Friday, June 06, 2008

The Weak Ender

Is there anybody, outside of the douche bag Red Sox and Yankees fans, who is not rooting for the Tampa Bay (don't call them Devil) Rays? Those dudes love to scrap.

And yes, that girl in the picture is who you think it is.

The Rays brawled with the Yankees in Spring Training. And yesterday, they brawled with the Red Sox after Coco Crisp couldn't take his beaning like a man. Crisp had a hard slide into second base on Wednesday that could have been considered dirty. The Yankees and Sox have taken liberties with the Rays before, so you can't blame them for retaliating against Crisp on Thursday. James Shields hit Crisp in the legs. Not in the head, as he probably deserved. Crisp should have done the right thing and just ran to first base.

But this being an entitled member of the Red Sox, he had to charge the mound. Thankfully, he was beat down nWo style by the Rays. Major League Baseball should suspend Crisp for a month. If you are going to dish out the hard slides, you had better be able to back it up. Not following the code of baseball is inexcusable.

And speaking of Boston, congratulations on your Game 1 victory over the Lakers. Allen Iverson believes that you guys are looking pretty good.

Well, probably not.

Tell that the Celtics had to go to the "fake injury" card so early in the series. They should have at least waited until Game 5 before going to that. Shawn Michaels and soccer players feel that Paul Puss might have gone a little too far over the line with his antics.

What will the Cellbitch do for an encore?

The team will likely announce, prior to Game 2, that Kevin Garnett has been killed in a car accident. Then Paul Bearer will bring an urn onto the court before tipoff and then, suddenly, K-G's music will hit and he will drop into the arena like Sting did during his WCW days. (Or this being the Celtics, it will likely end up like Owen Hart.) Because really, those are about the only options left for the Cellbitch at this point.

Boston has used all of its ploys and received a series worth of miracle shots to fall in. The Irish ain't that lucky. Look for Phil Jackson to make the adjustments, Kobe to hit a few open shots and this series will turn into a laugher.

AND FINALLY

From our friend Shane at The Wade Blogs:

24 comments:

lumps said...

The Owen Hart card, ouch!!! Isn't it kind of early to try and garner the cheap heel heat?

I could have seen a Hulk Hogan riff about being put to sleep by Piper's sleeper hold, and the crowd waking him up, but wow.

Diane said...

I got all the WWF/WWE references, but who do I think the girl is?

Bain said...

With Kobe suddenly in the forefront here at THN, shouldn't this be changed to The Rear Ender?

buckyor said...

I know it's popular here to label the Celtics as [female dogs], but none of them has had their ass sniffed more than Kobe Bryant.

Just sayin'.

So- now that the Stanley Cup tournament is over, when do sports start up again?

Anonymous said...

The Lakers respond by adding a mysterious masked player during the series. He comes off the bench and leads them to a victory. He's unmasked and revealed to be . . . Larry Bird in a shocking heel turn

NFL Adam said...

Don't give David Stern any ideas.

Come D, you don't know who it is? That girl is one of your favorites.

Bucky F'n Dent said...

ok so maybe Paul Pierce deserves a nomination for an Academy Award but 2 things- if that happened to Kobe - he would "have heart" - nobody would say he faked it- not even a white trash hotel clerk in Colorado -
if he did fake it - shame on the Lakers for buying a ticket to the performance- Kobe owes Pierce for taking the spotlight off of his respectable 24 points but 35% shooting from the floor. 9 for 26 sounds like AI not the greatest player to walk the Earth. Being outrebounded by 13 I think had more to do with the game than anything

as the Mayor of Poway would say - "Taladega it will blow your head off"

insomniac said...

They haven't built a bandwagon that Sterger won't jump on.

(note to self: rename cock "bandwagon.")

Diane said...

Oh Lordy, I didn't recognize Cowgirl out of her usual element. And with less cleavage.

Paul "Strangelove" Pierce said...

Mein Fuhrer! I kon valk!

Pau Gasol looks like he smells like B.O. said...

When will you morons relize DEFENSE WINS CHAMPIONSHIPS! The Celtics didnt get lucky to hold the "Mighty Lakers" to a pathetic 88 points. By the end of this series Kobitch will be axing for a trade again. NEWS FLASH CELTICS 3-0 v FAKERS THIS YEAR. and on Pierce's Legendary return, all I can say is if Kobitch did something like that Everyone would still be licking the sweat of his balls. Maybe By game 6 when its over and the C's are celebrating 17Youll know why we call him The Truth........

The Hatriot said...

Ladies and gentlemen, the post above has been brought to you by the Boston Public School System. Let's give the little fellow a big hand! He only had to ask Mom to help him with a couple of the big words!

pau gasol looks like he smells of B.O. said...

At least we can tell the difference between ladies and gentlemen in Boston. Keep hatin you make up wearin, high-end fashion drooling, arriving at half time leaving with 5 mins left in the 4th quarter, surgically made expression wearing, LA frontrunnin shit bird. Speaking of moms Im sure yours has Nice made boobs and cant get too close to a fire or her face will melt. At least people from LA's outside appearance matches their inside personality FAKE....BEAT LA

The guy who stabbed Paul Pierce said...

This was in the Sports Guy's column this week, talking about Boston fan.

(By the way, I hate those people. Passionately. Thursday night, the guys sitting next to me showed up halfway through the second quarter, spent the rest of the quarter taking pictures and saying things like, "Dude, check out Kobe," disappeared at halftime and re-emerged during the third quarter with bags from the Celtics' gift shop. From there, they proceeded to put on brand-new Celtics jerseys -- one had Garnett, the other had Pierce -- only they reacted happily every time Kobe did something. Thanks for coming, guys. It's also worth mentioning that some soulless Boston fan sold his two courtside seats right next to the Boston bench to two obnoxious L.A. fans who wore yellow Lakers jerseys and were hopefully beaten up after the game. I have stopped trying to figure out professional sports in the 21st century. I give up.)

The Hatriot said...

Of course they can tell the difference between the men and women in Bawstin. The women have bigger moustaches and tatoos. Seriously, remember that really hot chick from Bawstin? Me niether. Let's be honest, Bawstin is a second-tier city with shitty weather, an under-educated, unemployable population base and a river that smells like liquid shit. Did I mention drunken, illiterate bandwagon fans? Most Bawstin "fans" gave up on the Cellbitch when they stopped playing by the two at home, three on the road and four if you'rfe behind rule. It's rough when your city's historical highlight was the 70's school integration riots. People work their whole lives to make it to a real city like L.A.. People live in Bawstin because it's where their bus money ran out.

pau gasol looks like he smells of B.O. said...

Thats a weak take...... Im pretty sure some important things in history happened in Boston that started a Revolution so idiots like you can have the freedom to voice your moronic errrr ignorant views freely! And about LA Hows the smog this time of year? O ya and you know what I like, stars, but you wouldnt know about those would you? and around here youre born a fan of all boston sports its who we are. Not like transplanted, freak show frontrunning, LA FAker fans....

buckyor said...

Did I mention drunken, illiterate bandwagon fans? Most Bawstin "fans" gave up on the Cellbitch when they stopped playing by the two at home, three on the road and four if you'rfe [sic] behind rule.

Posted without irony, I presume. . . .

The Hatriot said...

Typo smack, Bucky? How the once almost clever have fallen. What's the matter, Championship Jazz Talk wasn't on today? As for Cellbitch fan, yes we know you're born that way. It's called fragile X syndrome. Now for your history lesson: The residents of Bawstin did a fine job of getting in the way of British musket balls, but as any schoolboy knows, the heavy lifting was done in Philly. One nice thing about the Bush Economic Miracletm, rising fuel prices mean fewer inbred Massholes can afford to fly their rube families out here to despoil our beaches with their flabby pasty chain-smoking asses.

buckyor said...

You're calling me out about the Jazz? About something from the last millenium? Here's an equally timely one: Why did Moses wander through the desert for 40 years? Because men refuse to ask for directions!

Lame attempts at smack aside, how many women, children and cripples did you have to climb over to get back onto the Laker bus? Hell, I can assure you that Celtic fans that were calling for Glenn Rivers' head twelve months ago are now naming their newborns "Doc", but bandwagon talk coming from Lakerfan is like hearing a republican talk about protecting civil liberties.

As for my rooting interest: I am cheering for an 8.5 earthquake that swallows the Staples Center whole tonight, along with everyone in it, bringing a close to the endless tedium that is the modern NBA.

The Hatriot said...

Shhhh, Bucky. This is the grown-ups table. You know, reserved for folks whose teams have actually won something? Now, run along to the card table back in the basement and show KingsFan your conference championship t-shirt. I'm sure he'll be really impressed.

NFL Adam said...

Maybe I should rename this place Elba.

Bain said...

Just wait till Juggy finishes lecturing his wife and pets. He's going to use this place like a science toilet.

Seriously, what does it say about the finals series of a sport when the flame wars between THN comment monkeys are more compelling than said final's actual games?

Btw, diagram the above sentence and you will have a mutherfucking pentagram, Maidenfans.

derek in tucson said...

Statistics show that Jughead lectures his pets 1.24 times per day. 97% of these lectures were delivered after 6pm. Statistics also show that his wife waits an average of 12.4 seconds before swearing at him and locking herself in the upstairs bathroom.

sbabe said...

Any of you guys going to Vegas this year?