Friday, February 29, 2008

The Weak Ender

There is a new CR in charge of the St. Louis FC, Chip Rosenbloom who told the St. Louis Post that he plans on keeping the football team. Rosenbloom called the St. Louis FC a "family business," much like the Bada Bing was a family business for Tony Saprano. Too bad nobody thought to ask Chip's half-brother, Steve, what he thought of the family business seeing that Georgia ran him out of there.

Chip says that he wants to honor his mother's legacy by returning the St. Louis FC to greatness. If he really wanted to honor her, Chip would find a way to fleece St. Louis of more millions, bankrupting the city before fleeing for a big-money deal in Las Vegas. Sin City, not Los Angeles, would be a fitting tribute to both his parents as his dad was a notorious gambler and his mother was as notorious showgirl.

And hey, maybe they can build a new stadium out in the mob's old graveyard as one last fitting tribute to the way his mother ended his father's life. Interestingly enough, Chip was the last person to see Carroll alive before his mother sent in her hitmen to take care of his old man. How Chip has survived this long without therapy is a mystery.

You might ask yourself what Lisa Guerrero has to do with any of this, well she was once an LA Rams cheerleader. And let's just say that you don't want to dig too far into a Google search with key words, "Ram" and "cheerleader."

AND FINALLY
Alright, you have probably already seen this, Sara Silverman's confession to having an affair with a movie star.



But in case you missed it, here is Jimmy Kimmel's rebuttal. Hilarious and you really have to admire the star-power behind this.

Thursday, February 28, 2008

It's A Conspiracy

Maxim magazine gave The Black Crowes' new album, Warpaint, a negative review in its most recent magazine. (That leading many to ask, Maxim magazine is still around? Seriously, didn’t they go out of business like five years ago? The only seem to market to plump public servants in Portland.)

The only problem with the review is, well, the Black Crowes didn't hand out any advance copies. In fact, the band only released one single. The magazine instead made an "educated guess," on what they thought the album was going to be like.

Did they get Nickelback and the Black Crowes confused or something? You can make an educated guess that Creed's new album is going to be horse (bleep), but the Crowes have earned a reputation.

In fact, you should only make "educated guesses" in certain case.

  • That chick on the phone that sounds hot, isn't. Especially if she's from Boston.
  • The Raiders will have another losing season.
  • And any movie with Michael Ironside is going to be money.

And that's about it. You could probably blame ESPN’s Sports Dork Bill Simpson for this. As his influence of lazy journalism is ruining the written world. Not that Maxim is know for its snappy writing.

Maxim issued this apology following the bogus review.

Maxim editorial director James Kaminsky responded Tuesday with this statement: "It is Maxim's editorial policy to assign star ratings only to those albums that have been heard in their entirety. Unfortunately, that policy was not followed in the March 2008 issue of our magazine and we apologize to our readers."


Wow, that almost seemed sincere. My apology after telling a former supervisor, "you are not good at your job and nobody wants to work with you," had way more feeling. Needless to say, the Crowes weren't impressed.

“In my opinion, Maxim’s ‘apology’ is self-serving damage control by failing to mention The Black Crowes. The appropriate action from Maxim is to immediately issue a public apology to The Black Crowes for disparaging both the band and their soon to be released new album ‘Warpaint’ without having heard the material.”

Yes Maxim, why not going back to being a cheap knockoff of Playboy, but without the literary excellence or, you know, actual reviews of music and movies.

Wednesday, February 27, 2008

What's Up With Irvine PD?

The Irvine Police Department has issued an arrest warrant for Angels World Series hero Scott Spiezio on six charges stemming from a drunk-driving crash in December. Drinking and driving is wrong, but this is the Sand Frog we are talking about.

Why does the Irvine PD hate the Angels? LA lets its football heroes murder their ex-wives, and Irvine can't look the other way for the guy who helped deliver the Angels their only World Series title?

Hell, Troy Glaus could show up and burn down the Shorehouse and the cops wouldn't even make a token arrest. This is just weak, Irvine PD. But at least it's better than the stuff that the department normally does. Or so we hope.

Can Anybody on the Chargers Throw?

Chargers quarterback Philip Rivers has the worst throwing motion of probably any quarterback in the NFL. But at least he doesn't have the worst throwing motion of any player on the Chargers team.

At least that is what this video from Mr. Irrelevant shows us.



Saying that Merriman "throws like a girl" is a little bit harsh. Maybe he was standing on a metal bench or something. But it is safe to say that the Chargers probably won't be calling any linebacker options in the near future. And really, passing ability isn't one of the things that you would look for in a linebacker anyway. Thankfully.

Monday, February 25, 2008

THN's Take on Immigration

The hot-button issue for the presidential race is immigration and securing our nation’s borders. Well, at least the border that keeps Mexico out.

And this needs to stop. I would like to jump on the border at Otay Mesa and demand -- much like Ronald Regan once did -- that we "tear down this wall." Mexican people are useful for our society. The contribute. And hell, what would the Raiders attendance be without them?

THN would like to advocate erasing the borders and allowing peaceful people to cross our border (as illustrated below).




However, we do need a wall to preserve our way of life. We need a wall to keep out the scourge of society and leave the most dangerous immigrants in the dirty crap factories that they crawled in from.

In other words, we need a wall to keep New Yorkers and Bostonians the hell out.


Is it impossible to think of a world where New Yorkers and people from Massachusetts actually lived in New York and Massachusetts? Hell, I'd be a Minuteman on that wall, shooting any greaseball in a Jeter jersey making a dash for the border.

It's not like we are racist against those from the Northeast. Hell, some of our best friends are from New York and Boston. But they are some of the good ones. Most of these dirty immigrants sneak into California, Arizona and Colorado, steal our jobs, send their illiterate kids to our schools, and clog our freeways. They have their own place to live, so they should just stay there.

Hell, a lot of them can't even speak proper English. They show up at our sporting events talking about the Gawhden or the Monstah or the Bronx like its some great place. Well this is America, and you a-holes can either love it or leave it.

INS could have camped outside Staples Center last night to round up all of the front-running greasebacks who didn't care about the Celtics a year ago. They should send a green truck right down to the Sports Dork Bill Simpson's house and make him the poster boy for Northeastern deportation.

We deserve to live in a world where we can go to an Angels baseball game and not sit next to some drunk a-hole from New York and Boston who badmouths our country, throws f-bombs and won't honor our flag.

And there are some in the movement who believe that the new border should be extended even more:






But that may be getting a little ahead of ourselves. Although, college football already seems to have unofficially enacted that border.

Nobody wants to get political, but this just had to be said.

McFadden Already Performing at NFL Level

Darren McFadden is already performing like an NFL superstar. And it has nothing to do with his 4.27 (or was it 4.33) 40-yard dash. Evidentially, McFadden already has been hit with a paternity suit and has two other children on the way. So when they compare McFadden to Travis Henry, it has nothing to do with the running back position. In fact, McFadden could be the guy to break Henry's NFL mark and also could cross the sports boundries to challenge some of the best in sports history such as Steve Garvey and Shawn Kemp.

But give the guy a break. He is from Arkansas. Having only three kids by the time he is 20 is well below the state's average.

McFadden is the kind of guy you want on your team, however. With that many mouths to feed, you know that he is going to be motivated. Although, you can feel the Falcons' reluctance to draft McFadden seeing that they had a little trouble with another player who liked to spread his seed without protection. But they can turn this into a marketing tool and could become the first NFL team sponsored by the RU486 pill.

Sunday, February 24, 2008

The Post Mortem

Californians don't drive in the rain. So it seems fitting that NASCAR delayed its race in Fontana on Sunday because there was rain on the track. Way to perpetuate that stereotype, Nascar.

Not only should they hold NASCAR races in the rain, they ought to soak the track when it isn't raining. Listen, if we are forced to dodge these transplanted a-holes from Boston and New York on the 405, then Tony Stewart can go out and drive when it is slightly misting. And you thought baseball players were soft.

Sure, the drivers are going a little fast, but it's only water. Butch up a little bit. The race was just getting good ... we had a fire going and they had to go and postpone the thing.

Speaking of people going fast, Arkansas running back Darren McFadden ran a 4.27 40-yard dash at the scouting combine. McFadden was believed to be falling down draft boards recently, but this will likely put a stop to it. There always will be calls for McFadden to be the top pick in the draft, especially after six teams passed on Adrian Peterson last year.

Peterson walked into the perfect situation in Minnesota. The Vikings have one of the best offensive lines, so having one of the worst starting quarterbacks in the NFL didn't hinder Peterson. The Dolphins are going to need to pass on McFadden because he would likely get killed behind their offensive line. The only way McFadden can go first overall is if somebody moves up to get the top spot. (And the Cowboys are believed to covet McFadden, shades of Tony Dorsett maybe.)

  • Are they still waiting for the rain to stop in Fontana? Too bad, midnight racing would have been kind of cool. Watch out, though, there is still a surprisingly high amount of traffic at that time.
  • Your moment of Bish: Steve "The Bish" Bisheff has a blog on ESPN. Check that, he blogs for ESPN Radio 710 (and the Register wanted to sue over a guy that can't even get a gig at The Big Picture) and wrote a timely piece about college basketball only mattering during March. You might think that The Bish is staying ahead of the curve, but really, he was reporting on last year's March Madness. And how is it that Bish was the only guy in American not overwhelmed by the amount of advertising ESPN was doing? You'd think he'd try to keep up with that. And wait, if the Bish is writing at the 710 blog, does this mean that this isn't really the Bish?


AND FINALLY
Chris Berman finally came clean on those ESPN tapes that surfaced with a bizarre statement in the Miami Herald (from Sports By Brooks).

'It's almost as if what we would fight against as a country -- the Soviets spying -- it's almost like that's what everyone is doing,'' Berman said by phone Wednesday. ``What's said in the huddle, which is what I did, should be in the huddle.

First off, you are not an athlete, Berman. All you have done here is confirmed that you are nothing more than a glorified jock-sniffer. Somehow that makes it worse.

But you are right, all of this digging and tabloid reporting is a blight on society. So should we blame the 24-hour all-sports networks that show up at Terrell Owen's house during a contract dispute? Well done, a-hole.

Thursday, February 21, 2008

The Weak Ender

Say what you will about soccer, but the players have some hot wives. Maybe even better than the wives you find in the NFL who all seem to be some sort of generic blonde (except for Jeff Garcia’s wife). Seriously NFL wives come off some assembly line or sorority and are pretty indistinguishable. Blonde, perky and too many teeth. The soccer players, on the other hand, do much better. This exotic beauty of Liverpool's Peter Crouch is a lingerie model and is wearing a transparent dress.

Do you expect Gomer's wife to ever show up in a television commercial in a transparent dress? Hardly. (And thankfully, Brenda Warner keeps her clothes on.)

The point to all of this is that the Champions League is currently underway. And while my interest in this event will likely wane because the Lakers are good now, there were some spirited matches this week. The only puzzling part is how this whole thing works.

On the surface, the Champions League appears to be some sort of exhibition between teams. (And here I thought it was called the European Cup.) Like if the Angels took a week off in June to play the Cuban national team. And hey, that might be cool. The whole thing is entirely confusing but much better drama than, say, the NFL scouting combine.

Not sure who actually sits down and watches the combine, but they are likely some sort of loser. Unless you have found a way to wager of player’s 40-times, please explain the appeal of this event. Especially when all of these hot soccer wives are running around, the NBA is back and college basketball is heating up.

And yes, you should already be watching college hoops now. Remember when you were in Las Vegas last year and you swore that you were going to pay attention to college hoops this year? That time is now.

Thanks to With Lethur and on 205th for the photos.

TAYLOR GOES DANCING

Dolphins defensive end Jason Taylor will be giving up some of his teams mini-camps and will be fox-trotting around with this chick as he will be a cast member of Dancing With the Stars.

And you can probably blame Michael Strahan for showing the world that the offseason is relatively meaningless. Only Taylor will be hanging out with chicks.

Some people are calling Taylor a sissy for dancing. But they called Peter Brady a sissy for being a member of the Glee Club, but Rosey Grier set them all straight.

Speaking of Dolphins defenders – or at least former players – Zach Thomas is believed to be close to signing a deal with New England. Which makes a ton of sense because Thomas is finally old enough to play linebacker for the Patriots. Has there been a washed up linebacker that New England has said no to?

AND FINALLY
Jessica Simpson says that she and Tony Romo could be getting married sometime soon. Yes, tame your excitement. Romo seems to be challenging Cardinals quarterback Matt Leinart for the coveted award of most time spent on TMZ without a single playoff win.

The Hatriot had a pretty amusing anecdote about Romo and hopefully he will repeat it in the comments, because I could never do it justice.

Wednesday, February 20, 2008

Where's My Lakers Car Flag?

Do you suppose that Kobe Bryant is whispering, "Karma is a (female dog) to the prone Raja Bell? Boy that couldn't have happened to a nicer guy.

Can't wait to see all of the editorials on Thursday calling out Kobe for all of his "ball-hogging" as he scored 41 points in the Lakers win over the Suns. Of course, those points don't seem so disproportionate when Pao Gasol scores 29 and Lamar Odom scores 22. That's 93 points for the Lakers big three, and Andrew Bynum is still a few weeks away from returning. Funny remember people killing Lakers management for not trading Bynum and keeping that "bust"Sasha Vujacic (who scored 15 points last night)?

The image of the NBA turned on one night. Remember when teams playing back-to-back nights were almost a given to lose on the road? And a 130-124 game typically meant triple overtime.

This almost makes us miss the XFL a little less.

It's Officially the Offseason: A Raider is Arrested

The offseason is officially underway now that the Raiders have secured their first arrest. Cornerback Fabian Washington was arrested on domestic battery charges and released on bond.

The Raiders have become one of the worst franchises in NFL history and are only a shell of their former glory. And that's just in the off-the-field jurisprudence. There was a time when seemingly all NFL arrests and domestic violence charges came from the Raiders. Now they are being lapped by teams such as the Tennessee Titans, Atlanta Falcons and Carolina Panthers.

Back in the glory days, if the Titans had a cornerback who shot a bouncer, the Raiders would shoot five. If a Falcons quarterback ran a dog-fighting ring, the Raiders would have cock fighting at practice.

And seriously Washington, this was only barely domestic violence.

The woman, however, said Washington grabbed her from behind and "backpedaled" her away from the couple's baby. The deputy said he observed "slight red marks" on the victim's neck and that Washington was arrested.


Backpedaled? Like the thing that Robert Gallery can’t do? That's what counts for Raiders violence now? Jim Otto's bloody knuckles are rolling in his grave right now.

Tuesday, February 19, 2008

Huge NBA Announcement

Yours truly intends to watch a regular-season NBA game. That's right, a regular-season NBA game.

David Stern might be the best commissioner in all of sports. He has found a way to contract NBA teams without actually contracting teams. He has turned Memphis, Miami and New Jersey into farm teams for the NBA elite. And that's a good thing.

Spreading the wealth among six-to-eight NBA teams is probably the best thing they could have done. The league's agenda to get Boston back to the top of the NBA Eastern Conference has worked out better than anybody could imagine. But the move to get Pao Gasol to Los Angeles was truly genius.

That forced the Suns to acquire Shaq and the Mavericks to go out and get Jason Kidd. (Hey, maybe they should have just kept Steve Nash.) This is just absolutely brilliant. A regular-season NBA game hasn't been an event since Magic Johnson first made his comeback. Now, there are going to be an overwhelmingly large number of people watching Wednesday night's game between the Suns and Lakers.

And the best part? The NBA isn't burying this game on some seldom-watched network that nobody could subscribe to. You are actually going to be allowed to see this game because the league isn't involved in some tinkling contest with the cable companies to see who will blink first.

Imagine that. A league that wants everybody to see its best players and most interesting games. This is where amazing happens.

Andy Pettitte

Greetings, it's your old pal McLean Stevenson here, the king of career choices. Being the king allows me to make fun of other people who are making bigger mistakes than I ever did. This is the part where I would link back to my own personal blog, but I don't update it because I have a life. Just kidding. It's because I'm dead, people. How do you still now get this?

Andy Pettitte – to coin a phrase from Johnny Dangerously – is trying to go legit. Pettitte read an apology for HGH use that probably even Amy Fisher felt was kind of insincere. Pettitte is going the anti-Pete Rose route by trying to be accountable for his actions.

And that’s what you always hear from sports broadcasters and writers; America is a forgiving culture. Admit that you are wrong and all is forgiven. Just look at Jason Giambi. He never hears steroids chants anymore.

The feeling is that Pettitte, because of his admission, will receive better treatment than his lover Roger Clemens, Barry Bonds, Eric Gagne and Rafael Palmeiro. And that’s true. Mainly because those guys are stars.

The thing that rubbed me the wrong way, however, as that Pettitte said that he didn’t use HGH to gain a competitive advantage. Uh, then why did he use it? Does he not know what HGH was supposed to do? Either Pettitte is still lying about his intentions or he is a complete moron.

The guy does play for the Yankees so the later isn’t out of the question.

Pettitte did point out that HGH was not banned from baseball. But obtaining it without a prescription is. Carrying a concealed handgun might not be against the rules of baseball, but that doesn’t mean you can gun down a runner after he hits one up the middle. Pettitte cheated to get ahead. Until he is willing to admit that much, I will have to give him a thumbs down.

Monday, February 18, 2008

Lohan Poses Nude

Lindsay Lohan is paying homage to Marilyn Monroe by recreating her last nude photo shoot. You mean Lohan’s alcohol and drug abuse was not an homage to Ms. Monroe?

You really have to admire the brass pair exhibited by Lohan’s publicity team. Your star client has been traveling down the road of destruction faster than Princess Di fleeing the paparazzi and this is the idea that you come up with? This is like some Saturday Night Live skit (if that show was still on the air).

Why not have Lohan go all the way, bang the Bush brothers and then have her hang out with Peter Lawford’s kid? Congratulations to all of you who took Lohan in your celebrity death pools.

More photos.

Sunday, February 17, 2008

Messiah as Madden Cover Boy?

Lil' Hater still hopes to wake up one day to find out that the 2007 NFL season was just a bad dream. But the reality is that it is going to get a lot worse. Many reputable websites such as Deadspin and the like are reporting that Eli Messiah could be the Madden 09 cover boy.

And you know what? That makes perfect sense.

If there has ever been an NFL player that exudes the qualities of a video game character, that would be Eli Messiah. Just look at his famous toss in the Super Bowl. How many times have played somebody who is able to shake a sack and just lob the ball up there for the receiver to make a miracle catch? Like a million? That was like a video game come to life.

Or what about the winning touchdown? Have you ever toggled through your defense and accidentally landed on your corner back when your opponent snaps the ball? What happens? You start rushing the quarterback (think your are the defensive end) and the receiver gets open for a touchdown.

Eli would be the perfect cover boy. Especially when you consider his doughy physique and bad posture. The Madden people should sign Eli to a lifetime contract.

Thursday, February 14, 2008

The Weak Ender

The best part of Sports Illustrated’s swimsuit edition, yes probably more so than the photographs, is the letters from women expressing their outrage over the issue.

Leering at women, the template reads, is not a sport. And if these women actually believe that, they aren’t doing it right. These letters to the editor have become a part of the sports culture, much like Raiders fans soiling themselves in a San Diego jail after being arrested for head butting a Chargers fan in the fist.

The only problem now is that nobody actually buys a copy of the swimsuit edition. Everybody looks at the pictures online. Now those letters are going to fall on blind eyes, much like Peter King’s rants about girls softball and coffee.

Thankfully, Time Magazine found an uppity female to express her outrage in a blog with the headline, “My company made me look at porn.” The author notes that she’s no prude. And that might be so. But you have to feel bad for her husband if this broad considers the SI swimsuit edition to be “porn.”

In other words, her face would probably melt like the dude’s in Raiders of the Lost Ark if she ever saw some of the stuff on Zach’s computer.

Hopefully she is playing dumb like Paris Hilton because you would really have to feel bad for a person that feels this way. If you feel that women shouldn’t be exploited in a men’s magazine, sure you can see that. But don’t try to pretend that your company is trying to peddle porn.

Maybe you should take a look around and notice that your industry is dying and were it not for the swimsuit edition your complaints would fall on the deaf ears of your AYSO carpool.

AND FINALLY
If there is anything to be outraged about, how about the photos of Jeff Garcia's pregnant wife? She isn't Demi Moore on the cover of Vanity Fair, but still. And besides, if you want to see some real "porn" you can just Google search his wife on the Internets to find more pictures of her that would probably send Lisa Cullen into hysterics. But try to find the ones pre-boob job, they are much better.

Wednesday, February 13, 2008

Clemens Could Learn From Belichick

Roger Clemens really needs better advisers. You never deny that you took drugs. Instead, you say "Oh man, I didn't know it was illegal to take drugs." That is what Bill Belichick is doing.

Of course, that doesn't work for everybody. Ignorance of the law is no excuse, unless you are an NFL head coach who has been caught cheating.

NFL commissioner Roger Goodell said that Belichick has always taped other teams. But instead of pulling a Clemens and going for the denial, Belichick acted like his sons do when they are holding a dime bag of weed -- they act like they did nothing wrong. And the best part? Goodell bought it.

Goodell said Belichick told him he believed the taping was legal; Goodell said he did not concur.

"He said that's always been his interpretation since he's been the head coach," the commissioner said. "We are going to agree to disagree on the facts."


Wait, what? They are just going to agree to disagree on the facts. Do you think that the Goldmans would have bought that act from O.J.? You see, O.J. believed that killing his ex-wife and her friend was legal. The basic laws of society did not concur.

"O.J. said that was his interpretation and we are just going to agree to disagree on the facts," Goldman said.

Unbelievable.

Somebody at SI is a Miracle Worker

Danica Patrick doesn't look horrible.

Patrick recently shed her racing suit for a bathing suit for the annual Sports Illustrated swimsuit edition. And surprisingly, it's not as horrible as you would think.

Patrick has traditionally looked about as sexy as a quarter of Quaker State in some of her famous photo shoots. Go Daddy and even Playboy couldn't get rid of that vapid stare that she normally has in her "sexy" photos. Patrick typically looks about as uncomfortable as Matt Leinart in a father-of-the-year contest in most photos. But photographer Ben Watts actually put some life into Danica's eyes and that is not an easy thing to do.

Now, you tend to get a lot of people bashing the SI issue because other magazines such as Stuff and Maxim publish this monthly. But those rags look like the underwear section of the Montgomery Ward catalog compared to what SI normally puts out. Even Playboy's recent photography can't seem to match what SI is putting out with the swimsuit edition.

Sports Illustrated is still the best at this sort of thing and almost makes up for the fact they still keep Peter King employed.

Tuesday, February 12, 2008

Drinking Island Style

After reading all of the comments in my absence, here is a quote from North Shore that all of you mainlanders can relate too. "You are so haole, you don't even know you are haole."

The Hatriot and Bain seen to think that my drink of choice is the lemon drop martini or Bailey's Irish Creme. But if you really want to know, you can't walk anywhere in Honolulu without having a "Lava Flow" shoved in your face. They don't even give you a lei when you get off the airplane, but they can't put a "Lava Flow" in your hand fast enough. You almost get the impression that they serve "Lava Flows" to kids at school instead of milk.

Like the Tequila Rose of the Islands.

Nobody is quite sure what the ingredients are in a "Lava Flow", but there is an additive that makes all of the crappy merchandise at the local ABC Stores look appealing. Consume a few "Lava Flows" and your entire family will soon be clothed in pooka shells and Hawaiian shirts. Or maybe it will mask the pain that your "Lava Flow" costs the same as a semester in junior college.

But be advised, don't walk into one of the local, non-touristy joints and order a "Lava Flow" unless you want to wear those pooka shells the same way a popsicle wears a stick. The locals only drink straight-guy drinks such as appletinis.

Monday, February 11, 2008

Good To Be Back

All-Star games often get a bad rap and a week in Hawaii has put that all in to perspective. Let's be honest, the Pro Bowl is never going to be confused with USC vs. Texas in the Rose Bowl. But the game isn't really that bad. Not that you would ever know because who watches this thing on television.

The capacity crowd at Aloha Stadium was enthusiastic and into the game. And judging from the tailgate parties, you would think that it was a regular season NFL game at nearly any stadium in America. Well, outside of Oakland because there weren't any fights. And certainly not St. Louis because there were actually fans.

One of the biggest surprises was the large number of people who actually travel to Hawaii for the game. And if you think about it, if you are a big football fan and want to plan a trip to Hawaii, the Pro Bowl seems pretty logical.

Which means that it would be pretty illogical for the NFL to move the game out of the Aloha State. The NFL has kicked around the idea of holding the Pro Bowl on a rotating basis which would be horrible. You can hardly get players to show up now, good luck getting them to an Indianapolis Pro Bowl. There also is a possibility that the Pro Bowl could be held a week prior to the Super Bowl at the host site, filling that dead Sunday.

Another brilliant idea.

You get the suspicion that the NFL is trying to strong-arm Hawaii into building a new stadium. Aloha State is pretty cool, but too basic to the fat-cats of the NFL and the spoiled media who is used to valet media parking. (Maybe they should get back to their roots and string a couple of high school games to get some perspective.) But it would figure that the NFL would stoop to stumping for a new stadium for a game they play once a year.

The players are in favor keeping it in Hawaii. Fred Taylor said after the game that he would have been disappointed if his one trip to the Pro Bowl would have been anywhere else buy Hawaii. Jeff Garcia said the same thing. Hawaii has the tradition, and sure, some players such as Brett Favre and Tom Brady might skip out, but (expletive) them. You didn't hear any complaints from the guys who showed up.

Keeping the game in Hawaii seems like the right thing to do. So look for the NFL to do the opposite.

Here are some random notes, though many of my brilliant thoughts were erased by a serious of beers consumed in the Pacific Ocean while getting a sun burn.

  • Chad Johnson made big news by shoving an NFL PR guy on Thursday. Thankfully the NFL PR guy was a huge douche bag so it was justified. Trust me.
  • The traffic in Hawaii can be pretty maddening. Like a freeway system was a mere afterthought. But nobody seems to give you much sympathy.
  • Being in Hawaii is like being a foreign country. There was nearly no coverage of Super Tuesday or the Shaq trade. Somebody asked me how Bob Dole was doing in the primaries. And most of them voted for Clinton, thinking that it was Bill.
  • Nearly every NFL player marveled at the athleticism of Antonio Cromartie. Well, expect for Gomer. Let's just say he wasn't really talkative when it came to Cromartie. He only acts funny in his television ads.
  • Garcia is pretty cordial with reporters, but you could tell that he didn't want to talk about his touchdown pass to Terrell Owens. He would have probably wanted to throw that to anybody else. Who says these guys don't want to win.
  • Holy hell, NFL cheerleaders wear a lot of makeup. Even the broads at the topless bar in Barstow feel that they cake on too much foundation.
  • Jared Allen was filming a PSA with a huge dip in his mouth. But he said it was cool because he smokes cigarettes in front of children, too. You can never really trust a man who doesn't drink, but Allen seems like an exception.
  • Believe it or not, but NFL players are actually less impressive when you see them in person. It's true.
  • Is Browns quarterback Derek Anderson going to become the NFL's version of Atlee Hammaker of the NFL? Nice performance. Remember this when he gets benched for Brady Quinn next year.
  • Norv Turner again relied on the field goal way too much. Turner turned into Marty in Hawaii and really worked his team to death. Mike McCarthy had a bunch of brief practices. No wonder the AFC seemed to mail it in at the end.
  • The coolest thing of the week, besides stepping on that sea urchin, was floating in the water on raft, drinking beers, and using a five-foot turtle as a table. Even one of the player's posse had to marvel at ability to take slacking to its highest level. Although the lesson for next time, bring a cooler with you.

Tuesday, February 05, 2008

Aloha!

The updates are going to be a little spotty this week coming from Hawaii. But hopefully we can get in some quick updates here and there. The most startling observation from practice is how short it is. The NFC was on the field for like 10 minutes or something. The players seem really happy to be on the field, but wanted to get the hell out of there as soon as possible. In other words, it would be perfect for Allen Iverson.

The most difficult thing to believe is that the Giants have one Pro Bowl guy. The Cowboys have like 50, the Browns (who didn't make the playoffs) have a bunch, and the Chargers had a lot of guys who didn't bother to show up. But you could almost sense that most of the guys were happy that the Giants won the Super Bowl. Well, except for Matt Light. He didn't seem to cool about it.

Sunday, February 03, 2008

The Messiah Has Risen

Welcome to the MWO -- the Manning World Order. Did you ever think you would live in a sports generation were both of the Manning brothers are winners, the Red Sox have won two World Series in the last couple of years and the Boston Celtics are good again. Like every truth you have ever known in the world of sports has been thrown out the window. Having Gomer break through two years ago makes the Messiah’s win a little bit more tolerable.

But not much.

As much disdain as most of you have for the Messiah, you have to give the kid his due as a Super Bowl champion and MVP. Not every quarterback in the NFL could scramble around and heave a ball into the air to have his receiver make a miracle catch. Not every quarterback in the NFL can complete a pass to Plaxico Burress when the defender has fallen to the ground. No, you have to give him his credit as an NFL quarterback and think of him among some of the great quarterbacks to win a Super Bowl such as Trent Dilfer, Brad Johnson and Mark Rypien.

You can no longer poke fun at the Messiah, as his name will go down with some of the greats who have won the Super Bowl MVP award, such as Larry Brown, Dexter Jackson and Desmond Howard.

Congratulations, Eli.

Saturday, February 02, 2008

Giants Will Win the Super Bowl

If you ever want to be a successful blogger, you need to make outlandish predictions and put that prediction in the title. That way, you get into search engines and all your readers see it an flock to it.

EDIT: Please don't read past this line. Thanks.

Can the Giants pull this thing off?

The NFL has had its share of Super Bowl upsets over the years. Not recently, unless you count the referees fixing a game for the Steelers and upset. But the truth is, there hasn't been a true feel-good underdog story since the Patriots defeated the St. Louis FC in Super Bowl 36. And there are a lot of similarities with the Patriots of that year and the Giants of this year.

The most notable is that the Giants lost to the Patriots at home during the regular season. Just as the host Patriots had lost to St. Louis FC during the regular season. And the Patriots came into Super Bowl 36 as huge underdogs just as the Giants are this season. Giants coach Tom Coughlin has often be maligned during his coaching career with the Giants, much like Bill Belichick was in New England. People forget the huge controversy that led up to Super Bowl 36, whether Drew Bledsoe would start over injured incumbent Tom Brady.

But here's the rub. The Patroits had the benefit of playing a game against Mike Martz. One of the worst head coaches in NFL history. A man who pissed away a budding dynasty so badly, even Barry Switzer feels bad for him. The Giants will not have that luxury this time. In fact, the Patriots have a huge advantage in coaching. And quarterbacks. When it comes down to it do you want to have Brady or Eli Messiah. (And speaking of Eli, why has the Super Bowl become like our presidential primaries? Can't we get another (expletive) family involved instead of a retread that isn't half as good as their brother/wife?)

The Giants have tried to convince us that they are going to win the game with the Reservoir Dogs outfits to Plaxico's prediction. But who are they trying to convince us, or themselves?

Patriots 42, Giants 9.