Monday, June 02, 2008

Most Contemptible Celtics, Part I

The great thing about the Boston Celtics in the 1980s was that they were some how able to gather the biggest douche nozzles in the NBA all on one team. Even on the most despicable of NBA teams, you can find maybe a guy or two to admire. Not so much with the Celtics. Then again, this was likely just a reflection of Boston fans in general.

In honor of this impending Lakers vs. Cellbitch series, The Hater Nation will introduce the 10 most contemptible Celtics ever. EVER. And really, it was a lot of work just getting this list down to 10. This easily could have been 100.

10. Bill Walton. The annoying Boston fans won't make this list, so Walton will have to do. Fitting though, considering that Walton was more of a spectator during the 1987 NBA Finals. The image of Walton pumping his fists in the air after made baskets like some obnoxious fanboy was enough to make you want to cripple the man. Thankfully the man years of playing in the NBA took care of that. And don't think it goes without noticing that he stole money from the Clippers for years as a broadcaster and a player. Only to leave the Clippers and have a career year in 1986. The Lakers could have had Walton that season, but Jerry West made the right call. Better to lose without Walton than to win with him.

9. Dennis Johnson. The most jarring feature of DJ -- other than his huge ass that he seemed to enjoy thrusting into Magic Johnson a little too much -- were those dark circles under his eyes. You could take one look at those thick black eyes and imagine that it was your fists that actually had done the damage. Dare to dream.

8. Their stupid announcer. This a-hole had the kind of voice you would imagine Marge Schott would have if the former Reds owner was a woman. Seriously, did somebody shove a stick of sandpaper down his throat? Did he just suck the exhaust straight from busses? Some people have had the audacity to compare him to legendary Chick Hearn. Outrageous. Hearn actually was a unbiased announcer that wasn't affraid to criticize the Lakers. Hell, when the team honored Hearn during halftime of a game that the Lakers were losing, Chick made a quip that the Lakers should break out the Alpo because they were playing like dogs. This schmuck was nothing more than a Boston ball washer. No wonder they loved him.

7. Greg Kite. Hard to believe that anybody who averaged less than 3 point per game could draw such ire. But does anybody disagree with this?

6. Tommy Heinsohn. He was the Joseph Goebbels of the Boston Celtics, and CBS gave him a job calling the games on national telecasts. Seriously. That would be like CBS hiring Adam Gadahn to narrate a documentary on 9/11. Kevin McHale would deliver blows to James Worthy and Kurt Rambis that would make Kimbo Slice blush, and there was Heinsohn defending the moves by saying that it was just good basketball. Easily the worst announcer in the history of basketball. And that's quite hard to do considering all of the d-bags that the ESPN employs.

Part II, tomorrow.

11 comments:

The Hatriot said...

The douchebag announcer was Johnny Most, a savagely ignorant homer so senile he made Harry Carey look like Vin Scully. True story: Most went to the team doctor complaining of hearing loss in one ear. After examining him, the doctor removed a piece of a broadcast earpiece from the ear. It gives me great pleasure to think of his fevered, dementia-addled brain absorbing the reality of the Cellbitch setting up a generation-long residence in the cellar of the NBA's junior circuit. As a consolation prize, he could hide his own Easter eggs.

Charlton Heston said...

COLD! DEAD! HANDS!

csears said...

Why do I think this list will be headlined by Bird?

Reader Matt P said...

You forgot about DJ's freckles. Just turrible Ernie. Ainge for number 1!!!

DAWUSS said...

Larry Bird has a bigger legacy in Indiana than in Boston IMO (and no, that's not my homerism at work. Heck, I could care less about basketball. Or any sport other than football for that matter.)

Reader Matt P said...

I wonder what Joba Chamberlin thinks of the Finals... Tonight on Baseball Tonight!!!

Yiddish Steel said...

My money is on M.L. Carr being ranked Most Contemptible. I can never seem to forget this douche bag standing up from the bench and swinging that white rag above his head.

NFL Adam said...

Ralph Mouth was the announcers of the Celtics?

Gallagher said...

No Adam that was Donnie Most or was it his brother Al ?

And by the way - You want me in jail .... Im already in jail

Chris Benoit said...

I wasn't going to jail.

Anonymous said...

Trust me. Celtics fans from the 80s hated Kite too.