Sunday, June 29, 2008

The Post Mortem

The most telling part of the Angels weekend happened during the seventh inning on Sunday's 1-0 Halos victory. John Lackey went to bat, with a runner on third, and the team clinging to its one-run lead. Obviously, Mike Scioscia didn't want to take out his starter. But it's just as likely that he looked at the rest of the "Punching Judys" on the Angels bench and said "Hell no."

So when your hitless pitcher is a better option than Garret Anderson, that's saying something.

The Angels scored one run in three games, yet still earned one win. The embarrassment of throwing an eight-inning no-no and losing was buoyed by the thought that at least a handful of Dodgers fans went home on Saturday night thinking that their team had lost. Come on, you know that's true.

Is it better to lose after an eight-inning no-no, or win without getting a hit? Winning without getting a hit must be like having a child without having sex.

And Tom Cruise is a Dodgers fan ...

(Still with us?) This is the time of year when yours truly begs for the team to make a move. Gary Matthews is a waste. Torii Hunter isn't the offensive player that most thought. We need some Asian kid to rear-end him again.

But hell, if you listened to me, the team would have traded Ervin Santana and Joe Saunders in recent offseasons. So what do I know? But this looks like another typical Angels season where the team wins the division, but doesn't have the punch to win the close games in October.

  • John Lackey is clearly the best pitcher in baseball right now as a THN reader pointed out, and you have to wonder what kind of lathering he would be getting if he pitched on an ESPN-approved team. Or what about the season K-Rod is having right now? As one of the shortest guys -- with worst attitude -- I know put it, if Jonathan Papleboner was putting up K-Rod's numbers, we would be treated to 24-hour video coverage of that a-hole. Too bad Disney doesn't still own the Angels (well, not really), who knows what kind of glowing coverage this team would get.

  • When was the last time Joe Torre actually took a series from the Angels? This has to go back years, right? Or it at least seems that way.

  • BTW, Roger Goodell is advocating a limit on rookie salaries? Don't do it NFL Players, it's a trap. There is no way that Goodell has good intentions. This is just another way for Jerry Jones and Robert Kraft to screw the NFL. Don't buy into it! Seriously, it seems like a good idea, but Goodell is too shady to believe that he doesn't have ulterior motives.

  • Spoiler alert: Spain has won the Euro 2008. We have to mention that because THN's resident soccer expert (Lil' Hater) might not have watched the tape of the game yet. The tournament itself was pretty good, but the final matchup with German and Spain was a little less than inspired. Nobody really to root for or against. That was like watching Seahawks vs. the Titans in the Super Bowl or something. Or maybe we didn't try hard enough. Besides, if Russia had won, THN could have busted out some vintage Nikolai Volkov videos.

  • Paula Creamer has to be pretty happy that Michelle Wie is playing so terribly, that it's taking some of the heat off of her choking. Well, as much heat that women's golf attracts. But seriously, when it comes to the majors, Creamer is like Phil Mickelson with a smaller rack.

  • How long before Kevin McHale sends Kevin Love and Mike Miller to Boston? And was that douche nozzle McHale riding in the Cellbitch victory parade?

  • Javon Walker was evidentially going to Drai's at the Barbary Coast (now Bill's Gambling Hall and Saloon) when he was beaten up by members of Al Qaeda. The big question though, why the hell was he taking a car from the Bellagio to Bill's? Are you that freaking lazy?

Yahoo! Sports once again tried to make up a story claiming that Al Davis was considering retirement because he can no longer evaluate talent.

Uh, yeah right.

Jason Cole is certainly no Adam Schefter when it comes to false rumor mongering. But when you are going to make up lies, at least make them believable. Is there anybody in the world who believes that Al Davis would have show such humbility and self-realization that he would retire? He'd like rather die -- and he's afraid of death. People who actually believe this likely also believe that Con Air was based on a true story.

This kind of thing gives us legitimate Raiders Haters a bad name. Step up, Yahoo!


Norm Crosby said...

Michelle Wei? Humbility? I think I've finally found a home!

Mr. Goodell said...

How dare you, you ungrateful son of a bitch!

Bain said...

Psssssssssst! Lil Hater isn't the soccer fan. Lil DIETER is the soccer fan!

Put down that peach Bartles & James, tell Mike Score you'll text him later, and stick to the effing script!

NFL Adam said...

I need to consult the storyboard before I post.

R.J. said...

Creamer is like Phil Mickelson with a smaller rack.

Ouch. I'm ready for some football.