Thursday, April 09, 2009

The Weak Ender: Coming to the Black Hole

One thing that slipped the radar this week was Jeff Garcia signing with the Raiders. When you think of all of the rough and tumble quarterbacks in Raiders history -- Daryle Lamonica, Ken Stabler, Jim Plunkett -- where does Garcia rank?

And Garcia is a good quarterback. A likable guy, actually. But does he really look like a Raiders quarterback to you? He seemed more suited to be the fruity pirate on the old Buccaneers logo, but that image doesn't quite translate to the Raiders.

Not to say that the cronies of the Black Hole are less developed than say, your local simian display at the local zoo, but hard to imagine them taking to Garcia's demeanor.

Carmella DeCesare-Garcia will be a big hit in the Black Hole. She'll be a nice replacement for the loss of Lane Kiffin's wife. And just think, those Raiders fans will probably have seen her naked more than Garcia ever has.


We don't like to play into the Garcia is gay rumors, but he's a Raider now so (expletive) him.

At least we are learning to hate again.

And if you are looking for more Adenhart discussion, leave it down below. Not much more to add, other than this question. Would you trade your current life to have one shot at pitching six innings in a Major League ballpark? Because even though Adenhart had his life cut short, he still was able to achieve his dream of being a Major League pitcher. How many of us can say that we've accomplished our dreams?

I, for instance, still have a chance of punching Frank Gifford in the face. Modest dream, yes. But still a dream.

BTW, don't let the tragedy get in the way of your thriving eBay business, guys.

I broke down and sent ESPN's Sports Dork Bill Simpson an email. Here it is.

You seem to have a lot of pull with Boston fans, so I have one request for you. Could you please beg and beseech Boston fans to not go to Friday night's game between the Angels vs. Red Sox? I know many of you guys only have a limited chance to see your team play, but you really don't deserve to be there on Friday night. This is a true tragedy for the Angels and well, your fans suck.

I fear that an incident -- in fact many incidents -- will likely rise because one of your horrible, horrible fans will say something stupid. I don't want to use a broad stroke with all Red Sox fans -- some of which are probably not always classless -- but you know better than anybody how your fans act.

If you could do us this solid, we'd appreciate it. You guys can come out on droves on Saturday and Sunday. Just let us have Friday.

A modest request, no? But one that seems fair. So if you are a Boston fan with tickets for tonight's game, please do not use them.


DAWUSS said...

Tony might come after you after advancing gay rumors about an NFL athlete...

Robbie said...

Maybe it's just the circle of friends I run with, but I have yet to run into a Sox fan that wasn't obnoxious.

Looking forward to watching more fan fight videos on YouTube after this weekend.

Diane said...

Oddly enough, my dream is to punch Gifford's wife in the face.

Bokolis said...

Living the dream is scant consolation. No way would I cash in at 22. Only the kid would keep me from making the deal today.

Assuming I didn't get tossed for dusting off a few guys, you had best believe I'm going nine. There'd be some smoke in the city that night.

Seitz said...

I never get tired of saying it, but the truth is the truth. There is simply no lower form of life than a Red Sox fan at road game. Truly the scum of the earth. And I include some of my very best friends in that group.

Bain said...

Would you trade your current life to have one shot at pitching six innings in a Major League ballpark?

What's wrenching is that Adenhart and his passengers died because they happened to be at a particular intersection at precisely the moment some crosseyed aggrotrash jackoff decided to blow through a red. Had Adenhart forgotten his wallet in his locker and gone back to get it, or even stopped to tie his shoe, he'd be pitching next week.

THN said...

That's the thing that always gets me. The series of events that had to happen to put that car in the intersection at that moment. If they had made a green light or anything -- on both ends -- this could have been avoided. Scary to think about sometimes.

Bain said...

Off topic... so Petrified Forest Tech (aka Arizona State) isn't going to award Obama an honorary degree? You would think a junior college would be thrilled to have a Harvard grad acknowledge their existence, let alone provide their scholars in Fried Cuisine Studies with a few words of encouragement, but you'd be wrong. Maybe the Prez should return the favor by removing our taxpayer-funded border guards and allowing the Mexican cartels to return Arizona (claims to fame: slag tags, racism, and The World's Biggest Trench) to the country where it belongs, in which case civilized people can agree that drugs are good for something.

buckyor said...

ASU President Michael Crow declined to give Obama an honorary degree because he's scared shitless of the Arizona legislature, which is no longer constrained by Janet Napolitano, and thus consists largely of freaks who can't decide whether questioning Obama's birth certificate is more important than labeling him a socialist. Crow is probably correct that these extra-chromosome nutbags would cut ASU's budget to near nothing if Crow decided to legitimize Obama by rewarding him a degree (apparently the BA from Columbia and the JD from Harvard are easier to get).

Interestingly, in 2006 Obama gave the commencement address at Northwestern, my undergraduate school, and was awarded an honorary Doctor of Laws degree for his trouble. I guess ASU must have higher standards than NU.

Bain said...

Arizona State

(cue Sesame Street music)

One of these things is not like the others
One of these things is not the same...