Sunday, December 21, 2008

The Post Mortem

This is why you don’t count out a football team coached by Norv Turner. Because eventually, his teams will do enough to get you excited – only to let you down in the end. Kind of like that Hooters waitress who you thought was into you. (She wasn't.)

Make no mistake, the Chargers are going to play one of their worst games of the season next week and end up losing the AFC West title. There is no other way that this can end.

Think of the improbability of what we are looking at here. The Chargers had to beat the Raiders (easy), but win at Kansas City and Tampa Bay to get to this spot. Plus, they needed the Broncos to at home to the Bills. And somehow that all happened, which could only mean that the Broncos will end up winning next week in San Diego.

The only thing predictable about this season is its unpredictability, so this needs to make sense.

  • Ed Hochuli has to be rooting for the Chargers to win this game, which would erase his blunder in Week 2 that created this mess. If the NFL had a sense of humor, they would have Eddie Guns work this Chargers game. But yeah, do you see Mr. Goodell having a sense of humor? He only chuckled during Galaxy Quest once. Which, incidentally, was Alan Rickman's best movie. But come on, how awesome would it be to have Eddie G working that game?

  • Alright, dare to dream. But if the Chargers win, they will play host to Colts. There is no secret who Gomer is pulling for. He was fortunate to beat the Chargers once this season. There is no way that he is going to do it again.

THAT WASN'T RAIN, IT WAS GOD CRYING
If Jerry Jones wasn’t tearing down Texas Stadium, the building would have collapsed upon itself in shame behind the gutless performance of the Cowboys on Saturday night. Al Qaeda couldn't have done a better job disgracing America's team if they had flown a pair of jets in through the hole in the roof.

Even the 1-15 Cowboys in 1989 showed more gumption than this current collection of malcontents and stiffs. There is not a single player on that roster that defines the word, “clutch.” Maybe Jason Witten. Roy E. Williams really gave it a shot, but he played in Detroit -- he was just happy to play in a game that meant something.

The Cowboys will never win a big game with Tony Romo. We are in an era where choking quarterbacks have a pair of miracle Super Bowl wins, but Romo makes the Manning brothers look like Johnny Unitas and Joe Montana.

What do you think all of those Cowboys greats were thinking as they were watching that debacle on Saturday night? What an insult to the lineage. The Cowboys long held the title of “Next Year’s Champions” during the early years of the franchise. But they never looked as soft as these chokers. The best part is that this is the kind of team that Jones has built. And Cowboys fans, don’t think that Bill Cowher or any other disciplinarian is going to take over this squad. That’s not happening.

  • Troy Aikman was not present at the Cowboys’ going away party. Is sitting next to Joe Buck that exciting that he couldn’t take a week off to be with his former teammates? As it turns out, he was the smart one. Maybe that says volumes of what he thinks about Romo and how he’s killing the Cowboys legacy.

  • The Patriots really smacked around the Cardinals. Maybe Kurt Warner and the gang can send them a postcard from the playoffs. New England isn’t going. Can’t wait to see the Sports Dork (female dog) about that. Or at least, wait for the Colonel to tell me what he says, because I won’t condescend to give that a-hole a free click.

  • Wow, that Giants fan who wears that license plate around his neck deserves to have a car stalk him like the movie, Christine.

  • How did we miss the start of bowl season? Simple, bad work schedule. Same way that Sammy Baugh has fallen through the cracks, but we’ll get something up on that in a bit. But it looks like the Pac-10 exacted some revenge on the Mountain West as Arizona destroyed BYU. Colorado State, however, represented the Mountain West well with a win over Fresno State.

  • Hard to believe that the Buccaneers Super Bowl win was six years ago. The last time they even won a playoff game. Now they are looking at choking away a playoff berth after starting 9-3. If the Bucs wanted to fire Jon Gruden, he would be awesome as coach of the Chargers. And don’t buy the hype that he would be a good college coach. He hates his quarterbacks and his playbook is way too complicated for college.

  • The Jets were 9-2 in games not played on the West Coast. For all of the (expletive) West Coast teams have received this year, where’s all the scorn for the Jets choking out here?

  • The Giants ran a pretty effective game plan during overtime against the Panthers -- don't let Eli throw the ball. Make the running backs run it. Very shrewd. But where was the Carolina pass rush in the second half?

  • The whole Mark Teixeira thing hasn't worked out for the Angels, as they have dropped out of the running. Unless, of course, you feel it was worth it to bring in Teixeira to at least beat the Red Sox once in the postseason for a change. Popular opinion says that Manny isn't coming, either. Just don't be so sure. Even with Juan Rivera, there is still a spot in the lineup for Manny. Still, some fans are finding it hard to swallow that the Angels gave up Casey Kotchman for basically nothing now.

AND FINALLY
What exactly is the deal with the Snuggie? The Snuggie is advertised as a blanket with arms. Oh I see, in other words ... it's a freaking backwards robe! How can you people not see this? Take your ordinary bathrobe and put it on backwards. That's a Snuggie. I dare any of you to show up in a football game wearing a backwards robe and see what happens.

15 comments:

R.J. said...

No go on the Snuggie. The last time San Diegans wore them, we had about forty people commit suicide by eating applesauce and phenobarbitol thinking they were going to ride shotgun on the Halle/Bopp comet.

Then again Bolts fans might want to fit Ed Hochuli for one after next Sunday if they lose.

Anonymous said...

NUMBER ONE, EDDY GUNS DIDNT CREATE THIS "MESS" YOU DOLT FANS ARE BITCHING ABOUT 14WKS LATER! NUMBER TWO. THERE IS NO WAY IN HELL THE BRONCOS COME TO S.D. AND WIN. WE ARE DONE. THE DOLT HAVE BEEN A BETTER TEAM FROM THE GET GO. THE BRONCOS ARE A YOUNG AND IMMATURE TEAM. WHEN YOU CANT WIN AT HOME AGAINST A BOTTOM RUNG TEAM, YOU DONT DESERVE A PLAYOFF BERTH. HENCE, THE BRONCOS WILL BE WATCHING THE PLAYOFFS...AGAIN!

ALSO, REMEMBER, OUR DEFENSE COULDNT STOP STEVEN HAWKING, AND HE'S IN A WHEELCHAIR!!!!!!!!! LET ALONE L.T. AND SPROLES. YOU GUYS ARE GOOD. DONT SWEAT IT.
THIS IS COMING FROM A HUGE BRONCOS FAN TOO!

CAPPY

THN said...

My favorite part of all of that is that CAPPY felt like he needed to sign his name.

But I can't agree Capster, the Chargers are going to lose.

Yiddish Steel said...

Bed Bath & Beyond, San Diego, Saturday: Snuggie Display - SOLD OUT!

DAWUSS said...

The Chargers would win Sunday's game if it were a meaningless one. Gotta go with THN on this one.

Diane said...

Hope springs eternal, and I think the Bolts will pull out the win this Sunday.

(Only to lose in the first round of the play-offs).

Sun Devil said...

So instead of stealing from Deadspin, you're stealing my comment from last week about my favorite attorney reffing the big game next week?

It's always a good day when Cappy weighs in.

THN said...

Sorry Sun D, that's my bad.

buckyor said...

I thought I was Sun Devil's favorite attorney?

Book this: the Packers will prevent the Lions from becoming the first team in history to go 0-16 next week. The Lions will be leading late, 24-23, with 5 minutes left in the game, and then Aaron Rodgers will lead the Pack on an 80 yard drive culminating in a touchdown to take the lead with 5 seconds left. But the Lions will run back the ensuing kickoff for a touchdown to win the game 31-30.

The orange-stained fingers of Karl from Oshkosh will be burning up the blogosphere, writing about how it shows once again that Aaron Rodgers can't win a game at the end.

Sun Devil said...

It's OK THN. CSF baseball is about to open a disappointing season, the Chargers suck, the Angels front office is blowing it, and the Giants are playing well. You need all the help you can get.

And Bucky, I spoke too soon. Glen Lerner is my favorite attorney.

buckyor said...

My favorite lawyer is Jeff Phillips. Jeffo (who was president of the ski club when I was in school and hosted many great parties that were broken up by the Tempe police), looks like he's gonna crawl out the TV like that chick from The Ring.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=47mzR4B9HBg

BTW, my verification word is "hosen", which is German for your future prospects if you're calling Jeffo. . . .

Bokolis said...

All other things constant, if the Chargers had gotten that first game, they would already have the division, no? It's for the best that this is the flex game.

I'm not so sure that Gomer would rather be freezing his nuts off in Denver.

When in SD in the winter, it's easy to tell the San Diegans (all bundled up) from the Northeasterners (in t-shirts). Until they speak, though, I still can't tell the Beaneaters from the Philthys.

All the needed scorn for the Jets comes in the from of WFAN's Joe Benigno...radio doesn't get much better than his first show after a Jets loss.

The Giants ran for 300 yards and, even when blitzing, they couldn't get near Delhomme. Nobody's o-lines are that good. The Giants' o-line probably started holding as much as the Panthers' o-line. The officials weren't calling anything, making it pretty easy to block.

The Giants doubled Steve Smith in the second half, but I'm wondering why, after carving up the Giants for the first 40-or-so minutes, the Panthers suddenly got timid.

THN said...

It looked like Fox and the Panthers already counted that game as a win and went into 'milk-the-clock' mode.

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