Wednesday, November 26, 2008

The Mid-Weak Ender

Maria Sharapova is in the news this week because … well, she isn’t reallly. She’s got a new commercial and a new pictorial for GQ. The truth is, there isn’t a very flimsy reason to show this picture. But since we are all anxious to get started on our holiday weekends (though, I will be working on Thursday), let’s dispense with the formalities.

So here’s Maria Sharapova. Vincent Clarke, Bon Harris, Tom Cruise and Kordell Stewart can all talk about how much they would like to knock the bottom out of that. Let’s just start rolling with the Thanksgiving football fun.

BTW, this picture is everywhere, but can’t remember where this photo came from, but it’s a good guess that it’s either Sports By Brooks or With Lethur.

Shall we?

A lot of you have complained that you don’t want the Lions on the Thanksgiving telecast anymore. Are you people mad? Have the Lions been bad in recent years? Certainly. But they have given us a lot of good times with Barry Sanders, Billy Sims and Eric Hipple. (Well, maybe scratch that last one.)

But have the Lions on for Thanksgiving is tradition. A once-a-year tradition. The Lions, people, are family. And that is was Thanksgiving is all about. Having all of the family that you don’t want to see crammed into one day, before we move on and ignore them for another 364 days.

So lay off the Lions people, and let them into your homes.

However, if the Lions are that distant relative that we rarely see, the Cowboys are that annoying relative that we always see. They are the overbearing family member that always stops by unannounced and ruins your life. And really, they shouldn’t be ruining Thanksgiving, too. If there is one team/family member that we can do without on Thanksgiving, it’s the Cowboys.

There are going to be some new characters coming to Thanksgiving this year, here is a rundown of who you can expect to see.

Remember returning home for Thanksgiving during your first year away at college? You meet up with all of your buddies from high school at the local bowling alley and there is an absolute stunner reveling with you. When you ask your friends, “Who is that girl?” they tell you that it’s the plain Jane who sat behind you in English. Now she’s hot. Well, that’s the Tennessee Titans this year. Maybe we should have noticed how hot she was going to be, but we were all idiots in high school. (Except for Hetland, he ruled.)

Conversely, there is always that chick you thought was hot in high school, but now she’s fallen on some hard times. In fact, you are now kind of ashamed that you had a crush on her in the first place. That’s the Seattle Seahawks. (And there's a rumor that you made out with her at a party. Nice going.)

And how about the flake that always promises to stop by and never does? The friend who gets you hopes up, promises to bring dessert but only lets you down? Well, don’t fret this year, you friend – the Arizona Cardinals – are going to make it to the party this year.

Of course, and I’m Scots/Irish so this hits home, there’s always that one relative who drinks a little bit too much, gets obnoxious and ends up getting into a fight on the front laugh. That’s your Uncle Philadelphia Eagles. Three beers in, and he'll be challenging you to punch him in the neck.

So enjoy Thanksgiving.

Some of you remain unconvinced that the Lions need to be on television during Thanksgiving. Well, there’s always a compromise – put them on NFL Network and nobody will ever see them.


DAWUSS said...

Nothing on college football? Nothing about how Ball State deserves a BCS Bowl? Nothing about how Bob Stoops is drowning in his own tears (again)? Nothing about the slim chance USC has at getting a National Championship appearance?

In the words of those guys on ESPN,

Kordell said...

I'm insulted. How long have you known me?

I'm not a guy who's going to waste everyone's time talking about how I'd like to knock the bottom outta that. No sir. Anyone can talk that shit.

I'm the guy who says I have knocked the bottom outta that.

Happy Thanksgiving to you too.

Anonymous said...

She just doesn't do it for me. And after their oh so unexpected upset, USC has been mailing it in. No title shot for that.

THN said...

I'm not sure that Ball State is better than Boise State or Utah. But if we had our THN Playoff Plan working, we certainly could find out. Imagine it right now, it would be Alabama, Maryland, Penn State, Oregon State, and I have no idea who is winning the Big East battling it out starting next weekend.

But I'll try to get a huge blowout on college football working. I'll let this weekend shake out and go forward.

Hetland said...

Hetland still rules!

R.J. said...

That's Maria Sharapova? I didn't recognize her at all.

I want to see the Lions every week from this point forward. Like the Obama election, I want to see history in the making and be the only person in my neighborhood celebrating when it happens.

And for those who like hockey, nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like a Maple Leafs - Senators game.

Anonymous said...

some love for the lions. nice job rank. SA

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