Thursday, January 15, 2009

The Weak Ender

If you are a worthless heiress who has never earned a dime to your name, who is the one athlete you would want to hook up with? No, Matt Leinart is a good guess, but Paris Hilton has been there, done that.

No, hooking up with Barry Zito makes much more sense. Though recently, Hilton has claimed to be pretty chaste, saying that the number of men she's slept with rivals the number of wins that Zito has earned since joining the Giants. And now that Alyssia Milano is giving up baseball players for the time being, it only makes sense that Hilton would move into this territory.

But enough about baseball, we have some football games to talk about.

THE BATTLE OF THE BIRDS
Bad news for the Birds -- people are starting to respect them. There are even people such as Sterling Sharpe who are picking the Birds to beat the Eagles this week. That's just not cool.

Sure, the Cardinals are four-point dogs, but people are starting to believe in the Cardinals. And that's scary. Once people start believing in the Cardinals, the bad things start to happen. Wouldn't that just be Cardinals-like to whip the state of Arizona into a frenzy and then lay the ultimate egg?

That has to be what a lot of Eagles fans are betting on. Too many of them remember that Thanksgiving night game. Though, none of them saw it because it was buried on NFL Network.

But let's think about this thing rationally. This is Donovan McNabb and Andy Reid we are talking about. Pundits have mentioned that the duo have made the NFC Championship Game five times.

And they are saying it like it's a good thing.

They forget that the Eagles are 1-3 in those games. In fact, it was the Kurt Warner Machine knocking off the Eagles in the 2001 NFC Championship Game. The Eagles also lost at home to Brad Johnson and the Buccaneers in 2002, and lost to Jake Delhomme and the Panthers in 2003. Wait, where was Delhomme making news recently? Oh yeah, he was throwing a bunch of passes to the Cardinals defenders.

Yeah, that's an impressive list.

When you get down to it, who do you trust more in this game? Former two-time and Super Bowl MVP Kurt Warner? Or McNabb?

KWM seems like a slam dunk, but consider that two of the NFL's biggest losers have won Super Bowls in consecutive years. And McNabb fits the mold so well, you have to believe that Archie Manning might have been hitting some Nubian princess. So many trends, here.

But we can't bail on the bandwagon now. Pick: Birds

(Would a KWM jersey be inappropriate for this weekend?)

THE SLUMBER BOWL
Let's cut to the chase here, the AFC Championship Game isn't going to be close. And here's why. Raven hasn't had a bye since Week 2. The NFL really (expletive) the bed here by pushing Baltimore and Houston's bye week up because of that hurricane. They should have made them play some other week. Sure, they didn't think that Raven was going to advance to the AFC Championship Game, but still.

Maurice Jones-Drew did an interview recently and said that playing all of those consecutive weeks really does take a toll. He also says that beating a team three times is hard, but Raven seems to be on their last legs.

You get the feeling that if Chris Johnson hadn't gotten hurt, or if the Titans could have held on to the ball, they would have won. The Steelers aren't going to have that problem. This game is going to be a runaway. Pick: Steelers

  • If the Cardinals plays the Steelers in the Super Bowl, the biggest storyline would be the 1944 Card-Pitt team that was forced to join forces during World War II. What?
  • The Cowboys have been rumored to be cutting Terrell Owens. They aren't going to take the cap hit. Not when 2010 looks like an uncapped year. Keep dreaming.
  • The Chiefs should really consider keeping Tyler Thigpen. He put up great numbers with that lousy offense. For some reason, Matt Cassel just screams of Scott Mitchell and Matt Schaub.
  • Mark Sanchez made the right call leaving USC for the NFL. Cassel showed that just sitting on the bench is good enough. Plus, you don't know how long Sanchez can refrain from sexually assualting a chick again. NFL teams will let that slide when you are employed by them, but they won't draft you. Hey, Sanchez knows himself better than anybody else. And really, he's being mentored by Leinart. Do you think he regrets staying in school for the extra year? Sanchez is going to get his degree this spring and it's time for him to get paid.
  • You have to dig Pete Carroll's candor, saying that it was a mistake for Sanchez. How does that make Dave Mustaine and Aaron Corp feel right now? (I know, Foo. Google him.)

AND FINALLY
The dais for the Tony Dungy Roast is starting to fill up. Clear you schedule next week. The Post Mortem will be up a little bit later on Monday because of travel and look for the roast to kick out Tuesday or Wednesday. Scheduled to perform: Lil' Hater, Bucky, Jack Buck, maybe Bain, maybe the Hatriot.

11 comments:

NFL Conference Championship Picks said...

Mantz has Ravens and Cards with points.

http://weblogs.newsday.com/sports/football/bob_blog/2009/01/make_your_picks_for_championsh.html

THN said...

If I was a betting guy, I would easily give the points in Pittsburgh. I'm really afraid that one is going to end ugly.

Bain said...

"maybe Bain"

Cream of Wheat? Here, try a steaming bowl of Focus On Hominy.

Anonymous said...

SUCK MY COCK!

Kyle said...

Why win a national championship when you can stand on the sidelines for 10 weeks then go 0-6 the final stretch for the Rams, right Sanchez?

THN said...

Jon Gruden, Patron Saint of THN, fired from Tampa Bay.

THN said...

My call, Shanahan is going to Tampa. The Buccaneers wanted to scoop the Cowboys because it appeared that Shanny was holding out for the Dallas gig.

Bain said...

Condolences to Adrian Schefter. The last few days he's been trotting around his big super scoop that Jason Garrett was headed to the Rams...

Clownd.

buckyor said...

KWM!

Mrs. Bucky is literally bouncing off the walls.

At least the Tradicional is tasting good.

Diane said...

I hope Goodell doesn't approve the KWM's request to wear a "Stem cell research is murder" patch on his uniform for the big game.

And I pray Brenda pulls her lucky Superbowl sweater with the maribou feathers around the neckline out of mothballs.

The State of Arizona said...

Yeah, props to that KWM fella for finally giving us an excuse not to work on Martin Luther King Jr.'s birthday!