impact in the league for something other than stupidity?




AND FINALLY

New York Giants David Diehl performs at Comix Comedy Club

Monday, May 25, 2009

Enjoy Memorial Day

Take some time on this Memorial Day to consider some of those who have made the sacrifice for us to spend time with our families.

While some of the major sites would rather sweep Pat Tillman's name under the rug, I am going to make it my sincere effort that it doesn't happen. The funny thing about Pat is that he would not want to be the face of soldiers everywhere. He joined the U.S. Army to be just another soldier, defending his country. But his sacrifice helps illustrate the sacrifice that all soldiers make. Not every (if any) of our current military walked away from a multi-million dollar contract to defend this nation. But they did leave behind family and loved ones. They gave up baseball games, trips to Las Vegas and just hanging out with friends.

So today, please take some time to consider those brave men and women.

Thursday, May 21, 2009

The Weak Ender: Good on Sanchez

Sports by Brooks is reporting that the young lady heating up the GQ pages with Mark Sanchez, Hilary Rhoda, is actually dating the Jets new quarterback. Thankfully for him, going from USC to the NFL was the step down that everybody thought it was going to be.

This is where it pays to go to USC. Most Trojans quarterbacks come to the NFL equipped with the knowledge of how to land hot babes -- some not even 21. Like it's a required course or something.

Or course, none of them outside of Carson Palmer has torn it up on the field, but that's beside the point. When it comes to marketing, making tons of money, and landing hot chicks (some of them of league drinking age, even), then you have to give it up for USC.

And even better, Sanchez didn't have to slum it with a Hilton sister.

Sanchez should be thankful that the Seahawks passed on him because that would have probably limited his prospects. Although, if he followed a Hasselbeck's lead, he would have ended up with Carrie Prejean.

(I pause for laughs, but not sure if that joke was clear.)

Don't kill me for this (like I really care), but Rhoda is good looking. But in some of those pics, she looks like what I would imagine Amanda Peet's not-as-attractive sister would look like.

(By the way, that picture nearly kills me every time.)

BUMMED TODAY, not so much that the Lakers lost, but rather that it will prevent me for bashing the Cavs for choking away Game 1 to the Magic. And that reminds me, for all of you who think that Michael Jordan was a better basketball player than Magic Johnson, did Michael ever get a team named after him?

In your face, inferior MJ.

Not willing to get too worked up about the Lakers. There is no way the Nuggets win consecutive home games. This series is looking pretty good. But still don't see this as an automatic Lakers series victory.

NOTRE DAME, is interested in playing a football game at Yankee Stadium. Does Chuck think that the new stadium's faulty design is going to help the Domers' offense? He can't be that naive, right? And really, do we need to give terrorists more incentive here?

AND FINALLY, Jake Peavy turned down a trade to the White Sox to remain in San Diego. What the Padres have done is absolutely shameful. The club promised to spend money once the taxpayers opened their wallets to build a new stadium. But have any of you seen it?

Obviously the pending divorce of the Padres' owner caused some more penny-pinching, but it's not like the team was spending money in the early years of PetCo. Park. The Padres should give it's co-owners (the citizens of San Diego) a winning product.

So what Peavy did is even more amazing. He got a full-trade clause because he was willing to take less money to stay in San Diego (I believe), so I back his decision to stay in Tijuana's Hat. San Diego is an awesome place to live, so why would you want to move to Chicago. People don't typically leave San Diego, rather the other way around.

Peavy signed a contract and he wants to live up to it. That's the way it should be.

Of course, if he will waive that no-trade clause to come to the Angels, that would be pretty cool, too.

Eli: Please Quit Talking

Now, I'm not sure if you've seen the Mark Sanchez cover shoot for GQ. To help out our dear friend, Diane, here's the link. Hopefully everybody will remember this when he becomes a huge flop. Or follows the lead of another New York quarterback by riding a hot defense to a Super Bowl title.

And speaking of that jackass, Eli Messiah couldn't help himself when talking about Sanchez (from Newsday).

"It’s not really my part to go up and talk to him and give him a lot of advice, “Do this, don’t do that,'" Manning said. "He’s got to be himself and figure out the things he needs to do. There’s nothing wrong with being on a magazine or doing those types of things. I wouldn’t take off my shirt but that’s what he’s got to do."


Eli won't take his shirt off, but he's cool with posing in a cape.

Honestly Eli, you are in absolutely no position to tell anybody what to do at all. We've all seen the "lick-off" you had with the Williams brothers. So don't start getting on some other player because he's taking advantage of his new celebrity.

And hell, at least he's going to play for the team that drafted him, you frigging ingrate.

Tuesday, May 19, 2009

Nuggets, WWF wrestling over arena

My self-imposed ban on Lakers playoff games until the Finals will indeed come to a close -- at least for Game 4 in Denver. The NBA and the WWF both have scheduled events for that night.

Oops.

(And really, anybody who suggests that this should be settled as a "cage match" deserves to be beaten over the head with a metal folding chair for lacking any real imagination in this instance. That's such a Sports Dork thing to do.)

Kroenke Sports which owns the arena booked the WWF on May 25, knowing full well that it would be the site of Game 4 of the Western Conference Finals. They even sent a letter to at the end of the regular season to secure the date for the WWF.

Didn't these guys see the Nuggets finish down the stretch?

The WWF has no plans to change it's date for now. (From the Associated Press)

Without a quick resolution, McMahon plans to send his trucks to Denver.

“That’s what we intend to do,” he said. “We’re going to show up.”

WWE spokesman Robert Zimmerman said the organization secured the Pepsi Center last Aug. 15 and has already sold more than 10,000 tickets for the event. He says the organization expects a sellout, with tickets ranging from $20 to $70.

McMahon blamed Kroenke for not believing his team was good enough to still be playing in mid-May.

“The fans in Denver had a lot more faith in making the playoffs than the owner,” he said in a phone interview from Louisville, where Raw was taking place later Monday night.


Well, let's not pretend that the Denver fans had a lot of faith. Many of them took their Divealanche jerseys to Goodwill this week, hoping to score a Kiki Vandeweghe jersey, just to look old school. Many of the fans are disappointed to find out that the Nuggets (formerly the Larks) were not stolen from Canada.

But Vince McMahon should hold firm here. He booked the arena fair, and square. If he doesn't get a large sum for moving Monday Night RAW, the only fair solution here would be if he was allowed to book the outcome of Game 4. Though, judging from the picture (courtesy of Gerweck.net), we know how he'd make it finish.

Monday, May 18, 2009

The Post Mortem: That was fast

Sorry if you weekend seemed to last as long as your most recent outing by Angels pitcher John Lackey.

Or if it seemed as fleeting as the Boston Cellbitch's run as an elite basketball team. That run was a great fun months, Cellbitch fan, now it is time to take your rightful place back down at the cellar of the NBA Eastern Conference standings.

Besides, now you can all pretend like you were Boston Bruins fans all along, just like your boy, the Sports Dork Bill Simpson.

Some of you might point to Kevin Garnett's injury as the reason why the Cellbitch lost. But that's what happens when you stock your team with past-their-prime talent. If it wasn't Garnett, then it was going to be Ray Allen.

Besides, does anybody really believe that Garnett is that hurt anyway? Having Garnett sit out seems to give the Cellbitch a pretty handy excuse to explain away their loss in the second round, and save them the embarrassment of having to hand over the keys to the Eastern conference to LeBron James on the court.

And of course, they don't have to get swept by the Lakers, either. Garnett made Al Czervik's injury seem legitimate.

MOVING ON, epic broadcast failure Tony Kornheiser will no longer be ruining your Monday nights. Dennis Miller is unfairly cast as the worst MNF commentator, but Kornheiser clearly takes them all. Kornheiser said that he plans to continue doing PTI, but does ESPN know this? They pay an awful lot of money for Rick Reilly who is far more talented and a better fit for that show. Come ESPN, do what you have to do.

THN Patron Saint Jon Gruden will be taking over for Kornheiser, and while you are all celebrating, this has to be kind of a blow to NFL Network. Gruden worked as a commentator on the NFL Network draft coverage (like you were able to see it), and was pretty good. Gruden seemed like the kind of talent that you would want to hold on to. But the evil four letter continues to put pressure on during a struggling economy by scooping up some of its competitors best talent.

Deadspin found a pretty good link to some pointed comments Gruden made about ESPN previously. Not that it matters if Gruden can make MNF better and steal a guy from another network.

AND FINALLY, oh yeah, the Lakers did finish out off the Rockets. What, were you expecting something different? But Denver looks good enough, I might lift my ban on Lakers non-Finals basketball. Looks like this could be a good series.

Friday, May 15, 2009

The Weak Ender: Boston O-For Thursday

Women's golf is starting to catch up to women's tennis in terms of gorgeous women playing the sport. The LPGA has had some women that are "golf hot." You know, good looking for women playing a sport. Paula Creamer, Natalie Gulbis, etc. (Though, I would argue that Creamer is very attractive, some of you tend to disagree.)

But Maria Verchenova blows them out of the water.

And like the women who came before her in tennis, Maria is Russian. Honestly, is there any way we can trade Boston away and pickup Russia? We'd be losing a bunch of douche nozzles while picking up hot women and vodka. Who's with me?

Congratulations are in order to the Boston fans yesterday. A midweek day game -- the first of the Angels season -- and the cops were out there on horseback, sniffing red cups, making sure nobody was drinking.

Awesome.

There were people doing keg-stands in the parking lot on Sunday and you couldn't find a cop if you wanted one. But thanks to the Boston fans, Angels Stadium was on lock down like it was Attica or Dodger Stadium.

But that was only the beginning of the problems for the Nozzles.

The Red Sox lost two of three. This won't replace losing to the Sox in the playoffs. But this was the Nozzles last trip to Anaheim until at least October. This is a going to be a great summer.

Small props do go out to Terry Francona, however, for making sure that Josh Beckett pitched on Sunday to ensure that he wouldn't pitch in Anaheim. Nice gesture. Is there any way we can rescue Francona out of that situation? He doesn't belong.

And further, there was one Boston fan that you didn't want to hit with a frying pan hanging out with us. Sure, you wanted to smack him in the face with an open palm, but that's not bad for Nozzle fans.

The Cellbitch were put in place by the Magic. And the Sports Dork Bill Simpson was complaining about the refs in real time during a live chat. Check it out, he goes into full meltdown mode. Hahaha. Nice idea, d-bag.

Simpson admitted that he was bandwagon Bruins fan, so it was fitting that the first night he paid attention to them, they got pied by the Hartford Whalers. Fitting.

David Ortiz continues to be brutal. Every time the Nozzles had a scoring chance, he would come up and blow it. Even though you feared he was eventually going to break out of his slump each time, watching him swing eased your worries. Maybe it's time to take the risk that Manny was taking and start pumping himself with estrogen again.

AND FINALLY, even if the Lakers had to lose (join me in ignoring the playoffs until the finals, trust me), it was worthy sacrifice considering the Angels won, and Boston went 0-3.

Thursday, May 14, 2009

The New Loserville

Congratulations to Washington D.C., the new Loserville, U.S.A. The District almost had me believing with Alex Ovechkin, but the Capitals absolutely folded down in Game 7. Not that I watched (they started that thing at 4:30 p.m.), but I wanted to read about a good game.

Feel bad for the Capitals, too, and was kind of pulling for them seeing that they are the only team in Washington D.C. that doesn't have an offensive or inappropriate nickname.

The Bullets became the Wizards. And somebody is going to have to explain to me how changing your name from a bullet to the leader of the KKK makes any sense. There's the Redskins. And the Nationals, which is offensive because our country is going through enough right now without having to be associated with the worst run organization in all of professional sports. Make it something that people would associated with losing and D.C.

Like the Washington Bush. Or the W's for short.

So congratulations, Washington D.C. You have taken the mantle from Cleveland as the worst sports town in the nation. You should be proud.

Wednesday, May 13, 2009

I Hate the Angels Bullpen

This is like that part of the movie where the a-holes are getting over on your heroes. Like when Jeremy Piven and his crew were kicked out of the Pit by David Spade in PCU. But good lord, can we get to the happy ending soon? The one where Boston's team plane crashes in the Andes and the team is forced to love on David Ortiz's back fat?

Monday, May 11, 2009

A Look At King's Rankings

Preseason rankings are one of my favorite things because NFL writers always seem eager to prove that they don't really know much about the sport. Peter King being one guy that just can't wait to share his ignorance.

Here's King's list of the 32 teams. I'll kind of note the interesting ones and we'll roll from there.

1. New England
Teams don't stay the same in the NFL. That's the old bromide. But tell me: What's the difference between the Patriots of 2007 and the Patriots who enter the season in 2009? I'll tell you the biggest thing -- concern about Tom Brady's knee. And if there were any real reason to be concerned, Bill Belichick wouldn't have traded Matt Cassel to Kansas City.


King jumps right into the Titlest washing right here, and completely misses the point. The Patriots didn't trade Cassel because they are confident about Brady's knee. They traded Cassel because they were going to have to pay him $14 million this season. More than Brady will be making. Economics drove that deal, not confidence in Brady.

A complete fallacy. The Steelers still deserve to be the top team because nobody has proven that they can beat them when it counts.

3. New York Giants
I've said I wished the Giants had acquired a veteran receiver like Anquan Boldin, because no team ever rides the backs of one or two rookie receivers to the Super Bowl.


Then why are you listing them at No. 3? Everybody not sucking on the Manning-family teat realizes that Eli Messiah is not the kind of quarterback who is going to make others around him better. This team sold its soul for one Super Bowl title and the fans will happily take it. But King's explanation makes little sense. The Giants are not the NFC's best team because Messiah isn't that type of a quarterback.

4. Chicago
Now, there's two things we don't know about Cutler and this offense. There's not a great receiver in the house and no promise of one on the way (Angelo should have guaranteed Torry Holt more money to get him to come to the Windy City). So Cutler's going to have to make do with the Devin Hesters and Rashied Davises, apparently. (Not that there's anything wrong with Hester. But he should be a third receiver, using his speed to game-break.)


Again, King goes out of his way to show why the Bears aren't that good, but still picks them fourth overall. For all of you that believe that a receiver isn't crucial, what has been the downfall of the Eagles for years? The Giants won the Super Bowl two years ago because of Plaxico Burress.

Matt Forte could be the kind of player to deliver a title, but come on, this seems a little high.

12. Arizona
Just an unsettling offseason, so far. I love the free-agent signing of Bryant McFadden to pair at corner with Dominique Rogers-Cromartie (does any other corner combination in football contain 13 syllables?), but the Cards are too unsettled right now.


Wait, what? Unsettled? It's freaking May, you (expletive). It's the (expletive) offseason.

The Cardinals have improved. Instead of being content on its Super Bowl-run, the Cardinals have made some moves to keep pace. You can talk about Anquan Boldin, but the Cardinals have put them in his place. The team tried to trade Boldin, but nobody wants him. That has to hurt at the negotiating table.

19. Seattle
T.J. Houshmandzadeh's a very good addition, but he's not really much different than Bobby Engram, other than he should be able to stay healthier than Engram.


T.J. has had at least 90 receptions in the past three seasons. Engram had one lucky year. He's also had 25 touchdowns (competed to seven for Engram) during that span, including a off-year in 2008. Even the Sports Dork Bill Simpson checks his facts better than this.

Sorry guys, I tried to make it through a King column.

And for you idiots who say, I read King out of habit, well, you can go (expletive) yourself. You are part of the problem. You aren't a terrorist yourself, but you are keeping the terrorist swimming in Starbucks lattes.

The Post Mortem

There has been a fundamental shift in Los Angeles sports talk radio in recent years, with the region getting more national coverage than ever before. Therefore, we get to listen to endless hours of talk shows bashing the Lakers and burying the team before Game 5 of the second-round of the playoffs even starts.

For that reason, I'm taking off the rest of the playoffs until the finals. I cannot stand the constant hand wringing and honestly, it makes me long for Vic the Brick to give his objective analysis. But as our pal Kyle reported, Vic hung himself like a beleaguered Arsenal fan.

There was a time when the NBA Finals would be played at 11:30 p.m. on a Friday night. I'm starting to long for that. This is probably why I'm getting more interested in hockey -- I can't see it.

Sports talk is nothing more than a huge FaceBook page with clueless hosts just posting random thoughts, such as "I love mustard," or "driving on the 55 sucks." But noted moron Chris Meyers took it one step further by labeling Andrew Bynum a bust.

Which he honestly did. Is the guy even 21 yet? He rushed back from injury and has been ineffective for sure, but you want to write off his whole career because he's disappeared in the playoffs? I'd be interested to hear Meyers' take on Gomer.

Sorry folks, I'd rather follow the Brett Favre drama which is continuing into its ninth week. Now, a lot of you are sick of Favre, but is it his fault that there are so many crappy quarterbacks out there making the gray beard a viable option?

Besides, why are the Dolphins trying to sign Favre? He has to be the only player in the league old enough to think it would be awesome to play for a team partly owned by Jimmy Buffet. And for the record, LandShark beer is the frigging worst. No wonder, it's a Budweiser product.

AND FINALLY, looks like Darrius Heyward-Bey is already struggling in Oakland. The rookie showed that he might be a Terrell Owens clone -- the one that drops a lot of footballs. The Raiders should be praised for signing FB Lorenzo Neal, who can still bring it. But that just means that Neal will end up suffering a serious injury or something before the season even starts.

Friday, May 08, 2009

The Weak Ender: Our Girl Needs An Apology

Manny Ramirez, I'm cool with you while you disappoint the world's worst baseball fans disguised as extras from Training Day. In fact, that was pretty funny.

But when you disappointed our girl, Alyssa Milano, you went too far. Attempts to reach out to Alyssa to offer a shoulder to cry on were unsuccessful, but we're here for you young lady.

Dodgers fans have taken this surprisingly well. And why shouldn't they? Manny is going to miss 50 games and will return on July 3. Is there any chance that one of the other teams in the National League West will catch and pass them? The team is in a pretty similar situation to last year. They will do enough to lead the West, get an infusion of Manny and then roll into the playoffs.

That is, if Manny can play without the female fertility drugs.

The only place the Dodgers lose face is in the court of public opinion. The Dodgers have the history over the Angels, but that's where it ends. Arte Moreno is considered the best owner in baseball. The organization also is considered one of the best. People actually want to go to Angels Stadium, and the club doesn't have to resort to bogus promotions such as offering free hot dogs to the entire right field pavilion to get people in the gate.

So consider this another round for the Angels in the battle of Los Angeles.

When you consider all of the things that the Angels have gone through this season, they are only 1.5 games out of first place in the AL West. If Mike Scioscia isn't the manager of the year, then they should just discontinue the award. This team has played so poorly, and yet are just outside of first place.

John Lackey and Ervin Santana will return soon. If the franchise is as smart as we all hope they are, then Pablo Escobar will go to the bullpen to make that one of the leagues best. The offense is hitting. Kendry Morales has as many home runs as Mark Teixeira with more RBI and a higher batting average. Morales only trails in walks, but you can imagine that the Yankees didn't pay Teixeira and his wife to walk.

FAVRE WATCH
Maybe my original prediction of Brett Favre joining the Redskins was more accurate. Favre won't be joining the Vikings -- for now. He again appears disinterested in doing minicamps, OTAs and even training camp.

Bucky pointed out in the comments yesterday that Favre was at his best when the Packers coaching staff made Favre, you know, work at his job. But Favre's been doing it too long to go through all of the work. And there's the rub. Like it might be fun to think about going back to college -- for a day. But when you think of actually going to class, studying, thesis papers, etc., it's not as fun as it sounds.

Favre finally realizes that and is more than happy to call it a career. But in the summer he will get that itch to play. And a guy like Dan Snyder could come calling and make Favre an offer he can't refuse.

  • Alex Rodriguez probably wants to kiss Manny Ramirez right now.
  • Jose Canseco continues to look better with each passing suspension, right? We've been saying this for years, but all is forgiven, Jose.
  • Dom DiMaggio quietly passed away at 92. One of the best players not in the Hall of Fame, and a guy who gave up his prime playing years to participate in World War II.
  • St. Louis sucks, and they have some tact, too. I believe it was the late Jack Buck in one of our roasts who said that St. Louis was nothing more than a third-world country. If St. Louis was its own nation, Ethiopia would be sending it wheat.

AND FINALLY
The Lakers, for years, have been viewed as soft. The NBA has given teams the green light to inflict any physical punishment on the Lakers as they saw fit. Remember Kevin McHale's clothesline of James Worthy? (Am I losing my mind, it's Kurt Rambis.) Detroit's idiotic Bad Boys?

But now that the Lakers are fighting back, fans are screaming for suspensions and fines.

Derek Fisher's biggest problem from Wednesday night was that he hit the Rockets' flopping, soccer playing, Euro. That play wouldn't have seemed like a big deal had he run into a man.

I like this nasty streak from the Lakers. If the NBA teams feel like they can take liberties with the Lakers and get away with it, they are certainly mistaken. I like it.

Thursday, May 07, 2009

Something new: Who ISN'T Juicing?

Come on, is there anybody who would surprise you as being a guy who is on steroids or other illegal substances? I'll start off with one.

David Eckstein. Other than that, you have to convince me they aren't juicing. Who do you have?

Ramirez Test Positive for Steroids

The Los Angeles Times is reporting that Manny Ramirez has tested positive for steroids. Glad the Angels didn't take my advice and sign the guy.

Enjoy the rest of your season, Dodgers fans. And this probably also confirms that David Ortiz was using, too. And the non-roids version of Ortiz is what you see in Boston today.

Wednesday, May 06, 2009

The Vikings Are Dumb If They Don't Sign Favre

The Vikings should sign QB Brett Favre. Ditto for the Redskins, too. But the Vikings seem to have a realistic chance to sign Favre and they should follow through. And if not, they should find out what Jeff George is up to these days.

The Vikings are looking to make a Super Bowl push with Sage Rosenfels. This was the same quarterback who did the helicopter spin as the Texans choked a huge late lead against the Colts. Favre makes some questionable decisions, but Rosenfels does too, and he doesn't have nearly the talent.

Now, is Favre the quarterback he was during his MVP run? Obviously not. But look at what the Vikings are asking here. Hand the ball off to Adrian Peterson. Throw deep enough to keep defenders honest. Let the defense hold the other team out of the end zone.

Favre couldn't throw enough interceptions to blow that.

The Vikings could be playing a very dangerous game of chicken. Teams are now trying to follow the Giants model of using a horrible quarterback to counter-balance a strong running game and defense. But that's not a long-term recipe for success.

If the Vikings can limit the things that Favre needs to do, it would make a lot of sense.

And when you get down to it, don't you want to see Favre battling his former team twice a year? That would be like those old Chiefs/Raiders games after Marcus Allen had gone to Kansas City. This would at least make some NFC North games watchable.

And for the record, the Packers are at Minnesota in Week 4 for Monday Night Football.

Monday, May 04, 2009

Your Teixeira Update

Yankees slugger Mark Teixeira had two home runs on Monday night, and almost got his average to .200 (it's .195 now). Big Tex, however, proved that he was a true Yankee in the ninth inning.

Teixeira was facing off against sphincter mouth, Jonathan Papelbon, in one of those rare, win-win instances. If Teixeira is able to hit his third home run, Papelbon blows the save. Something that is always cool. Not to root for the Yankees here, but they are Iraq with Boston being Iran.

But if Papelbon is able to get Teixeira out, well, that's kind of funny too.

Teixeira struck out. If there were any fans in the stands, they would have likely jeered him. But everybody had gone home.

Hopefully Teixeira's wife is enjoying these rainouts and living on the East Coast.

A couple of links for you.

  • The mother of Joba Chamberlain was arrested for selling meth. Seriously, doesn't her kid make a lot of money so that she can move on to cocaine or soemthing?

  • Not really a link, but can't wait for the Lakers fans to start jumping off the bandwagon already. Relax people, the Lakers hadn't played for a week. Hopefully you took the Rockets and the points, though you didn't need them.

Sunday, May 03, 2009

The Post Mortem: Cowboys Bubble Bursts

Alright, not to make jokes after the Cowboys' practice bubble collapsed on Saturday. But here's an obvious question that nobody is asking. Why were the Cowboys practicing in a glorified EZ-Up while there was the possibility of a tornado?

Granted, I'm not sure what the proper protocol is here, but I can't imagine that tents are recommended shelter for tornadoes. Even worse news happened when it was confirmed that a couple of Cowboys staffers were injured when the team's hot-air balloon was tossed around with the tornado-like conditions.

And notice Jerry Jones was at the Kentucky Derby, he wasn't anywhere near Valley Ranch.

The most amazing scene, if you were watching the video, was the Cowboys players who were taking off their helmets. Yes, falling debris is often the best time to remove your protective headgear.

Coach Dave Campo was admirable in taking charge during the situation. And looking back at the tape, it's going to be hard to cut the players who were really diligent in looking for trapped players. There were two major injuries, thankfully it wasn't worse.

  • The Jets still won't commit to Mark Sanchez just yet. Yeah, because they moved up in the draft to have him sit behind Kellen Clemens.
  • David Hasselhoff was rushed to the hospital after passing out with a blood-alcohol content of .39. How is that even possible? I mean, without being at the ShoreHouse.

AND FINALLY
Excuse my ignorance, but is the UFC still around? It was popular for a while, but now has seemed to have faded out like the Swine Flu.

And for those of you who thought that UFC/MMA was going to overtake boxing in popularity, well, Manny Pacquiao destroyed that notion with a swift knockout on Saturday night. Now, you can complain that the fight only took two rounds, but those six minutes were more entertaining than any UFC/MMA fight that I've ever seen.

Honestly, boxing is a sport where knocks are an unfortunate consequence. Pacquiao's grace and precision -- going up in weight to fight a bigger man -- makes the UFC/MMA look like a bunch of drunken rednecks fighting in a trailer park.

Well, even more so than usual.

So all of you predicting the demise of boxing, yeah, go back to your jobs at the CDC. Boxing is fine. And realize that Ricky Hatton wasn't just some tomato can. Can't wait for him to fight Floyd Mayweather Jr.