Wednesday, August 06, 2008

Super Bowl Buzz Kill: Titans

Do you think your team is going to the Super Bowl? Ha. Your team sucks. Why put yourself through the aggravation every year? The Hater Nation is here to bring you back to reality with the award-winning series, The Super Bowl Buzz Kill.

Why your team won’t win the Super Bowl: Tennessee Titans.


Hopefully, all the blue collar Titans fans working the graveyard shift on the assembly line some day will get their wish. What is their wish? The Titans brass will come to grips with the fact that they need to give Vinnie Young someone to throw the ball to. They had a perfect opportunity to draft a receiver this year, but opted to go after a running back in the first round.

What is offensive coordinator Mike Heimerdinger thinking when his best two receivers are both tight ends? Perhaps he lays awake at night dreaming of running a double tight end wishbone attack with Alge Crumpler and Bo Scaife on the line with no wide receivers? That would be epic.

I'll give anyone a wooden nickel from Nashville if they can name the prize receiver pictured above. That's what I thought. You have no idea.

Here is the collection of jackals the Titans call wide receivers: Justin Mc(who)Careins, Roydell Williams, Brandon Jones, Justin Gage, Biren Ealy, rookie Lavelle Hawkins, some no-name Davis' and couple Williams'. Who? No wonder Vinnie feels like he has to frequent night clubs and sword fight amongst other shirtless men while swilling top shelf tequila.

Then there is the running game that features LenDough White. Who will be challenged for a starting spot by first-round draft choice Chris Johnson. White, who is the cousin of Detroit Pistons guard Chauncey Billups, is coming off the first 1,000 yard rushing season of his short three year career. During the off season, White made a cameo appearance in Snoop Dogg’s “Life of Da’ Party” music video. Snoop is still making albums, let alone music videos? He should have quit after "Doggystyle."

How can you not love SoCal born and bred Jeff Fisher, just based on looks alone? I mean the guy has soap opera hair and a stunning hair lip that would make Wilford Brimley proud. He is always sporting the coolest pair of Oakley sunglasses from the early 90's. Fisher seems at his best during the frigid winter months after some snot trickles down from his nostrils and freezes on the 'stache thus revealing the perfect snotcycle.

The defense is hands down the backbone of this team. They will continue to keep this team in games to give them chances to win. The same way they have every year since the Oilertitans moved to Tennessee.

(The odds of your team winning the Super Bowl, based on 1-to-5 Goodells. One being worst, five being best.)


THN said...

Nice Fisher bash, KC. Good job by the guests hosts so far.

DAWUSS said...

Roydell Williams.

Gimme my nickel

R.J. said...

I know that's not Mike Williams. He's officially ate himself out of the NFL when he got waived earlier this week.