Tuesday, July 22, 2008

Super Bowl Buzz Kill: Seahawks

Do you think your team is going to the Super Bowl? Ha. Your team sucks. Why put yourself through the aggravation every year? The Hater Nation is here to bring you back to reality with the award-winning series, The Super Bowl Buzz Kill.

Why your team won't win the Super Bowl: Seattle Seahawks

The Seahawks will hang another banner this year to commemorate the 2007 NFC West title. The clubs fourth consecutive title, trailing only New England and Indianapolis who have won five consecutive divisional titles. The only difference is, Seattle doesn't win Super Bowls. The Patriots and Colts have won four Super Bowls in the decade. Seahawks fans scream about being screwed in Super Bowl 40. Quit crying, you only have your division to blame.

Winning the NFC West is akin to beating the computer on Madden football. As if the AI simulation of Matt Leinart spends his offseason in hot tubs with drunk, underage women. Playing against the Birds, St. Louis FC and 49ers will not get you ready for the NFC playoffs. How about some real competition?

Just look at the Patriots. The club’s three Super Bowl wins came when the AFC East was good. The division stunk last year and the Patriots went on to choke in the Super Bowl.

The division only compounds the some of the other problems of this organization. The other being the utter arrogance shown by this franchise believing that receivers and offensive linemen don’t make a difference.

The Seahawks have yet to get a receiver that can actually hang on to the ball. This has seemingly been a problem since Mike Holmgren has been there. True, they did go out and get Deion Branch. But that was a very Al Davis-like move, going after a Super Bowl MVP. A guy who had never reach 1,000 receiving yards in his career.

The Seahawks also have never recovered from losing guard Steven Hutchinson. Sure, you can point to the “poison pills” defense. The contract the Vikings gave him was too tough to match. Horse (expletive). The Seahawks could have signed him. Because the price they have paid (not winning and such) certainly has been a lot more steep than they would have paid. Think about it, would you rather have Hutchinson or Branch right now?

The loss on the o-line is only exacerbated by a horrible running back by committee. Seriously, this has to be one of the worst looking careers for a presumed division winner ever. Julius Jones believes he is an every down back. How about he goes out and proves it for once. Maurice Morris? Come on.

The Seahawks might have enough to get them to the NFC West again, but even that seems tenuous at best.

THE GOODELL SCALE

(The odds of your team winning the Super Bowl, based on 1-to-5 Goodells. One being worst, five being best.)

3 comments:

Kaiser said...

The seahawks buzzkill comes with every loss to most of the fans here. when they lose, every player should be traded for the ones on the team that beat them, holmgren should be fired and we need a new owner.

when they win a game, the 'hawks are on their way to to a 5-peat superbowl dynasty. This article would make the fans here burn their tickets for the season opener, so its a good thing theyre all chaining themselves to trees or buying organic food online.

Anonymous said...

exacerbate, not exasperate.

Anonymous said...

How come Mr. Goodell didn't do this one? Just like the draft, he's there for one round and then bails. That is so weak.