Sunday, November 02, 2008

The Post Mortem

Make sure you are ready to invest your time this morning, because I actually put in an effort today.

The Tennessee Titans are undefeated and the New York Giants are better at this point than they were last season. And guess what, boring. Maybe the Titans would be interesting if Kerry Collins was drinking and making like Michael Richards during Klan Night at the Improv. Or if Vince Young did at at least attempted suicide.

And the Giants are so dull that the team tried to start a "Justin Tuck is gay" rumor and nobody cared. Even their attempt to prove to the world that you can win consecutive Super Bowls without a credible quarterback is falling flat.

Like it or not, the NFL just isn't the same when the Cowboys and Raiders are terrible. And we're talking, so terrible that nobody can enjoy them wallowing in their own misery terrible. It's true.

Even the white trash dude with the Calvin pissing on the lightning bolt sticker on his truck knows that the Raiders are garbage. Even the dish washer who has to buy the generic version of Spam wouldn't even take a free ticket to watch the Raiders play right now. In the past, delusional Raiders fans believed that their team would win the Super Bowl every now. Now Raiders fans are considered delusional if they think that their team is going to gain positive yards in the first half.

Honestly, laughing at Raiders fans filing out of Jack Murphy Stadium following Super Bowl 37 was one of the highlights of my sporting life.

Six years later, and the Raiders invited a teen Iraqi amputee to the game on Sunday, and even he felt sorry for the Raiders. The Iraqi amputee said that he wouldn't trade places for the Raiders for anything in the world. Seriously, this is what the Raiders have been reduced to: hosting amputees at games to make themselves look better.

And it's backfiring.

The Cowboys, on the other hand, thought that the NFL was going to roll out the red carpet for them on the way to the Super Bowl. They are like those guys who can beat Madden on rookie level, and then get shutout when they play an actual thinking person. That's the Cowboys.

Even their obnoxious fans have toned down their act a bit. Back in September, a random Cowboys fan was likely to wrap his arm around you and let out a big "Whooo" in your ear like Ric Flair doing a sound check for Metallica. Now their fans barely have to energy to spit in your unattended beer when you walk away for a few moments.

The bad news is that the troubles of both teams can be traced back to the owners. And if you know one thing about evil people, it's that they don't die. The best we can hope for is that they get a staph infection when they travel to Cleveland. But who goes to Cleveland?

These teams are going to be bad for a long time and the league is going to suffer because of it. Thankfully, the Kurt Warner Machine is around to keep things interesting.

  • St. Louis FC had the sequence of the season at the end of the first half. The Cardinals scored to take a 17-7 lead. Instead of running out the clock and taking the moral victory of only trailing by 10 points, St. Louis took about 20 seconds off the clock on a three-and-out, giving the ball back the Cardinals with 1:32 left in the game. Kurt Warner then hit Jerheme Urban on a 56-yard touchdown reception (that went through a defender's hands).
  • Contrary to the Cowboys and Raiders, the St. Louis FC is just as enjoyable to watch when they have given up the season. Hopefully Jim Haslett wasn't planning on being the coach next season.
  • The Cardinals really need to pay Anquan Boldin his money. He's earned it. They are going to save so much getting rid of Edgerrin James and underpaying Tim Hightower. They need to make that move.
  • What is the Cardinals magic number right now? Are we looking at three victories? Or maybe just one more loss by the rest of the NFC West teams? The Cardinals won an NFC Wild Card game in 1998, but haven't won a division title since Don Coryell was coaching the team, over 30 years ago. They may start resting starters in Week 12.
  • While St. Louis was struggling to score points, maybe they noticed that the KWM and the Arizona Cardinals are the new "Greatest Show on Turf." The Birds would have won that game by 50 points if they didn't make so many mistakes. (Hey, what game were you watching?)
  • The Houston Texans are the BYU of the NFL -- because nobody has more white receivers. And pity Dick Enberg who couldn't tell whitey apart.
  • Nice pouting by Jay Cutler and the Broncos after a bad call went against them. Brandon Marhsall was flagged for pass interference that wipped out a 90-yard touchdown reception. The contact on the play was questionable, and guys like Michael Irvin and Cris Carter have got way with worse for years. But bad calls happen in the NFL. You knew the Broncos were dead once Cutler threw a towel on the field in a tantrum. Hell, it screwed my fantasy team, but even I was able to keep it together.
  • Dolphins linebacker Joey Porter went on to paste Broncos receiver Brandon Marshall. "He's one of those guys that if he don't get the ball in the first two series in the first quarter, he's out of it. He had 18 catches in a game before. So he's not used to going the whole first half with no balls. We got in his head and he pretty much was done. I didn't get inside his head, we just were talkin'. He got in his own head. He was done. He's one of those soft receivers, where he has to have the ball all the time. If he don't get it, he's going to mope and cry. He did it to himself."
  • What is the over/under on wins to take the AFC West? Seven? For the second consecutive week, the AFC and NFC West was winless out of the divisions. The only winner this week, Arizona, beat a division rival.
  • Bad news for Kyle Orton. Maybe he should have a drink and relax while he's on the bench. And poor Rex Grossman, he's never going to get a fair shake in Chicago and now he's thrown into the impossible position of replacing the now wildly popular Orton who was actually playing like a legitimate quarterback.
  • The Chiefs and Bills are the latest teams to go to the 'Wildcat' offense, the formation that was popularized by Darren McFadden at Arkansas last year. Of course, the Raiders haven't been able to run the formation this year with McFadden because is battling toe injuries.
  • You look at the Chiefs and you can understand what they were doing trading Jared Allen for draft picks to rebuild. But now, you wonder what would have happened if they had traded Larry Johnson and Tony Gonzalez, and built around Allen on the defense. But hey, they are in year 20 of their rebuilding project, so they obviously know what they are doing.
  • The Red Raiders did something the Oakland Raiders could never do -- they blew a lead to Texas. Well, the Oakland Raiders could do that. But what they did was actually come back and win the game. Something the NFL team could never do. One guy tried to compare it to the 2006 Rose Bowl. Yeah, let's not get that crazy. College football is full of great games. This was one of them, but let's not compare it to a championship game classic.
  • Texas got screwed, moving below a team they already beat. But is there a rule that a team must win its conference to get in the BCS title game? Because Oklahoma could go to the national title game without being in the Big XII championship game. And does anybody know, can two teams from the same conference play in the BCS title game?

Huge fan of Steve Young when he was a member of the Los Angeles Express. Hated him as a member of the 49ers. When he was knocked out of the NFL on a Monday night in Arizona in 1999, I let out a huge scream. So huge in fact, my neighbor came over and said, "I hope you aren't watching the game, you sick bastard." Oh, I was.

But now you have to give Young credit for coming out against Prop Hate. And Young's a descendent of Brigham Young himself. Check it out.


Bob Mantz said...

What would you think of Michael Vick joining the team?

buckyor said...

I think we already have an instance where a team made the BCS championship game without winning its conference. Oklahoma did that several years ago (I think that was the year they got run by USC in the title game).

As for Steve Young, I always got the impression that he was a decent guy, regardless of the Mormon thing. As someone who used to live in Utah, I can tell you that coming out in public against an official position of the church is a huge deal. It just isn't done, at least not without repurcussions.

But I thought Young was living in Arizona now?

DAWUSS said...

Texas got screwed, moving below a team they already beat. But is there a rule that a team must win its conference to get in the BCS title game? Because Oklahoma could go to the national title game without being in the Big XII championship game. And does anybody know, can two teams from the same conference play in the BCS title game?

It might actually be. Although they probably have to be in the same division of their conference (as opposing divisions = conference championship game). One time in NCAA 2005, I had 2 schools in the SEC West (Arkansas-LSU) playing against each other for the NC. I kid you not.

THN said...

Funny, what got me thinking of an all-conference title game was my NCAA 08 that has an Iowa vs. Penn State final.

Vick is going to play football again. I have no doubt about it.

Bucky, Nebraska did it, too. I thought they changed the rule, but I'm not sure.

buckyor said...

Iowa? Shit, you'll see Northwestern in the BCS title game before Iowa. Hell, I'm still getting my voice back from watching the end of this week's game against Minnesota.

THN said...

Iowa is reigning two-time champions on NCAA 08. I must have a defective game.

Donal said...

OK, did Justin Tuck really get penalized for hitting Brooks Bollinger too hard?

Diane said...

I take my hat off to Steve Young. I'm glad to see that if Vick will play again, it will be in Oakland. Saves me from having to replace the Raiders with a new team I hate the most. But come on, even Raiders fans love their pit bulls.

p.s. they make a generic version of Spam?

buckyor said...

Ok, I wasn't quite right. Oklahoma did make it to the BCS championship game against LSU (not USC) in in the 2004 Sugar Bowl after losing its conference championship game to Kansas State. USC was the team that got screwed that year, as they were #1 in the AP, but was only #3 in the BCS standings.

In addition, Nebraska made it to the BCS Championship game against Miami in 2002 (in the Rose Bowl) after not even making it to the Big XII championship game.

lumps said...

"In addition, Nebraska made it to the BCS Championship game against Miami in 2002 (in the Rose Bowl) after not even making it to the Big XII championship game."

This is the year that Joey Heisman should have had the Ducks playing for the national title, but instead, Nebraska got their asses handed to them by the beloved 'Canes.

So, it was a conspiracy to keep Joey Heisman down!!

Fletch said...

Thanks for linking to the Young story. I hadn't heard that, but he just earned a ton more respect from me, and he already had a bunch. I'm sorry you had to hate him because you were a fan of the Lambs, Adam. If it makes you feel any better, I had to watch the Lambs win the SB while the Niners were going in the tank. Circle of life and all that shit.

And I hereby offer my mea culpa to you. I won't say anything if every post invokes the KWM. He deserves it.

R.J. said...

Are you sure Al wasn't trying to sign that Iraqi kid to a contract? They need a running back with at least one good leg.

And if Vick joins the Raiders, will he train the dogs in The Black Hole to fight to the death and live in small cages? Oh, they already do that. Never mind.

Somewhere in SoCal, Lane Kiffin is gloating. I love it.

Bokolis said...

I don't think winning your conference is a requirement and two teams from the same conference can play each other for the title.

Maybe the link can explain...I wasn't going to actually read it.

good stuff, btw