Monday, June 30, 2008

Angels Introduce New Promotion

ANAHEIM -- The Los Angeles Angels of Anaheim are kicking off a new promotion for its loyal fans. Fans are entitled to 10 free chicken wings any time the Angels score more than 10 runs in any given week. Unfortunately for Angels fans right now, the team has only scored two runs in its past four games.

And seriously, it looks like they won't be giving away any wings in the near future. Sure, the Angels will have one of those games where they score 12 runs, leading the management of the team to declare that everything is cool. But that arrogance is only matched by Juan Rivera who hot-dogged a fly ball in yesterday's game, allowing a couple of runs to score. Seriously Juan, do you even want to play everyday?

Oh well, at least this gives the Bish more material to write about.

Gruden: THN's A Bunch of Morons

And there are a not a lot of people who would disagree with him. Warren Sapp doesn't seem much like a Hall of Fame player to me. But THN Patron Saint Jon Gruden feels that we are just a bunch of dopes.

"If Warren Sapp doesn't go into the Hall of Fame on the first ballot, you'd better check the IQ of the voters," said Bucs coach Jon Gruden, who attended the party at the Seminole Hard Rock and Casino with his wife, Cindy. "No disrespect to anyone, but he's the favorite guy I've ever coached."

Gruden does have a point because the Hall of Fame voters did put Art Monk into the Hall of Fame this year, while Marshall Goldberg sits on the outside looking in. Still, to respectfully disagree with Gruden, there needs to be some more convincing here. The biggest case for Sapp would be that Dan Hampton is in the Hall of Fame. Did that guy even do the Super Bowl shuffle?

So let's kick this out to the readers, a latest addition of THN Bar Trivia:

Should Warren Sapp be voted to the Pro Football Hall of Fame?
Yes, and I hope he's holding at his induction. Don't be stingy. free polls

Red Sox Need Security

Tensions between the first-place (how's that feel?) Rays and the Red Sox have reached an all-time high. But the Sox will have their minds on bigger matters when the team comes down to Tropicana Field.

HOUSTON -- The Red Sox [team stats] and Major League Baseball have dispatched security teams to St. Petersburg, Fla., for the next three days due to a recent threat made against the club’s players.

According to sources, the Sox recently received a mailed threat, believed to be postmarked in Memphis, Tenn., which targeted black and Latin players, citing at least two by name. The named players have been informed about the threats and will likely have security accompaniment away from Tropicana Field, including at the team’s hotel in St. Petersburg.

The only logical conclusion here is that the culprit is likely some Keith Youkilis-loving redneck who loves the Sox. Likely still sore that "Yook" was punked by his own teammate, Manny Ramirez. Congratulations to those of you in the South who continue to act like America's crazy racist uncle. Even the guy who held a "The Civil War should have been best two out of three" sign at the College World Series believes that you have gone a bit over the line with your threats.

Besides, why do some feel that they need to even make threats against Red Sox players? The Rays have shown that they have enough fight in them to take the Sox. Coco Crisp isn't going to be hot to rush the mound this week when he gets a well-deserved ball in the ear hole.

This series already has passed the Sox/Yanks in terms of vitriol. That series has become a damn-near tea party. The Sox/Rays, now this is one that you don't want to miss.

And yes, the irony is noted that the Angels fans have to become surrogate Rays fans just to experience what it's like to beat the Sox. But you have to take your victories where you can get them.

Thanks, Titan Tim.

Sunday, June 29, 2008

The Post Mortem

The most telling part of the Angels weekend happened during the seventh inning on Sunday's 1-0 Halos victory. John Lackey went to bat, with a runner on third, and the team clinging to its one-run lead. Obviously, Mike Scioscia didn't want to take out his starter. But it's just as likely that he looked at the rest of the "Punching Judys" on the Angels bench and said "Hell no."

So when your hitless pitcher is a better option than Garret Anderson, that's saying something.

The Angels scored one run in three games, yet still earned one win. The embarrassment of throwing an eight-inning no-no and losing was buoyed by the thought that at least a handful of Dodgers fans went home on Saturday night thinking that their team had lost. Come on, you know that's true.

Is it better to lose after an eight-inning no-no, or win without getting a hit? Winning without getting a hit must be like having a child without having sex.

And Tom Cruise is a Dodgers fan ...

(Still with us?) This is the time of year when yours truly begs for the team to make a move. Gary Matthews is a waste. Torii Hunter isn't the offensive player that most thought. We need some Asian kid to rear-end him again.

But hell, if you listened to me, the team would have traded Ervin Santana and Joe Saunders in recent offseasons. So what do I know? But this looks like another typical Angels season where the team wins the division, but doesn't have the punch to win the close games in October.

  • John Lackey is clearly the best pitcher in baseball right now as a THN reader pointed out, and you have to wonder what kind of lathering he would be getting if he pitched on an ESPN-approved team. Or what about the season K-Rod is having right now? As one of the shortest guys -- with worst attitude -- I know put it, if Jonathan Papleboner was putting up K-Rod's numbers, we would be treated to 24-hour video coverage of that a-hole. Too bad Disney doesn't still own the Angels (well, not really), who knows what kind of glowing coverage this team would get.

  • When was the last time Joe Torre actually took a series from the Angels? This has to go back years, right? Or it at least seems that way.

  • BTW, Roger Goodell is advocating a limit on rookie salaries? Don't do it NFL Players, it's a trap. There is no way that Goodell has good intentions. This is just another way for Jerry Jones and Robert Kraft to screw the NFL. Don't buy into it! Seriously, it seems like a good idea, but Goodell is too shady to believe that he doesn't have ulterior motives.

  • Spoiler alert: Spain has won the Euro 2008. We have to mention that because THN's resident soccer expert (Lil' Hater) might not have watched the tape of the game yet. The tournament itself was pretty good, but the final matchup with German and Spain was a little less than inspired. Nobody really to root for or against. That was like watching Seahawks vs. the Titans in the Super Bowl or something. Or maybe we didn't try hard enough. Besides, if Russia had won, THN could have busted out some vintage Nikolai Volkov videos.

  • Paula Creamer has to be pretty happy that Michelle Wie is playing so terribly, that it's taking some of the heat off of her choking. Well, as much heat that women's golf attracts. But seriously, when it comes to the majors, Creamer is like Phil Mickelson with a smaller rack.

  • How long before Kevin McHale sends Kevin Love and Mike Miller to Boston? And was that douche nozzle McHale riding in the Cellbitch victory parade?

  • Javon Walker was evidentially going to Drai's at the Barbary Coast (now Bill's Gambling Hall and Saloon) when he was beaten up by members of Al Qaeda. The big question though, why the hell was he taking a car from the Bellagio to Bill's? Are you that freaking lazy?

Yahoo! Sports once again tried to make up a story claiming that Al Davis was considering retirement because he can no longer evaluate talent.

Uh, yeah right.

Jason Cole is certainly no Adam Schefter when it comes to false rumor mongering. But when you are going to make up lies, at least make them believable. Is there anybody in the world who believes that Al Davis would have show such humbility and self-realization that he would retire? He'd like rather die -- and he's afraid of death. People who actually believe this likely also believe that Con Air was based on a true story.

This kind of thing gives us legitimate Raiders Haters a bad name. Step up, Yahoo!

Thursday, June 26, 2008

Underdog Bulldogs Felled in Omaha

Congratulations to the University of Georgia for its spirited run through Omaha. Georgia should be proud that it knocked off Stanford to reach the NCAA title game. That, in and of itself, was quite an accomplishment. So much so that you can overlook the fact that Georgia was only a few outs away from being swept in three games by Fresno State.

Some nitwits, however, are claiming that Fresno State actually pulled one of the biggest upsets in college baseball history. Those people are dopes.

Fresno State's 31 losses were not any more jarring than a two-loss team playing the for the mythical national title in college football. Besides, Fresno State was ranked No. 18 by Baseball America in its preseason rankings.

Anytime you have a West Coast vs. East Coast (sorry Rednecks, but your state is on the Atlantic Ocean, deal with it), you have to believe the West Coast should be the favorite. Cal State, Oregon State and now Fresno State have won titles in recent years. Heck, you have to go back to 2001 to find a World Series champion that was west of the Mississippi River.

And to be honest, if the NCAA baseball seedings were not so regionally biased, then there would probably be an even bigger list of West Coast teams who have won the World Series. Put Cal State in North Carolina's bracket, and the Titans are in the World Series. Long Beach State has to be pretty upset that Fresno State was a No. 4 seed in its regional when the team was obviously much better than the top team in the SEC.

This also is not a shot at the SEC, but you do realize that Fresno's top pitcher, Tanner Scheppers, only played in 11 games this season.

Fresno's championship should not be viewed as some great "underdog" story, rather this should be a wake up call for the NCAA to seed its teams more equitably. Fresno State should not have been a No. 4 seed in a West Coast regional. They probably should have been the top seed in a place like Baton Rouge.

What other sport does the NCAA try to rig so badly? Imagine if the NCAA hockey regionals were seeded so that at least one West Coast team would be guaranteed a spot in the tournament. That would be ludicrous. But that happens with the College World Series.

As long as this continues, we'll continue to be feed the b.s. that Fresno State beating some scrub SEC team is an upset. Well, it wasn't. This is what happens when you have a sport where the coach can cry his eyes out to make it to the championship game.

Wednesday, June 25, 2008

Sapp on Raiders: "Dark as a Black Hole"

Warren Sapp did in interview with and touched on a number of different subjects including one that would be popular here, the Raiders.

How would you describe your experience with the Raiders?

As dark as a black hole. Stuff went on in that organization that shouldn't go on in sports. I don't think there's one person who knows who or what is making the call. Let's just say the Oakland experience is unique. The phone rings quite a bit on that sideline. Insubordination is grounds for termination in any company.

That pretty much sums up most thoughts on who is really running the team over there. And really, not that surprising.

Sapp also had some thoughts on his potential as a Pro Football Hall of Fame player.

Many believe you're a first ballot Hall of Fame player. What do you think?

When it's all said and done, my resume is rivaled by five other people that played the game. Four are in the Hall of Fame and the other will be: Reggie White, Lawrence Taylor, Joe Green, Jack Ham and Derrick Brooks. They went to at least seven straight Pro Bowls, Defensive Player of the Year and won a world championship. When you can bring up the ghosts of the game, it tells you where you are.

When you bring up the ghosts of the games like Reggie White, LT, Mean Joe Greene, et all, Sapp's name stands out as somebody who doesn't belong. Unfortunately, the NFL has the worst Hall of Fame, ever, so yeah, he's probably going to get in.

Sapp did have some thoughts on his Tampa Bay tenure, but Scott can handle that.

Dude, Where's My Car?

Pity Chris Henry. The dude was in court during jury selection of his assault trial, and his SUV was being repossessed. That seems a little extreme, no? Isn't this double jeopardy or something? This comes on the heels of vandals destroying his former home. You know, the one that he had forclosed.

And now, he can't make any money because he's allowed to play football. Seriously, what has the guy done to deserve this, other than speeding, smoking weed, concealing weapons, raped a girl (allegedly), giving alcohol to minors, failing a drug test, beating up a 16-year old, beating up a valet and throwing a beer bottle at some people?

At least he isn't consorting with Al Qaeda in Las Vegas.

Tuesday, June 24, 2008

Why Is Al Qaeda Beefing With the Raiders?

An arrest has been made in the Javon Walker beating, and it's this guy, Arfat Fadel? Seriously, why is Al Qaeda upset with the Raiders. You would figure that Al Qaeda would be huge Raiders fans for all of the terror that Raider Nation causes in football stadiums across America. And if they are feuding, then who do we all root for?

The police do say that Walker went willingly with Fadel. Really? What, was Javon making some late-night deal for oil or something? Was he going to trade his gold necklace for a couple of barrels of crude? Or is Walker going to fly a plane into some building? Maybe Walker was going to suicide bomb the Raiders huddle or something.

Seriously, this is a surprise. I originally thought it was going to be a bunch of Italians looking to settle a score like in the movie, Go.

Many Faces of Clinton Portis

Redskins running back (and borderline loon) Clinton Portis has entertained many in the DC area with his various costumes that he wears to press conferences. Portis has certain personalities that he likes to showcase and when you consider the alternative – a-holes who don’t want to talk – this is kind of refreshing. (Here is some more history on Portis' costumes.)

Portis was on the set of NFL Network's Total Access (don’t worry, nobody else gets that channel either) debuting four new characters. Fans can vote for their favorite on

My personal favorite is Bud Foxx. Be sure to vote.

Monday, June 23, 2008

Seriously Kobe, What Does It Taste Like?

By now, you should have seen Shaq's "freestyle" blast on Kobe. And you want to talk about a breathalyzer for Cedric Benson's car, how about one for Shaq's microphone? Thankfully George Carlin was not alive to hear that. That was slightly amusing, but only because it's fun to think of a club full of people asking Kobe how Shaq's bum tastes.

Unfortunately for us, this will probably be as far as it goes. Kobe only does videos when he is ripping on his own teammates. So unless those kids who videotaped Kobe outside of Pacific Whey run into the reigning MVP, there isn't much hope.

But if Kobe really had a sense of humor, he'd find Shaq's wife Shaunie and take a cue from Jimmy Kimmel.

"I'm (expletive)ing your wife Shaunie"
"He's (expletive)ing your wife Shaunie"
"And I just wanted you to know."

"I'm (expletive)ing your wife Shaunie"
"He's (expletive)ing your wife Shaunie"
"Hey Shaq learn to make a free throw."

Yeah, but that's not going to happen. Shaq did try to back peddle by saying that he was only joking around. That he also once dissed Vlade Divac. (Because that's the same.) Making fun of Kobe losing in the NBA Finals is funny. Claiming that he was the reason for your divorce, not so much.

Still, because Shaq is kind of a joker that attempted spin is much better than what Don Imus is trying to do.

Imus, when hearing a story about the legal troubles of Adam Jones (where has he been, it wasn't like he was working until recently?), asked what color the Cowboys cornerback was. When hearing that Jones was black he said, “Now we know.” Because yes, it was a huge mystery what color an NFL cornerback would be. Unless it’s Jason Sehorn, you are probably pretty clear.

Imus then retracted sort of, saying that he meant that Pacman was being targeted because he was black, not committing crimes because he was black. Yes, sure. This, however, is very troubling. Not that Imus said something stupid. But rather that it’s going to give Al Sharpton a reason to feel important again. Perfect. Maybe Sharpton and Imus should have a freestyle contest to settle this thing.

Benson Gets Cool Gadget

From the Associated Press:

AUSTIN — Former Chicago Bears running back Cedric Benson has been ordered to install an ignition lock breathalyzer in his car.

Benson will have to take a breathalyzer test every time he gets behind the wheel of his car. Otherwise the thing won't start. One question though, how do I get one of those things for my phone? Imagine how much easier your life would be if you were able to attach a breathalyzer lock to prevent drunk dialing? Or even -- and this probably is more important to me -- prevent drunk texting.

You could probably even get on attached to your computer, too. But if that was the case, THN would never get published.

Sunday, June 22, 2008

The Post Mortem

Javon Walker isn't a bright guy.

The enigmatic Raiders receiver told some convoluted story about how he was beaten and coerced to get into a car at the Bellagio in Las Vegas. Obviously Walker was not paying attention to Terry Benedict in Ocean's 11 when he said, "In my hotel, there is always somebody watching."

Seriously, it was like a key point in the movie.

Turns out that the video tape shows that Walker went into a car pretty willingly, according to Norm Clarke in the Las Vegas Review Journal.

Oakland Raiders wide receiver Javon Walker was seen entering a car under his own power at the Bellagio the morning he was found beaten and unconscious, it was learned Friday.

Metro police have surveillance tape of Walker going to the car, and it doesn't match the abduction story he told a Web site Tuesday, the source said.

Good one. How soon until Roger Goodell makes Las Vegas off limits for NFL players? That has to be coming, right?

  • The Green Bay Packers are upset that they made only $21 million in 2007. We should all have such problems. Nobody who is paying $4.60 for a gallon of gas is going to be able to offer up much sympathy for the Packers $21 million profit.

  • The NFL Network could become a part of ESPN, according to this report in the Wall Street Journal. The writing has been on the wall for a long time with the NFL Network. Why should the team's owners pay money to fund a network that isn't seen by anybody, when they could just turn around and sell it to a network like ESPN? The NBA went through something similar before it had to buckle. And the NFL let go what little leverage it had back in December when they buckled by allowing the Patriots vs. Giants game to be shown on free television.

  • Michael Strahan said that he will not be on Dancing with the Stars because he doesn't want to embarrass his legacy. And yet, he will still do appearances on The Best Damn Sports Show, Period. Makes sense, but surprising that Strahan would pass up an opportunity to whore himself out. Maybe this was just a negotiating ploy.

  • Daunte Culpepper is still looking for work. Was this supposed to be surprising? But when you look at some of the stiffs still playing in the league, he should at least get another look.

  • The Packers have interest in Jason Taylor, but the feeling isn't mutual. That is kind of a shock, because Wisconsin seems like the kind of place where Dancing with the Stars probably did well. But it is obvious that Taylor seems himself as the next "Rock" and wants to play for a "high profile" team that will elevate his Q rating. Winning and stuff, probably isn't as important.

  • Free agent tackle Shane Olivea partied himself out of the league, according to some with inside knowledge. Olivea was a promising young lineman for the Chargers, but now, not so much. Don't worry, Shane. The Cowboys will be holding a space for you. All you have to do is change your first name and you're cool. Speaking of which, call me NFL Pacman from now. "Adam" has a negative connotation to it.

The Angels completed a sweep in Philadelphia as K-Rod notched his 30th save of the season. That actually should be alarming that the Angels are playing in so many games that prompt save opportunities. Can't they finally just put a team away for a change?

And a few more random thoughts:
If you are taping the Euro Cup, don't answer text messages. And is the Kings top draft pick any good?

Friday, June 20, 2008

The Weak Ender

Miss Gamma Garrett (right) has been selected as the face of the UK Grand Prix. But why would the UK Grand Prix need a new face? Well, Danica Patrick is going to be racing in Europe next year. So the move kind of makes sense.

Actually, not really. Do they really think that some added women are going to make people pay attention to their sport? Hardly. Ask yourself this question, has THN ever mentioned the UK Grand Prix prior to putting this hot young lady in a position of power?

Uh, no.

Wow, well done guys.

Props to your normal smut peddlers Sports by Brooks and With Leather for finding this gem.

  • How did the Angels let David Wright get out of town? That guy should be a member of the Angels. They should give up anybody on the every-day roster not named Kendrick or Figgins to get the guy. Wright would be a perfect addition. Maybe they can give them Maicer Izturis and Brandon Wood. That would work, right? Alright, maybe they need to be a little bit more creative. Not panicking on this year yet, but you can still see stretches when hitting is going to be a problem.

  • Big news out of Green Bay, Aaron Rodgers has cut his hair. Not a bad move. You don't want to go through a season having people think you are David Carr. Let your playing make people think that, not your hair. Actually, Rodgers has a chance to be really goood. Remember when Brett Favre was blowing against the Cowboys last season? Rodgers was the guy who brought the team back. The only question is if he can stay healthy.

  • Biggest Winners of the Week: Southern California sports fans. The biggest sports story of the week was Tiger Woods triumph through adversity and injury to capture the U.S. Open. What a champion. Sadly, Woods will miss the rest of the golf season, which came to great delight to the rest of the PGA tour.

  • Biggest Losers of the Week: Boston sports fans. The Cellbitch fans rioted after winning the NBA title. Lord knows what would have happened if they would have won the MLS title last year.

More thoughts on Jemele Hill. You know, the young lady that made the lame Hitler reference. As one of the CMs pointed out, she was one of the driving forces of the Rutgers womens hoops team vs. Don Imus. So she probably deserves it. But what ever happened to a journalist actually standing up for what they write? Instead of backing down, why didn't Hill just say, "I wrote it, get over it." Or better yet, why even address it?

There was some budding columnist writing for Cal State's Daily Titan who made the following quip back in 1994 wondering why students wanted the new University Hall named after boxing great Julio Caesar Chavez. Turns out, that the students were protesting to have the building named after Caesar Chavez, the migrant farm worker. Kind of a dumb joke (but come on), but nothing to really get pissed over.

Or so you would think.

For a week, students flooded the paper with protests. The LA Times picked it up. Every columnist on the Daily Titan staff wrote a story one it. Except for one. The original columnist. He stood tall, never addressed it and moved on.

There are some people who are just itching to be offended. Why bother giving in to them? Just move on.

Thursday, June 19, 2008

Any Other Week, Mandy Beard

And this would have been, your Weak Ender. But not this week. Still, you can't pass up the opportunity to put up a picture of a hot chick in baseball jersey. That's always a pretty good look.

And we don't want to go The Big Picture on you, but Beard seems to be a pretty polarizing person. So are you pro or anti Beard? (And since Zach is coming dangerously close to stealing THN's Bar Trivia and he didn't mention me as a possible successor for Will at Deadspin, leave your answer in the comment section.)

Do you find Mandy Beard attractive?
Not really
Yes, but I'm really into horses, too free polls

Don't Call Him "Pacman"

Adam Jones no longer wants to be known as "Pacman." He wants to put all of the bad stuff behind him and move on with his birth name. And somewhere, O.J. Simpson is kicking himself thinking, "I knew I should have started calling myself Joe."

This is good thinking on Jones' part. He will totally fool Roger Goodell. Like the next time Jones is caught in a strip club, making it rain, or doing any other activity to raise the ire of the commissioner, he'll get away with it. Goodell will be muttering under his breath, "Dog damn it, another Jones in trouble? Luckily it is Adam Jones and not that a-hole Pacman Jones, or else he would be in real trouble."

Genius move on Pacman, err, Adam's part.

Wednesday, June 18, 2008

A Final Note on the Celtics

The Celtics thrashed the Lakers and deserved to win the NBA championship. This was a horrible matchup for the Lakers and should have heeded the advice of one of our most loyal readers who said that LA had no chance to win. So let's give Boston it's credit, and here is a highlight video of some of the best fans in the NBA who really know how to party.

From With Leather.

Tuesday, June 17, 2008

ESPN Columnist Suspended for Hitler Comment

ESPN's Jemele Hill (whomever the hell that is) was suspended for invoking Hitler in a recent column. Hill said that rooting for the Celtics was a lot like believing that Hitler was a victim.

That's not offensive, that's just unfunny. And it would barely register here at THN.

If you are going to make a comment comparing the Celtics to Nazi Germany, at least make it a bit smarter than just throwing out a Hitler comment. That's so Sports Dork, that it's not funny or clever.

Besides, Hill could have gone a lot of different ways. For instance, the only reason Al Queda doesn't bomb Boston is because they don't want America to cheer for them. Or in Fail-Safe, the Russians are given the option of bombing Boston and New York but choose NYC so they can suffer twice. Once for bombing New York, and two for allowing Boston to survive.

But expecting ESPN reporters to be better is foolish.

You Can't Blame Javon

He was never going to get a chance to do this while playing for the Raiders. Of course, teammate Darrent Williams was shot and killed last year when Brandon Marshall and other players had sprayed champagne in a Denver nightclub last year. Walker obviously learned his lesson.

Thankfully, NFL players -- and athletes in general -- will continue to act like entitled a-holes in public. In fact, if Paul Pierce survives this offseason -- hell, this month -- without getting stabbed (again) or worse, that could be the biggest upset of the year.

Does Anybody Know?

Does anybody know why Kevin Garnett shaves his pubes and then glues the hair to his chin?

Monday, June 16, 2008

Celtics Plane Delayed

The Boston Celtics were stranded at LAX as the team plane suffered "mechanical problems." A little coincidental too, considering that Hilary Clinton had recently told a group of Lakers supporters to not count out the Lakers just yet because, "remember what happened to the Marshall football team."

Clinton also said that Celtics fans should be wary because Ray Allen was roughly the same age as Reggie Lewis when he passed away.

Still, is this more foreshadowing of a Celtics tank job? Be afraid if you see Kevin Garnett strolling around town in a walking boot, holding hands with Gisele.

Walker Officially a Raider Now

Raiders receiver Javon Walker is wasting no time proving himself to his fellow Raiders teammates. From FOX 5 in Las Vegas.

NFL wide receiver Javon Walker was found unconscious on East Flamingo Road and Koval Lane Monday morning, Metro police said.

The Oakland Raiders player was taken to Sunrise Medical Center’s Trauma unit, where he was listed in fair condition late Monday afternoon, hospital officials said.

Police said Walker had an orbital fracture. They said they are not sure how he received the fracture.

According to the Las Vegas Review-Journal, Walker was seen Saturday night at Tryst at the Wynn spraying the crowd with some of the 15 bottles of Dom Perignon Rose champagne he ordered.

At least Barrett Robbins waited until the Super Bowl to go all crazy. The real interesting question will be how Walker got from the Wynn down to the Platinum Suites. That's some blackout.


The police report indicates that Walker was the victim of a robbery.

SoCal Needs a Hero

And his name is Tiger Woods.

Say Boston, where is your golfer? What? You don't have one? That's too bad. You'll just have to live vicariously through Tiger as he shows Boston (Loserville) what it's like to have a real champion.

And one quick thing (before getting back to this compelling U.S. Open playoff) good luck to your squad on Tuesday. You realize that if the Celtics choke on Tuesday, there is no way that they are coming back to win a Game 7. So would you rather be the team to blow a 24-point lead, or the first team to lose an NBA Finals series after leading 3-1?

Not that there isn't precedent for Boston blowing history games, as this year's Super Bowl will attest.

Thursday, June 12, 2008

The Weak Ender

This feature has never been more aptly named following the Lakers debacle on Thursday night. But seriously, how and the hell did that happen? Sickening.

A generation of Lakers fans now understands the misery of what it is like to be a Cal State hoops fan. There isn't a Titans fan out there who hasn't witnessed something similar at least once a year. The Lakers came out aggressive, getting the ball to Lamar Odom and Pao Gasol, but both of them disappeared in the third quarter. Odom seemed so preoccupied with remaining perfect from the floor, that he did go to the basket with any authority in the second half.

What a disappointing finish to the season. Now Boston teams have ended the seasons of the Angels, Chargers and the Lakers. Just wonderful. To bad Boston's universities aren't good in any college sports because they would probably beat Cal State, too. And to make matters worse, those a-holes keep moving out here in droves.

  • Just curious as to when Arlen Spector will begin investigating the NBA for its crooked referees. Or is the NBA cool with Comcast?

One good thing about the Lakers choke job is that we are that much closer to the football season kicking off.

Wednesday, June 11, 2008

Kobe Hates Money

At least he won't have to buy the NBA a ring, but he will likely pay a fine for his post-game comments.

Video from Brahsome, via FanHouse.

Tuesday, June 10, 2008

The NBA Is Fun Again

Predictably, the Lakers finally got the free-throw line on Tuesday night (why were they playing so soon, it's not July yet). The only thing is, fellas, if you are going to whine about not getting to the free-throw line, then you should make your shots when you get there. Kobe was horrible. Pao Gasol acted like he was playing for Memphis again. The Lakers are lucky to win a game the referees gave to them.

Fitting, too, that a former cheating referee exposed the NBA for manipulating finals series prior to the game.

NBA referees, influenced by cozy relationships with league officials, rigged a 2002 playoff series to force it to a revenue-boosting seven games, a former referee at the center of a gambling scandal alleged Tuesday. More ...

Does anybody get the feeling that Donaghy is going to testify in court and the judge will say, "No kidding. The only thing that could less surprising would be to find out that T.O. and Clay Aiken are a couple. Get out of here."

The Lakers have delayed the agony for at least one more game. Hey, who knows, maybe they can make it two in a row. But lets have some fun in the meantime by creating a caption for this Doc Rivers photo.

To kick it off: Celtics coach Lamar Latrell objects to a foul call.

Monday, June 09, 2008

T.O. Misses Drug Test

Terrell Owens missed a random drug test which originally put the enigmatic receiver in the "probable cause" list to be tested at nearly any time. That matter, however, has been resolved.

And the NFL made the right decision here. Mainly because anytime T.O. ever does drugs, he takes way too many of them and he calls the cops anyway. Besides, if people out there actually believe that Owens continues to look the way he does without the help of performance-enhancing drugs, then really, why bother even testing him. His six pack has a six pack, and he's in his 30s. That happens like, all the time. Totally believable.

Once a Raider ...

Former Raiders quarterback Ken Stabler was arrested and charged with reckless driving and driving under the influence of alcohol. Hard to believe that a guy who said that he couldn’t trust Gifford Nielsen because his breath always smelled like milkshakes would get bust for DUI.

Link to the AP story ...

Sunday, June 08, 2008

The Post Mortem

Oh well, at least the hot chick won the French Open.

The NBA had sucked us in (me at least) with the recent hype surround the Lakers and Cellbitch series. Almost enough that you started to wonder why you drifted away from the NBA in the first place. But then Game 2 of the NBA Finals happens and you are reminded why you gave up on it. Like a girlfriend that you take back even though she has cheated on you in the past.

And before we move on, lets consider a couple of things. The NBA is not fixed. They aren't that smart. Being an NBA referee is the hardest thing to do in sports. But holy hell, how do the Celtics shoot something like 20 more free throws in the first half? Don't say because the Lakers are settling for jump shots. The Lakers were attacking the rim in the early going just as vigorously as the Cellbitch, only one team was getting all of the calls. Lamar Odom and Pao Gasol were both going hard to the rim and didn't get anything.

And then you give Kobe a couple of touch fouls in the first quarter? You have to be kidding, right? Kobe gets treated like a Colorado hotel worker every time he touches the ball, and nothing.

This is not sour grapes coming from a Lakers fan. You hate to be the guy who complains about fouls, but good lord that was awful. What's worse is that you know that the Cellbitch are going to be homered out of the gym on Friday (or whenever the hell Game 3 is). That is unavoidable. Is this going to become a series where the home team gets all of the fouls? Lame.

And obviously, the Lakers did get beat to all of the loose balls and were completely out-hustled in this game. But came you blame them? This was akin to being at a blackjack table last night in Las Vegas. The dudes winning have no problems high-fiving people and making a ruckus. The dude who is losing will likely go pass out in a plate of $0.25 chicken wings.

Photo from Busted Coverage.

  • The referees realize that Kobe is the league MVP, right? This almost smacked of elementary school where the kid who was a little behind in class was given four strikes when you were playing kickball. Like the referees wanted to send the Boston crowd home happy.

  • To make matters worse for the Lakers, Doc Buss lost in the first day of his seven-card poker tournament at the World Series of Poker. Shouldn't he have been in Boston trying to help fix the series for the Lakers?

  • Do you think the NFL and NBA made an agreement that if the NFL fixed the Super Bowl so the Patriots would lose, they NBA would respond by making sure the Celtics won the NBA title? Because if you asked a non-partisan person to watch Game 2 of the finals, that person would probably swear he was watching a basketball version of the Longest Yard, with the Cellbitch actually being the prison guards.

  • Reader Matt P. notes that in three of the Lakers playoff losses this season, the Angels have lost on the same day to walk-off home runs. Maybe it's time to suspend the Angels schedule.
Which will happen first, Kobe will get sent to the free throw line in the NBA Finals, or they will finally build this bullet train to Las Vegas? With all of that grant money, can't they build thing by the end of the summer?

Friday, June 06, 2008

The Weak Ender

Is there anybody, outside of the douche bag Red Sox and Yankees fans, who is not rooting for the Tampa Bay (don't call them Devil) Rays? Those dudes love to scrap.

And yes, that girl in the picture is who you think it is.

The Rays brawled with the Yankees in Spring Training. And yesterday, they brawled with the Red Sox after Coco Crisp couldn't take his beaning like a man. Crisp had a hard slide into second base on Wednesday that could have been considered dirty. The Yankees and Sox have taken liberties with the Rays before, so you can't blame them for retaliating against Crisp on Thursday. James Shields hit Crisp in the legs. Not in the head, as he probably deserved. Crisp should have done the right thing and just ran to first base.

But this being an entitled member of the Red Sox, he had to charge the mound. Thankfully, he was beat down nWo style by the Rays. Major League Baseball should suspend Crisp for a month. If you are going to dish out the hard slides, you had better be able to back it up. Not following the code of baseball is inexcusable.

And speaking of Boston, congratulations on your Game 1 victory over the Lakers. Allen Iverson believes that you guys are looking pretty good.

Well, probably not.

Tell that the Celtics had to go to the "fake injury" card so early in the series. They should have at least waited until Game 5 before going to that. Shawn Michaels and soccer players feel that Paul Puss might have gone a little too far over the line with his antics.

What will the Cellbitch do for an encore?

The team will likely announce, prior to Game 2, that Kevin Garnett has been killed in a car accident. Then Paul Bearer will bring an urn onto the court before tipoff and then, suddenly, K-G's music will hit and he will drop into the arena like Sting did during his WCW days. (Or this being the Celtics, it will likely end up like Owen Hart.) Because really, those are about the only options left for the Cellbitch at this point.

Boston has used all of its ploys and received a series worth of miracle shots to fall in. The Irish ain't that lucky. Look for Phil Jackson to make the adjustments, Kobe to hit a few open shots and this series will turn into a laugher.


From our friend Shane at The Wade Blogs:

Thursday, June 05, 2008

The Series is Finally Starting

What a great time to believe alive. The Lakers and Celtics are in the NBA Finals. Iron Maiden is on tour. And there is an Indiana Jones movie in the theaters. I love the 1980s. Maybe CBS should take a cue from this and put Game 1 on tape delay. Although, with the long wait between the conference finals and NBA Finals, it only seems like the movies have been on tape delay.

While the NBA is reliving one of its best rivalries, why don’t you all take a chance and look at some of the top playoff rivalries in NFL history.

Wednesday, June 04, 2008

Most Contemptible Celtics, Part II

Let's cut the chitchat and get right down to business. Boston Celtics are douche bags, here are the five biggest.

5. Red Auerbach. Kind of a coin toss here. Are you happy that Auerbach went to the grave knowing that his beloved Celtics had become the laughingstock of the NBA? Or do you wish he could have survived long enough for him to see Phil Jackson win his tenth title NBA title? One more than Auerbach won. Well, won is kind of a strong term. Bill Russell took over for Red after his retirement and won two consecutive titles showing that Auerbach's influence was negligible. There is almost a hope that the Lakers will wrap this series up in six games so Jackson can light a cigar in the Boston Garden locker room.

4. M.R. Carr. Quick think of one great play that M.R. Carr made during his career. Can't do it, can you? But you certainly remember him waving that towel and acting like an a-hole during during those playoff serious. They say that the Celtics didn't get cheerleaders until recently, but what they mean is female cheerleaders. Carr was said to be disgusted that he had to actually wear a basketball uniform because he wanted to dress up in a Celtics costume because he was more of a mascot than player. Carr would rate higher on this list, but he did contribute mightily to the Celtics' decline with his inability to coach. That drops him a few spots.

3. Kevin McHale. Maybe he should rate higher on the list because he's the kind of guy that continued to be hateable from playing career through his executive career. McHale was one of those a-hole players that liked to clutch and grab, pulling out all of the dirty tricks of your typical WWF heel. In fact, McHale was once rumored to have punched James Worthy in the face with a pair of brass knuckles that he kept hidden in his shorts. McHale also had those long arms and slumped shoulders that made him look like a trained baboon, leading many to believe that he is the missing link. GM McHale refused an offer of Lamar Odom and Andrew Bynum for Kevin Garnett this offseason, settling for a box of Red's old cigars and a towel from Carr. Not that it matters. Pao Gasol is a much better fit for the Lakers and he likes to play in the fourth quarter so it's a double bonus.

2. Danny Ainge. If there was one movie character that was clearly patterned after Ainge, it would have to be Grover Dill from A Christmas Story. You remember, the little runt that hung out with Scott Farkas. Ainge was the proverbial little guy that hung out with the bully, but was kind of a (kitty cat) on his own. Yeah, Ainge was a tough guy when McHale, Robert Parrish and the rest of the goons were there to protect him. But the guy turtled when push came to shove. Ainge once tried to scuffle with Tree Rollins by calling him a sissy, knowing that he would be backed up. He once tried to fight with Michael Jordan proving to be one of the biggest female dogs in NBA history.

1. Len Bias. Sure, he might not have actually played with the Celtics. But his death gave Celtics the built in excuse as to why the team missed the NBA Finals for the last 20 years. Yes Boston fans, the Celtics would have been so great because no first overall pick has ever been a bust. Please, only Boston fans could take a tragedy and use it like an excuse for failure. Who do they think they are, the President?

Tuesday, June 03, 2008

Was It The Bugs?

The much anticipated starting debut of Joba Chamberlain didn't go quite as expected for the Yankees as he left the game in the third inning. Nobody saw that coming, right?

Will ESPN be giving more round-the-clock updates on how Chamberlain deals with this latest setback? Given the amount of coverage for a young pitcher on a last place team, there is no way that he could have succeeded.

Adam Sandler was on the Jim Rome Show on Tuesday and said that Joba reminded him of a young Roger Clemens. And if that is the case, you have to imagine that Chamberlain is coping with this loss in the arms of an underage country singer.

Monday, June 02, 2008

Most Contemptible Celtics, Part I

The great thing about the Boston Celtics in the 1980s was that they were some how able to gather the biggest douche nozzles in the NBA all on one team. Even on the most despicable of NBA teams, you can find maybe a guy or two to admire. Not so much with the Celtics. Then again, this was likely just a reflection of Boston fans in general.

In honor of this impending Lakers vs. Cellbitch series, The Hater Nation will introduce the 10 most contemptible Celtics ever. EVER. And really, it was a lot of work just getting this list down to 10. This easily could have been 100.

10. Bill Walton. The annoying Boston fans won't make this list, so Walton will have to do. Fitting though, considering that Walton was more of a spectator during the 1987 NBA Finals. The image of Walton pumping his fists in the air after made baskets like some obnoxious fanboy was enough to make you want to cripple the man. Thankfully the man years of playing in the NBA took care of that. And don't think it goes without noticing that he stole money from the Clippers for years as a broadcaster and a player. Only to leave the Clippers and have a career year in 1986. The Lakers could have had Walton that season, but Jerry West made the right call. Better to lose without Walton than to win with him.

9. Dennis Johnson. The most jarring feature of DJ -- other than his huge ass that he seemed to enjoy thrusting into Magic Johnson a little too much -- were those dark circles under his eyes. You could take one look at those thick black eyes and imagine that it was your fists that actually had done the damage. Dare to dream.

8. Their stupid announcer. This a-hole had the kind of voice you would imagine Marge Schott would have if the former Reds owner was a woman. Seriously, did somebody shove a stick of sandpaper down his throat? Did he just suck the exhaust straight from busses? Some people have had the audacity to compare him to legendary Chick Hearn. Outrageous. Hearn actually was a unbiased announcer that wasn't affraid to criticize the Lakers. Hell, when the team honored Hearn during halftime of a game that the Lakers were losing, Chick made a quip that the Lakers should break out the Alpo because they were playing like dogs. This schmuck was nothing more than a Boston ball washer. No wonder they loved him.

7. Greg Kite. Hard to believe that anybody who averaged less than 3 point per game could draw such ire. But does anybody disagree with this?

6. Tommy Heinsohn. He was the Joseph Goebbels of the Boston Celtics, and CBS gave him a job calling the games on national telecasts. Seriously. That would be like CBS hiring Adam Gadahn to narrate a documentary on 9/11. Kevin McHale would deliver blows to James Worthy and Kurt Rambis that would make Kimbo Slice blush, and there was Heinsohn defending the moves by saying that it was just good basketball. Easily the worst announcer in the history of basketball. And that's quite hard to do considering all of the d-bags that the ESPN employs.

Part II, tomorrow.

We Don't Need Football That Bad

Ed Roski's new stadium is obviously having the desired effect that the NFL likely wanted. More and more, cities are using the "LA Threat" in an effort to extort public money for new stadiums. The latest: San Francisco.

We did mention San Francisco as a possibility when Roski's stadium plan was first introduced. But nobody thought they would ever go through with it. And really, nobody is going to believe that they will go through with the threat.

To be truthful, though, if it comes down to having a team in LA and having that team be the 49ers, then save your (expletive) time and money. Nobody wants the 49ers down here. Not even the 50,000 bandwagon jumpers who filled Anaheim Stadium during the 1980s want the 49ers down here. (They obviously can't remember where they stored their old Joe Montana jersey.)

Though, if they wanted to say, end the 49ers franchise and start a team like Raven did in Baltimore, then that is an interesting idea, but not a good one. The 49ers organization blows and is all sorts of evil. But they have so much history that it would be a shame to seem them go. Kind of like the way most of us still wish the Soviet Union was still around. For a historical perspective.

The vote here is to stay in San Francisco and continue to suck. With Mike Martz as your offensive coordinator, that shouldn't be much of a stretch.

Sunday, June 01, 2008

The Post Mortem

When did the Lakers get all of the white guys? Doesn't anybody care about tradition anymore?

How are those bandwagon Cellbitch fans supposed to know who to root for? There will be countless thousands of Cellbitch fans tuning into a game for the first time this season who will be shocked to see all of those white dudes actually playing for the Lakers.

And not to mention the shorts. The last time most of these Boston fans actually cared about basketball, the players wore Daisy Dukes and Converse was actually the cool brand.

To be honest, all of those crusty old guys in the Hyannis Port country clubs just aren't going to know what to do.

Which was the bigger rally, being able to come back from a career night at Taco Surf on Friday to get up the next day to go big again at the Iron Maiden concert, or the Angels recent string of rallies? The concert right? Alright, the Angels thing might be a little bit more impressive. The Rally Monkey had looked like an endangered species in recent years, but he is alive and well. We just started June, so we can save the comparisons to 2002, but this season is a lot of fun so far.

The most amazing thing is that the team is doing it without its full compliment of players. Howie Kendrick finally returned to the lineup. (Though, as Matt P. point out, he could be out for the season after being hit by a pitch in the ninth inning.) Chone Figgins hasn't been on the field in a long time. This could be a special season if they could just stay on the field.

Speaking of Iron Maiden, they left no doubt who the kings of heavy metal are. Anthrax -- with a new singer who looked a lot like the dude from Creed -- put on an excellent show Saturday night. If you would have been satisfied if you had paid the $60 to just see Anthrax. (Well, if you are in to that sort of music, which obviously not all of you are.)

But Anthrax was that good. But in comparison to Iron Maiden, it's just no contest. That's no shot at Anthrax, but a testament to just how good Maiden is. Even a first-time to the Maiden shows were impressed that this band can still bring it after all of these years.