Monday, December 29, 2008

The Post Mortem

Hard to figure out what is more delicious: The Chargers sending the Broncos and that punk Jay Cutler home (again) in one of the most historic meltdowns in NFL history? Or the 8-8 Chargers reaching the playoffs, while the Patriots (11-5) will be watching from home?

And do we really need to ask this question, because we all know it’s the later. Not even going to try to pull a swerve here.

After suffering at the hands of Boston fans, the tide is finally starting to turn. And what’s sweeter is the impending hissy that ESPN’s Sports Dork, Bill Simpson, will be throwing in the near future. Well, if he can ever break away from his busy schedule of being the world’s biggest ingrate. The Dork – according to reliable sources from Sons of the Sports Guy – complained that it was the refs who screwed the Celtics on Christmas Day. (Seriously, unless you have Ed Houchuli sending you apologetic emails, shut your trap about crooked referees.)

But here’s the scoop for all of you Boston lemmings who figure to follow the Sports Nozzle off the cliff: The NFL playoff system didn’t screw the Patriots. The Patriots screwed the Patriots. Sure, New England had an 11-5 record. But if they had taken care of business against the Chargers earlier in the year, we wouldn’t even be having this conversation. That’s the inconvenient truth.

That and your team just sucks. You let the Dolphins win the AFC East. How do Boston fans even have the audacity to believe that they should be in the playoffs?

But hey, this will be a nice warmup for Boston fans that will likely go through the same thing when the Red Sox win 90 games, but still finish behind the Yankees and Rays.


  • Gomer is not going to be enjoying it. Gomer has had a great run against Denver – especially in the playoffs. Going to San Diego was the last thing that he wanted to do. The Colts are riding a hot streak, but so are the Chargers. And don’t forget who closed down the RCA Dome last year.

  • Jim Sorgi’s Mom is probably suffering the biggest hangover of her life right now. Can’t you just see her now, a couple of belts in, and berating Gormer from the stands? “Hey Gomer, you got your butt kicked by the Titans. But my boy Sorgi (weird, his mom calls him by his last name) is killing them! Play Sorgi in the playoffs! We’ll win the Sooooper Bowl!” Seriously, I want to party with Sorgi’s mom in San Diego next week. I have to find a way to make that happen.

  • Looking back, it’s hard to imagine how this all was possible. And even harder to imagine, Norv Turner has taken this team to the playoffs. Twice. He just bought himself five extra seasons. What is worse is that the Chargers will start 0-8 next year and be all, “Hey, as long as you get hot at the right time.” How is this possible?

  • How long does the Orange Hobgoblin get to run the show in Denver? Are they already starting to turn on him up there? The Broncos really need to make a run at Mike Nolan to be defensive coordinator and maybe a pro personnel person who can actually find some defensive players. Oh, and maybe some running backs who can stay healthy. What's weird, is that it looked like the OH was going to out-coach Norv. But then Champ Bailey couldn't cover anybody and it was over.

  • Take it back. The most awesome thing from yesterday is that dude’s mustache in that picture. That thing is awesome.

Hopefully this isn’t out of line printing these text messages here, but you have to see these.

“Dude, it was the craziest game I’ve been to even before kickoff. Thousands of drunk Iggles fans chanting “Let’s Go Raiders.”

Or how about this gem.

“Dude, I feel like all of the Iceberg fans at the last Titanic game!”

Great analogy. Some might have tried to work in a reference to a Santa costume and a blowtorch, but the Hatriot found a tragedy we can all laugh at. Even though I believe that it's too soon.

  • Tony Romo collapsed in the shower after the game. What, did he think that he saw an Eagles lineman running after him again? That should certainly help rebuild his image as a guy who can’t perform in the big game. Jessica Simpson is probably already reaching for Johnny Knoxville’s number. Hopefully, this incident won’t keep him off the red carpet this offseason.

  • In that picture, Romo and Simpson look like two carp in the Mississippi River going after the same piece of corn. Props to you if you are not Y2Jericholic or Reader Matt P. and you get that reference.

Who feels the worst today, the Cowboys, Broncos or Lions? You are all wrong.

The answer is the Buccaneers.

Come on, we all should have seen this coming with the Cowboys. What, was this the year that Romo was going to win big? You could tell from Wade Phillips befuddled expression that this team was overmatched before they walked on to the field. Even Andy Reid seems like a great big-game coach next to Phillips.

Nobody respected the Broncos, so they weren’t a huge letdown.

The Lions. Really, it’s hard to feel anything about the Lions going 0-16. Like I thought I would feel more joy, but instead I feel nothing. Lee Roy Selmon and the boys, however, aren’t impressed. If the Lions, however, hadn’t beaten the Chiefs in Week 16 last season, they would be closing in on 0-26. But the Lions just feel like another bad team.

The Buccaneers are different. The looked like a real playoff team. In fact, they looked like a team that could advance to the Super Bowl. Instead, they will have to regroup and figure out who their quarterback is going to be. Jon Gruden might be a patron saint of THN, but he needs to find a quarterback and stick with him. The owners need to start kicking down some money, too.

But maybe the bigger issue is if Gruden will even come back next season.


DAWUSS said...

The Eagles and Vikings will prove that they didn't deserve their playoff spots. Bank on it.

Fletch said...

I love it when people like Easterbrook (and soon to be Simmons) come down hard when a "travesty" like this happens (yet, I'm sure have no problem when it's their team benefitting).

"We need a seeded tournament!," they scream. You want it - fine, then get rid of divisions, conferences, history - it makes it all useless. And I'd be fine with that, except we all know that wouldn't happen. We'd get some hybrid, meaningless system where teams would win their divisions yet not make the playoffs, etc. Spare me. Deal with the rare occurrences like this and shut up. Everything's cyclical, and everyone's team is gonna get screwed at some know, like all the teams that didn't have the cake schedule that the Pats had. Didn't see me complaining, but I haven't seen that mentioned just yet, either...

R.J. said...

The Raiders did good yesterday. Too bad they want to talk to Kevin Gilbride and his 800-page playbook to become their next head coach.

Sun Devil said...

2 silver linings for us Broncos fans as we enjoy the offensive line's growth and Romeo Crennel's impending arrival in the Mile High City.

1. Broncos fans are spared a Colts - Broncos first-round game featuring Peyton Manning. They haven't gone well.

2. As you've so eloquently pointed out, Norv Turner remains the coach in San Diego. It's the gift that will keep on giving.

Diane said...

I just can't help myself, I'm starting to believe in the Bolts. This will last until the last two minutes of the game when they give up an 80 yard touchdown drive to Indy, and lose. The worst part is how I'll end up scaring the dog by screaming at the TV.

Sun Devil said...

"Welcome aboard, Mr. Cowher. Meet Mr. Cutler."

Bill said...

It's going to take four quarters of top-notch football, and probably an edge in the turnover department, for the Chargers to be close at the end. San Diego has the talent but hasn't shown the type of consistency it will need to stop the Colts' quest for a repeat. /Cool widgets at statbeast. Check it!

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