Wednesday, August 13, 2008

Super Bowl Buzz Kill: Bears

Do you think your team is going to the Super Bowl? Ha. Your team sucks. Why put yourself through the aggravation every year? The Hater Nation is here to bring you back to reality with the award-winning series, The Super Bowl Buzz Kill.

Why your team won’t win the Super Bowl: Chicago Bears.

The Bears are in a similar situation to the Lions, whereas you quickly type the words "Rex Grossman" and show a picture of Kyle Orton getting drunk and it's time to move to the next team.

Not so fast my friend.

Don't lay it all on Grossman. He led the Bears to the Super Bowl only two years ago. The bigger question is what happened to the defense? The Bears impenetrable defense went from dominant to ranking 28th in the league. Sure there were injuries, but did the loss of Nathan Vasher really mean that much?

And there's the rub with the Bears, who are in a similar boat than the Vikings. (Pun intended.)

Now Grossman might not get all of the blame, but he certainly doesn’t help the situation. Muhsin Muhammad said this week that Chicago is the place where receivers go to die. And when your receiving corps includes Brandon Lloyd, then there might be some truth to that statement. Though, Muhammad reeks of a guy who signed a fat contract and did nothing to earn it, which is why he is in Carolina right now.

The Bears also have a solid foundation of a running game. Matt Forte could be a real find. And Kevin Jones could be solid for the four games he plays this season. But the offense alone isn’t going to win you any games. Maybe Devin Hester can win one on special teams, but that's about it.

That calls for the defense to be perfect all of the time. They can't suffer any injuries – and with Mike Brown back there that isn’t happening. Nor can you have guys like Adam Archuleta in the defensive backfield, either. Archuleta is now where he deserves to be – in a Raiders uniform.

The Bears could have a great defense with studs like Tommie Harris, Lance Briggs and Brian Urlacher, but they have to be perfect at all time. That just doesn't work. The world came together perfectly to reach the Super Bowl. But there is a reason that teams like the 1980s Bears and the 2000s Raven only won a Super Bowl apiece. You can't expect them to be perfect all of the time.

Now you can blame Grossman for this, but you can’t blame him for sucking. That would be like blaming the dog for not being able to understand Sanskrit.


THE GOODELL SCALE

(The odds of your team winning the Super Bowl, based on 1-to-5 Goodells. One being worst, five being best.)











Missed a team? You can click the Super Bowl Buzz Kill 2008 label to see the entire list.

11 comments:

R.J. said...

Two Goodells? That's pretty generous. And Archuleta may replace Thomas at OLB? Couldn't the Raiders get Ted Hendricks to come out of retirement?

DAWUSS said...

Couldn't the Raiders get Matt Millen to come out of retirement?

Fixed :)

buckyor said...

The key to the Bears' defense is Mike Brown. When he's healthy, they're very good. When he's not, they're the Bengals without the offense. Unfortunately for them, he's the Kerry Wood of the Midway.

Kyle said...

Double tight end set. That's the answer to the Bears' offensive woes. Lovie, tell Rex he's throwing no more than 8 yards at a time.

UltimateRaiderFan said...

RAIDERS WILL MAKE IT TO THE SUPERBOWL WITH RUSSELL!!!

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Anonymous said...

Has the Bish's photo already been uploaded?

Anonymous said...

Congratulations on being totally ripped off by Deadspin. I hope they are paying you.

http://deadspin.com/5036795/the-balls-deep-haters-guide-to-the-top-25

Kyle said...

I'm going to commit a blogosphere faux pas (and likely get myself beaten in the middle of the night by commenters with pillowcases full of doorknobs)...Deadspin sucks. There. I wrote it.

Since Leitch left it's become an unreadable combination of Perez Hilton and the less entertaining aspects of KSK.

THN said...

Well this site is just a ripoff of Divealanche, so there you go. If we are Dean Martin, then Divealance is Harry Mills.

The biggest news is that Deadspin is still around. I thought it folded a month ago.

Bim Bim said...

If The Hater Nation is Norm Macdonald, Deadspin is Carlos Mencia.

Ira said...

Hey, what's wrong with Carlos Mencia?