Wednesday, May 21, 2008

Lil' Deiter's Hater Guide: Champion's League

There is some huge soccer match going on today, so THN has turned back to it’s famed soccer correspondent Lil’ Deiter to give us a take as to why you should hate the two teams playing in the Champion’s League finals.

Greetings The Hater Nation fans, I am so happy to be with you again. I get so depressed when they play the Saving Private Ryan on television because each time I keep hoping that the right team will win this time. I kid. I love you Americans.

Much like how you Americans felt when the Giants and Patriots played in the Super Bowl, the Champion’s League will give you the same disappointment. So here is a quick look at the teams.

ManUnited = NY Yankees = Both long-time standard bearer for having jackass front-running fans. Both hail from ugly cities. Both have stupid American owners. Both pay top dollar for other team’s best players because they can’t develop their own. Both teams’ best player is (most likely) gay. Both teams have had high-profile players busted for performance enhancing drugs.

Chelsea = Red Sox = Both setting standard for new era of jackass front-running fans, who just jumped on the bandwagon recently but pretend they’ve been fans forever. After years of mediocrity, both teams gave up trying to develop good organizations and just started buying their way to titles in last 3-4 years, pissing off ManU/NY, who thought they were the only ones that could do that. Both have female fans that aren’t easy on the eyes.

They finished 1-2 in England ’s Premier League, and now are playing for top spot in Europe ’s top club competition. Sorta like two teams from AL East playing again in playoffs, but without Joe Buck ruining things, so advantage soccer there.

Hopefully my cousin, Lil’ Hater will actually follow through with his blimp threat during this game.

4 comments:

Rocksteady said...

Freakin' John Terry!!! AAARGH!!!

Cali Tejano said...

Arsenal!

James Dungy said...

Don't kill yourself over it.

Red Rover said...

I think a lot of Red Sox bandwagon fans are Yankee haters who finally have a team to champion their cause. Besides, we couldn't stand seeing entire generations of Red Sox fans wearing their suffering from cradle to grave like a badge of honor.