Tuesday, March 03, 2009

Welcome to National Sportsmanship Day!

Or maybe, more aptly, National Sportsmanship Day should be called the anti-Belichick day. This day was formally anti-Raiders day, but the Raiders don’t cheat anymore. Well, hopefully they no longer cheat. Because if they are cheating their way to the worst team in the NFL, then they have troubles.

Bill Belichick may cheat ... but he wins. And that makes him a real American.

Sportsmanship Day, however, is one of the worst ideas imaginable. No wonder America has grown soft – we’re sportsmen now. Was America very sporting during the bombing of Dresden? Was America sporting when it nuked Japan? No … America was great.

Now we have participation trophies and a bunch of kids growing up worrying about their feelings. You know what I got when my youth league basketball team came in last place? Nothing. Not even a trip to Farrell’s Ice Cream Parlor. The coach shook our hands and said – and I quote “See you losers next year.”

Those kids that were offended quit. Those kids pissed off came back better the next season. And that’s the way life should be.

Kids nowadays play games with no score. How the hell do you play a game with no score? Can you imagine walking into a Las Vegas casino and start playing blackjack for no money? Try telling the pit boss that you are just playing for the competition and watch them throw your butt onto Fremont Street.

No, we need an Anti-Sportsmanship Day. A day where groin punches, eye pokes and foreign objects in the wrestling tights will be encouraged. Call it the Ric Flairification of this country. No wonder our American automotive industry is getting killed, we’re afraid to throw sand in the eyes of the foreign automotive makers.

And it stems from stuff like National Sportsmanship Day. Well I love America too much to let Sportsmanship ruin us. The Hater Nation implores all of you patriots to throw an elbow in your pickup game. Maybe go spikes high in your softball game.

In other words, be a proud American.

15 comments:

WCT said...

Oh, my bad, I was expecting to read a post about how Kobe can no longer win big games (after losing to the Suns and Nuggets back to back) and how LeBron is now a big game player (after winning back to back road games).

What happened to Kobe Manning?

THN said...

Is that the same Kobe with three rings?

DAWUSS said...

There has to be a balance between sportsmanship and gamesmanship. Keeping that in mind, this is a great read.

Luc Longley said...

It's all about the rings, baby.

R.J. said...

I'll be sure and take out someone's knees with a hip check like Darcy Tucker would. And it will be the other team's best player. Now that's gamesmanship. :)

BTW, my verification word was "Amish". I have no idea what the Amish have to do with sportsmanship.

THN said...

I normally love drive-bys like the Luc Longley blast. Check Nevitt would have worked, too. But come on, Kobe was slightly more involved than Longley was.

Diane said...

I'll check what Shaq has to say about this on twitter.

Bokolis said...

Personally, I think things started going wrong when they stopped showing Slap Shot on TV.

I was more of a Road Warriors guy-that kid (and young adult) yelling at my teammates for being spazzes and the old man that knows when and where to throw the elbow- but I'm with you. Call it the Haters Tea Party...or the Haters Tea-Bagging.

The Hatriot said...

You know, Concrete Charlie does not get enough credit for being the Great American Hero that he is. I truly believe that Chuck, either through premontion or time travel, saw that one day Frank Gifford would be immasculated on national t.v. by his shrewish, ice-queen wife, for the minor faux pas of banging a stewardess. Bednarik knew what a devestating blow this would be to American masculinity. If an NFL Hall of Famer can't nail a stewardess in a hotel room without having to let his talentless gravy-training wife play mumbly-peg with his cojones on a talk show, what chance do the rest of us have?

So Chuck did the only thing he could. Without any thought to his own safety, he catapulted his body at Gifford in a desperate attempt to knock some sense into him or, failing that, kill him. Sadly, just like that really lame kid in the last Terminator, he failed. But Bednarik did not give up easily. It's well known that he frequently autographed the photo you have their with the words "Hello, Frank!" in a bid to warn Gifford that his bozack was going to wind up being used for change purse.

WCT said...

each of the Mannings has a ring too. Plus, how many rings would LeBron have if he got to play with Shaq in his prime? 4? 6?

The Hatriot said...

Yeah! And what if King George had not been so resistant to redressing the legitimate political and economic grievances of the Colonists. America might have remained a colony and probably would have evolved a more agarian-based economy to meet English demand with financial, political and economic centers developing in the more temperate climate zones. James Naismith would not have been forced to develop a team game that could easily be played inside during cold Massachussets winters! There would be no NBA! Kobe would have no rings! Why, Shaq would have no idea how his ass tastes!

KWM said...

I'm not feeling the love in this room.

Anonymous said...

PC is killing our country. We are letting the Nancy Pelosi's of the usa run things into the ground. If you can't listen to her or one like her and see her BS instantly, you should just fall on a knife.

Bain said...

Those intrigued by that picture really ought to pick up A Fan's Notes by Fred Exley, a New Yorker, a Giants fan, and, though none but three of you have heard of him (sound of a thousand Doritos-stained fingers Googling) the bastard father of us all.

Ex only had one (good) novel in him, but it was nails. Read it or die incomplete.

The Hatriot said...

Brutus old buddy, did you have to get me in the balls?