Tuesday, September 09, 2008

Raiders or St. Louis FC, who goes 0-16?

The Raiders and St. Louis FC have the chance to do something very special this season -- go 0-16. Seems fitting that a team would follow in the footsteps of the 16-0 Patriots, somebody has to do the impossible right?

Of course, just like the Patriots in 2007, the Raiders and St. Louis FC will not win a Super Bowl title, either.

The tough part is picking which team has the best chance of finishing 0-16 this season. Both teams deserve it, but which one has the mental toughness and fortitude to actually pull it off? THN provides a breakdown of these behemoths. (Hopefully, we can milk this for a couple of weeks.)

Today we look at the offenses of these two teams. Hide the children.

QUARTERBACK
Raiders: The monster JaMarcus Russell might not be the biggest bust of a No. 1 overall selection. At least not as long as Tim Couch roams the Earth. But Russell is certainly making his case. His passing motion makes Vince Young seem masculine. This is why you don't holdout to start your NFL career. Compare where Russell is currently, compared to Matt Ryan who signed on time and was able to actually participate in his first training camp.

St. Louis FC: Shaken starter Marc Bulger was once a Pro Bowl quarterback under Mike Martz. No, seriously. No he's shell-shocked, like a Vietnam veteran. You can almost imagine Bulger sitting around at home, bolting out of his chair for no reason, breaking out in cold sweats and hiding under a blanket. That's what the St. Louis FC line will do to you. Bugler has happier feet than Fred Astaire.

Disadvantage: Raiders.

RUNNING BACKS
Both teams have excellent running games. The only problem is, running is hard to do when you are trailing by 20 points. So in other words, neither team gets to use the best part of its game. Hopefully you didn't select Steven Jackson in your fantasy draft.

Disadvantage: Push.

THE LINE
These teams put the offensive in offensive lines.

Raiders: High schools and colleges rarely use zone blocking schemes, like Tom Cable uses, mainly because it's too advanced and should be left for professional teams. So why are the Raiders using it? The Raiders don't seem too bright, so the coach should keep the thinking to a minimum.

St. Louis FC: Part of the reason for Bulger's struggles is the lack of an offensive line. Heck, St. Louis was so hard up for lineman last year, they brought in actor Adam Goldberg. Orlando Pace no longer can protect anybody, either. And he's the best guy on the line. If Bulger continues to play behind this line, he's going to end up looking like Michael J. Fox on a Red Bull bender.

Disadvantage: St. Louis FC.

RECEIVERS/TIGHT ENDS:
Honestly, both teams have a couple of good tight ends, Zach Miller and Randy McMichael. The receivers? Not so much.

Raiders: The team's receiving corps are so bad, they had to convince Javon Walker not to retire. They are so bad, they have Ashlie Lelie. Things are getting to be so bad in Oakland, they recall Jerry Porter fondly. Things could be worse, however. They could be the Seahawks, who are wasting a good quarterback's efforts with bad receivers. In Oakland, bad quarterbacks and receivers go hand-in-hand. So at least there's that.

St. Louis FC: Former ace, Torry Holt, was once the first receiver taken in fantasy drafts. Now he's fallen off the radar. Even his own quarterback ignores him. The team could have drafted DeSean Jackson -- the guy who torched them on Sunday -- but instead went to Donnie Avery who was inactive for the game because of an injury

Disadvantage: Raiders.

When you break it down, the Raiders actually are worse on offense than the St. Louis FC. The are the leaders in the clubhouse right now.

9 comments:

rstiles said...

Rams go 1-15 and save face

R.J. said...

If the Raiders ditch Kiffin and Ryan during Bye Week (Week 5), all bets are off.

BTW, we're not pining for Jerry "Oh, my hamstring! It's hurting!" Porter. We're pining for Art Shell and that dude running the bed and breakfast inn in Idaho. At least they were good for two wins a year.

Donal said...

"Hopefully you didn't select Steven Jackson in your fantasy draft."

Aww, shit. At least I have Clinton Portis to fall back on...shit.

Anonymous said...

Hey, what about the 49ers. The Bay area could go 0 for 32. Now that would be a record.

Nolan for Kiffin? That's what I'm talking about.

DAWUSS said...

I don't know.... The St. Louis Rams do play against a Mike Martz coached 49ers team...

Raitards'll go either 0-16 or 0-15-1, tying a home game to the Hermarroid.

Now, seeing Grampa Al ditch Kiffin and Ryan during the bye week would be the epic moment of the season

Kyle said...

0-32 in the Bay Area? I HAVE to see this happen. I have nothing against the 49ers or Raiders but the possibility of an entire region having such epic fail is incredible.

Bokolis said...

Neither will go 0 - 16 because even a broken clock is right twice a day.

Fletch said...

I haven't studied their schedules or anything, but da Raidahz play in a slightly tougher division in a much tougher conference. All other things being equal (and they aren't, either - the Raiders are worse than the Rams), that ought to be enough to give them the worse record.

All that said, the Raiders have a lot more potential for future success. The Rams ought to be shitty for years to come.

Mike Martz said...

I'll play the spoiler!