Thursday, April 16, 2009

The Weak Ender: No Andrews Here

Erin Andrews will be in the new EA Sports College Football '10 and will be in the green room for ESPN's coverage of the NFL Draft. But that doesn't mean that I will buckle under the pressure and make her a TWE girl.

Not on my watch.

In fact, THN is the only sports blog in history to never display a photo of Andrews. Much to WCT's dismay.

The thing is, Andrews popularity kind of puzzles me. She's attractive, yes. Not any more so than say, Lindsay Soto. In fact, it's not hard to span the web to find hot chicks on television. That would be akin to finding Boston fan who is a d-bag.

Plus -- and this bares mentioning -- she works for ESPN. The axis of evil to the sporting world. That alone brings her down a few pegs. So please, explain it to me. Why is Andrews so popular? Her popularity-to-hotness ratio just doesn't add up.

Instead, enjoy this photo of Kelly Monaco. She even has a new official blog. Yep, she seems bright.

And for the record, word on the street is that Kelly doesn't go full nude in her new show.

HOGAN FEELS OJ?
Former world champion of the world Hulk Hogan should pick his heroes better. This is like the episode of the Brady Bunch when Bobby idolizes Jesse James. Hogan says that he understands where O.J. Simpson was coming from when he killed his wife.

HULK Hogan is sounding homicidal over the way his wife Linda dumped him, forced him out of his $18 million mansion, allegedly started spending his money at the rate of $40,000 a month and dating "some shaggy-haired pool boy 30 years her junior," Rolling Stone reports. "I could have turned everything into a crime scene, like OJ, cutting everybody's throat," he told the magazine. "You live half a mile from the 20,000-square-foot home you can't go to anymore, you're driving through downtown Clearwater and see a 19-year-old boy driving your Escalade, and you know that a 19-year-old boy is sleeping in your bed, with your wife . . . I totally understand OJ. I get it." He and Linda are battling it out in a Florida divorce court, where Linda's attorney claims she's entitled to use the car and that Hogan's claims against her are merely an attempt to control her love life.

Here's a message to any waiter out there ... if Linda Hogan comes to your restaurant and leaves her sunglasses, mail them back to her.

MADDEN RETIRES, A RETURN TO THE RAIDERS?
Video game maven, television personality and yes, one time coach, John Madden has finally retired. He's giving up the telestrator and Madden Cruiser to live the good life in Northern California.

But what comes next?

Madden can't give up football for good can he? How about a return to the Raiders? At 73, Madden would be the kind of young, go-getter that Al Davis could really go for. The Raiders clearly need somebody who could stand up to Davis and make shrewd football moves. But haven't we seen this act before when Marv Levy returned to Buffalo.

Bringing back Madden would be the kind of PR move that would get the highly myopic Raiders fans into a frenzy. And what's better, he'd be about as in-touch with today's modern game as Tom Walsh. So please Madden, rejoin the Raiders, get the fan base's hopes up, and then dash them once again.

  • Nice try Yankees. The team placed Babe Ruth's bat that he used to hit the first home run on the Opening Day of old Yankee Stadium directly on top of home plate. And then Derek Jeter flew out. Nice try, but the curse lives on in the Bronx.
  • But that stadium does look sweet. In fact, it looked so awesome, C.C. Sabathia wanted to reach 200 pitches by the fifth inning so he could kick back and enjoy the view. At one point, I wondered if Sabathia's pitch count would ever reach his listed weight.
  • At some point the Angels are going to have to move Chone Figgins and allow Brandon Wood to play 3b. You need a guy who can put up crooked numbers at the corner.
  • Cris Collinsworth will replace John Madden in the Sunday Night booth. Meaning that NBC's Sunday night highlight show is going to suck. Enjoy more Tiki Barber and Jerome Bettis. Maybe they will get more Matt Millen.
  • NFL Network analyst Jamie Dukes said that the Lions should get Michael Vick to solve all of the team's woes. Do people think that Vick was practicing in prison like The Longest Yard? Plus, what do you think the guy was eating for the past two years? But given the drug trade, he was probably able to keep up with his steroids.
  • Anybody catch Jake Plummer's act when talking to Jim Rome on Thursday? Plummer indicated that Mike Shanahan sucked the life out of him and that it was a good move for the Broncos. He also intimated that Jay Cutler was kind of a punk for requesting a trade. Good for him. Plummer looks like a dude who doesn't have a care in the world right now.

AND FINALLY
Boston Cellbitch forward Kevin Garnett will miss at least the first round of the playoffs. Or at least that is what they want you to believe. Considering that they put Paul Pierce on a stretcher during the NBA Finals last year, only to return like the Undertaker rising from the casket, you can't believe this isn't just a ploy by the Cellbitch.

Ditto that heart attack by Danny Ainge. That seems real convenient.

But if Garnett is out, that serves them right seeing that the Cellbitch didn't seem broken up about Andrew Bynum missing last year's finals.

10 comments:

Robbie said...

$1.5 billion? That's a lot of jack for The House That HGH Built™.

Anonymous said...

He said it. He didn't do it.

Bain said...

In case anyone's wondering, that 800 pound gorilla on the couch here in Honktown is the upcoming (God, please, I pray for it...) Texas secession. Sure hope that fancy new stadium is equipped for bull fights!

Trouble is, when they find out how little of its substantial weight Texas is capable of carrying without help from the (ahem) paying states, Mexico may not want it back. Might need to throw in Arizona and Hat! as deal sweeteners.

My word is "almen", which is how Batshit ends a prayer when his mouth is full of teabag.

DAWUSS said...

I take it your favorite soap opera is General Hospital

WCT said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
WCT said...

Nice TWE. I guess you're like Mike Napoli: every once and a while you close your eyes and swing and you happen to run into one.

THN is the only sports blog in history to never display a photo of Andrews. Much to WCT's dismay.goddamned right.

the thing is, Andrews popularity kind of puzzles me. She's attractive, yes.Holy shit, you admitted that she was attractive.I was starting to wonder about you.

it's not hard to span the web to find hot chicks on television. That would be akin to finding Boston fan who is a d-bag.goddamned right

Diane said...

So I'm the only one who had to Google Erin Andrews?

Little known fact about Kelly Monaco - - Even though she won the first season of Dancing w/ the Stars, girlfriend can't dance to save her life. Her new Vegas show must have an astronomical potential disaster factor.

buckyor said...

So I'm the only one who had to Google Erin Andrews?Of those who read this blog? Yes, undoubtedly.

Little known fact about Kelly Monaco - - Even though she won the first season of Dancing w/ the Stars, girlfriend can't dance to save her life. She can't dance? I fail to see the problem.

Diane said...

Maybe I'm just thinking of Gypsy Rose Lee (saw "Gypsy" with Patti LuPone on Broadway!), and the one time I was at the Spearmint Rhino, but isn't it more entertaining if the strippers can actually dance?

Ok, on second thought, never mind.

Bokolis said...

I feel OJ, too. Being in California without a California Divorce must have been hell.

Hogan said what many, if not most, dudes with an XOL that took a good chunk of their stash are thinking. If you knew Hogan (not trying to say we're buds...met him twice while wobbling through TPA {once in the red and yellow days and once as Hollywood} and once wound up hanging one night with him {as Hollywood} and his crew), you'd know that he alternates between being a good dude and a dick, in a semi-coherent state the whole time (I suppose you'd also know that if you watched that show...I couldn't tell you).

You'd also know that he's WAAAY too much of a pussy to do it.