Thursday, January 31, 2008

The Weak Ender

Sadly, loyal THN readers, the Lingerie Bowl is no more. What are those Real World alumni going to do now? Or Big Brother. Not that it matters much, that Go Daddy commercial had it all over the Lingerie Bowl anyway, but still. You have to miss a game where the contestants actually seemed to care.

Compare that to the modern NFL. The Super Bowl has turned into a football convention and you almost feel that the players are relieved that they don't have to play in the game. They say the right things about wishing they were in the big game, or how hard it is to be in Arizona and not be playing. They are still wandering the media center being led through convention hall by corporate handlers shilling products to each other.

Like it's a football version of Amway.

Tony Gonzalez, for instance was hanging out with some sports drink bowling with peole on Wednesday. Shawne Merriman was shilling something. And then there's Gomer. You almost want to believe that he's upset about choking again in the playoffs, but he's out in Arizona goofing around. At least he's not trying to take the spotlight away from his brother.

Listen Gomer, you are still going to be in multiple commercials on Sunday. Just like the Messiah have his own chance to choke in grand fashion. Sheesh.

Side note: Eddie Guns probably wants one of these refs shirts, right?

THE GREATNESS OF THE RAIDERS
Speaking of players that clearly don't care, the Raiders are on the verge of hiring James Lofton as receivers coach. Too bad Lane Kiffin is the last person to hear about it. Lofton could one day be considered a replacement for Kiffin. Lofton has done the coaching dance and his window of opportunity to become a coach is closing. The Hall of Fame receiver would probably take the deal if he's offered.

Kiffin should embrace this. This will not hurt his legacy. Mike Shanahan lasted just over a year with Raiders and he did alright for himself. Kiffin should just get fired and then find a way to gravy-train a Hall of Fame quarterback to a couple of Super Bowl rings and then he can go 7-9 every season and still be considered a genius.

AND FINALLY
The Super Bowl pick will be coming later today or Saturday. But in the meantime, you might have missed this if you don't read Deadspin, With Lethur, FanHouse, Sports By Brooks, Awful Announcing, and pretty much any site other than ESPN. But this is too important to ignore. Kind of like the moon landing or something.

In fact, it's so important, make sure the children are around and watching this. If you are at work, make sure the volume is turned way up.

You Have Disrespected the Patriots

Plaxico Burress has disrespected the Patriots because of his 23-17 Super Bowl prediction. The Patriots aren't mad that Plax has picked the Giants to win. No, Tom Brady (in particular) is upset that he has predicted the Patriots to score only 17 points.

"We're only going to score 17 points?" a surprised Brady said Wednesday. "OK. Is Plax playing defense? I wish he had said 45-42 and gave us a little credit for scoring more points."

Brady does have a point, the Patriots have scored at least 20 points in every game this season. So that was a little disrespectful to the Patriots, leading people to believe that they will hold New England to only 17 points on a neutral field with two weeks to prepare. The vaunted Giants defense did limit the Patriots to a mere 38 points in the previous meeting.

The Giants were quick to come to Plaxico's defense, asking, should he predict the Giants to lose? Well, yes. Plaxico should come out and predict that the Giants are going to lose 62-0. Because it's much better to disrespect the Patriots rather than your own teammates. Besides, the Giants play much better when they want to spite one of their own. Have you noticed that the Giants run has been a big "F-You" to Jeremy Shockey and Tiki Barber? Maybe if Plax had picked the Giants to lose, his teammates would have responded the way that they have all year.

Come Plaxico, you have to be smarter than that.

Wednesday, January 30, 2008

Romo Is a Kitty Cat


The crowd Key Club in West Hollywood serenaded Cowboys quarterback Tony Romo by calling him a pussy.

The crowd also got upset when Tony wouldn't sing, too. Watch the video here. Jessica Simpson also got into the act, getting into a singing contest with the lead singer of Metal Skool. And of course, she was put to shame. Singing is hard when daddy isn't in the sound room mixing, right?

Tuesday, January 29, 2008

Oh Great, Media Day

Remember when Media Day was just sort of crazy? The event was kind of a circus, but people actually did some reporting back in the day. Now, everybody seems intent on just reporting the "zaniness" that is happening on Media Day. In other words, it's just a bunch of reporters talking about how crazy they are. Kind of like that dude in your office who has to talk about the bitchin' raging parties that he used to go to in college. Now it's a bunch of news agencies sending idiots to Media Day to act like idiots, and then sending other wacky reporters to report on how kooky their previous wacky reporter was.

Or something like that.

The whole notion of reporting on "the scene from Media Day" was actually put to bed by Tim Polzer when he dropped the mother of all Media Day stories back in the early part of this decade. (Sorry the NFL.com archives are kind of spotty.)

Randy Moss was sitting on the podium on Tuesday, spilling his guts about how he used to angry at football. How he had been waiting ten years for the opportunity. Moss was real and emotional.

So obviously he was ignored.

Instead, some broad in a wedding dress was trying to con Tom Brady into marrying her. Listen, Bridget Moynahan went to the trouble of getting knocked up and even then, she couldn't hold on to Brady. Showing up in a wedding dress isn't going to help.

Or what about this gem from Michael Strahan? "Jeff Feagles is so old, that when he punts, he farts dust."

Hilarious.

Why isn't he camping out for Last Comic Standing with the other comics? The worst part in all of this is that some sports writers laughed at this. Unbelievable.

Somebody did try to get some gap-tooth smack going with Strahan, asking who has the bigger gap in his tooth, him or David Letterman?

"SpongeBob does," he countered. "And don't forget Lauren Hutton and Madonna! Trust me, all the gap-tooth people, we stick together."

Uh, no Esther Rolle drop? Now that would have been funny. But farts dust ... that gets sports writers every time.

Next year for Media Day, it would be awesome if somebody showed up and did some actual reporting without mentioning what was going on. Maybe somebody will have something insightful to say. But you can't really count on it. When the league's official site is running Strahan's fart jokes, you know that the situation has gotten out of hand and there is no chance of it ever recovering.

Eli Doesn't Want to Be Mr. Pink

The Giants took a page from Reservoir Dogs and arrived in Arizona on Monday in black suits. How charming. The Giants wanted to show that they were all about business. That this game was nothing more than a business trip, or say, maybe a diamond heist.

And really, that’s cute. If you have twins.

Somebody might want to tell the geniuses from New York that the whole crew from Reservoir Dogs dies at the end. Nice work guys.

Monday, January 28, 2008

Rejected Prop Bets

The best part of the Super Bowl is the ridiculous prop bets. No, noot making them. You really have some sort of a problem if you are making prop bets during the Super Bowl.

And not in the good way.

You are probably the same guy who had a going-away party for the series finale of the Gilmore Girls. If you are going to play the game, just pick the winner, over/under, etc. like the rest of the men at the big table.

If you want to see some of the top prop bets, you can check out some of the most interesting ones here. But THN, being as dialed into Las Vegas as possible, has as list of some of the rejected props bets for Super Bowl 42.

How long is Joe Buck’s camera (expletive) monologue going to be at the top of the broadcast?

Over 2m27s (-115)
Under 2m27s (-115)

Number of U.S. viewers who will be watching the game feed on SAP instead of Buck.

Over 100m (-160)
Under 100m (-105)

The amount of dead air coming from Troy Aikman after another one of Buck’s non squitur.

Over 2h4m (-120)
Under 2h4m (-105)

Will Lavar Arrington run into the broadcast booth to end Aikman’s broadcasting career, too?

Yes (-114)

The Lakers play the Wizards on Super Bowl Sunday, leading to a number of possible prop bets. One that was rejected: Who will throw more passes on Sunday:

Kobe Bryant (-105)
Matt Cassel (-190)

Who will catch more passes:
Randy Moss (-210)
Kwame Brown (-105)
Pam Oliver (-92)


Eugene Robinson made Super Bowl history when he bartered a hooker with his NFL Man of the Year Award. So here are some of the odds of players being caught with a hooker during Super Bowl Week.

Eli Messiah 100-1
Tom Brady 240-1
Plaxico Burress 100-1
Junior Seau 250-1
Rodney Harrison 250-1
Chris Berman 2-1
Michael Strahan 10-1

Odds that Strahan’s hooker is a woman: 390-1
Odds that the hooker looks like Tom Brady: 2-1

Lil’ Hater, as you know, has a pretty extensive enemies list. The top of that list includes the Giants, Buck, Aikman and the Patriots. So which blimp will Lil’ Hater fly into the stadium, ala Black Sunday.

Goodyear (-110)
MetLife/Snoop1 (-110)

Janet Jackson made Super Bowl history when Justin Timberlake exposed her bare breast on national television. But who will likely have a wardrobe malfunction?

Eli Messiah 100-1
Tom Brady 250-1
Tom Petty 10,000-1
Bill Belichick’s modified hoodie exposing a bare breast: 2-1

Yes, that was rejected. Hard to believe, right?

This might be news to some Raiders fans reading THN, but the Raiders are not in the Super Bowl. It’s true, you can look it up. How many Raiders fans will be in the crowd on Sunday, believing that the Raiders are in the Super Bowl.

Over 1,000 (-150)
Under 1,000 (-150)

What percentage of those Raiders fans arrived in Phoenix via a Greyhound bus or via an underground tunnel from Nogales, Ariz.

Over 99 percent (-500)

Sunday, January 27, 2008

The Post Mortem

Lane Kiffin said that the first thing he was going to do after being hired as coach of the Raiders was to purchase tickets for his wife and children in the dreaded, “Black Hole.” Kiffin obviously had scouted the Raiders a little bit. Too bad that he was checking season ticket plans instead of finding out why the Raiders haven’t employed a coach for longer than two years since Jon Gruden’s run.

At least Kiffin will have a spot to watch the Raiders this season.

But what does that say about the Raiders? They are even firing season ticket holders now. Darth Raider, Gladiraider and Paroahraider are all likely trembling right now, fearing that they will be demoted to St. Louis FC fans. Kiffin should be so lucky.

Kiffin has become the scapegoat for trading Randy Moss, the lack of development of JaMarcus Russell and Norv Turner taking the Chargers to the AFC Championship Game. All while ignoring that Kiffin double Art Shell’s win total from a season ago.

Kiffin did persuade the brass to trade Moss, but what good was he doing in Oakland? They didn’t have a quarterback who could get him the ball. Who, however, was the guy who decided to send him to New England? The Raiders just piddled on themselves by making that move, conceding the AFC to the Patriots for at least one season. You don’t send a talent like Moss to a conference rival. Take a seventh-round pick and send him to the NFC.

This kind of thing wouldn’t happen if Al Davis was still alive.

The Raiders knew they were headed for a long holdout with Russell because, well, the Raiders are cheap and Russell wanted a lot of guaranteed money. Russell would have had a long holdout with anybody, but the Raiders exasperated the problem.

As for Norv? That is hard to explain. But Kiffin likely would have had that team in the AFC Championship Game, too.

The best thing Kiffin could do is let Davis twist in the wind, take his eventual buyout, and sit in the stands to make fun of Dennis Green like the rest of us will be.


  • Here’s a reason to hate the Super Bowl hype already. Tom Brady had to answer questions about his injured ankle and reassured Patriots fans that he would be out there on Sunday. Whew. Yeah, that was close. Philip Rivers played in the AFC Championship Game without an ACL. Brady was not going to miss the freaking Super Bowl with some sort of high ankle sprain. He's not LaDainian Tomlinson. Alright, cheap shot. But come on, let’s not go searching for drama. Media Day is going to blow.
  • The Chargers and Saints will be playing in the NFL propaganda game in England next season, about 20 times zones away. The game will count as a Saints home game, meaning that the Saints will only play seven games at the Super Dome, and one less week we have to see Harry Connick Jr.’s American Express ad. Who ordered the crawfish? This also means that the NFL is quietly weaning the Saints out of New Orleans so they can move them to Los Angeles. Where would they play in LA? Probably the parking lot of a WalMart because that is the only thing we allow to be built out here.


AND FINALLY

The NFL Players Association has approved of a new action figure for 2008. And well, as you can tell from the picture, there is some unfortunate timing to the releasing of this pose. This is not a joke. You can purchase this inaction figure at toy stores everywhere. Cape not included.

Yes, LT was hurt and there was nothing he could do to get back into the game. But damn, this is just more bad timing. Lighten up, people.

See you were warned about the Chunky Curse.

Props to The NFL Guru for finding a photo of this. Well done.

Thursday, January 24, 2008

The Weak Ender

Women's tennis is brining sexy back with a match that everybody wanted to see, Maria Sharapova vs. Ana Ivanovic in the finals of the Australian Open. While Major League Baseball and the NFL force-feed us this insipid Boston vs. New York rivalry over and over and over again, tennis gives us two hot chicks playing in the summer sun.

How can you not love women's tennis?

Thankfully these broads were able to dispatch the Williams brothers to give us this most desired match. Now, if it was only on at a reasonable hour where we could find it.

This week often gets a bad rap because the NFL season has come to close, but you should welcome it. No NFL this week means no Joe Buck, no Jim Nantz and no New York Giants. This might be the best week of the sporting calendar. Do any of you miss those thrilling Bengals vs. Dolphins matchups that the NFL was giving us each week? Thank God football is over. You would feel the same way if you had to watch the Kansas City Chiefs multiple times this season.

Some Hot Links (The Roast killed us)
And if you need it, here are 42 reasons to hate the Super Bowl.


For those of you who have fetishes about the Dallas Cowboys cheerleaders and pictures of chicks sitting on a toilet. Click here.

AND FINALLY
That's it folks, enough the weekend. Next week is going to be football overload (and we will be all over it). But before we go, one of our good friends reminds us that there is something to look forward to on Super Bowl Sunday.

Wednesday, January 23, 2008

The Roast of Georgia Frontandrearie

Georgia Frontandrearie was laid to rest in Los Angeles on Tuesday. And her body will be moved to Anaheim next week before the city of St. Louis shells out $100 million for it the following week.

Greetings ladies and gentlemen, my name is Dean Martin. Frontandrearie was laid to rest in a private ceremony that was attended by, well, nobody. But Georgia had a celebrity roast for her departed Carroll Rosenbloom (that she was an hour late to), so what’s good for the victim is good for the murderer, right?

So this is the roast for the murdering showgirl. Well, allegedly. Nobody is quite sure that she was a showgirl.

Frontandrearie embodied the American spirit and was a role model for young Midwestern sluts showing them that it was possible to sleep your way to the top.

They say Frontandrearie was a talented gal, but Tony Dungy and Kurt Warner are trying to get that talent outlawed in most states.

She had her legs spread wider than the Rams’ offensive line. She protected her vagina about as much as the Rams offensive line protected Marc Bulger.

Some say that Frontandrearie was the best female sports owner in history. Not much of an accomplishment when your only competition is Marge Schott. And even then, it’s a toss up. The only difference between the two was a face lift. But you have to give old Marge the benefit of the doubt for being as ugly on the outside as she was on the inside.

Frontandrearie was never in touch with reality. She thought that people hated her because she was a woman. But we really hated her because she was a (rhymes with bunt).

Think about this, you are the female owner of a professional football team and still nobody wants to (rhymes with buck) you. You should be every man's dream. But you get mixed up with Georgia and you end up like Martin Luther King when he delivered his "I had a dream" speech.

Not that Georgia hadn’t been married on numerous occasions. She married her first husband – a U.S. Marine – at age 15. He went off to World War II without consummating the marriage. But when faced with the prospect of dying in Europe or spending his life with Georgia, the young man swallowed a grenade.

The St. Louis FC media guide was always the last one to come out because Frontandrearie was so intent on photoshopping her picture. Too bad photoshop didn’t exist back when she was in high school. But then again, her prom picture was drawn on a cave wall.

But enough about that. Right now, we would like to invite to write for you, the greatest columnist in the history of the Orange County Register and probably the greatest sports columnist of all time. But unfortunately, Mark Whicker could not be with us here today. Instead, we invite Mr. Toupee himself, Steve "The Bish" Bisheff.

STEVE BISHEFF

Thank you Dean, I had no idea that you kept working after you left Jerry.

My name is The Bish, but you can call me the Barron of the Beaker as I prepare to drop mad science on your unwashed asses. Let me don the white lab coat and pump a little Morris Day and the Mother (expletive) Time as I regal you with stories about how great I am.

To really truly understand the Rams, you had to be there like I did. I was one of those crazed teenagers that clawed at Elroy “Crazy Legs” Hirsch that left him shorn in nothing but his undergarments following a late-season game in the 1950s. Of course, I was the only guy pawing at the famed flanker. Funny, that didn’t seem so weird at the times. There was just feelings that you never talked about. When Rock Hudson asked you to skinny dip in his Jacuzzi, you just did it.

But I was with the Rams all the way back to their days in Los Angeles and even in Orange County as I was one of the most electrifying columnists in the history of sports. I hung out with Fred Dryer, and nailed Stephanie Kramer in his dress room while he was on the set. I remember one owners luncheon where Georgia was a little too hopped up on Margaritas and she ran around the Hilton wearing nothing but my toupee as a merkin.

There was once a rumor circulating that Georgia had killed CR not just to take over the Rams, but because she wanted to get closer to yours truly. Unfortunately for her, I didn’t go for the Bea Arthur type. The Bish was always knee deep in Rams cheerleaders, often taking three or four of them in one night. It was once thought that the true initiation for being a Rams cheerleader was to spend a night with the Bish of two of her teammates. And those allegations are true.

That is what drove Georgia mad. She didn’t move the Rams because she wanted the money. She moved the Rams because it broke her heart that she could never have me. Moving them to St. Louis was a move just to spite me, the guy who really knew the Rams.

They say that hell have no fury like a woman scorned.

Thank you, Bish. Has anybody else noticed that The Bish was kind of like the Georgia Frontandrearie of sports columnists? Because he had to have killed somebody to have the longevity that he had.

Plus, he killed newspapers the way Frontandrearie killed husbands. The Herald Examiner went belly up once the Bish got a column. And the Register can't stop laying off people. Now he's trying to kill some small-time ESPN Radio website. Is there nothing sacred? The Bish is costing people their jobs.

But now, get ready for the man known as Mr. St. Louis -- which is akin to being known as Mr. Fallujah -- say hello to Jack Buck.

JACK BUCK

Before I get started, just let me say that if I had any idea how much of a pompous (expletive) my son Joe was going to grow up to be, I would have pushed his mother down a flight of stairs when she was pregnant with him. But believe it or not, my son is not the worst piece of (expletive) to come out of this (expletive) hole, we call St. Louis.

In fact, I’m not really did, but I just went into hiding because my son is such a (expletive). It is like the (expletive)-son protection program.

Just kidding, I’m really dead. In fact, I was laying on my death bed and I was thinking to myself, "Dear God, why are you doing this to me? Why can't you take my son, Joe? Really. Take him will ya? He's a piece of (expletive)."

The thing that finally pushed me over the top was having that (expletive) move her NFL franchise to St. Louis. We put up with the Bidwell’s (expletive), did we need this (expletive) coming to our God forsaken town? And while I’m at it, St. Louis has to be one of the worst sports towns in America. They always say that St. Louis has such great baseball fans. Bull (expletive). St. Louis sucks. The only reason the St. Louis fans are into baseball is because our idiots can’t understand soccer. If St. Louis was its own country, it would be a fourth-world nation. Ethiopia would be sending us wheat.

I swear to Goodness. The current football fans in town are already turning away from this team. It will serve us right if Chip Rosenbloom sells this team to a bunch of his Hollywood buddies, who will move it back to Los Angeles. And TransWorld Dome will be converted into the world’s largest WalMart.

Oh man, I’m so glad I cashed out.

Thanks, Jack. Speaking of Ethiopians, what's the deal with Ethiopian restaurants? They have a number of them on Fairfax and just what the hell do they serve there? Tumbleweeds? Maybe a bag of flour with a U.S. flag on it. I'm all for trying something different, but how many different ways can you serve marinated dirt? Is the food served by a bunch of children with bloated stomachs who have to balance a tray while swatting away flies? Does Sally Struthers run up and eat all of your food before you get a chance to?

I'm just asking is all. Now, ladies and gentlement, please welcome Lil' Hater. They say that Lil' Hater is the brains behind THN, but frankly, he seems more like the appendix.

LIL' HATER

Hey kids, it’s great to be here in St. Louis. Great town, great town. Although I was a little worried when I showed up at the airport, and the three chauffeurs assigned to driving us roasters over to the event were Josh Hancock, Tony LaRussa and Leonard Little.

Seriously, Leonard, did we really need to stop at the Beer Barn on the way over? It’s only 8am!

But hey, we made it here in one piece, and I’m sure you can’t prove that the blood on the front grill of the limo is human.

And they booked the event here in downtown St. Louis, at the fanciest and tallest building in this fine city. Classy move. I’ve gotta admit though, I was a bit winded after walking up those four flights of stairs to the top of the building. So I might have to keep my comments brief.

Where was I? Oh yeah, St. Louis – great town! I mean, Bill Bidwell thought it would be more fun to move to the middle of a desert rather than stay here, but what does that jackass know? It’s not like the NFL will ever pick his lousy town over this fine city to host the Super Bowl.

What?

Anyway, looking over the Members Only jacket-wearing crowd here in St. Louis today, and its obvious to see why Georgia picked this city to relocate her team.

She said, and I’m pretty sure this is a direct quote, “If you were an unattractive, worn-down stripper with a terrible personality and no class whatsoever, where in the U.S. could you possibly go where the local residents would still think of you as a good person, not just a tarted-up, money-grubbing, husband-murdering cow? Where in this country are people that freaking stupid?”

So anyway, it’s great to be here in St. Louis today. Lots of mullets in the audience, I see.

Hey, quiet back there. I don’t think I’m going over the line here. A lot of people back in SoCal said “Lil Hater, don’t do this roast, Georgia will have it out for you. I mean, we heard Satan was just found burned to death.”

Well let me tell you something, buddy: I was never afraid of Georgia. I’m a plastic bobblehead. I float.

Now, Georgia’s legacy in Southern California has been on my mind a lot recently this season. Pretty much every Sunday, when every f’ing Giants game is shown on TV out here, I think, man if only the Rams were still in SoCal, they’d have to show that NFC game, instead of this Joe Buck-televised monstrosity. Thanks a lot, Georgia. And they say bad things only happen to good people.

But enough about Georgia and St. Louis. Seriously, I’m already tired of this place. I’m outta here.

And my neighbor Mark McGuire asked me to pass on a message to the overweight half-wits who cheered him on in this godforsaken city, all those years: if any of you clowns try to sneak into Shady Canyon in hopes of meeting me, I’ll release the hounds on your ass.

Lil' Hater ladies and gentlemen. But be careful of Bisheff's piece. And I have been handed some sad news, folks. Theologians from a wide array of faiths were stunned by the news that
Satan, previously believed immortal Tempter of Souls and embodiment of evil, was found drowned in his own Lake of Fire today only 50 feet from his Throne of Lies... Surprisingly, Satan has willed Hell over to Georgia Frontandrearie who plans to move Hell to St. Louis. Hitler, Pol Pot and the rest don't know why they keep getting punished.

Right now ladies and gentlmen, we would like to bring to the stage a man known around Newport Beach as "The Iron Lung." He's a man you don't want to leave your lady alone with. Just ask Flea. Ladies and gentlemen ...

THE HATRIOT

Now, it would be easy to make fun of Madam Ram for her showgirl beginnings, her seven marriages or the two children she bore out of wedlock. I prefer to take the high road, however, and poke a little fun at her for her career as a home-wrecker, team-stealer, and killer.
Ah, memories… Georgia takes up with the married Carol Rosenbloom, owner of the Los Angeles Rams. Georgia persuades Mr. Rosenbloom to divorce his wife and marry her. Georgia drowns her husband and takes over the team, neatly cutting out Rosenbloom's son (by his prior wife) in the process. Now, I should note that Mr. Rosenbloom's death was officially declared accidental. If you believe that a competition level swimmer drowned in five feet of water off the dock of his own home (with Georgia as the only witness), then you might as well bail out O.J. and go search for the real memorabilia-jackers.

You know, our host once asked if the Rams faced the Raiders, who would you cheer for. I didn’t hesitate with my answer: If the Rams play the Raiders, you cheer for the blimp to crash into the stadium, enveloping the players, coaches, and fans in a horrific fireball. You also hope that Georgia Frontandrearie dies last, her lungs filling with puss as her withered, charred hand attempts to pull a quarter from the pocket of the lifeless season ticket-holder next to her.

That's how I prefer to remember Georgia- not as a ditzy, uneducated hose-monster, but as a scheming, morally retarded thief who was too lazy to steal the old fashioned way.

The Hatriot, folks. Give him a big hand. Just don't let him have a nip of that single-malt scotch. You don't want to know what will happen.

Now how many of you out there new that Georgia was born on a farm? Now it makes sense why she was plowed around. It's rumored that even Bea Arthur rode her like a rented mule.

That's it, folks. Thanks to everybody who participated and those of you that took the time to read down this far. God bless.

Monday, January 21, 2008

Dungy: "Gay Bashing Must Wait"

Tony Dungy will return to coach the Colts for one more season, saying that he has enough passion to balance the three loves of his life: family, football, and gay bashing. Dungy still has that competitive fire burning in him, and realizes that he still has plenty of time to go before he devotes his life to making sure that homosexuals do not have the same civil rights as everybody else.

"There is plenty of time to clean up those filthy queers," is probably what Dungy meant to say.

Dungy's announcement on the Martin Luther King Jr. holiday seemed very fitting, as the good doctor is probably very pleased that people like Dungy are totally mangling his message. Dungy also relishes the chance to prove once and for all that he is one of the most overrated coaches in NFL history. Hell, he lost to Norv Turner in the playoffs. That might be enough to motivate anybody to come back.

The Post Mortem

Oh, brother.

Leave it to the NFL to end up with the worst case scenario Super Bowl imaginable. Not satisfied with letting Major League Baseball soak up the Boston-New York rivalry, the NFL had to return in kind with a highly unlikely Super Bowl matchup. As Super Bowl scenarios go, this one ranks only above a St. Louis vs. Oakland finale. And not by much.

There are two favorable outcomes that could happen here. Eli Messiah will lose the Super Bowl and America's Soccer Mom will have another kid that routinely gets beat by Tom Brady. New Yorkers will have too suffer the indignity that they are indeed Boston's female dog. The 1972 Dolphins will have to go away. Forever. And Junior Seau gets a ring.

The other is that New England will become the first team in NFL history to finish a 16-game regular season undefeated, but lost in the Super Bowl. The Sports Dork, Bill Simpson, will have to write a whining column about the NFL fixing the outcome and then gloat about the Celtics.

To be honest, there is a compelling reason to root for both teams to lose. The snap judgment says to root against the Messiah. Rooting for New York just seems evil. Plus New Yorkers and the media will spend the next two weeks convincing America that the Giants have a chance. Hell, you will likely have the majority of football pundits picking the Giants to win outright. That will only make it sweeter when they lose.

  • Lil' Hater's text message following the game: Know any good flight schools in the Phoenix area? Seriously people, we've never heard of the guy. We might need to get out stories straight.
  • How many parents are allowed into an NFL locker room after a game? Is this a common practice? Because America's Soccer Mom could mug for the cameras enough. You almost expected him to jump on the podium and scream, "How about that Eli!"
  • So this is what happens when you believe in Brett Favre. The running game just didn't happen for the Packers. The Packers actually looked like the team that was out of place in the frigid weather. Very strange.
  • Thankfully Peter King and John Madden won't have to choose who to verbally felate the most, Favre or Brady.
  • Props to Gorgeous George for making the call and nearly nailing the final score. Maybe now he can let Johnny California slide a month on his rent. You can catch George's radio show here.

SAN DIEGO HAS A NEW LEADER
Philip Rivers has become the unquestioned leader for the San Diego Chargers. Rivers was listed as doubtful for most of the week, but was able to go out and play. And he didn't play poorly. Sure, he threw two interceptions. That was one less than Brady. The Chargers players, no doubt, noticed that Rivers was out there playing, but LaDainian Tomlinson was on the bench. Yes, LT was the benched because of a coach's decision. And the truth is, the Chargers were better off without him. Still, Rivers emerged as a leader in all of this while, sadly, LT's legacy is going to take a hit. (Fair or not.)

  • One of Rivers' interceptions was the fault of Chris Chambers who had position on the defender, but still let the ball get picked. Chambers really needed to make that play.
  • The play-calling seemed a little bit conservative. But Rivers was limited because of his injuries, while not having LT is a little bit of a disadvantage. Michael Turner is good, but he's not that good. The Chargers might have considered going for a touchdown in one of those red zone attempts. But you can see the logic for wanting to come out of each possession with some points. And with the way Brady was coughing up the football, an interception return for a touchdown seemed plausible. The only sequence that was truly puzzling was punting while trailing by nine with under 10 minutes left. But it's not like the Chargers were moving the ball that well up to that point. There just comes a time where you have to admit the better team won.
  • Mike Carey will be officiating Super Bowl 42, becoming he first effeminate referee to call a Super Bowl.

AND FINALLY
Don't believe that you have heard the end of Georgia Frontandrearie. We need something to do over the next two weeks. Although, why we rightfully bash Frontandrearie, we need to make sure that the LA Coliseum Commission receives its share of the blame. The commission lost the Rams, screwed the Raiders (that's cool) and could lose USC. Which seems unthinkable. They probably even had something to do with the XFL. So while we continue to skewer Frontandrearie, let's make sure we save some of that scorn for the Coliseum Commission that has left LA without an NFL stadium, costing the city numerous Super Bowls and a professional football team.

Sunday, January 20, 2008

Thanks for playing

You out-gained Georgia Frontandrearie by only 5 yards. Even Shaun Alexander feels like you should have gone back out there. Coach's decision or not, there will now be a stigma that haunts LaDainian Tomlinson. The image of him fighting with players after last year's playoffs combined with the sight of him sitting on the sideline huddled behind a coat does not paint a pretty picture.

But the good news is that Norv Turner will have him well rested for the Pro Bowl.

Friday, January 18, 2008

Georgia Getting the Front-and-Rearie in Hell

Pol Pot and Hitler will be tag-teaming that female dog by the time that you read this. My only regret, is that I didn't get a chance to marry her, drown her in the ocean and move the St. Louis FC to Los Angeles as I had always planned. But for you Olympic swimmers, it is now safe to go back into the water.

Lil' Hater has a warning for the captain who ferries Georgia over the River Styx ... Be sure to watch your back.

Anybody up for some drinks at the Shore House in Seal Beach? (Look for the fat guy in the Dickerson jersey.)

Thursday, January 17, 2008

The Weak Ender

How did the San Diego Chargers become the bad guys in the AFC Championship Game? Randy Moss hits a woman like he's PacMan Jones, but the Chargers are the bad guys. Kind of like when Otter walks into Delta House and finds out his fraternity has been expelled instead of the, "Hitler Youth" over at the Omega House.

Philip Rivers has become the poster child for Chargers bad behavior. AP writer Bernie Wilson devoted the majority of his Wednesday injury report to Rivers bad behavior while burying the news about LaDainian Tomlinson and Shawne Merriman. (Sorry Bernie, but we don't need your editorializing in AP stories.) ESPN even went so far as to compare Rivers to Ryan Leaf for crying out loud. You can say many things about Rivers, but realize that his children still wake up under the same roof that he does. Rivers never gave his supermodel girlfriend a pack of Marlboro reds to take care of another problem, either. (Just saying.)

And to top it all off, who the hell was caught cheating this season? The Patriots. Has the media run out of ideas and now must condescend to stealing ideas from Vince McMahon? Like the media has become so bored with the Patriots that they have to invent villains like the WWF did with the likes of King Kong Bundy, Big John Stud or Terry Funk.

  • Lil' Hater had a very sobering thought last Sunday. Eli Messiah and Norv Turner are 60 minutes away from the Super Bowl. There have been a number of nice redemption pieces about the Messiah and Norv this week. But really, would anybody be surprised if their respective teams were blown out on Sunday? And if they win, well, you get to hear Joe Buck call the action.
  • The Messiah also has struggled mightily in the cold weather and will likely become the worst cold-weather quarterback in playoff history since Dieter Brock. That's kind of ironic that the Messiah would struggle in the cold seeing that he could have spent his career in San Diego if his old man wasn't such an a-hole.
  • Do you think that Archie is trying to lobby the NFL to have Gomer take Eli's place this weekend? You get the feeling that there is nothing Eli could do that will likely ever raise him in the eyes of his parents. Archie always has that look of bitter disappointment on his face when he talks about Eli. Not sure why because it's not like he's killing a legacy of winners here. Winning actually hurts the Manning family name. Archie is such a loser, he went out and adopted Matt Leinart in those DirecTV ads and looked what happened to his season.
  • If the Chargers are victorious this week, do you think that teams will adopt what happened this week? Namely getting women to file restraining orders against Moss? But hey, Moss only beats women once in a blue moon, right? Oh wait, that was smoke pot. You can't keep those straight. Funny this comes out now to go with Moss fading in the playoffs.

AND FINALLY
How hated are the Patriots when Raiders fans are even pulling for the Chargers? Seems crazy, but one of the few sane Raiders fans I know is pulling for Philip Rivers to fumble in the fourth quarter, only to have it reversed because he didn't "tuck" the ball.

Seriously Raiders fan, still hung up on that?

Wednesday, January 16, 2008

Dungy: One more year

The Colts' not-so-shocking loss to the Chargers on Sunday illustrated -- once and for all -- that Tony Dungy has nothing left to prove in the NFL. Dungy will still go down in history as one of the most underrated chokers in the history of the NFL. Super Bowl 41 will sure cast a seed of doubt that maybe Dungy could actually managed a game that counted, but don't let that a override the mountain of evidence that shows he really wasn't very good at his job.

Dungy is now embroiled in the decision of his life -- does he continue to cement his legacy as this' era's greatest underachiever, or does he follow his life long dream of more gay bashing? That's a real tough call. Especially if that Rudy Giuliani gets the GOP nomination. There will be much more work to be done.

We know that Dungy is not looking to The Hater Nation for advice. But there is going to be time for "smearing the queers" when football is over. Dungy should take advantage of the opportunity to choke more years away in Gomer's prime to really cement his legacy of hatred and underachieving.

What do you say Dungy, how about one more year? Maybe two!

Cowboys Highlight Video



The Cowboys might want to be more careful with the commericals they sign up for next year as life imitated art. And you know that Jerry Jones has dreamt -- more than one time -- about walking up and taking control of the play-calling duties. Although, Raven and the Falcons might want to think twice about hiring Jason Garrett for their head coaching gig if the freckle-faced offensive coordinator can't stay awake during playoff games.

Monday, January 14, 2008

Today's Post Is Brought To You


By the word Schadenfreude. For the folks who type in caps, let me explicate: Schadenfreude is a noun, albeit an abstract one, signifying joy in the misfortune of others. Since Germans treat language like box cars in a switching yard, it literally translates to "damage-joy".

Now, I know exactly what it's like to watch your team tank the big game. So out of respect for our host, The Honk, I won't dwell on the fact that the city of Dallas does playoff games about as well as it does Presidential motorcades. By the way, T.O.? Don Zimmer called and said to man up a little. Your one man show as Isaac Hayes doing his imititation of a schoolgirl who just found out she didn't get Hannah Montana tickets got mixed reviews at best. Still, it was probably better than the "I wasn't the one who got tired pretending to have sex with Jessica Simpson" rant you originally prepared.

Actually, I'm much more interested in Handsome Norv Turner and the Junior Varsity That Could. Forget about whether they can beat New England. I want to see the sideline action. Phillip Rivers brings more cheap heat than anyone since the Iron Sheik.
Don't be surprised if Phillip "The Brain" Rivers takes a folding chair to a Patriots' cheerleader on Sunday.

Sunday, January 13, 2008

The Post Mortem

Yes, you lost Terrell Owens, but don't go kill yourself over it. Same goes for you, Dungy offspring. When T.O. attempted suicide last year, his spokeswoman indicated that he had $25 million things to live for.

But what about Tony Romo? As long as he's still with Jessica Simpson, it is obvious that he will at least have two things to live for. And damn, those are big reasons to live.

Cowboys fans across the nation would likely be inclined to finger Simpson for the loss. And they would probably blame her, too. But Simpson wasn't the one missing tackles or breaking off her route on what would have been the winning touchdown. She was just some bimbo looking for some cheap publicity. Though, you would hate to believe that the same woman who whored out her marriage for MTV would go for the cheap publicity of dating the quarterback of the Dallas Cowboys.

But instead of focusing on Romo's choking, or Owens' crocodile tears, what about the playoff record of Wade Phillips? Even Norv Turner has more playoff wins. Don't be surprised if he's already canned before you finish reading this post. As mentioned on Friday, Jerry Jones is hot for Jason Garrett and it wouldn't be that unprecedented to can a coach following a great regular season.

SHOW ME YOUR LIGHTNING BOLT
That Norv Turner sure can coach, right? The Chargers have gotten further than most people indicated. Hell, yours truly was figuring this team would finish 7-9 (but still win the AFC West). While he can't be considered a genius following two wins in the playoffs, this might be enough for us to forget that the whole Oakland thing ever happened. So you can look at his body of work in Washington and see that he never could quite get his team over the hump. But you can't help but to be reminded that a certain coach in New England also failed in his first coaching stint. But you would have to be a full-blown lunatic to make that leap and while this win was great, we aren't there yet. The net is full of people who make broad generalizations after only a few wins, instead of taking in the full body of work. Turner has done a great job so far, but count me as one of the few on the Internets who refuses to make a knee-jerk reaction.

In other words, keep winning, Norv.

The only hope is that the Chargers can show some of that toughness against the Patriots. They had it in 2005 when they ended the Patriots 21-game home winning streak. And they certainly have it against the Colts. (Just ask Reggie Wayne.) They just need to flex some of that muscle against the Patriots and not be intimidated.

PACKERS NOT PACKING
Yes, there was going to be a huge, "Brett Favre's choking extends to Ryan Grant" post readied for Saturday night if the Seaflakes would have won. But they didn't. In fact, the Packers really crushed them and those two gift touchdowns were the only offense Seattle could muster. Green Bay's defense is highly underrated and playing in the snow only makes them that much more dangerous.

However, yours truly is still going to need some time to figure out how Favre and Eli Messiah are in the NFC Championship Game together.

AND FINALLY
The early forecast has the high temperature at 19 degrees after a week of snow. Now, the common logic would be to go against the boys from Southern California. But which team's running game seems better suited for the snow? Add the fact that New England can't really stop the run that well, and you might have the makings of the biggest upset in AFC Championship Game history.

The Smartest Man Alive

Never doubted him.

Great win for the Chargers. Especially since the referees were calling the game like they had money going the other way. A tremendous performance by nearly everybody on the roster. The only question now is, who the hell is going to play for this team next week? The Chargers will have to be one of the biggest underdogs in AFC Championship Game history. And you know what? That's cool.

Friday, January 11, 2008

The Weak Ender

Sophia Bush wants you all to know that she never dated Tony Romo. Because she doesn't date losers. Or maybe because she didn't enough bang for the buck for enduring a night on the town with him. And she never got a free trip to Mexico, either.

Cowboys fans must be longing for the day when everybody just thought their quarterback was gay.

Romo has some moxie to try to pull off something like this. Kind of reminds you of something Joe Namath would have done -- before he reduced himself to chasing sideline reporters. But Namath also would have won the game.

Credit: With Lethur

Here's a quick look at the weekend in the NFL.

Seattle at Green Bay
Pity the poor Seahawks, one of the most consistent teams in the NFC and only two years removed from the Super Bowl. And yet, nobody seems to give them any respect. Everybody gushed about Sean Taylor last week and now it's Brett Favre mania this week. Favre even mentioned that he was leaning towards coming back to Green Bay for one more season. Now, that might look like Favre playing the attention-seeker again. But he smartly floated that story out there to take the pressure off of his young teammates. Unlike taking some starlet to Havana, Favre was actually thinking about his team when he did that. Picking the Packers is tempting, but it's Favre in a big game. Both defenses are underrated, but lean towards the Seahawks. Besides, the Packers fans are likely upset that something nice was said about Favre, so this should make us even.

Jacksonville at New England
Sorry, the Jaguars have no chance in this game. Don't even bother watching. Jacksonville doesn't play good enough pass defense to win this game. Sorry.

New York Giants at Dallas

This game comes down to Terrell Owens. And if a broken leg can't stop him, he's playing with that sprain. Will he play effectively? Well, that's another story. Has anybody else noticed that Wade Phillips is really under the gun here to win this game? Jerry Jones really fears losing offensive coordinator Jason Garrett who is likely to be courted by other teams. Losing to the Giants would give Jones the chance to fire Phillips and promote Garrett? But that seems too far fetched, just ask Marty Schottenheimer. Don't worry, the Cowboys will win.

San Diego at Indianapolis

Why do people continue to ignore the recent history that shows that the Chargers 3-4 defense always gives Gomer trouble? The Chargers have won consecutive games against the Colts and even being indoors doesn't seem to be that change the situation all that much. San Diego ended the Colts bid for a perfect season indoors at the RCA Dome. Another plus for the Chargers is the return of Marvin Harrison. That means, there is one less player on the field who actually wants to participate in a playoff game. Harrison might have been a bigger choker than Gomer and Tony Dungy. So when look for the winner, take the Colts. To not, would be to ignore history that Norv Turner blows.

Thursday, January 10, 2008

A National Hero

The Tiger that mauled a teenage boy at the San Francisco Zoo is being honored as a hero. Because the kid that the tiger mauled was a Raiders fan. In fact, the victim was wearing a Marcus Allen jersey at the time of the attack.

In other words, the kid was asking for it.

That Tiger is a hero. Think of how many Chargers fans he likely saved because of that attack.

And further, what does this attack say about Raiders fans? The 60-year old, limp wristed Roy Horn was able to beat back a tiger attack, but the Raiders fan just rolled over. Typical.

Wednesday, January 09, 2008

Don't Piss Off the Coach

Who knew that 49ers coach Mike Nolan was such a spiteful son of a (female dog)?

Nolan had clashed with starting quarterback Alex Smith this season. But hey, sometimes coaches and quarterbacks clash. Not all coaches sign their QB's death warrant which is what Nolan did when he hired Mike Martz as offensive coordinator. Smith could barely stand up after the beating he took this season. What do you think Martz's schemes are going to do to him?

The good news is that Martz is now living in the Bay Area, moving him one step closer to becoming the Raiders head coach.

Monday, January 07, 2008

Wait, there was a football game?

Evidentially Ohio State played too last as they seemed better suited for the GMAC Bowl. Seriously. The next team that plays the over-matched Buckeyes in the BCS Championship Game should let them get up by 21 points before actually playing. But thankfully that won't be next season since USC will play them in the regular season, ending this charade. (That's right SEC, the Trojans actually go out of their way to schedule big-name teams in their non-conference schedule.)

Pity LSU, though. This game seemed like an afterthought after the way USC undressed Illinois in the Rose Bowl. You remember the Illini, right? The team that also beat Ohio State. The truth is, the Tigers looked to be the third best team in the nation, and really, you can't be all that sure that LSU is better than Missouri. But give credit for Two-loss Miles, who proved to be the biggest snake-oil salesman in the banjo troupe. You won, but just don't expect me to call you national champions.

The Post Mortem

Hate to put a damper in the Chargers victory celebration, but they do realize that they have some more football games to play, right?

You wouldn’t know if judging from the way the players were reacting after the game. At some point you figured that Norv Turner was going to don an oversized cod piece and jump on board of The Midway and scream, “Mission accomplished.”

Norv was even on the verge of tears during the post-game press conference showing that this win was likely the Chargers’ Super Bowl. Jim Nantz and Phil Simms indicated that Turner did what he was hired to do.

No he didn’t.

Turner has no duplicated what Marty Schottenheimer did last season. The goal for a team this talented should be to win the Super Bowl, or at least the AFC championship. Not just winning your own personal Super Bowl.

  • Does anybody believe that the Chargers are going to be ready to play next week? And if Philip Rivers is an obnoxious punk before winning a playoff game, what's he going to be like now?
  • Jordan Babineaux’s 57-yard interception return for a touchdown was a fitting end for the Redskins, who lost by 21 points. That showed that Sean Taylor was watching and even he thinks that Todd Collins sucks.
  • Nantz and Joe Buck were both on Sunday. Sweet.
  • The Giants are assured at least one more game on national television. Wonderful. But give credit to the Giants for putting constant pressure on the Buccaneers Jeff Garcia. Looked like the Giants defenders were playing “one Mississippi” before rushing in on the quarterback. And Eli Messiah found a way to not kill his team. Enjoy Tom Coughlin next year.
  • When will teams ever learn? Never go for the two-point conversion until you absolutely have to. Especially when you are backed up 10 yards on a penalty. What a mistake. And what the hell was John Madden talking about, saying that he agreed with the decision? Trailing by four with 10 minutes left and holding all of the momentum is not a bad place to be. The Steelers panicked like it was an home AFC Championship Game and Bill Cowher was coaching. Sometimes you are better off not giving these coaches too many things to think about.


AND FINALLY
Who tuned in for the new-look American Gladiators? Some of those gladiators will soon be subpoenaed to testify in front of congress.

Thursday, January 03, 2008

The Weak Ender

Reggie Bush and Kim Kardashian are engaged. Allegedly. Ms. Kardashian would like to request her privacy at this time. And by respect her privacy, she means take a look at her vagina in the December issue of Playboy. Or in her sex tape. Or check out her reality show.

You want your privacy? Millions of viewers want the hours of their life back spent watching your reality show. Although, watching Bush's nutty parents break bread with Bruce Jenner over Easter would be a very special, must-see episode.

But enough about Bush, and time to talk about some teams that are actually in the playoffs. Here is a look at the four playoff match ups.

Washington at Seattle
The Seahawks need to win this game and finally put an end to all of this Sean Taylor stuff. Tragic story, sure. But the NFL has gone overboard playing this angle up, even allowing most of the NFL to wear the No. 21 decals on their helmets. Gomer couldn't wear black high tops in tribute of Johnny Unitas, but the NFL is kicking around the idea of putting a big No. 21 at midfield during Super Bowl 42. A better idea would be to force all receivers to participate in Super Bowl 42 hungover in honor of Max McGee. So the quicker we get rid of Washington, the better. Just don't expect it to be Seattle. The Seahawks can no longer run the ball and have become one of those one-dimensional, throw-first teams that never survive in the playoffs.

Jacksonville at Pittsburgh
Didn't they play this game like three weeks ago? The Jaguars were much better than the Steelers then, and why should we feel different now? Because everybody and their mother (even Jim Sorgi's Mom) feels that Jacksonville will be the team to challenge the Patriots. They won't. The Steelers are going to abuse the Jaguars, and David Garrard will likely match his season interception total in this game. Jacksonville is due for a letdown, and this game will be it.

New York Giants at Tampa Bay
Patron Saint of THN, Jon Gruden, has a chance to build on his legacy by knocking Eli Messiah out of the playoffs. And what is the mindset of the Giants this week? They played their Super Bowl last week and lost. The Buccaneers were laying on the beach and enjoying some fishing. The self-imposed layoff should make this game much closer than it should be, but Tampa Bay's defense is playing as well as it ever has. The prediction here is that Ronde Barber will have at least one interception return for a touchdown.

Tennessee at San Diego
This had the makings of a huge Titans upset, until all of their receivers got hurt. First, Bo Scaife lacerated his kidney and now receiver Roydell Williams broke his ankle. (Couldn't be the karma for the cheap shot on Shawne Merriman?) The Chargers don't even need to show up on the field and all of the Titans will start falling over. Still, the aura of an upset still lingers in the air. Especially since 500 tickets still remain, meaning the game could be blacked out in Southern California. Don't blame Chargers fans, though. You grab the boiling pot so many times before you learn to keep your hands to yourself. And hell, it might rain. If there is something Southern California fans won't do in the rain -- other than drive -- it's going to sporting events. Instead, we'll sit in our 695 s.f. cookie-cutter home as it slides down a burned-out hillside in our master planned community.

AND FINALLY
Javon Walker has come to the realization that he was much better off having Brett Favre throw to him than Jay Cutler, according to this story sent to us by Bucky. So it turns out that Walker is just like Terrell Owens, without the heart and touchdowns.

Wednesday, January 02, 2008

The Bowl Post Mortem

Even the most ardent Pac-10 haters would likely admit -- begrudgingly -- that USC is obviously the best team in college football right now. You can't say otherwise and expect to be taken seriously. The Trojans find themselves in a similar situation as they were in Carson Palmer's senior year when they destroyed Iowa in the Orange Bowl and likely had the best team in college football, but only a bowl win to show for it.

There now even seems to be some thought that USC could win the AP title. That seems like a bit of a stretch. That would require the AP voters to actually think objectively about the games, and you know that won't happen. Although, that would be a great big "F - You" to the BCS. Not that it would matter. Do you think the NCAA wants to do the right thing here? All of this controversy keeps people talking about college football well past the final whistle of the season. If we had a satisfying end to the season, what would people have to complain about?

SOME EASY CONFERENCE
How does the SEC always seem to get Big Ten teams in its bowl games? No wonder its bowl record is inflated. But New Year's Day was dismal for the SEC. Michigan ran up and down the field against Florida. Maybe Urban Meyer can recruit some defensive players. Arkansas was destroyed by Missouri. That's right. Missouri.

The SEC did get a couple of wins. Tennessee defeated Big Ten mid-carder, Wisconsin. And then Georgia destroyed a WAC team. Figures that the SEC would get the WAC team in its bowl. What will the SEC do next year, played in the Division I-AA playoffs?

At least the SEC can revel in the fact that LSU will be crowned the BCS champs on Monday, win or lose. Two Loss Miles has the media so whipped, there can be no other outcome.

  • The WAC will likely never get another invitation to the BCS again. Not because Hawaii embarrassed itself in front of a national audience. But because the big schools can't risk losing to teams from the WAC. Could you imagine what would have happened if the Warriors had won? The BCS dodged a bullet and will now likely use Hawaii's lose as the reason. But really, Boise State's win and the anxiety of having these teams from smaller conferences winning is the real reason.
  • And for the record, Hawaii did deserve to be in the BCS title game. Hey, it's not like they were the only team to get blown out in its bowl game. Illinois, Florida, and Arkansas were all embarrassed in its bowl games. The Raiders were blown out of Super Bowl 37, but they still deserved to be in the game. Come on, you have to be smarter than that.
  • Is it time to consider Bob Stoopes as one of the worst bowl coaches, like, ever? Maybe it's time for Oklahoma to sit out a few bowl games. And let this be an illustration why coaches should cash in while they are hot. Stoopes was once considered to coach the Dallas Cowboys. Now, SMU probably wouldn't take him. And speaking of the Mustangs' job, June Jones had better make the cash grab because nobody is going to take the Hawaii program seriously again.
AND FINALLY
DeWayne Walker is staying at UCLA, and that is a good move. Rick Neuheisel should have the Bruins back in the national title hunt in three years. And they will be on probation in four. Just kidding. The wrap on Neuheisal is unfair. He actually won his settlement against Washington. And hell, who doesn't play in an illegal office pool?

Neuheisel can coach. And unlike Jim Harbaugh, when you hear the rhetoric about competing with USC you tend to believe it. This guy has made some mistakes in the past, but he has (hopefully) learned from that and will be better now than he was at Colorado and Washington. And he was pretty good there. This was probably the best hire UCLA could make for the money they were offering and you could probably start to see the result immediately.