Friday, May 16, 2008

The Weak Ender

A bad year for Tom Brady has become even worse – Gisele is not in the Maxim 100. And not because he gives a (expletive). But because he probably has to hear about it over, and over and over again.

Brady probably doesn't hang out around the house grousing about how his team couldn’t complete a 19-0 season. But he’s never going ever hear the end of this from his girlfriend.

Especially when you consider that some of the gals who beat out Gisele were Tila Tequila (100), Manika Patrick (91), Cameron Diaz (26) and Britney Spears (19).

You can just hear her now.

“Tahmee! Geeve me a break. I can't believe zis, you know? I am top mahdel, you know? I deed Victoria's Secret. Who is this Tila Tequila? She look like Shorty from the Temple of Doom with zee boob job. She daws cheesy television. Zees is no hot. Daneka haz zee empty eyez, like leopard caught in a trap. She does not wake the makeup.”

“Yes Gisele, it’s an outrage.”

“Shut up, errand boy. Go run to zee store for me. Baht first, I must no, who are zees people who still think that the Cameron Diaz is hawt? She look like her face was on fire and it was put out with a golf shoe. I am a mahdel. I am kleen and yawng. She is so washed up. So old At leazt dat beach Jezzica Zimpson didn’t make eet.”

“Actually, she was No. 52."

“What. Zis is an outrage. I hate the Maxim magazine. It’s not as funny as THN anyway.”

That's right!

AND FINALLY
The annual fighting season begins in Anaheim tonight. Seems that fans of the Dodgers, Yankees and Red Sox can't watch a game without inciting a near-riot. And to be honest, the Dodgers fans are the worst.

For starters, they really can't seem to handle their booze. Maybe it's because they aren't allowed to drink in the parking lot (for good reason). Or maybe it's because the Angels have had more on-field success over the past decade that really drives the point.

Or maybe, to quote Gisele, they are nothing but a bunch of "beaches."

If you are going to the game tonight, be careful.

8 comments:

Rocksteady said...

Nice, comparing Tila Tequlia to Shorty! I think Ke Huy Quan is insulted.

Bain said...

Maxim Hot 100... or as it's known throughout the NFL, the annual Beard & Roebuck Catalog.*

Giselle's poor showing will not suit Tom's facial hair requirements. Let me be the first to go out on a limb and predict Tom and Giselle to take thee pipe in August.

*©2008 Conrad Hussein Bain

DAWUSS said...

Is another Roast in order?

Scott said...

"She look like her face was on fire and it was put out with a golf shoe."

Awesome.

Mr. Goodell said...

We do not have beards in the National Football League. Just because all of you fruit cakes in Californai voted for gay marriage does not mean that our manly NFL quarterbacks are gay. There is no basis of fact for this anywhere you look. This is why I won't let you cake boys on the West Coast have an NFL team because you would probably outfit them in pink or something.

Diane said...

Was Giselle left off because she apparently talks like Pepe LePew?

Cali Tejano said...

Danica Patrick is hotter than Keeley Hazell, Gemma Atkinson or Vida Guerra? You've got to be kidding me.

Hey, Goodell. Don't give the Chargers any ideas on how to redesign their uniforms for their imminent move to LA. (giggles)

Anonymous said...

GO RAIDERS!!!!!!