Thursday, April 30, 2009

The Weak Ender: Now With More Monaco

You know how I know you’re gay? You break into Kelly Monaco’s room at Planet Hollywood and all you do is steal stuff.

But how does this guy get all of the way to the Penthouse level and not get stopped by anybody? And is possible to lead me to that room?

Honestly, you can't even get into the upper floors of the Imperial Palace without getting stopped by security, and this schmuck goes all the way to the penthouse suite. So you're saying there's a chance?

Man, she’s lucky is wasn’t O.J. Simpson looking for some of his old memorabilia. That could have turned disastrous.

Monaco, as you may know, is doing a burlesque production called Peep Show co-starring Heather B. Mel B. (sorry) of the Spice Girls. There has been whispers that Lindsay Lohan could be doing the show. That’s not bad. Also rumored to be starring soon – Elizabeth Berkley. That has to happen. Life imitating art and everything.

Hey, these stories find me, let’s talk some football.

Some of you might be worried that Brett Favre has announced that he is not considering coming out of retirement. At this time. Yep, that little phrase should have you all worried that Favre watch could come back at any time now.

But don’t be too concerned.

Favre is not coming back. At least not in a traditional sense. Favre isn’t going to do any minicamp or even training camp stuff. But he could still come back as an injury replacement.

You saw what happened last year when Tom Brady went down with a season-ending injury. Not that the Patriots were the kind of team that would sign Favre, but another team could be put into a similar situation. When you look at some of the backup quarterbacks in the league, Favre doesn’t look like a horrible option. There could be an instance where a top NFL quarterback on a playoff team could be lost for the season and Favre rides in on his white horse.

Favre was good during the opening weeks of the 2008 season and could provide a nice boost for a team during a late-season run. He could trick his body into thinking it’s still the regular season when the playoffs start.

Either that could happen, or some bat-crap crazy owner could make an offer for Favre. Not the Raiders, they have JaMarcus Russell and Jeff Garcia. Not the Cowboys, who traded for Jon Kitna to backup Tony Romo.

Favre could end up with the Redskins. The team has soured on Jason Campbell and probably aren’t ready to turn it over to the Colt Brennan Small Engine (he’s not quite a machine yet). If Favre plays this year, it will be for the Redskins.

TEIXEIRA SAYS NO HARD FEELINGS
The feeling is not mutual.

Nothing better than seeing Mark Teixeira grounding into a double play in the seventh inning of Thursday night’s Angels vs. Yankees game. Nice ballpark, Yankees. When Johnny Damon one-arms home runs you know that you are playing in a minor league ballpark. BTW Damon, nice arm. The Angels had no problem taking extra bases on you. Damon was nearly standing on the infield dirt and he didn’t even try to get Aybar out in the early innings.

Teixeira is already starting to get booed. Wow, if it wasn’t for that stupid launching pad his numbers would be even worse … if you could imagine that. Strikeout with the bases loaded in the eighth for Teixeira. His average is now .200.

And for the record, Teixeira confirms that it was his wife that drove the wedge between he and the Angels.

AND FINALLY
For as badly as the Angels play against the Red Sox, the Rays absolutely own the B's. Tampa Bay defeated Boston 13-0 on Thursday night. Have to live vicariously through Joe Maddon now.

Wednesday, April 29, 2009

Sade de la Tarde: Hat Head

fail owned pwned pictures
see more pwn and owned pictures

  • Matt Vasgersian makes a couple of bad jokes during an injury break. Been there, my friend. But at those times, those unfortunate comments were made to my friends. Not to the viewers of MLB Network. And unlike NFL Network, people actually get and watch MLB Network.
  • Long Beach State has SARS, Bird Flu, uh, Swine Flu.

A New Member of the Manning Family?

We all know about the famed Manning brothers -- Gomer and Eli Messiah. There's another one with the Manning name who faked an injury to escape his dad's own projections.

And then there is J.J. Manning, and the whispers that Donovan McNabb is truly a member of the Manning family tree.

Now there is another.

Famed prep pitcher Patrick Schuster tossed four no-hitters for Mitchell High School in Florida. Schuster’s bid for a fifth consecutive no-hitter ended Tuesday in the third inning of his Mitchell High School team’s Class 6A District 7 semifinal against Gaither in Clearwater, Fla.

In other words, great regular-season pitcher ... chokes in the playoffs. A true Manning if there ever was one.

Monday, April 27, 2009

Sade de la Tarde: Close this thing out

Why are these first round series more than five games? Does anybody think that Utah is going to pull this thing out? Put them out of their misery already.

  • Chargers player Shaun Phillips was cited for misdemeanor battery early Saturday morning after a security guard at a downtown rooftop bar said the linebacker hit him in the face, police said. The Chargers are underrated for their a-holes, but at least the cop didn't shoot him.
  • The Draft has jumped the shark according to Awful Announcing. Could not agree more. Having to choose between Chris Berman and Rich Eisen is no choice at all.
Why are people so judgmental?

Sunday, April 26, 2009

The Post Mortem: Draft Wins Wind Down

How bad is the AFC West when you have Norv Turner as your coach and you look like the smart team? The Chargers drafted a dude from Canada who played Canadian football and still, and that doesn't even rank in the AFC West. That's what the AFC West's brain trust comes up with.

Honestly, the first 7-9 division winner is going to come from the AFC West.

The Chiefs, however, shouldn't be judged too harshly as they had a Patriots-like draft. The only problem is, when the Patriots are drafting for depth, they are replenishing a Super Bowl caliber team. The Chiefs are restocking a terrible team and needs playmakers. Though, they will finish in second place next season.

The Broncos and the Raiders are two teams that do business their own way. And that's not always a good thing.

The Broncos have balls. The team dealt its No. 1 pick for next season to the Seahawks, while holding on to the pick they received from the Bears for Jay Cutler. Saying that they are going to be better than the Bears this season. At least the Broncos have some belief in what they are doing even if nobody else does. Coach Josh McDaniels and GM Brian Xanders aren't afraid to roll the dice. Not that the Raiders aren't. But when the Broncos make a puzzling move, at least they are getting a good player.

The Broncos made a puzzling move when they drafted RB Knowshon Moreno when the team had a lot of running backs already on their roster. But Moreno is a good player. He could be a potential rookie of the year. The Broncos might not be able to stop anybody on defense (though they got a good DE and CB), but they will be interesting.

The Raiders made a reach for a receiver with stone hands. Darrius Heyward-Bey is fast, but he can't catch. He wasn't a good receiver in the ACC. At least his stone hands won't be totally apparent because JaMarcus Russell will be overthrowing him anyway.

And even better, the Raiders let Michael Crabtree (pictured) go to the 49ers. Who cares if the dude didn't workout at the combine, he's a good football player.

Congratulations Chargers on their 2009 AFC West title.

  • Mark Sanchez is clearly the most polished quarterback to come into the NFL in quite some time. At least on television. He's a PR dream. But he's not the quarterback that Matt Leinart was coming out of college, even though he subtlety jabbed his former mentor during some of his interviews. But the dude is smooth. I just want some accountability when he becomes a bust. Same for Matthew Stafford, too. NFL Network and ESPN were crooming these guy's noodles. They need to -- at some point -- be held accountable.
  • The Browns added a lot of former Jets. That should be the ticket to 7-9.
  • The Buccaneers drafted another quarterback, this time being Kansas State's Josh Freeman. The Broncos seem intent on collecting running backs, the Buccaneers are collecting quarterbacks. Honestly, do teams need some instructions on how this whole draft thing works? Though to be fair, it's not like the Buccaneers are juggling between Gomer and Tom Brady. But congratulations on wrapping up this year's version of Jason Campbell.
  • Speaking of teams that don't understand the draft, the Cowboys were quite puzzling as Jerry Jones once again is desperate to prove that letting Jimmy Johnson go was the right thing to do. And he failed again for the 14th consecutive year.
  • This is what happens when you dis Erin Andrews. USC LB Rey Maualuga once freaked Andrews at the Coliseum, and now he fell to the second round of the NFL draft. Teams are going to be kicking themselves for years to come. Here's the thing about the Bengals. You can make jokes, talk about the bad guys. But, they picked guys who are good football players. Maualuga is a great football player. Our newest correspondent Dr. Johnny Fever says the Bengals are going to the playoffs. Who believes? Baltimore will be down this year, as will Cleveland. It's not too crazy to think it.
  • The St. Louis FC took Foster Brooks in the fifth round! Makes sense seeing that Jonathan Winters is still on the team's board of directors. Oh wait, it's Brooks Foster. Nevermind.
  • The Giants took Ramses Barden in the third round, and will be the top WR to come out of this draft. This guys is a Plaxico Burress-type of player. That's what you have to hate about the Giants. They do such a great job to overcome their top handicap -- Eli -- and will remain competitive enough to ensure that the Messiah will always have a job, but likely won't ever get to the Super Bowl again. That has to be troubling for Giants fans. If the Giants ever pulled the trigger and got a competent quarterback they could have a Patriots-like run.
AND FINALLY
Let's take some time to remember Bea Arthur who passed this weekend. We should all shave our backs in rememberence. But that means that THN might get another correspondent. I will miss her at the roasts. She was one of the good ones.

Thursday, April 23, 2009

The Weak Ender: Getting Drafty

Cal State Fullerton and Arizona State were rivals on the diamond in both baseball and softball. The great thing about the softball programs, at least when I was there, was that both teams employed the lipstick variety of gals if you catch the drift.

And this young lady is Bianca Cruz who is looking to become one of Maxim's Hometown Hotties according to Busted Coverage via With Lethur. And maybe some day, she can work all the way up to Playboy Cyber Girl.

Fingers crossed.

But we'd figure that we'd through some love Sun Devil's way since ASU's upcoming road trips are going to push it off the No. 8 national seed and an eventual Super Regional showdown with the Titans.

FEELING A DRAFT
The draft is finally here, which means that the endless hype will finally come to an end. Finally. That hype has been especially exasperating this year seeing that there really isn’t a top prospect or three to get excited about. Are we supposed to really care about Matthew Stafford and Mark Sanchez that much? If you are looking for some sort of Joe Flacco-Matt Ryan type of situation, you will be sorely disappointed.

Instead, you are more likely to see a Tim Couch-Akili Smith type of situation.

Stafford and Sanchez will be huge disappointments in the NFL. Remember that when you hear the so-called experts raving about them. Georgia and USC were both national title contenders last season. Neither delivered. And in USC’s case, it most certainly came down to Sanchez. The USC defense had one bad half and Sanchez wasn’t up to the challenge to rally the team. That’s what the great quarterbacks do.

Stafford has a pudgy face. Not scientific because Ben Roethlisberger isn’t exactly slim. But that just bothers me about Stafford. Plus, I don’t watch enough SEC football to know if Stafford was the problem in Georgia. But that face couldn’t have helped. And when you start talking about face of a franchise, do you really want it to be Stafford? The Lions – with new coach Jim Schwartz – should build with a tough defense. Detroit won NBA titles with the Bad Boys. The Lions should follow suit.

The greatest thing that could happen for Detroit would be to just say “(expletive) it” let’s just sign LB Aaron Curry and roll with some awesome linebackers. Kind of like in the mold of Raven.

The funny thing is, Stafford would probably fall out of the Top 10. Maybe all the way down to the Jets at No. 17. How funny would it be if the NFL had to hide Stafford in the attic like he was Anne Frank if he starts to stumble down the draft. And then imagine what it would do to Josh Freeman. Please, let this happen.

  • How pissed is Michael Crabtree right now? He would have a contract right now if Matt Millen was still in charge in Detroit. Bummer.
  • Crabtree is going to go to the Raiders and going to start having mystery ailments like Darren McFadden did last season. Honestly, is there any other player the Raiders could take other than the dude with a broken foot?
  • The Chargers had better take LB Rey Maualuga. We are talking a Junior Seau-type of player here. If somebody trades up to snake him, so be it. But if he’s available the Chargers should grab it.
  • If the Chargers do miss out on Maualuga, Knowshon Moreno should be the guy. Honestly, with nearly every team going to a running back by committee, how is this guy not a Top 10 player? Moreno is going to go late in the draft, and we’re looking at an Emmitt Smith type of situation here.
  • Beanie Wells will be damn good, too.
  • Do we even need to discuss how annoying Chris Berman will be? NFL Network would be a nice option. But, yeah, you need to be able to get it.
  • Quick Lakers note. The Lakers could be up 3-0 on the Cellbitch in the NBA Finals and people would still be upset because they aren’t winning by enough points. This is the NBA – leads don’t last. How come nobody notices this? That’s why it’s pointless to even tune into an NBA game prior to the fourth quarter. No lead in the NBA ever lasts. Ditto for college hoops, too. Know the game, people.
  • Did Carolina management miss last year’s playoff game against the Cardinals? That’s the only explanation after the huge contract extension just signed by Jake Delhomme. Now, NFL plays with funny money, but still, just the thought of a contract extension is strange.

AND FINALLY
The highlights of Eli Messiah shunning the city of San Diego have been playing over and over again as the NFL Draft draws near. And you would think that the years would have softened the blow of Eli Messiah’s betrayal. That and the fact that the Chargers got the better quarterback.


But you would be wrong.


Eli has been schooled in NFL diplomacy, but that made him look like an even bigger jackass when trying to explain why he didn’t want to go to San Diego. And really, he never did. He gave some ridiculous answer while displaying his spoiled, football aristocratic upbringing. The silver spoon in his mouth making it difficult for him to even emote any words.


But the most jarring thing was the image of Eli Messiah wearing that Pat Tillman memorial pin. (And note that his brother , Gomer, is not wearing the Tillman pin, instead promoting DirecTV.)


With the fifth anniversary of Tillman’s death passing, the Manning’s family greed on that day – just mere hours after Tillman’s death – is an image that should never be forgotten.

Pat Tillman put his life on the line so that spoiled a-hole athletes could hold out for more money, and complain about the teams that drafted him. How the Mannings not only survived this PR nightmare, but instead thrived should be something that is studied in text books for years to come.

Wednesday, April 22, 2009

Let Me Tell You A Story

It’s a sports story- classic and patriotic: A gutty, ragtag group of American athletes venture into a dark, isolated land run by fanatical zealots. For the populace of this barren and backward place, allegiance to their sports team is simply an extension of the conformist hive-mentality that permeates their dull day to day existence. In this oppressed, benighted land the games aren’t just an athletic competition but a chance to demonstrate the superiority of their ideology over the foreign invaders’ concepts of “liberty” and “freedom.” For the young visitors, they will have to overcome a hostile environment, corrupt game officials, and their own personal demons and disagreements if they hope to win a victory for democracy and the American way!
This is what it means when the Lakers visit the Salt Lakeiban. The Lakers represent the Land of the Free- a place where you can drink a tequila shot out of the belly button of a stripper and spit the lime into Newport Bay. The Jazz represent Utahistan- a place where coffee and R-rated movies are smuggled across the desert like bibles into North Korea.

If you like to recall politicians like you’re calling an ex at 11:00pm on a Friday, the Lakers are your team. If you prefer to have your deacon tell you how to vote and what underwear to wear, you follow the Jazz. Worry that The Gays are going to pull you from your home and force you to marry one of them? You’re a Jazz fan! Worry that if your plane is forced to land at Provo, you’ll have to trade sexual favors to member of the VFW in order to get a drink? Bust out the Purple & Gold car flag!
But I digress.

You see my story has a happy ending. One of these days, after the Lakers get done beating the Jazz like Marie Osmond during her first marriage, I see Phil Jackson taking to center court with a microphone, surrounded by the hushed reverence and awe of thousands of Jazz fans. He’ll deliver a speech eerily reminiscent of the “We all can change” monologue from the end of Rocky IV, a translator conveniently close by to echo his words in whatever sort of language they speak there. Then, even the Snuggle Fabric Softener Bear Mascot Thing will be moved to deliver a standing slow clap. Sometime later, a visitor to Salt Lake will notice that the blonde-haired, blue-eyed Jesus portraits all over town have been altered to look just a little more like a certain aging hippy NBA coach. That will be a new dawn of freedom, my friends. And judging by the amount of pay-per-view porn they consume in Utah, it’ll be here sooner than you think.

Tuesday, April 21, 2009

Sade de la Tarde: Deacon Hates St. Louis

Deacon Jones is a little pissed that his number hasn't been retired by the St. Louis FC. He should consider himself lucky. Isn't it bad enough he is in that idiotic St. Louis Ring of Honor? Joining other Rams greats such as Larry Wilson, Jim Hart and Dan Dierdorf ... Oh wait, that's the wrong (expletive) team.

Jones told the LA Times that him not having his No. 75 retired is asinine. No kidding.

Be sure to read the full article.

Here are the rest of the links sent in by Dr. Johnny Fever and Reader Matt P. Maybe the former will finally figure out how to use his log-in.

  • The LA Times is also reporting that Angels General Manager Tony Reagins acknowledged today that he is looking outside the organization for pitching help and has contacted the representatives for free-agent starters such as Pedro Martinez, Paul Byrd and Mark Mulder.
  • More baseball. Good for Blue Jays left-hander Ricky Romero, who is 2-0 with a 1.71 ERA in his first three career starts. The Jays have been heavily criticized for taking Romero with the sixth overall pick in the 2005 draft — ahead of players such as Troy Tulowitzki (7), Jay Bruce (12), Jacoby Ellsbury (23) and Matt Garza (25). Go Ricky.

Monday, April 20, 2009

Fold With Your Avengers

Some bad news for Los Angeles football -- the Avengers have folded, following the Los Angeles Rams, Los Angeles Xtreme and Cal State Fullerton Titans as football teams I once liked that no longer exist.

This is truly a sad day. Or is it?

Casey Wasserman was the owner of the Avengers and he pulled the plug because the Arena League could not come up with a successful business model. And it is starting to look likely that the AFL is going to fold. That could mean one of two things.

1.) Wasserman is going to purchase the St. Louis FC and relocate the team to Los Angeles. This is the pipe dream. But if it ever happens, you heard it hear first.

2.) The arena owners will soon create an NFL Europe/XFL type of feeder league that would improve the quality (in the long run) of the NFL. That would be the most useful.

The Arena League was fun, and I never had a friend that attended a game who had a bad time. I should be more upset about this, but I just can't seeing that I haven't attended a game in like three years.

But in the long run, fans want real football. I believe a spring league could work. Just make sure Vince McMahon is a part of it.

The Post Mortem: There Was a Game On?

Were there any sports on during the weekend, because it was hard to tell during the baffling schedule on Sunday? For starters, ESPN shouldn't schedule outdoor games from the East Coast or Midwest during the first month of the season. Unless those teams play in a dome, of course. Man, just when I was getting into some Sunday Night baseball.

That's nothing compared to having the Lakers game start on Sunday morning. I was stunned to find the Lakers game was at halftime while eating brunch at Dukes on Sunday. Really, it's 80 degrees out at the beach and you expect Lakers fans to sit inside and watch a near meaningless game? How come they weren't the 7 p.m. game. No offense to the Hornets and whomever they were playing, but that should have been the Lakers' slot.

And really, I don't care what time it starts on the East Coast. (Expletive) them.

The Lakers game also illustrated why the NBA playoffs kind of blow. The knock against the NBA is that the teams don't try all of the time during the regular season. In truth, they barely care during the playoffs. The Lakers did just enough to win that game. As they should. Why win by 30 points when you don't have to? But in a seven game series, the first game isn't that crucial. That lowers the intensity. And you get that kind of game. Honestly, nobody was even sweating that game.

  • The Eagles are still in the mix for a WR, according to reports. Anquan Boldin is mentioned the most. But why would the Eagles just concede Braylon Edwards to the Giants? The Eagles should get into the hunt for Edwards and -- at the very least -- drive up the price. But hopefully the Giants don't get Edwards. Would be nice to see if Eli Messiah could win consistently with Dom Hixon and Steve Smith (and not the good one).

  • Chris Simms and Kyle Orton both placed with the first team during the Broncos minicamp. No wonder they are bringing in Mark Sanchez for a look.

  • Tyler Thigpen wants to be a starting quarterback. So do most kids playing Madden football. Doesn't mean it should happen, though. Thigpen went into the season think he was going to be the Chiefs' starter. I'm not sure if that's cute or sad.

  • Titans QB Vince Young said he was going to play it cool as the backup. Really, because what was the alternative. I mean, it's not like it's something to kill yourself over. Oh wait.


AND FINALLY
Lions fans gathered at the team's logo unveiling today and chanted for LB Aaron Curry. So you know that the Lions are going to blow this pick by taking Matthew Stafford.

Thursday, April 16, 2009

The Weak Ender: No Andrews Here

Erin Andrews will be in the new EA Sports College Football '10 and will be in the green room for ESPN's coverage of the NFL Draft. But that doesn't mean that I will buckle under the pressure and make her a TWE girl.

Not on my watch.

In fact, THN is the only sports blog in history to never display a photo of Andrews. Much to WCT's dismay.

The thing is, Andrews popularity kind of puzzles me. She's attractive, yes. Not any more so than say, Lindsay Soto. In fact, it's not hard to span the web to find hot chicks on television. That would be akin to finding Boston fan who is a d-bag.

Plus -- and this bares mentioning -- she works for ESPN. The axis of evil to the sporting world. That alone brings her down a few pegs. So please, explain it to me. Why is Andrews so popular? Her popularity-to-hotness ratio just doesn't add up.

Instead, enjoy this photo of Kelly Monaco. She even has a new official blog. Yep, she seems bright.

And for the record, word on the street is that Kelly doesn't go full nude in her new show.

HOGAN FEELS OJ?
Former world champion of the world Hulk Hogan should pick his heroes better. This is like the episode of the Brady Bunch when Bobby idolizes Jesse James. Hogan says that he understands where O.J. Simpson was coming from when he killed his wife.

HULK Hogan is sounding homicidal over the way his wife Linda dumped him, forced him out of his $18 million mansion, allegedly started spending his money at the rate of $40,000 a month and dating "some shaggy-haired pool boy 30 years her junior," Rolling Stone reports. "I could have turned everything into a crime scene, like OJ, cutting everybody's throat," he told the magazine. "You live half a mile from the 20,000-square-foot home you can't go to anymore, you're driving through downtown Clearwater and see a 19-year-old boy driving your Escalade, and you know that a 19-year-old boy is sleeping in your bed, with your wife . . . I totally understand OJ. I get it." He and Linda are battling it out in a Florida divorce court, where Linda's attorney claims she's entitled to use the car and that Hogan's claims against her are merely an attempt to control her love life.

Here's a message to any waiter out there ... if Linda Hogan comes to your restaurant and leaves her sunglasses, mail them back to her.

MADDEN RETIRES, A RETURN TO THE RAIDERS?
Video game maven, television personality and yes, one time coach, John Madden has finally retired. He's giving up the telestrator and Madden Cruiser to live the good life in Northern California.

But what comes next?

Madden can't give up football for good can he? How about a return to the Raiders? At 73, Madden would be the kind of young, go-getter that Al Davis could really go for. The Raiders clearly need somebody who could stand up to Davis and make shrewd football moves. But haven't we seen this act before when Marv Levy returned to Buffalo.

Bringing back Madden would be the kind of PR move that would get the highly myopic Raiders fans into a frenzy. And what's better, he'd be about as in-touch with today's modern game as Tom Walsh. So please Madden, rejoin the Raiders, get the fan base's hopes up, and then dash them once again.

  • Nice try Yankees. The team placed Babe Ruth's bat that he used to hit the first home run on the Opening Day of old Yankee Stadium directly on top of home plate. And then Derek Jeter flew out. Nice try, but the curse lives on in the Bronx.
  • But that stadium does look sweet. In fact, it looked so awesome, C.C. Sabathia wanted to reach 200 pitches by the fifth inning so he could kick back and enjoy the view. At one point, I wondered if Sabathia's pitch count would ever reach his listed weight.
  • At some point the Angels are going to have to move Chone Figgins and allow Brandon Wood to play 3b. You need a guy who can put up crooked numbers at the corner.
  • Cris Collinsworth will replace John Madden in the Sunday Night booth. Meaning that NBC's Sunday night highlight show is going to suck. Enjoy more Tiki Barber and Jerome Bettis. Maybe they will get more Matt Millen.
  • NFL Network analyst Jamie Dukes said that the Lions should get Michael Vick to solve all of the team's woes. Do people think that Vick was practicing in prison like The Longest Yard? Plus, what do you think the guy was eating for the past two years? But given the drug trade, he was probably able to keep up with his steroids.
  • Anybody catch Jake Plummer's act when talking to Jim Rome on Thursday? Plummer indicated that Mike Shanahan sucked the life out of him and that it was a good move for the Broncos. He also intimated that Jay Cutler was kind of a punk for requesting a trade. Good for him. Plummer looks like a dude who doesn't have a care in the world right now.

AND FINALLY
Boston Cellbitch forward Kevin Garnett will miss at least the first round of the playoffs. Or at least that is what they want you to believe. Considering that they put Paul Pierce on a stretcher during the NBA Finals last year, only to return like the Undertaker rising from the casket, you can't believe this isn't just a ploy by the Cellbitch.

Ditto that heart attack by Danny Ainge. That seems real convenient.

But if Garnett is out, that serves them right seeing that the Cellbitch didn't seem broken up about Andrew Bynum missing last year's finals.

Wednesday, April 15, 2009

The Cardinals Have Lost Their Minds

The Cardinals have gone bat-(expletive) crazy if they believe they can improve their team by trading Anquan Boldin. That's just not possible. Maybe the Cardinals were turned off by last year's Super Bowl experience. They always say the longer you go, the harder it is when you lose.

The Cardinals have been losing for so long ... they never got their hopes up. That Super Bowl loss is obviously playing with their minds.

A friend recently suggested that the Cardinals would be better off trading Boldin, signing Torry Holt and then going with Larry Fitzgerald, Steve Breaston and Holt. That's not horrible, but come on, this is a Pro Bowl caliber receiver in his prime. With two years left on a great contract.

The Cardinals can't do it. But somehow you get the feeling that they will, don't you? Not only that, but they will likely trade Boldin to a conference opponent who could hurt them every year in the playoffs.

Way to go, Birds. You are celebrating your success well.

Tuesday, April 14, 2009

Dodgers Fans Trying to Match Angels

The Dodgers have been feeling the heat from the Angels since 2002 with the Orange County-based team gaining momentum in market share. And Dodgers fans have felt the same pinch, too.

So after a fan died during the Angels home opener, it should come as no surprise that Dodgers fans would try to match that. Yet still continue to fail. A man was stabbed at Dodger Stadium on Monday, but with only non-life threatening wounds. A pair of fans got into fist fight after fender bender. And finally, a man was found carrying a gun.

In other words, just another typical day at Dodger Stadium.

Monday, April 13, 2009

The Post Mortem: Beckett is a Punk

Sorry for being a touch late today, hard to focus with Somali pirates vowing revenge against our nation.

We can debate whether Josh Beckett's pitch to Bobby Abreu was intentional or not.

It was.

At least mild-manager Mike Scioscia believes so.

"Usually the pitcher will show a little bit of remorse and say that wasn't a part of it. But obviously, we didn't see any of that with Beckett," Scioscia said. “That was as blatant as anything I've seen in this game. What happened today absolutely crossed the line, and I think it was inexcusable. I really feel the league has to look at it."


The lying Red Sox and Beckett will deny that. But what can't be argued is that Beckett's reaction was clearly uncalled for (illustrating that he did indeed do it on purpose hence being so defensive).

Beckett was at Angels Stadium on Friday during the ceremony to honor Nick Adenhart. And cheers to the Red Sox organization -- in particular manager Terry Francona -- for being so classy. Only two days removed, however, Beckett should have shown more composure in this situation. The Angels were obviously on edge. And yes, as a competitor, it's hard not to be so competitive when people are calling you out. But come on, you have to be better than that.

Should teams treat the Angels with kid gloves for the rest of the season? Don't be ridiculous. Nobody would expect that. Certainly not the Angels. But as the first team in town following Adenhart's death, maybe you can show a little composure as a human being.

We all feared that some a-hole Red Sox fan would do something stupid over the weekend -- it's surprising that it turned out to be a player.

The on-field display, however had to be cathartic for the Angels. Torii Hunter and Justin Spier don't seem like the kind of guys to lose their cool like that. Obviously some tensions and emotions were boiling, so it's not surprising that they were the "aggressors" as one report put it.

Again, hopefully that is a sign that the team is starting to move along.

AND FINALLY
When the most compelling part of the Master's is the race in the middle of the pack, well, that pretty much says it all.

Thursday, April 09, 2009

The Weak Ender: Coming to the Black Hole

One thing that slipped the radar this week was Jeff Garcia signing with the Raiders. When you think of all of the rough and tumble quarterbacks in Raiders history -- Daryle Lamonica, Ken Stabler, Jim Plunkett -- where does Garcia rank?

And Garcia is a good quarterback. A likable guy, actually. But does he really look like a Raiders quarterback to you? He seemed more suited to be the fruity pirate on the old Buccaneers logo, but that image doesn't quite translate to the Raiders.

Not to say that the cronies of the Black Hole are less developed than say, your local simian display at the local zoo, but hard to imagine them taking to Garcia's demeanor.

Carmella DeCesare-Garcia will be a big hit in the Black Hole. She'll be a nice replacement for the loss of Lane Kiffin's wife. And just think, those Raiders fans will probably have seen her naked more than Garcia ever has.

Kidding.

We don't like to play into the Garcia is gay rumors, but he's a Raider now so (expletive) him.

At least we are learning to hate again.

And if you are looking for more Adenhart discussion, leave it down below. Not much more to add, other than this question. Would you trade your current life to have one shot at pitching six innings in a Major League ballpark? Because even though Adenhart had his life cut short, he still was able to achieve his dream of being a Major League pitcher. How many of us can say that we've accomplished our dreams?

I, for instance, still have a chance of punching Frank Gifford in the face. Modest dream, yes. But still a dream.

BTW, don't let the tragedy get in the way of your thriving eBay business, guys.

AND FINALLY
I broke down and sent ESPN's Sports Dork Bill Simpson an email. Here it is.

You seem to have a lot of pull with Boston fans, so I have one request for you. Could you please beg and beseech Boston fans to not go to Friday night's game between the Angels vs. Red Sox? I know many of you guys only have a limited chance to see your team play, but you really don't deserve to be there on Friday night. This is a true tragedy for the Angels and well, your fans suck.

I fear that an incident -- in fact many incidents -- will likely rise because one of your horrible, horrible fans will say something stupid. I don't want to use a broad stroke with all Red Sox fans -- some of which are probably not always classless -- but you know better than anybody how your fans act.

If you could do us this solid, we'd appreciate it. You guys can come out on droves on Saturday and Sunday. Just let us have Friday.


A modest request, no? But one that seems fair. So if you are a Boston fan with tickets for tonight's game, please do not use them.

Cal State Fullerton Cheerleader Killed

The woman killed in the car crash that also took the life of Nick Adenhart was a member of the Cal State Fullerton cheerleading squad according to TMZ.com. Courtney Stewart, 20, was also a member of the Alpha Chi Omega.

One of the survivors was former Cal State Fullerton pitcher Jon Wilhite who is said to be doing better at UCI Medical Center.

As the baseball world mourns Adenhart's passing (oh, look the Yankees already are), hopefully Stewart and the other passenger killed (whose name hasn't been released) will also receive some attention. Thankfully, one of the members of the Angels PR staff did take a moment to do that. But just because they weren't MLB players, doesn't make their lives any less significant. Maybe ESPN and the other non-local networks can have some respect while doing its reports.

Wednesday, April 08, 2009

Must be the offseason, a Bengal is arrested

Bengals cornerback Leon Hall was arrested on suspicion of DUI, or what the Bengals describe as a beginner crime. Hall won't officially be a member of the team until he can register that second alcohol related offense, or he knocks around his girlfriend/wife.

Keep your fingers crossed.

Some Sade de la Manana.

  • Bill MacDonald ain't doing nothing wrong. His chick is young, but she's legal.
  • Stupid Canada. The Brave New World won't be far behind. How did the children get so much power?

Tuesday, April 07, 2009

Sade de la Tarde: Judd's recruiting violations




Ashley Judd nearly go the Kentucky basketball program in trouble by offering a ride to a player's mother. These NCAA laws are outrageous. But here's the thing. What if Judd went over to North Carolina and started driving around Ty Lawson's parents. Would that end up getting North Carolina in trouble? It might be worth it to go give some money to some players on the opposing team, to see how much trouble they could get into.

When I was in school, I always wanted to wear a Long Beach State T-shirt, sneak into its student section and throw a water bottle on the court during a crucial time, getting the Dirtbags (or 49ers or whatever they call themselves this week) a technical foul. Why aren't more students thinking of this?

Here are some links.

  • Baseball writers could be nearing the end. This isn't good, people. Trust me, we don't want wire copy to be our news source.
  • Brian Downing talks about being in the Angels Hall of Fame. Are the Angels retiring No. 5 and No. 31 on Thursday? Most likely, the next retired number will be No. 15.
  • Bill MacDonald is a panther. I've seen this dude walking and talking on a cellphone during the national anthem, so this does not surprise me. Any guess on how old that girl is? Yikes. The bored friend, however, is the best. He's Billy Mac!

BIG ANNOUNCEMENT
Part-time THN contributor Fletch is the winner of the Hardwood Apocalypse. Congratulations, and be sure to visit Blog Cabins. A place for movies.

Post Mortem: Opening Day a Success

This was quite a stellar opening day in that, the Angels won, the Yankees $252 million pitcher didn't even record a strikeout while being roped by the Orioles, Mark Teixeira blew and the Red Sox didn't even get a chance to play.

Only the young lady passed out in the back of a random pickup truck in the parking lot of Angels Stadium would have said that it was a bad day. But then, you have to imagine that the parts of the day she does remember were probably pretty fun, too.

And for all of you shoveling snow in the Northeast, just wanted to let you know that I did finally have to put on a sweatshirt in the eighth inning last night. (But still wore sandals.) Hopefully Teixeira's wife bought a bunch of nice coats with the money her husband soon won't be earning.

Now, it's not smart to jump on one game and proclaim that the Yankees big-time signings are a bust. But that is how normal people think. Yankees fans aren't normal people. The Yankees fans will give C.C. Sabathia and Teixeira warm welcomes when the new Yankee Stadium is open, but after that look out.

The most disturbing thing for the Yankees is that their team just doesn't look good fundamentally. The outfielders don't look like they can throw. They often throw to the wrong base. And the Orioles just looked more sound on Monday. So yeah, it's only one game but these things have a way of snowballing.

  • Joe Saunders looked like an ace on Monday night. And the A's looked like a 1980s Angels team will all of the washed up all-stars. Hopefully nobody is taking Oakland too seriously.
  • The most disturbing thing about Texas was not them scoring a ton of runs. It always does that. But if it gets more performances like that from Kevin Millwood, the Rangers could be very good.
  • How does Colorado go from the World Series in 2007, to challenging for the worst team in baseball? That's disgusting.
  • North Carolina cruised to the national championship. Thankfully, since many of us didn't even bother to watch figuring the outcome was already determined. And it was. But please, stop with any analogies to the 1990 UNLV team. This Carolina team may have been able to hang -- and are better coached -- but that Runnin' Rebels team was the greatest college basketball team of all-time.

AND FINALLY
K-Rod gets a 1-2-3 save for the first time in his life. Congratulations Mets, just don't get used to it.

Monday, April 06, 2009

Proof the God Loves Us

The Red Sox will not ruin opening day. Though, ESPN has gone to tone and bars for three hours in observance of the Sox having their opener rained out. But that is what happens when you open baseball in the Northeast instead of doing it in a dome down in Tampa Bay. You would figure that since the Rays won the AL pennant last year, they had at least earned that right.

Not so much.

And also, apologies for not having a Post Mortem ready for you. I honestly didn't know that people were working today. That kind of hit me when I drove by the bank this morning and saw people coming in and out ... this isn't a national holiday.

With the economy in the tank, maybe we should work in some more holidays for people. Opening Day for baseball. The day after the Super Bowl (though, if the Super Bowl gets pushed to President's Day weekend, that might happen). Things like that. So I'm going to be out getting ready for the Angels openers.

And if you are looking for signs, here is one for you. While picking up Lynchburg Lemonade beers for today's games, BevMo was playing "Roll with the Changes."

Greatest. Day. Ever.

Friday, April 03, 2009

The Weak Ender

Since our gal Diane was in the hospital last week, and was subjected to Cowgirl, let's honor her request with a little Ashley Judd. Who, incidentally, was on ESPN this week talking about the hiring of John Calipari.

Now, you should never bemoan a coach for taking a higher paying gig when it presents itself. But come coach, you are taking Memphis to the Final Four on a regular basis. And even if favors from Judd are part of the package, why make this move.

There are some that believe that Kentucky is one of those hallowed coaching spots. Whatever. Those fans have unrealistic expectations and there is nothing that will ever be enough.

Why do this to yourself?

Maybe it's the challenge. Maybe it's the ego. But winning a national championship at Memphis would be more impressive than consecutive titles at Kentucky.

Sometimes the grass isn't always greener. Which leads us to ...

CUTLER LANDS IN CHICAGO
Hopefully Jay Cutler remembers that he is the one who wanted to be traded when Devin Hester is dropping passes. Honestly, can you think of one other receiver for the Bears? That is who Cutler will be throwing to.

But who got the better end of the deal? The Bears, obviously. Cutler isn't going to throw for 4,500 yards, but he's going to make Matt Forte and Greg Olsen much better players. The offense will be more efficient and the team will finally have a leader on offense that it has lacked since Jim McMahon left.

Cutler's reputation takes a little bit of a hit with the fans. But Brian Urlacher told reporters that he understood Cutler's plight. Hey, the majority of players are whiny a-holes so they have Cutler's back. Will the Bears fans give him that rope? Don't be so sure. Cutler can throw interceptions, too.

And you remember what happened to the last gun-slinging quarterback the Bears had. So this is a good move, just don't expect the Bears to be the Air Coryell Chargers.

The Broncos, however, are screwed. Everybody remembers the Herschel Walker trade and the way Jimmy Johnson turned that bounty of picks into three Super Bowl titles.

Nobody talks about how the Rams took those picks from the Eric Dickerson trade and then watched the franchise fold after the 1994 season.

Watching the way Pat Bowlen and Josh McDaniels perform, you can probably expect the later. At least the Raiders will have company in the cellar. The Chargers or Chiefs are going to be spotted four wins next season.

AND FINALLY
You might have seen this on Deadspin, but hey, it sounds like me. The is the best standup ever.

Thursday, April 02, 2009

Sade de la Tarde: Cutler to Bears

From NFL.com

The Broncos announced that they have traded QB Jay Cutler to the Bears. The Chicago Sun-Times reports that the deal includes first-round draft picks in 2009 and 2010, a third-round pick this year and QB Kyle Orton. The Bears receive the Broncos' fifth-round draft pick this year.

  • The Yankees have thrown away its history by building a new stadium. Why not throw away the long-time announcer, too? Boston blows, but give them credit for at least keeping its long-time stadium and making it work. The Yankees keep sliding further down.

Wednesday, April 01, 2009

Sade de la Tarde: Boston has Fatties



Three out of four paramedic, EMT and firefighter recruits in the Boston area are overweight, a troubling trend that shows the obesity epidemic is weighing down even young rookies, according to a new study out today.

They must be doing some women's outreach.

But why should the obese women in Boston only be limited to Celtic's cheerleader tryouts?

  • Gary Sheffield will star in a new movie, Mr. 500.
  • Could Cutler be heading to the 49ers? This report says so. But then you realize that there is no Denver Examiner. Nice try, though.
  • Matt Bush is finally out of baseball. Now can pursue a life similar to Matthew McConaughey in Dazed and Confused. Or is he more like the Ben Affleck character?
  • Please tell me that this is another bad April Fool's joke. This can't be serious. Here's one for you ... Penn Live, your newspaper is going to be out of business in a year. April Fool's! Oh wait, that's for real.