Tuesday, August 05, 2008

Super Bowl Buzz Kill: Panthers

Do you think your team is going to the Super Bowl? Ha. Your team sucks. Why put yourself through the aggravation every year? The Hater Nation is here to bring you back to reality with the award-winning series, The Super Bowl Buzz Kill.

Why your team won’t win the Super Bowl: Carolina Panthers.

Does coach John Fox hate winning? That is the only reasonable explanation for his puzzling suspension of Steve Smith.

You know, the best player on his freaking team.

Smith has been suspended for two games and it’s reasonable to assume that the Panthers will start the season 0-2. They will easily lose at San Diego in the season opener, though you could make a case that they will still have enough to get past the Bears. Fine.

But why suspend Smith? His only was crime was beating the crap out of a cornerback. Hell, he probably prevented a crime from taking place.

Besides, the Panthers couldn’t find another receiver dropout who couldn’t catch? Cornerbacks are a dime a dozen.

The whole situation is hilarious, though. Defensive players walk around with all sorts of bravado, bragging that they are the toughest guys, blah, blah, blah. And yet, one of their brethren was dropped by a receiver.

Think of the numerous times when defensive backs have nailed a defenseless receiver. Or maybe that a-hole who celebrated after hitting a punt returner who wasn’t looking.

Smith’s beat down of that nameless cornerback was payback.

But that sobbing little weasel got the Panthers best player suspended. Members of the Panthers organization should be planning a code red right now on Ken Lucas.

Not that it matters, though. The Panthers have drifted rudderless following their famed run to the Super Bow in 2003. The club only has reached the playoffs once in the past four years amid high expectations. So why should this year have been any different?

The Panthers are typically stung with season-crippling injuries every season. Hell, if Fox wanted to suspend somebody, it should have been the training staff. The only thing he really did by suspending Smith was take away the middle man. And ruin your fantasy season.

Jake Delhomme had the chance to be the feel-good story of the season, but who is he going to throw the ball to? Jonathan Stewart gives them a glimmer of hope, but don’t fool yourself. This is the same old, injury-riddled, choking Panthers who only has a puncher’s chance to winning the Super Bowl.

(And the suspension cost them a Goodell.)


(The odds of your team winning the Super Bowl, based on 1-to-5 Goodells. One being worst, five being best.)

Missed a team? You can click the Super Bowl Buzz Kill 2008 label to see the entire list.

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