Sunday, November 30, 2008

The Post Mortem

Plaxico Burress's tribute to Sean Taylor went a little overboard.

What in the name of Vincent Vega was Burress doing with that gun? Though, years of catching lame ducks from Eli Messiah probably led him to believe that he could catch anything.

The good news is that carrying a handgun in New York is a minimum three-year sentence. And that’s mandatory. Can’t wait to see how he spins his way out of this one, because he won’t do a day in jail. Antonio Pearce also could catch end up in jail, too.

But, going back to the original point, it's good to see that lessons like the Sean Taylor tragedy really hit home with these guys.

Photo from the Bleacher Report.

WHAT NOW SAN DIEGO?
There is a suspicion that the Chargers will spin injuries to Shawne Merriman and LaDainian Tomlinson as reasons to bring Norv back for his third year. Wait, suspicion ... more like, it's going to happen, whether you like it or not.

But the players have obviously let their intentions be known. The Chargers have quit on Turner and it’s becoming embarrassing.

They won’t even show the Chargers on local television anymore because the team has become that bad. Yes, the same team that went to the AFC Championship Game last year, has reached Raiders status and has banned from TV like a bad Girls Gone Wild video.

  • Teams like the Falcons and Dolphins get credit for their rapid turnaround, but the downfall of the Chargers has been just as swift. A.J. Smith should win the Jerry Jones award for letting ego stand in the way of championships.
  • Leave it to the Raiders to blow THN's dream of a 6-10 champion of the AFC West. JaMarcus Russell just doesn't look like he has a clue out there. And then the team ignored Darren McFadden who actually lit up the Chiefs in Week 2. But right now, the Raiders look like they are playing harder than the Chargers.
  • The Broncos won the AFC West with a rather impressive win on Sunday. Hard to explain that one. The Broncos lost at home to the Raiders. The Jets had won five consecutive games. Yeah, makes sense that Denver would win. Don't try figuring out this league.
  • As long as Aaron Rodgers continues to play like he does, nobody in Green Bay will miss Brett Favre. The way he threw that game-killing interception, well, you could have just thrown a No. 4 jersey on him and nobody would have been the wiser.
  • If pushed for a pick in the AFC, it would have to be the Pittsburgh Steelers. So books the Cardinals vs. the Steelers in the Super Bowl. Oh wait, San Francisco is still alive. Hold on to the prediction for a week.
  • Good to see that NFL.com became a huge advertisement for the iPod over the weekend. They also cover football on the site, too.
  • Bill Callahan was such an overwhelming success at Nebraska, so it stands to reason that Lane Kiffin will have just as much of an impact at Tennessee. You also can add Mike Sherman, Al Groh, and Dave Wanstedt. Hey, not everybody is Pete Carroll, no matter how badly you want it to be. Honestly, this would be a sketchy hire for San Diego State. Tennessee must be that desperate.
  • Although the rumored Herman Edwards to San Diego State would be awesome. They need to make that happen.
AND FINALLY
Totally called Oregon State a number of weeks ago. And to paraphrase here, Oregon State is good enough to ruin USC's season, but not good enough to earn some extra cash for the conference by going to a BCS bowl. What a joke. They didn't even show up against their biggest rival. And how did Oregon manage such a decent record? They will be back in the BCS picture soon.

Now that Oregon State is out, the BCS had better do the right thing and put Utah and Boise State in bowls, and let them play some of the big boys.

BTW, THN's college football plan would have totally worked perfectly. One of the insane arguements about the BCS is that it gets fans talking. Like there wouldn't be talk about the Big XII championship if Texas was robbed of the playoffs? The talk would be even bigger.

Wednesday, November 26, 2008

The Mid-Weak Ender

Maria Sharapova is in the news this week because … well, she isn’t reallly. She’s got a new commercial and a new pictorial for GQ. The truth is, there isn’t a very flimsy reason to show this picture. But since we are all anxious to get started on our holiday weekends (though, I will be working on Thursday), let’s dispense with the formalities.

So here’s Maria Sharapova. Vincent Clarke, Bon Harris, Tom Cruise and Kordell Stewart can all talk about how much they would like to knock the bottom out of that. Let’s just start rolling with the Thanksgiving football fun.

BTW, this picture is everywhere, but can’t remember where this photo came from, but it’s a good guess that it’s either Sports By Brooks or With Lethur.

Shall we?

A lot of you have complained that you don’t want the Lions on the Thanksgiving telecast anymore. Are you people mad? Have the Lions been bad in recent years? Certainly. But they have given us a lot of good times with Barry Sanders, Billy Sims and Eric Hipple. (Well, maybe scratch that last one.)

But have the Lions on for Thanksgiving is tradition. A once-a-year tradition. The Lions, people, are family. And that is was Thanksgiving is all about. Having all of the family that you don’t want to see crammed into one day, before we move on and ignore them for another 364 days.

So lay off the Lions people, and let them into your homes.

However, if the Lions are that distant relative that we rarely see, the Cowboys are that annoying relative that we always see. They are the overbearing family member that always stops by unannounced and ruins your life. And really, they shouldn’t be ruining Thanksgiving, too. If there is one team/family member that we can do without on Thanksgiving, it’s the Cowboys.

There are going to be some new characters coming to Thanksgiving this year, here is a rundown of who you can expect to see.

Remember returning home for Thanksgiving during your first year away at college? You meet up with all of your buddies from high school at the local bowling alley and there is an absolute stunner reveling with you. When you ask your friends, “Who is that girl?” they tell you that it’s the plain Jane who sat behind you in English. Now she’s hot. Well, that’s the Tennessee Titans this year. Maybe we should have noticed how hot she was going to be, but we were all idiots in high school. (Except for Hetland, he ruled.)

Conversely, there is always that chick you thought was hot in high school, but now she’s fallen on some hard times. In fact, you are now kind of ashamed that you had a crush on her in the first place. That’s the Seattle Seahawks. (And there's a rumor that you made out with her at a party. Nice going.)

And how about the flake that always promises to stop by and never does? The friend who gets you hopes up, promises to bring dessert but only lets you down? Well, don’t fret this year, you friend – the Arizona Cardinals – are going to make it to the party this year.

Of course, and I’m Scots/Irish so this hits home, there’s always that one relative who drinks a little bit too much, gets obnoxious and ends up getting into a fight on the front laugh. That’s your Uncle Philadelphia Eagles. Three beers in, and he'll be challenging you to punch him in the neck.

So enjoy Thanksgiving.

AND FINALLY
Some of you remain unconvinced that the Lions need to be on television during Thanksgiving. Well, there’s always a compromise – put them on NFL Network and nobody will ever see them.

Monday, November 24, 2008

Giants have lame pranks

That dumb look on Eli Messiah's face shows that he is a prankster's dream. He looks like the kind of d-bag that probably gets pissed really easy when he is pranked. For instance, remember that time the Chargers played a practical joke on him by selecting him with the first overall selection in the 2004 draft? Eli sure didn't take that too well.

Recently, the Giants offensive linemen got to him and boy, did they get him good. Well, they are probably tired of carrying his butt.

As Abby Manning found out the hard way back in October, the men who make up the NFL’s most dominant blocking unit are as relentless in their pursuit of laughs as they are in pushing around defenses. For all of the time they spend protecting their quarterback on game day, the Giants linemen weren't above amusing themselves by abusing his better half.

"It was family day at the facility, where guys have their wives and kids come out to visit, and we got ahold of Eli's phone and sent a couple of texts," Giants guard Rich Seubert explained. “We said, ‘Please come. It would really mean a lot to me.’ So she showed up, which was a total surprise to Eli. She had some stuff to do and didn’t really want to be there, so needless to say she wasn’t thrilled."


Oh, burn. That's hilarious. They made his wife show up at the practice facility and she was, like, really busy and stuff. Notify us when one of the linemen pranks Eli by sleeping with his wife and puts the footage on YouTube. Or even texting pictures of their junk to her. That would be a prank. This was kind of sad. Like Michael Strahan trying to be funny, sad.

And to think, I gave you jerks props yesterday.

Sunday, November 23, 2008

The Post Mortem

The Raiders are going to win the AFC West. At least, for one week, they played like the only team in the division that actually wanted to be division champions. If you didn’t want an NFL game this year – save for Week 12 – you would conclude that the Raiders are the best team in the AFC West.

Though, that isn’t saying much.

And the saddest thing is that the Raiders might be trying the hardest with the worst collection of talent.

As disturbing as it is, the Raiders are certainly mathematically alive. Hell, they might have the inside track on the division. The Raiders have winnable games against the Chiefs, Chargers and Texans. That would put them at the magical 6-10 mark that should carry the AFC West.

What is the saddest thing – the fact that this could happen or that Raiders fans probably expect this to happen?

There are some of you rooting hard for the Lions to go winless this season. But my dream season would be a 6-10 or 7-9 team making the playoffs. And if we aren't careful, it's going to be the Raiders.

  • How far has the stock dropped on Mike Shanahan? Can he really hang around long enough until Jack Elway has graduated from Arizona State? The Broncos looked awful against the Raiders, but when you are forced to play Tatum Bell at running back, you don't have much of a chance.
  • Great coaching move by Norv Turner to take a timeout to ensure that the Colts had plenty of time to drive down the field and kick the winning field goal. Did he steal Lane Kiffin's guide to being fired?
  • If I was Mr. Goodell, I would claim that my referees are cheating. I'd rather them be dirty rather than this incompetent.
  • The Cardinals just aren't ready to make the leap to championship-level. That's the truth. But it's time to finally give credit to the Giants offensive line. They are amazing. They make an average quarterback look pretty good. That offensive line might be the MVP of the league. They make Eli Messiah seem competent. But a lot of journeymen quarterbacks would look great behind that offensive line. That's a good team, though.
  • The Cardinals certainly weren’t outclassed by the Giants. And there was no shame losing to a team that good. But there is still just one ingredient missing for the Cardinals. Could this be a loss that propels them to new heights? How the respond in Philadelphia this week certainly will tell the story.
  • Did you see the Donovan McNabb press conference where he admitted that he didn't know that a coach could bench his starting quarterback during the game? This guy really needs to start paying attention.
  • Remember those old NFL Films team yearbooks where they would make even the worst NFL teams seem legitimate? So if they did that with the current teams, then they would spend the entire hour talking about the Lions 17-0 lead over the Buccaneers. That might be the closest they get to winning a game. But now it's just mean when teams are spotting them a lead. Word is that the Titans won't be able to rush the quarterback until they count five "Mississippis"
  • Maybe instead of a Jets vs. Cardinals Super Bowl, we're heading towards an all-New York Super Bowl. This seems like the NFL's answer to a slumping economy, but the two New York teams in the Super Bowl. Honestly, the Subway Series was bad enough, but this would be way, way worse. There is no way that this can happen.
  • Pity Cal Poly who nearly pulled a monumental upset at Wisconsin on Saturday. What an awful way to lose. At least they get to chance to redeem themselves in the playoffs.
  • Oregon State is going to face Penn State in the Rose Bowl and I couldn't be happier. The Big Ten has ruined the past couple of BCS title games. Not that it's there fault that they are lousy. That would be akin to putting an FCS-level team into the BCS title game and then being surprised when they lose. But hopefully this awesome Oregon State vs. Penn State matchup will finally shame the Rose Bowl into joining the rest of us in 2008. Now USC gets a chance to play a real opponent in a bowl game to see just how good they are.
  • The NFL should start a mini tournament for the worst teams in the NFL called, the ImpossiBowl. The Chiefs, Lions, St. Louis FC and the Raiders could battle it out for the top pick in the draft. Who would you like out of the four? Probably Kansas City, though St. Louis FC is becoming historically bad.


AND FINALLY
Qualcomm Stadium is a pretty awesome venue. Especially when there is nobody there. Had a chance to explore Qualcomm Stadium and all it had to offer during the San Diego State vs. UNLV game on Saturday night. And it's pretty cool. There is a hidden section of the stadium under the field level that has its own concession stands and restrooms. Although, it probably gets crammed during a Chargers game. But who did I not know this before?

Why isn't it more packed during State games? Sure the program is lousy, but the tickets are $15 and they serve beer. You should attend a game on principle. Our college programs that serve beer are as rare as left-handing starting quarterbacks in the NFL. The program blows, but the party is fun.

The more you go to the stadium, the more you realize that they should just do an Angels Stadium-like makeover of the place. The location is awesome. The parking lot is pretty easy to get in and out of. There is no reason to abandon it. Unless, of course, the Chargers are going to take the Ed Roski deal in Los Angeles.

And speaking of the Aztecs, they fired coach Chuck Long. What an uninspired hire that was. The school needs to get a guy like Gary Barnett or Bob Toledo to revive this program. The Mountain West is getting pretty good, and it's important to step up or they could be relegated to a lesser conference. Like the Pac-10. There is no excuse for San Diego State to be bad.

Friday, November 21, 2008

The Weak Ender

Ashley Judd showed up at the North Carolina and Kentucky game this week because she promised to do so if North Carolina voted for Obama. Hey, California is a blue state, too, how about showing up at a Cal State Fullerton game? Nobody said that was part of the deal.

BTW, do you think that Texas A&M fans are enjoying Billy Gillespie falling on his face right now? Even Rich Rodriguez thinks he made a mistake leaving a prominent program. Serves them right, though.

College basketball -- including Michigan's huge upset of UCLA -- seemed to overshadow the NFL game on the world's most expensive podcast, NFL Network.

Didn't the Steelers and Bengals play this exact same game already? The Bengals hang around long enough to keep it close, before the Steelers beat the (expletive) out of them? At least there was cool snow moments, though no Ashley Judd.

Let's take a look at this week's NFL slate.

  • The Chargers are done, and not even a visit from the Colts can help save the season. San Diego has defeated Indianapolis three consecutive times, and Antonio Cromartie probably believes that he can grab three more interceptions from Gomer. This is a tough game to figure because the Colts really seem to be moving in the right direction. But you have to figure that the Chargers are good for one more miracle victory before slinking away to a 5-11 or 6-10 mark.

  • The good news in San Diego is that Norv Turner will be back for one more season. When LaDainian Tomlinson retires, he will have to recognize that A.J. Smith doomed his prime years with Turner and slammed shut, the Chargers window of opportunity.
  • Does Miami have the heuvos rancheros to run the 'Wildcat' against the Patriots again? After the Dolphins burned them with the formation last time, you have to imagine that Hoodie has spent nearly every waking moment thinking of ways to stop it.
  • Did you know that Donovan McNabb actually thought a touchdown was worth five points and that the kick was worth two-points? That would have made a great Last and Ten, but one of our writers of that feature has gone MIA. McNabb says that not many other players knew about the rule. What's wrong with these guys? Oh that's right, they are idiots.
  • Scared for the Cardinals this week. This is the kind of week that will likely make or break Kurt Warner's season. Everybody is riding the Kurt Warner Machine and putting him into MVP and Hall of Fame discussion, and here comes the Giants pass rush. Seriously, there is a lot of anxiety here. But you almost have to believe that the Cardinals are going to rise to the challenge and really put this all together. Come on, this is the KWM vs. Eli Messiah. The madness must end, but that doesn't add any comfort. But remember, the Cardinals were able to move the ball against the Panthers' strong defense.
  • The Texans and Browns game could have been a punch yourself in the face tilt, but this actually looks like an entertaining game. And at what point do the Texans become one of the worst expansion teams of all time? You have to admit that fantasy football is saving the franchise from becoming a total failure.
  • Tony Romo hangs out with homeless dudes. Guess it beats hanging with Joe Simpson.
  • So when the Jets play the Titans this week, it will be the Titans vs. the Titans. Did you know that the Jets are 2-0 when they play in the Titans uniform?
  • The Super Bowl I want to see: Cardinals vs. Jets. KWM vs. Favre. Brenda Warner vs. Cowgirl. Diane just might hurt somebody if that happens.
  • Punch yourself in the face if you want to see: Buffalo vs. Kansas City. You know what, scratch that. Tyler Thigpen is kind of interesting. The Bears at St. Louis would be on this list, too. But the DiPaolo brothers will get their revenge over the contractor who wronged them. Minnesota and Jacksonville is close, but only because Gus Frerotte is managing to make Adrian Peterson uninteresting. The final verdict is Tampa Bay vs. Detroit. Really, this could be the week that the Lions get it done. You have to throw out the record when these two former NFC Central rivals get together. But don't expect me to watch it.
  • A site dedicated to hating the Raiders, and this is where the game lands on The Weak Ender. For shame, guys, for shame.
  • Shaun Alexander might sit out his return to Seattle. But at least this time he doesn't have to fake an injury.
  • The Falcons are playing host to the Panthers in what could be the game of the week. Let that sink in for a moment. The Falcons were nearly as awful as the Raiders last season. Now they are cruising in one of the toughest divisions in the NFL. Probably the toughest since the NFC East has stumbled a bit. Bet you Matt Ryan knew there are ties in the NFL.
  • College football game of the year: UNLV at San Diego State. And The Hater Nation will be there.

AND FINALLY
The MVP voting in baseball is completely confusing in that the two winners came from teams that didn't even win their respective divisions. Awards certainly shouldn't boil down to the best player on the best team, because that's just boring. But the current system is wrong on so many levels.

Dustin Pedroia is a nobody who spent his college career choking against Cal State Fullerton. And now he and his idiot teammate Keith Youkilis were first and third in MVP voting. Say, how can you be so valuable if your teammate came in third place.

This is going to be hard to say, especially because he's a Dirtbag, but Evan Longoria was so clearly the most valuable player in the American League, that any voter who didn't have him winning should be stripped of the joy of voting. Because that's just not right. Let's blame Steve Bisheff.

All it takes is one moron from Boston to float a name like Pedroia and it suddenly become chic to believe that guy is an MVP. If that was the case, Chone Figgins would have won like six of those awards by now. Please, just make it stop.

And before you ask, Manny Ramirez was the MVP of the National League. That cannot be argued. Enjoy the week end.

Wednesday, November 19, 2008

Lions to LA? Nah, We're Cool

There is a group of intrepid fans looking to dump the Lions on Los Angeles. Hey, thanks for the offer, but we're good.

Too bad there isn't a federal bailout available to save the Detroit Lions. And think about that for a moment. How incompetent do you have to be in order to be the worst franchise in Detroit?

But here's a memo to the Ford Motor Company ... maybe you should stop paying for stadium naming rights. In fact, if Ford is so strapped for cash, maybe they should be forced to sell the Lions. Why should the Ford family be able to beg for government money while they are producing the worst team in the NFL? Ford gets flush with cash, and suffering Lions fans get a new owner. Send this one up to the Big O, too.

Monday, November 17, 2008

Presenting a Playoff Plan to the President

President-elect Barack Obama has a plan for a college football playoff. But like all of his other plans, it lacks details. And that's cool. Obama is a pretty smart guy, so he will wisely defer to the experts on this one.

Luckily, The Hater Nation is available. And hey, a night in the Lincoln Bedroom isn't necessary.

What we are proposing here is probably the greatest college football playoff plan you will ever see. Don't try to steal it, either. Actually, go ahead. Just having this happen would be payment enough.

THN'S COLLEGE FOOTBALL PLAYOFF PLAN

The first part of this plan is to get to eight conferences. Just like the NFL. Right now, we have six major -- or BCS -- conferences: ACC, Big XII, Big East, Big Ten, Pac-10 and SEC. Some major independents are going to have to find their way to a conference -- such as Notre Dame and Navy -- or else they won't ever be playing for a national title again. Although, you could argue that ship has sailed for Notre Dame.

All conferences must have at least 12 members with a conference championship game. And you could even do a deal where the bowls now host conference championship games. That would be pretty cool. For instance, the Rose Bowl could play host to the Pac-10 championship game on New Year's Day. The Sugar Bowl hosts the SEC title game. The Holiday Bowl hosts the Big Ten championship game. Genius ... and that was a last-minute add.

So what happens to Conference USA, MAC, Mountain West and WAC? For starters, you move Fresno State and San Diego State to the Pac-10. That way, you aren't wasting a team that will lose to USC every year, plus it makes another rivalry and gives those two schools a chance to survive. SDSU could one day be very good if the Chargers build a new facility. Of course, the Aztecs could be subbed out if they don't put the money received from a Pac-10 move into the football program.

That puts the MWC down to eight teams. Boise State, Hawaii, Nevada, and Utah State move to the Mountain West. New Mexico State, sorry guys. San Jose State can go back to the Big West and play I-AA with Fullerton, Cal Poly and USD. Utah State is given the nod here to compete against BYU and Utah, while Nevada vs. UNLV would be a great rivalry. That monster Mountain West would become the seventh BCS member, with the WAC dissolving. (Like you would miss it.) Heck, the Mountain West might become the best conference in the NCAA.

So who gets the nod, the CUSA or the MAC? And hey, maybe the Sunbelt needs some love, too right? To be honest, who cares who it is. Let's just say that the MAC is the eighth BCS team. CUSA and the Sun Belt become I-AA conferences. But here's the catch. If any of the eight conferences become bad, however, they can be relegated to I-AA and one of the I-AA conferences can be given a chance.

Now we have our eight conferences -- ACC, Big XII, Big East, Big Ten, Pac-10, SEC, Mountain West and MAC. Now split those up into two sides, like AFC and NFC conferences. For instance, SEC, Big Ten, ACC and Mountain West would be one group. And the other, Pac-10, Big East, Big XII, and MAC would be the other. That would evenly split up the conferences so you could still have an all-West Coast or an All-South final.

Now the plan is just very simple. Take the eight conference winners and have them play it off. That's it. That playoff system is so easy. No wild cards, no guess work ... just win and get in.

Now, some might argue that a second-place team in the SEC or Big XII this year might be better than the No. 1 team in the MAC. So what? Wouldn't you rather rid yourselves of voters and computers in order to make this happen? Win your conference and you're in. This still makes the college regular season meaningful. Imagine if Oregon State was actually on the verge of keeping USC out of the playoffs under this plan. How amazing would that be?

Don't worry, you can thank us later.

Sunday, November 16, 2008

The Post Mortem

Good to see that the NFL isn't concerned with gambling. Why else would they even bother to review that final play of the Chargers game. Unless somebody in the booth had the Chargers and the points.

Can you imagine the mob scene at the Las Vegas sports books? Obviously half of the room has the Chargers +5 and the rest of the room went the other way. But how crazy do you think the Steelers folk went when Troy Palaiuyltrfgkjmolo returned that bobbled lateral for a touchdown? That's a miracle cover on the same level as Arizona State returning Brad Otton's fumble for a touchdown in overtime in 1996 to cover an impossible 8.5 spread.

Only the NFL went under the hood to reverse the right call. (Thankfully the league will have a couple of days before making up an excuse on Tuesday.) For those Steelers guys, that had to be the most excruciating loss in gambling history. Has there been a game in the last couple of years that has even come close?

And we aren't even talking about fantasy implications here.

Of course, gaming and fantasy implications are the only reasons for Chargers fans to watch their team for the rest of the season. San Diego is done. And that whole notion of hanging on because the division is lousy doesn't wash after Denver won its second consecutive game. The Chargers are two games below .500, two games behind the Broncos, and about two years too late in making a good coaching hire.

  • How can a game that had such promising poor weather, finish with such a whimper. The snow was blowing sideways, but in the end, it was just another crappy weather day in Pittsburgh.
  • Congratulations to the St. Louis FC for beating San Francisco 13-0 in the second half. Too bad the 49ers raced out to a 35-3 lead at halftime. Seriously. And it's not like the 49ers are that good. Wasn't it just a few weeks ago that they were saying that Jim Haslett had that gig locked up?
  • How did the Raiders almost win without scoring an offensive touchdown? Again. That's now 13 quarters without an offensive touchdown. But did you notice that DeAngelo Hall had an interception for Washington?
  • Proponents of the NFL's version of overtime got a huge boost on Sunday. Why, who couldn't have enjoyed that outcome? The Bengals and Eagles battling to a tie. Wow, that will be on the NFL Network Weekend replay. Luckily, it will be on NFL Network so you won't have to worry about accidentally stumbling across it. But this seemed like the perfect NFL ending -- no losers. Just a bunch of people holding hands, making money and nobody gets hurt. However, it's time for the NFL to enact a college-type of overtime. Each team gets the ball from the 35-yard line -- 10 yards further than the college rule -- so not to give teams an automatic field goal if they don't gain a yard.
  • When the Bengals took over with 1:30 left in overtime, wouldn't it have been fitting if the Bengals had just taken a knee? Like just take the non-loss and run into the locker room. You know the Eagles probably would have been relieved. Even though everybody in the stadium knew that Shayne Graham was going to miss that field goal. Maybe not Donovan McNabb, who might be too stupid to realize what was going on.
  • McNabb didn't realize that the NFL overtime finished in sudden death. And that a tie was possible. Have the Eagles not played in an overtime game before? "I didn't know that," said McNabb, who played a leading role in keeping it tied. "I've never been part of a tie. I never even knew it was in the rule book. I was looking forward to getting the opportunity to get out there and try to drive to win the game. But unfortunately with the rules, we settled with a tie." That's your quarterback, Philly.
  • And why is it that Donovan McNabb is like the worst conditioned athlete, ever? How is that guy always winded? Is he chain smoking like Richard Dawson (still alive) on The Match Game when the Eagles defense is on the field?
  • The Cardinals still haven't reach that killer instinct. Anquan Boldin runs out of bounds with just over 2 minutes left, with the Seahawks not having any time outs. And then the punt ... never mind. Dominique Rodgers-Cromartie just intercepted Matt Hasselbeck's pass to seal the win. Maybe the Birds can turn it around. That's two consecutive improbable wins for the Cardinals who have won three consecutive games. Now comes a huge game at home against the Giants. We will see how far they have really come. The only bummer is that we'll get a week of "The Giants return to the place were Eli Messiah won a three-flies up championship with David Tyree."
  • Does the Tuck Rule still exist? Kurt Warner didn't tuck the football and it was still ruled a fumble. If Raiders fans had been watching that game instead of beating their wives after a close loss to Miami, there could have been a riot on the streets of Boyle Heights.
  • If Seattle continues to blow, will the Seahawks try to get Jim Mora a job with the University of Washington and completely blow up the team? You don't want to get too down because of the injuries, but Seattle might want to start over. They need a real backup behind Hasselbeck.
  • The Cowboys are going to end up making the playoffs aren't they?
  • The Broncos started Spencer Larsen at fullback/linebacker and he played some special teams. Peyton Hillis -- another white dude -- scored two rushing touchdowns after starting for the first time as as tailback. Is Mike Shanahan pissed that Colorado finally went blue in the election, because it looked like he was trying to reinvent the 1950s.
  • Joe Flacco will become 2008's Rick Mirer. That seems harsh, but it's just as foolish to consider him a great success after only a few good games.


AND FINALLY
Brock Lesner
WWF UFC champion? Told you it was all fixed.

Friday, November 14, 2008

The Weak Ender

Tease.

Those morose Patriots fans really thought they were going to get lucky last night. Instead, they got played like some sucker who spent the majority of his night buying drinks for a chick that was way out of his league.

Though, Boston doesn't have many chicks hot enough to be out of the league of some Southie in a faded Nomar T-shirt.

Watching those Patriots fans filed out of Gillette Stadium was a wonderful sight, though. Being a Pats fan, like me, is tough. That's right, I'm a huge Patriots fan. See, I was on the Pats bandwagon back in 2001 when they were about to play host to the Raiders in the playoffs. When you consider that most Patriots fans didn't get on board until the Super Bowl that year -- THN has been Patriots fans longer than probably 95 percent of the people in the stadium last night. Even ESPN's Sports Dork Billy Simpson was probably a Giants fan until that Super Bowl win.

But if watching the beloved Patriots lose is what it takes to see all of those jerks moping out of the stadium, then it's definitely worth it.

  • Dare anybody say it? But Brett Favre sure looked like he was having fun out there. Feels dirty just writing that.
  • The Steelers have dropped consecutive homes games. Do you think that they are going to leave a third to the Chargers? San Diego made the switch from Ted Cottrell to Ron Riveria two weeks ago, but there was no noticeable change. The Chargers let Tyler Thigpen moved the Chiefs seemingly at will. Maybe the Chargers didn't want to give too much away by showing everything at the Chiefs. That's the desperate fans on the message board talking. The Chargers can't be so cavalier as to not play hard against the Chiefs, even in the awful AFC West.
  • Punch yourself in the face if you want to see: Denver vs. Falcons. What? Has THN gone mad? Jay Cutler and Matt Ryan should combine for like 100 points in this game. So why no love? Because this game will remind everybody of the dreadful Super Bowl XXXIII.
  • One game that you shouldn't love, but do? Saints at Chiefs. Drew Brees vs. Thigpen. That's a dream matchup. But what would be better than this game would be watching Larry Johnson try to buy Kim Kardashian a drink.
  • Stat of the week: Over the past two weeks, the Raiders have dropped back to pass 62 times (53 attempts, nine sacks), while generating just 122 net yards passing -- a dreadful two-game average of 1.94 yards per pass attempt
  • The Bears and the Packers have met 176 times in their history. And does it seem strange to any of you that the Bears have won five of the last six meetings?
  • Many football fans will never forgive Raven for what they did to the city of Cleveland. (Even though Cleveland still has a new version of the Browns.) And really, there isn't much that Raven can do to make up for what they did. But it would be a great help if treated Eli Messiah like the punk like brother that he is. This whole Eli-is-decent era needs to finally end. Raven has a chance, like a convict down on its luck, to do one good deed to at least give some meaning to their miserable existence. Like if some convicted killer went out and killed Bin Laden or something. That is what Raven can do this weekend by sending the Giants into a tailspin.
  • Jon Gruden is 3-0 in his career as a coach vs the Vikings. Bucs have won seven of the last eight at home vs the Vikings. Please tell me that I remembered that when making my GA picks.
  • Would really love to see Arizona wrap up the division on Sunday. And the "experts" are picking the Birds. But come on. Seattle can't let the Birds win this one. Especially with Matt Hasselbeck coming back. That just doesn't seem possible.
  • Frank Gore says he had a concussion. The 49ers said that he only had a neck injury. You can't blame Gore for not wanting to believe the 49ers. This is the same organization that tried to run a dive on fourth-and-2 on the final play of the game on Monday night.
  • How did the Colts manage to get back into the AFC playoff race? Nearly every team has had the Colts on the ropes -- including this week's opponent Houston that choked a huge lead at home to Indy -- but have let them off the hook. The Colts should be buried for the season, but they are going to make the playoffs. Whether you like it or not.
  • Remember when everybody was on the Jaguars bandwagon prior to the start of this season? (Except for THN and the Super Bowl Buzz Kill.) The key is that the Jaguars are 1-4 at home this season, and all of those games have been decided by six points or less. You have to win the close ones in the NFL. Seems simple, right? But then how come nobody rips the Eagles? Philly is 1-9 over the last two years in games decided by less than a TD; 0-4 this year. That's right, the Eagles have a choking dog of a quarterback and a lousy big-game coach.
  • The Cowboys are getting Tony Romo back. The Redskins are probably going to be without Clinton Portis. That can only mean one thing -- the Redskins will win. Come on, is there any other way that game can go? The Cowboys used to win a lot of games in Washington. They also had quarterbacks who knew how to win big games. You know what would be awesome? If Portis showed up in one of his costumes, and Jim Zorn deadpanned, well Clinton said he was going to be out, but Dr. Do Itch Big is fine.
  • The Lions schedule down the stretch is brutal. There doesn't seem to be a winnable game left. Hell, the Mountain West would look tough to the Lions. But that's just it, the Lions are going to end up beating one of those teams that they shouldn't. That's just the way these things work. Why spend time wishing for the impossible dream. They will pull off an improbable victory. This week at Carolina seems like a good candidate.
  • Memo to prime-time television executives. Never be suckered in by one-year wonder teams. The Browns were an obvious fluke, yet they are getting tons of air-time this year. Stick with the division rivalries, and odds are you will end up with better matchups. Bears vs. Packers. Redskins vs. Cowboys. Giants vs. Eagles. Even last night's Jets vs. Patriots game turned out to be a good one. Stick this simple formula.
  • College football seems boring now that the Pac-10 is uneventful. Sorry. The NCAA needs the Pac-10 to return as college football's top division. Because right now, the product is suffering. At least Penn State and Ohio State won't ruin the BCS title game this year. Only the Rose Bowl.

AND FINALLY
Steve M. Bornstein wrote some gibberish on NFL.com, calling for the cable companies to come to their senses. What's funny is that NFL.com has a new comment function for it's stories.

Only Bornstein's diatribe did not have comments enabled.

What is the matter, afraid that some people are going to voice their displeasure with the NFL's unwillingness to make their games available? The league buckled last year when it showed the Patriots at Giants game. And what's wrong with forcing people to go to their local taverns to watch big games like that, or the Cowboys vs. Packers game. That Cowboys game was one of the best nights for watching football, because every bar with the game was packed to the rafters.

Why does the NFL hate fostering communities and stimulating the economy?

The NFL Network has no business telling the cable companies how to run their, um, business. And really, you aren't missing much anyway. The network gives you about two hours of original programing each day -- during the season -- and eight games. Hey, if there's a compelling matchup, I can just walk down to Mother's to watch it.

But you can't blame Bornstein for trying. Imagine if you were given a chance to create a television network dedicated to football, and you managed to F it up? That has to hurt. He's like the Al Davis of TV executives.

But they have awesome commercials. (Get the place ready, I'm sending them over again.)

And let's throw some love to Bob's Blitz in case you don't read the comments.

Wednesday, November 12, 2008

There's Always an Excuse With Martz

One of the Bay Area beat writers, Ann Killion, makes a great point in that the 49ers were once led by Joe Cool himself, Joe Montana who was so calm during his winning drive in the Super Bowl, he pointed out John Candy from the huddle. Now this collection of cluster fs can't get their act together and punch the ball in from the 2-yard line.

But what can you expect from a team led by Mike Martz? Did you think that any play that was going to be reviewed by replay was going to end up in Martz's favor? Martz once challenged a kickoff on the first play of the game -- and lost -- when he was the coach of the St. Louis FC. So it makes perfect sense that he wouldn't understand the way the rules work in the NFL following a booth review.

That didn't stop him from blaming the officials.

"It cost us the game," Martz told CBSSportsline.com. "We go to the 1 — or the half-yard line — then spike the ball when, all of a sudden, officials tell us they're going to look at the replay. While they're looking at it, the ball stays at the 1. So we send in a play. Then, when they make their decision, they move the ball back to the 2 1/2 and tell us they're going to start the clock on the official's wind.

"We couldn't change the play. We had to go with what we called. If it would've been at the 1, we would've made it. But they moved it and didn't give us any time. So what are we going to do? If they would've moved it to the 10 we still would've had to run the play that was called. We got screwed because of the spot, first and foremost."


You wouldn't have made it from the 1-yard line. That horrible play call was going nowhere. And really, ignoring your best player when the game was on the line? What did he think it was, the Super Bowl?

This is the kind of thing that would probably leave other coaches unemployed. Instead, this likely cements his candidacy for the Raiders gig.

T.O.'s advice for the kids



Via: Shutdown Corner

Tuesday, November 11, 2008

Who Is Your Mid-Season MVP?

ESPN is like a flamer on a message board. the content they churn out only seems intended to incite readers. Because you would hate for anybody to be that stupid.

How else could you explain Chris Berman? There aren't four people in this world who would agree that he makes a football telecast watchable. Yet there he is every Monday night, laying his dookie stinks on the television. And what's with his self-glossed nickname, "Boomer." Who gave him that (expletive) nickname? And why does he have to take an hour to explain his Monday night pick, when the rest of the 50 analysts in the booth just spit it out? And really, are ESPN and NBC in a war to see how many ex-NFLers they can put into one studio to make their respective shows less watchable?

Moving on ...

So it should come as no surprise that ESPN would pull a similar stunt with its poll for the NFL mid-season MVP award. Just take a look at the candidates.

Drew Brees. Yep. He's on his way to breaking Dan Marino's single-season passing mark of 5,084 yards. But he's on a last place team.

Albert Haynesworth. Sure, we can overlook him stomping a Cowboys lineman in the head. But he's the trendy pick on the defense, even though Bob Sanders is way more valuable.

Clinton Portis. Somebody on the Redskins needs to be in the discussion, so he's not a bad choice.

Kurt Warner. We don't need to go on.

So while you might not agree with all of those choices, you can see where they are coming from. The next guy on the list ... not so much. Kind of like an SAT question where you need to identify the one who doesn't belong.

That last candidate is Eli Messiah. For real. Now maybe I have spent too much time watching actual NFL games, but who are the geniuses who think that Messiah should be considered in the MVP race? I was thinking of making a post imaging how deadly the Giants would be if they had a real quarterback like Warner still running the team instead of Messiah.

The Giants seem to be living on borrowed time because they can only tempt fate so long by running the Messiah out there every game, because it's going to come crashing in around him. It has to, right?

Again, shouldn't let this kind of stuff get to me, but damn. He's like the new version of Donovan McNabb -- a loser who inexplicably is given more credit than he deserves.

Although, before my faith in humanity is totally ruined, Warner is carrying 46 percent of the vote, which is nice.

The Kind of Win the Cardinals Needed

Tony K. and my Aunt Edna Ron Jaworski spent the better part of Monday night saying that the Cardinals needed a huge victory to send a message to the rest of the NFL that they were legitimate title contenders.

Horse (expletive).

Nobody would have cared if the Cardinals would have blown out the 49ers, as they would have chided the competition. No, the Cardinals needed one of those, "Oh boy, how and the hell did they win" kind of win. They needed one of those games that they pulled out of their bungs.

Because this was the kind of game they would have lost in the recent past. Even last season. This was setting up for a Dennis Green-like meltdown. Put they pulled out it.

And to be fair, this was a huge trap game for them. The 49ers were embarrassed in Mike Singletary's debut and -- following a bye week -- they were primed for a huge game. That's what really bugged me about the pre-game hype. Nobody talked about this. They just wrote off San Francisco because of its performance two weeks ago. How do people who are paid to watch football not see this unfolding?

Sometimes the experts are the biggest dopes.

However, this win shows that the Cardinals do have luck on their side. Especially in the dome. And when you look at the standings, there is a chance -- if the Birds can do their business -- that they could grab the No. 2 seed. The NFC South figures to knock each other down, as does the NFC North. The Birds could cost into the playoffs on a flimsy 12-4 mark and host a second-round game. The Cowboys and 49ers would attest that playing there isn't easy.

Sunday, November 09, 2008

No Post Mortem Today

The Hater Nation lost one of its founding members, Nicolas "Nikki" Pappagorgio, the beautiful bitch that you see pictured here.

Nikki (1994-2008) developed a tumor in her nose which became unbearable and for a dog that survived an attack by a pair of pitbulls, daily torment from a daschund and a 150-pound dog named Wyatt, along with a pound of chocolate -- this was a battle she couldn't win. I was by her side when the doctor put her under last night, and to be honest, that wasn't very fun.

I debated on what to put here because I understand that for some of you, reading people ramble on about their pets can be about as entertaining as Selma and Patty's vacation slides. And I've never been one of those people who considers his dog his child. But for anybody who does own a pet, you know that they do become a part of the family. Smelly and sometimes annoying, but a part of the family, whether you like it or not. And I will miss her and since I'm tight with the owner of this site, I'll do as I please.

But I will say that I can't really concentrate enough to put down some observations about the NFL and other stuff. And since you folks are nice enough to make The Hater Nation a daily (or even weekly) destination, I figured you deserved an explanation of what was going on.

We should be back on track after Monday night's game.

Friday, November 07, 2008

The Weak Ender

Leave it to the Patriots. In a week where America holds a historic election, the Patriots had to fire a cheerleader when Facebook photos surfaced of her drawing wangs and swastikas on a passed out guy.

In other words, just your normal night in Southie.

Caitlin Davis had been in the news earlier this year when the 18-year old high school senior made the Patriots cheer squad. See, this is why they don't let the athletes jump straight from high school to the pros. You can do this kind of stuff at Arizona State (well, not really because they dropped their cheer teams), but it's fine at that level.

And hell, if she was intent on drawing swastikas on people, she would have been a perfect fit in the SEC.

Like I wouldn't go there?

What happened to those innocent days when cheerleaders got busted for getting busy in a restaurant bathroom? Drawing on passed out people? That's so 1999.

Let's talk some football.

The Raiders destroyed the Panthers the last time they played in Oakland, winning 52-9 in 2000. There's a chance there could be a similar score this week, but do you think that Oakland could actually score 9 points?

And the sad thing is, it's not even a joke. The Raiders are certainly that bad. You would have to go all the way back to the beginning of the franchise to think of teams that were this horrendous. The Raiders were 2-12 in 1961 and 1-13 in 1962.

But in fairness to those teams, they were competing with the NFL for players. The current Raiders squad looks like they were competing with the Arena League for players.

Do you know what turned the Raiders fortunes around in 1963? A young coordinator from the San Diego Chargers named Al Davis. The only bad thing is that Davis still thinks, and acts like it's 1963. Who knows, he might have tried to resign George Blanda this week.

There will not be, however, that white knight to turn the ship around for the Raiders this time. Instead, the Raiders ought to seek a hire a man that could actually make the situation worse.

And that's Matt Millen.

How has this guy not been hired yet? When you are talking about creating the worst NFL team in the history of the planet -- we're talking way worse than the 1976 Buccaneers -- Millen is the guy who could deliver that.

Think for a moment what a draft war room with Millen and Davis would be like. The Raiders would be the first team in the NFL to use its entire draft on wide receivers. The only fear would be that these two would be so inept, that it would actually result in the team being good. In some parallel universe.

  • Reader Matt P. put it best about Brady Quinn, how about doing that against some real competition before we get too crazy about the guy. Holy hell, you would have thought Brady shredded the 1986 Bears, the way they were carrying on last night. Not that any of you could see the world's most expensive podcast, aka, NFL Network.
  • Obama's change is already evident in Denver as Peyton Hillis was lined up at running back for the Broncos in the second half. Now I know what many of you were feeling Tuesday night, witnessing an historic moment.
  • How is it that everybody in Chicago hates Rex Grossman, except for the 54 guys who play for the Bears? Brian Urlacher was yelling at fans. Teammates continue to defend the guy. What does Rex do with his money, hire hookers for the players? They can see what happens on the field right? Although, all kidding aside, Rex isn't that bad. The Vikings are making it a go with Gus Frerotte. Quarterbacking isn't exactly enjoying its golden age in the NFL right now.
  • Well, expect maybe in the deep South. Drew Brees is unbelievable in New Orleans. If there as a passing version of the "running back by committee," it would be the Saints. Having any Saints receiver on your team is maddening because there are like eight guys every week that could score a touchdown. Only Houston comes close. Matt Ryan has been amazing in Atlanta. The guy threw 19 picks at Boston College last year, and now he's like a non-challenged looking version of Gomer. He's the anti-Gomer.
  • Everybody is asking what happened to the Bills. Turns out, they aren't as good when they aren't playing the Raiders, Seahawks and St. Louis FC. They've lost two consecutive games to division opponents and the Patriots could ruin their season in Week 10.

AND FINALLY
There was a entertaining night of football on Thursday, if you could find it. Utah rallied in the closing minutes to defeat TCU, keeping its BCS hopes alive. While the Broncos and Browns were making like an AFL game.

And that's the way football should be. Or at least bad football should be -- giving up tons of scoring. But it's a shame that all of these sports networks can't make up with the cable companies. There is no reason why these channels such as the NFL Network and the Mountain can't be available on a paid tier. Sometimes it just seems like a huge conspiracy to get people to purchase DirecTV.

Wednesday, November 05, 2008

Obama's Election Good for Bloggers

For those of you concerned, we at The Hater Nation will not let the Fairness Doctrine force us to be fair and balanced towards the Raiders. If anything, we will resist and become even more obnoxious.

Like half of you, I'm really excited that Obama has been elected president. Mainly because I have already spent my welfaaaaaaaaa, uh, redistribution of the wealth. And that works out for most bloggers, too, because none of you – outside of Bain – is pulling in the magical income of $250K $200K $150K. No matter how far that number tumbles, it won't reach you.

But the only thing more enjoyable than getting that free money would be if you were able to pick the exact wealthy person you could take the money from. So here is a running lists, pros and cons of wealthy Americans who could be paying me to run The Hater Nation.

Adam Jones – This would be a great choice, except that you would have to use his money to ‘make it rain’ at a strip club. And if you want to keep in good graces of your spouse (only of the opposite sex if you live in California), you should probably stay away.

Al Davis – Forget it. You would have the blow the money on overrated cornerbacks and receivers. But at least you would save money on a head coach.

Alex Rodriguez – His money must be spent on helicopters, but the perk is you get Debbie Gibson instead of Madonna. (Seriously A-Rod, Madonna?)

Barack Obama – Nah, his money only comes in change.

Brittany Spears – You would just end up losing your money to some free loader from Fresno. But the bright side is that you don't have to spend any of it on car seats.

Frank Caliendo – Hope that his money is dispersed before his 15 minutes of fame is over and everyone in America hates him.

Fred Goldman – Your share of his money should be spent on OJ memorabilia so he can get some of the profits back.

Hulk Hogan – Hope that his money is dispersed before his divorce and son's civil suit are settled. The rest of it -- like money from George Hamilton -- will be spent on tanning beds.

Javon Walker – Nah. You would be required to spend the money on expensive champagne that you would then spray on a crowd in Las Vegas. The downside is that a couple of a-holes will mug you for the rest.

Jerry Jones – A lot like Al Davis money, but you do have a plastic surgery allowance.

John Daly -- Get to spend the money blacking out at Hooters and golf. Wow, how can you turn this down?

John McCain – He should have plenty since he didn't spend any on his campaign.

Jose Canseco – Oh wait, he's got his hand out for A-Rod’s money. But he's already had Madonna.

Kobe Bryant – Your share of his wealth would be used to spend money on expensive jewelry for your spouse. Might not be a bad option if you take some of the money from Adam Jones.

Mike Shanahan – Your share might come out of one of five different wallets.

Mr. Goodell -- Won't really matter to him because most of his money will just be coming back from the players he fines.

O.J. Simpson -- Money must be spent on finding the real killers, new sunglasses and Bruno Magli shoes.

Paris Hilton – Your money is no good at other crappy hotels. And you can't use it to purchase underwear.

Pete Rose – The good is that you get to use all of the money on gambling. But you can never go to the Hall of Fame. That's a tough one.

Reggie Bush – Your share might come in the form of a third party, check it that's legal.

Sarah Palin – You can only use this money at consignment shops and lipstick for your pitbull.

Tom Brady – All of the money must be earmarked for a super model who will pretend to be your girlfriend. If you chose Jeff Garcia, you have to up the ante for a Playmate who will act as your wife.

Travis Henry – Get in line behind his kids.


The final choice: Joe Buck. And really, it’s not his money because he’s been living off his dad’s name for so long. But I would take that money and spend it on the opposite company he endorses. He pitches for Holiday Inn? I’ll stay at the Marriott. Buck rents from National, I’ll be at Hertz. He drinks Bud, I drink Coors Light. Get ready Joe, I’m coming to spend your money

Tuesday, November 04, 2008

New Day.

Baldinger: Russell, McFadden are Busts

Brian Baldinger did a chat for NFL.com on Tuesday, and certainly didn't hold back any punches. Sorry, Bain, he did not answer any questions about Sarah Palin, but he did take off the gloves when talking about the Raiders.

The quarterback can't play. He's a bust. Darren McFadden is a bust. He won't stay healthy in this league. He's had only one good game. They have drafted poorly. They are easily scouted. The defense plays schemes that don't make sense. They play the ends out wide, and play the safeties too deep. Al Davis always believes that you have a deep safety, but Atlanta exploited that with Michael Turner. And to just see how bad Russell is, you have to look at what Matt Ryan did in that game. Russell just doesn't know what he is doing.

Alright. That kind of covers it. Really, what more can you add here? Maybe it's too early to write off JaMarcus Russell and Darren McFadden, but he's the expert, right?

That is a lot more refreshing that reading the regurgitation of, "Just give him, time" and other cliches that people throw out there.

Monday Night Thoughts

Don't count out the Slurs following their loss to the Steelers. The Slurs seem like one of those teams that is probably a little bit inflated, playing above their heads and they probably are. And last night's loss seems like one of those games that could spur a second-half swoon.

But the schedule just won't let them.

The Slurs still have winnable games against Seattle, Cincinnati and San Francisco, meaning nine wins for this team. And if they can get one win from the remaining home games against the Cowboys (most likely), Eagles or Giants, they will reach the magic 10 win plateau.

So instead of writing this team off -- like I thought I would be able to -- Clinton Portis, the defense and an easy schedule should push them into the playoffs. Which is bad news for the Cowboys and Eagles who are going to have to scuffle for that final spot.

Monday, November 03, 2008

Caption contest





















The Patriots will now sit and enjoy their beating.

Tom Cruise gets into his role in the Adam Vinatieri story.

What do you got?

Photo stolen from Yahoo! Sports Blog.

Sunday, November 02, 2008

The Post Mortem

Make sure you are ready to invest your time this morning, because I actually put in an effort today.

The Tennessee Titans are undefeated and the New York Giants are better at this point than they were last season. And guess what, boring. Maybe the Titans would be interesting if Kerry Collins was drinking and making like Michael Richards during Klan Night at the Improv. Or if Vince Young did at at least attempted suicide.

And the Giants are so dull that the team tried to start a "Justin Tuck is gay" rumor and nobody cared. Even their attempt to prove to the world that you can win consecutive Super Bowls without a credible quarterback is falling flat.

Like it or not, the NFL just isn't the same when the Cowboys and Raiders are terrible. And we're talking, so terrible that nobody can enjoy them wallowing in their own misery terrible. It's true.

Even the white trash dude with the Calvin pissing on the lightning bolt sticker on his truck knows that the Raiders are garbage. Even the dish washer who has to buy the generic version of Spam wouldn't even take a free ticket to watch the Raiders play right now. In the past, delusional Raiders fans believed that their team would win the Super Bowl every now. Now Raiders fans are considered delusional if they think that their team is going to gain positive yards in the first half.

Honestly, laughing at Raiders fans filing out of Jack Murphy Stadium following Super Bowl 37 was one of the highlights of my sporting life.

Six years later, and the Raiders invited a teen Iraqi amputee to the game on Sunday, and even he felt sorry for the Raiders. The Iraqi amputee said that he wouldn't trade places for the Raiders for anything in the world. Seriously, this is what the Raiders have been reduced to: hosting amputees at games to make themselves look better.

And it's backfiring.

The Cowboys, on the other hand, thought that the NFL was going to roll out the red carpet for them on the way to the Super Bowl. They are like those guys who can beat Madden on rookie level, and then get shutout when they play an actual thinking person. That's the Cowboys.

Even their obnoxious fans have toned down their act a bit. Back in September, a random Cowboys fan was likely to wrap his arm around you and let out a big "Whooo" in your ear like Ric Flair doing a sound check for Metallica. Now their fans barely have to energy to spit in your unattended beer when you walk away for a few moments.

The bad news is that the troubles of both teams can be traced back to the owners. And if you know one thing about evil people, it's that they don't die. The best we can hope for is that they get a staph infection when they travel to Cleveland. But who goes to Cleveland?

These teams are going to be bad for a long time and the league is going to suffer because of it. Thankfully, the Kurt Warner Machine is around to keep things interesting.

  • St. Louis FC had the sequence of the season at the end of the first half. The Cardinals scored to take a 17-7 lead. Instead of running out the clock and taking the moral victory of only trailing by 10 points, St. Louis took about 20 seconds off the clock on a three-and-out, giving the ball back the Cardinals with 1:32 left in the game. Kurt Warner then hit Jerheme Urban on a 56-yard touchdown reception (that went through a defender's hands).
  • Contrary to the Cowboys and Raiders, the St. Louis FC is just as enjoyable to watch when they have given up the season. Hopefully Jim Haslett wasn't planning on being the coach next season.
  • The Cardinals really need to pay Anquan Boldin his money. He's earned it. They are going to save so much getting rid of Edgerrin James and underpaying Tim Hightower. They need to make that move.
  • What is the Cardinals magic number right now? Are we looking at three victories? Or maybe just one more loss by the rest of the NFC West teams? The Cardinals won an NFC Wild Card game in 1998, but haven't won a division title since Don Coryell was coaching the team, over 30 years ago. They may start resting starters in Week 12.
  • While St. Louis was struggling to score points, maybe they noticed that the KWM and the Arizona Cardinals are the new "Greatest Show on Turf." The Birds would have won that game by 50 points if they didn't make so many mistakes. (Hey, what game were you watching?)
  • The Houston Texans are the BYU of the NFL -- because nobody has more white receivers. And pity Dick Enberg who couldn't tell whitey apart.
  • Nice pouting by Jay Cutler and the Broncos after a bad call went against them. Brandon Marhsall was flagged for pass interference that wipped out a 90-yard touchdown reception. The contact on the play was questionable, and guys like Michael Irvin and Cris Carter have got way with worse for years. But bad calls happen in the NFL. You knew the Broncos were dead once Cutler threw a towel on the field in a tantrum. Hell, it screwed my fantasy team, but even I was able to keep it together.
  • Dolphins linebacker Joey Porter went on to paste Broncos receiver Brandon Marshall. "He's one of those guys that if he don't get the ball in the first two series in the first quarter, he's out of it. He had 18 catches in a game before. So he's not used to going the whole first half with no balls. We got in his head and he pretty much was done. I didn't get inside his head, we just were talkin'. He got in his own head. He was done. He's one of those soft receivers, where he has to have the ball all the time. If he don't get it, he's going to mope and cry. He did it to himself."
  • What is the over/under on wins to take the AFC West? Seven? For the second consecutive week, the AFC and NFC West was winless out of the divisions. The only winner this week, Arizona, beat a division rival.
  • Bad news for Kyle Orton. Maybe he should have a drink and relax while he's on the bench. And poor Rex Grossman, he's never going to get a fair shake in Chicago and now he's thrown into the impossible position of replacing the now wildly popular Orton who was actually playing like a legitimate quarterback.
  • The Chiefs and Bills are the latest teams to go to the 'Wildcat' offense, the formation that was popularized by Darren McFadden at Arkansas last year. Of course, the Raiders haven't been able to run the formation this year with McFadden because is battling toe injuries.
  • You look at the Chiefs and you can understand what they were doing trading Jared Allen for draft picks to rebuild. But now, you wonder what would have happened if they had traded Larry Johnson and Tony Gonzalez, and built around Allen on the defense. But hey, they are in year 20 of their rebuilding project, so they obviously know what they are doing.
  • The Red Raiders did something the Oakland Raiders could never do -- they blew a lead to Texas. Well, the Oakland Raiders could do that. But what they did was actually come back and win the game. Something the NFL team could never do. One guy tried to compare it to the 2006 Rose Bowl. Yeah, let's not get that crazy. College football is full of great games. This was one of them, but let's not compare it to a championship game classic.
  • Texas got screwed, moving below a team they already beat. But is there a rule that a team must win its conference to get in the BCS title game? Because Oklahoma could go to the national title game without being in the Big XII championship game. And does anybody know, can two teams from the same conference play in the BCS title game?

AND FINALLY
Huge fan of Steve Young when he was a member of the Los Angeles Express. Hated him as a member of the 49ers. When he was knocked out of the NFL on a Monday night in Arizona in 1999, I let out a huge scream. So huge in fact, my neighbor came over and said, "I hope you aren't watching the game, you sick bastard." Oh, I was.

But now you have to give Young credit for coming out against Prop Hate. And Young's a descendent of Brigham Young himself. Check it out.